"I don't know, Jude," Callie said.
"Please?" Jude said. He wished they were in person instead of over the phone. He knew that he could make Callie cave with a look but, over the phone, especially about something that was important to her, was a little bit harder.
"You won't even tell me the whole story."
"Taylor's going through a really difficult time. I'm not going to betray her too by telling you the whole story. Daria kicked her out of the apartment. She hasn't gone to class in a week. She's living at home again. She's been drinking every day –"
"Which is the part that actually worries me!" Callie interrupted. "This is my job. My life. My office. I don't want to give this internship – to someone who's not really interested in photography at all – just for her to get drunk and make a fool out of me."
"Just … give her a week," Jude said. "Don't even call it the internship right away. I just think that she needs some direction in her life. She needs something more. I can't watch her fail like this but she's too proud to take help like this from me. You like Taylor."
"Of course I like Taylor," Callie said. "That's not the question. And what makes you think she'll take the offer from me? She's going to know you did this."
"Yeah, but it might let her pretend if you're the one to seriously ask. Tell her you want a trial run, to see if you can teach someone, that you heard she was home, and that it might be better to do it with someone you already know."
"Like that doesn't sound really fake." Callie sighed. "I'm doing this as a favour to you, okay? You owe me big time if I do this."
"Thank you, Callie."
"Tell me you love me, Jude."
"I love you, Callie."
"I'll talk to my boss this week and make sure it's all right. Then, I'll see if I can track down Taylor."
"It means a lot to me."
"That's why I'm doing it," Callie said. "But if she screws up, she's not getting a second chance."
"And that's totally fair. I get that it's your job and if I really thought she'd end up screwing up your life there, I wouldn't have asked. I just think she needs a chance to realize that there's more to life than the crap she's dealing with right now."
"I get that." Callie sighed. "You've got me hooked, Jude, you don't need to sell me on Taylor anymore."
"It can't hurt," Jude said.
"I've got to go, Jude, but I'll talk to you later. Do you work today?"
"Already done," Jude said.
"Lucky. Okay, bye."
"Bye, Callie." As soon as he hung up with his sister, Jude called his boyfriend. "Hey, baby."
"Hi, Jude. What are you doing?"
"Bored. Wondering if you want to come over tonight."
"So, you're totally feeling better?"
"Yeah. I was fine at work this morning. I even ate normally. Or maybe it's just the weekend being nice to me. So, want to come over?"
"I want to."
"But?" Jude prompted.
"I'm kind of on my way to the gym right now."
"Okay. Do you want to come over after?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Call me when you're done at the gym," Jude suggested. "By the time you're done showering, I can be there to pick you up."
"Okay, thanks, Jude. I'll talk to you soon."
"I love you."
"One," Connor said. "And you mean a lot to me too."
"Bye."
"Bye."
Jude hung up the phone and flopped, bored, back onto the couch. What was he supposed to do for the next hour until Connor called? He toyed with the idea of trying to be productive, but then he realized he was happy here on the couch. It was comfortable, and he was wrapped in the plaid blanket which, somehow, after several days, had still retained the scent of Connor. Happily, Jude started channel surfing and starting his hour-long wait.
(-.-)
Connor left the gym, wiping his hand across his brow. He walked down the gym steps and then turned to the side, tucking himself into the shadows so he could turn his phone on without being noticed or without being in the way. He had a missed call from a number that he didn't recognize, two missed calls from his father, three texts from his father, and two voicemails. He read the texts from Adam first.
Adam: The police called here looking for you. I gave them your cell phone number. It's about you-know-who. They wouldn't tell me anything when I asked.
Adam: I hope you're not avoiding this. You need to know now. Call me as soon as you find out.
Adam: Connor, are you all right?
The last one had been sent only five minutes ago. Shakily, he answered his father.
Connor: I just left the gym. I'm going to call them now.
He listened through the voicemails first, though, as if that could calm the panicked knot that was building in his stomach. Part of him wanted to just start running, though he didn't know where his feet would end up taking him if he did. Would he find himself in his dorm room, Jude's couch, somewhere new entirely? Or, by some miracle, would he find himself waking up at ten years old, with his mom alive and a chance to do things differently? Connor found himself too rooted to the spot to run. His legs almost felt like they were about to give out.
His father had said the same thing in his voicemail. The next one was from Detective Jordan, asking for a call back immediately. So Connor did. His head was spinning with worry. He wondered if they were going to call him for a trial. He'd been told he wouldn't have to testify and he knew now that he never could. He could never look his ex-boyfriend in the eye again, because he had no idea what would happen now if he did. Would he fall in love all over again? Would he get angry about what happened to him? Would his ex know immediately all about Jude and would Connor have to pay for the sin of being with someone else? The only thing Connor knew for certain was that, no matter what, he wouldn't be able to fight back. He could never picture himself hurting his ex. He actively didn't want to, no matter what his ex had put him through.
He jumped when Detective Jordan answered the phone and he couldn't keep his voice from shaking as he quietly gave the man his name. His stomach dropped when he heard for sure that it was about his ex and he leant against the wall when he heard his ex's name. It had been so long. And that last name; that last name that was supposed to have been his too. It sent tears spiralling down his cheeks.
And then Connor's world ended.
His ex was getting out of prison.
He barely heard another word that was said, even though he knew that he responded to Detective Jordan when prompted. His hands felt dead as he dropped his phone in his bag and he woodenly started his way back to his dorm, anxiously looking into every face that he passed. It was a busy Saturday night; a lot of people were on their way off campus or to frat row to party. He weaved around. Everything was either blurred or sharp focus. He kept looking for something familiar. For his ex's face. For his ex's car. For that familiar black suit. He was even searching for his ex's parents, as if they would show up at night on a college campus for him.
He made it to his dorm room door and realized the entire world was spinning. His hands were shaking so badly that he couldn't even shove the key in the lock, despite his desperation to get inside. To get away from where anyone could see him. He let out a cry as the door finally opened under his hands and he burst into his room.
It was dark, as he'd left it, and deadly silent. Connor closed his door quietly behind him and flicked the lock. He slowly lowered his gym bag to the floor and turned on his lights, opening his closet door and his bathroom, climbing all around his tiny room to make sure that there was absolutely nothing disturbed. He was here. He was fine.
Except nothing was fine. Nothing would ever be fine again.
He slowly lowered himself to his floor, hearing a door shut in his hallway. Connor's heart sped up in his chest until he realized that the footsteps hadn't led to his room. What was he going to do? What could he do? His phone started to ring and he jumped so badly that he hit his head off the wall behind him. He looked down and it was Jude. Just Jude.
His ex was going to kill Jude, once he found Connor.
The thought was so matter of fact that Connor was struck dumb by it. But not one bit of him believed that it wasn't true. Connor stared at Jude's contact photo and he wondered what he was supposed to do. He felt lost. Drowning. He finally answered.
"Hey, baby, I thought you were ignoring me."
"I can't come over."
"Oh. Why?"
"Um, can't."
"You don't sound good, Connor. Did you catch my flu or something?"
He grabbed onto the excuse. "Yes." Anything to delay the inevitable.
"I told you I'd come take care of you. I can't get sick twice, right?"
He sounded happy, a little concerned. Ignorant.
"N-n-no. I, um, want to be alone."
"Okay, sure. If you want anything or need anything, you can always call me and I'll be there."
"Thanks." But he couldn't call. Ever again. Not Jude, not Jake, not anyone. He had to be alone. He should have been alone this whole time. He had been duped into a false sense of security. Like nothing could happen anymore, like the danger was gone. The danger had never been gone. It was a mistake.
"I'll call you tomorrow."
Connor agreed, but he didn't know why. He shouldn't have. Jude had to go. He couldn't do this to Jude. Jude didn't deserve it.
"I love you, baby."
Tears started to slip down Connor's cheeks. After all his worrying, after all of the bad feelings, he wanted to give Jude another chance. He wanted to hear it again, because he knew that this was going to have to be their last phone call.
"Jude?"
"Yeah? Are you sure you're really okay? You sound terrible, baby."
"I'll be okay. Um, will you say that again?"
"You sound terrible?"
"No, before that."
"I love you, Connor." Jude's voice was impossibly sweet and a little bit hopeful.
"Goodbye, Jude."
"Bye, baby."
Connor hung up the phone. He stared at it for a long time, and then he texted his father.
Connor: I want to change my number.
Adam: He's getting out, isn't he?
Connor: Yes.
Adam: I can't believe it! After what he did! I'm calling in the morning to see if I can find out what happened.
Connor: I just want my number changed.
Adam: I'll get that done tomorrow too, okay? Whatever else you want, we'll do that. What would make you feel safe?
Connor: I don't know. I'll think about it.
He didn't know if he'd ever be safe again.
(-.-)
"Bye, Ben!"
"Bye!" Benjamin shouted.
Jude pushed the door to the convenience store open and stepped out into the sunshine. He fished his phone out of his pocket as he walked. Connor hadn't answered his text this morning, and he hoped that meant that his boyfriend had slept in and taken care of himself. He turned his phone on and it vibrated with three quick texts.
Connor: We can't see each other anymore.
Connor: I'm so sorry.
Connor: Please, don't try and talk to me. I never want to see you again.
Jude froze in the middle of the sidewalk, feeling his heart start to break, even though, in his mind, he didn't believe a word of it. His breath quickening, he hit call on Connor's number and held it to his hear. Once he heard Connor's voice, once Connor heard his voice, it would all be okay. It was just something that had been brought on by his fears in a relationship, perhaps even his fear of 'I love you' had gotten to him. Jude would stop saying it – temporarily, at least, in order to let Connor deal with it. He and Connor just needed to compromise. He and Connor just needed to figure it out, together.
"The number you have dialled is no longer in service."
What?
A girl on a skateboard went whizzing by and Jude stumbled forward, toward his apartment. He called Connor's phone again and received the same message. He made it through his front door and sent a text to Connor's number, but it bounced back at him.
Connor was gone.
Jude's first instinct was to get in his car, go to Connor's dorm. People would let him into the building. He could knock on Connor's door. They could figure it out. But then, as he sat down on his couch, the sneaking thought came in that Connor didn't care. But he had to care, didn't he? The months that they had spent together couldn't mean nothing? It had all meant so much to Jude. And the indecision left him so paralyzed. He stared at that last text.
I never want to see you again.
Should he believe him? Connor wasn't a liar. Jude knew that. It was one of the things that was at Connor's core. He told the truth. Connor had never lied to him. There was no reason for him to start now. Connor didn't really want to see him again. Jude didn't want to believe he and he felt like busting down Connor's door, just in an effort to hear otherwise. But Jude refused to be that guy. He wasn't that guy and he'd become more aware of not being that guy throughout the time he and Connor were together, and he wasn't going to start now.
He didn't like the feeling that he was laying down and taking it, but what else could he do? He couldn't start stalking Connor. He couldn't just let Connor go.
We can't see each other anymore.
But, why, Connor?
I'm so sorry.
But, are you, really?
Jude would never get the answers.
The chapter's title is after the song Alibis by Marianas Trench. If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)
So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.
~TLL~