Levi sat sullenly on his horse as what was left of the squads that had gone outside of the wall trekked back inside. He could only stare straight ahead, the reality of what had happened unable to sink into his head. His squad was gone. He had watched each of them die in the name of humanity, and for what? They didn't achieve anything on the mission. The wagons had been destroyed. His squad had trusted him with their lives and he had failed them. He let them die.
His eyes traveled to commander Erwin, who rode in front of him. If Levi could, he would have burned two holes in the commander's back. He could have saved Mina. It wouldn't have taken him but two minutes to free her. Instead he turned his back on her because one man told him to.
The people of wall Maria watched them as they rode by, their faces a mixture of emotions. Some watched in sympathy, others in sorrow when they didn't see their loved ones, and others in anger. One man stepped out of the crowd and shouted, "Where's the lumber?" When none of the scouts answered he clenched his fists and said, "Once again, a failed mission. When is the king going to realize you lot are worthless? You're sending good men and women out there to die for nothing! What have you actually accomplished?"
A group of people pulled the man back into the crowd, but the reality of his words hit the people. They whispered to each other and nodded their heads. Levi couldn't help but agree with the man. They hadn't really accomplished much of anything other than losing the lives of their comrades.
When they got back to the castle they stayed in, Levi hopped down from his horse and stretched his tense muscles. Somehow the beast had survived and untied himself to get to Levi. He and his horse had somewhat of an unlikely bond. It was as if the animal could actually think like a human. The hose knew when there were titans around, and had saved the captain's life on more than one occasion. He silently thanked whoever was watching over him that he at least hadn't lost everything.
He guided his horse, Rave, into his stall, where he continued to relieve him of his saddle and bridle. The horse nickered and swung his head over into the next stall where Stan's horse would have been. Levi watched, holding the saddle in his hands, fighting back the nausea that was creeping over him. He turned away, unwilling to think about his squad. He put the saddle and bridle in their correct spots and grabbed a brush. He also took a bucket of water and feed with him.
Rave chomped on his feed as Levi brushed out the horse's mane. Unbidden images of his comrades being killed flashed through his mind. It was his fault they were dead. His fault. He could have done something to save them. He didn't know what at the moment, but there had to have been something, there always was. It was his job to protect them and make sure they came home to their families, and he failed.
It was his fault.
He leaned his forehead against Rave's flank. The horse stopped chewing and turned his head around to look at Levi. The horse bobbed his head up and down, and then rubbed his nose in Levi's hair, blowing its warm breath on him. Levi caught its head in his hands and stroked his face, "Thank you." Of course he knew the horse didn't know what he was saying, but he thought he should say it anyway. He wished he could say it to his squad.
When Levi was finished, he ventured outside to figure out what to do. Erwin would be contacting him soon to pick out a new squad. It was something that he didn't want to deal with at that moment.
"Coffee?"
Startled, Levi looked to his left to where a short auburn-haired woman stood, holding out a thermos, "It's fresh."
"No thank you." He said quietly.
"They said you just returned," She continued, much to his annoyance, "from outside of the wall."
"Yes."
"Where's your squad?" She asked, looking around rather confused.
He clenched his fists, his nails digging into his palm. He knew he gave her the deadliest look he could muster, not that he meant to. She didn't know what had happened, it wasn't her fault she was curious, but he couldn't help the anger that he felt toward her. She shrunk back upon seeing his face, and he turned and walked away from her. He didn't like coffee anyway.
"Captain Levi."
He stopped short, sighing, and turned to find commander Erwin approaching him. He saluted and said, "Yes, commander Erwin?"
"I know you haven't been back but an hour, but I need you to tell the families of your squad that they aren't coming home." Erwin said, "The sooner we can move on to getting you a new squad the better."
Levi knew it was coming, though he didn't think this soon. Usually families found out the day after arriving home. He sighed, they had to find out eventually, "Yes, sir."
Erwin nodded and clapped Levi's shoulder, "You did good out there, Captain."
"Thank you, sir." He mumbled. If I had done good, my friends would still be alive.
"Captain Levi?" He felt a hand touch his elbow, and found it was the woman again. Her face was apologetic, "I'm sorry. I hope you'll forgive me for before. I didn't know, Hange just told me."
Levi searched for the right words, "How could you have? You weren't on the mission."
"I just..." She paused, "I know what it's like to lose friends."
"What's your name?" He asked.
"Petra." She said, "Petra Ral. I just arrived the other day with the new scouts."
"Which squad are you in?" He asked.
"The seventh." She said, squinting as she remembered, "Under Captain Reiker."
"Come with me." He commanded, turning his back, "I have something you can help me with."
"Oh, uh, yes, sir." She said, sprinting to his side to keep up, "May I ask what we're doing?"
He stayed silent, leading her inside the mansion and down into the kitchen. The cooks were hard at work making food for the scouts who were supposed to have returned from the mission. One of them saw Levi as he was passing with a plate of spaghetti, "Oh, Captain Levi! Your squad's food is ready and at the table."
"Thank you, Silvester." He said monotonously, and turned to Petra, "What do you eat?"
"I-I like pancakes, sir." She stuttered.
"I will also need a plate of pancakes." Levi said, "The usual to drink."
"Yes, sir." Silvester said, flashing him a bright smile.
"This way, Petra." Levi swept past her and into the deserted cafeteria. He sat at the head of the table, where his usual cup of tea sat. In the chairs situated on either side of him, three plates of steaming food sat in front of three empty chairs. Petra stood awkwardly, holding her left arm. She started reaching for the seat immediately to his right. "That's Mina's seat." Levi said quietly, sipping on his tea.
"Oh, right." Petra said, and motioned to the empty seat next to it, "My I sit here?"
"Of course."
They sat in silence as Levi sipped his tea. The steaming food gradually turned cold, and Petra was brought her pancakes. Silvester entered the room smiling with a tower of pancakes neatly stacked on a plate. His smile soon vanished upon seeing only two scouts seated at the table. He put the pancakes in front of Petra and met Levi's eyes. Levi looked away and took a sip of tea, "More tea if you will, Silvester."
The other man's face fell, and he nodded, "Of course, sir."
Once his tea was refilled, Levi took a sip and said, "I need to tell the families of my squad that they won't be returning home. I don't know how to do it."
Petra looked at him, trying to down a mouthful of food. Once she did, she shrugged, "You just have to be kind. Gentle. But don't try to beat around the bush. Be upfront about it. But not too upfront."
"They're going to cry." He said.
Petra nodded, staring down at her plate, "They will, and you're going to have to stand there and comfort them."
"I don't know how."
"How to comfort them?"
"How to tell them I'm sorry, that I couldn't save them."
Petra put down her fork and reached an arm across the table to cover his hand with hers, "You can't save everyone, captain."
He clenched his fist, "I could have. I could have saved Mina. Erwin is the reason I didn't." Petra squeezed his hand, but he retracted it and threaded his fingers together, "I left her behind because he told me to."
"I'm sorry." Petra said quietly, "I don't know what else to say."
"There isn't anything."
"I can come with you if you want." Petra said.
"Thank you."
"Can I finish my pancakes first?"
"Take your time." He said, and took a sip of his tea.
After a moment, she said, "Sir, can I ask you a question?"
"Shoot."
"Why do you drink your tea like that?" She asked.
He frowned, looking at the way he held his cup, "Like how?"
"Like that. Normal people hold the handle." She said, giving him a small smile. It was like Mina's smile.
"I don't want the handle to break." He said, "Before I joined the scouts, it was all I could do to stay alive. I was a petty criminal living in the underground cities. I always saw people drinking tea through the windows at restaurants, I could smell it when the door opened. It always smelled so good. So I finally got enough scrounged up to buy myself some tea and a tea cup. When I picked the cup up, the handle broke and it shattered on the ground. When I joined the scouts, I finally was able to drink the tea I'd been so dead set on drinking for the majority of my life, and you know what?"
"What?" Petra asked, her eyes widening.
"I hate it."
"What?" Petra asked again.
"Tea. I find it rather repulsing, actually." Levi said, taking a sip.
She stared at him dumbfounded, "Then why do you drink it?"
"Because it reminds me of the time I didn't have to worry about seeing my friends eaten in front of me." Levi said, "When our only worry was getting caught by the military police." He laughed, but it was a dry laugh, "We didn't even give the titans a second thought."
"Who sat there?" Petra asked after a moment of silence.
Levi looked to the empty seat at his left. He sighed, "His name was Lennox Reagan. My third in command."
"And there?" Petra motioned to the seat next to that.
"Stan Sherman." Levi said, "And next to you is Mina Sleven. My second in command."
My lucky number Sleven. He closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair before Petra could see the tears that glistened his eyes.
"Who were they?" She asked gently.
"Stan was a German man from Shiganshina. His family moved here when he was nine, he lived right next to the gate so he watched the scouts come and go. They were all he knew, so he joined them.
"Lennox's parents died in a cart accident when he was sixteen. He met his wife soon after, and got married. He joined the scouts a week after that. They were expecting their first child any day now.
"Mina was born and raised here. Her parents own a little china shop." He paused, "It was where I bought my teacup. Her father was a scout, the captain of my squad when I first joined. He died saving a recruit's life. She joined the scouts to avenge him."
"They sound amazing." Petra said.
"They were."
Levi stood, stretching his limbs, and set his teacup on Mina's plate of steak. It was medium rare, sitting next to a heap of mashed potatoes and gravy. There was a pickle on the side, added by Silvester because he knew they were her favorite. He stacked Lennox's smoked salmon and carrots on top of the steak. He wrinkled his nose at the fishy smell, he could never understand how Lennox ate the stuff. He juggled Stan's Schnitzel mit Pommes in his other hand.
He brought them into the kitchen, where Silvester was alone, tidying up what the other cooks had missed. He looked up as Levi entered and moved to take the plates from him. Levi shook his head and set them on the counter, "I can take care of them, Silvester. Go home."
"Yes, sir." Silvester said, bowing his head. Before he disappeared through the door, he paused and said, "I'm sorry about your friends, captain. I really am."
Levi didn't say anything back, only scraped Mina's steak off of her plate. He heard Silvester leave, and finished dumping the untouched food into the garbage can. He then filled a sink with steaming hot water. Taking a sponge, he cleaned off each plate until it was sparkling like new, all remnants of the food before was gone. Never again would they be filled with steak, or salmon, or pork.
Petra appeared beside him, taking his hands out of the water, "You're burning yourself, captain."
He looked down at his hands, which were a blazing red. He hadn't even realized they were burned. She took some bandages out from the first aid kit in the kitchen and sat down on a stool. She looked up at him and said, "Well sit down then."
He allowed himself to follow her orders and held out his right hand. She applied a cool salve and then wrapped the soft bandages around it. He watched her do so, studying the way she did. "How did you become so well at bandaging?"
"My mother was a healer. She taught me everything I know." Petra said, concentrating on her bandaging. She stuck her thumb out of the corner of her mouth as she did.
"We should do this now." He said, "Tell the families."
"Whenever you're ready, captain." Petra said, giving him a reassuring smile.
They saddled their horses and set off toward town, riding in silence the entire time. They passed through the gate, receiving salutes from the Garrison. Levi rode by them without a glance, and into the city behind wall Maria.
People were going about their business, carrying on with their everyday lives. Women were hanging their family's laundry on the line, kids were out flying kites, or chasing poor stray animals down the street. The men were no doubt out in the fields or forests, providing food for their families. Levi remembered a time when his mother would be high in their two story home, hanging their clothes on the line above the street. His father would be gone, plowing the fields for the meager wage he earned each day, but it provided all the food they needed. He would be out with his friends Isabel and Farlan, trying to catch chickens as was their usual game.
Sometimes he wished he could go back to that time, when everything was so innocent and special. These people lived as if nothing was happening. They put their walls up around them and went on with their lives, pretending that there wasn't anything wrong with the world. If only they could see what he saw, watched their friends and loved ones die, then they would know. They carried on with their lives, oblivious to the ones lost that morning, and every day before that. They allowed themselves to believe that they were safe, that as long as the wall was there nothing would ever happen. He wished he could believe it too.
When he arrived at Stan's parent's home, he took a deep breath and hopped down from his horse. Petra followed suit, and they walked up the small stone path to the little yellow house. Levi held his breath as he knocked on the door. He heard shuffling inside, and the door opened to reveal a petite woman with sandy blond hair. Stan had looked exactly like her. She smiled, "Oh, Captain Levi, what a surprise!"
"Good afternoon Mrs. Sherman." He said, thanking whoever watched over him that his voice didn't shake, "May we come in?"
"Oh of course, of course!" Emma Sherman exclaimed, stepping aside to allow him and Petra in. She closed the door behind them and said, "Please, come into the living room. Herman's knees are giving him problems, so he's been resting all afternoon." They followed her into the living room and took a seat on the small love seat. Seated in a plush red recliner was Herman Sherman. Mina had died laughing when she'd heard his name, as had Lennox. Even Levi had let out a chuckle.
Herman was a big man, all brawn. It was where Stan had gotten his bulkiness from. Even for his old age, Herman's blue eyes shone bright when he saw the captain. Levi shook his hand, "Good afternoon, Mr. Sherman."
"Please, captain," Herman cackled, "how many times do I have to tell you? Call me Herman."
Emma swept into the room, holding a tray with a pitcher of lemonade and four cups. She smiled, "I just made it this morning. Stan loves his lemonade."
"So he's said." Levi managed to say, "This is Petra, one of the new recruits this year."
"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Sherman." Petra said politely.
"So how is Stan, is he doing well in the scouts?" Herman asked, "He writes to us occasionally to say how he is." Emma pulled up a chair next to him, taking his hand in hers. They both smiled, "We're so proud of him." Herman said.
"He said he'd be stopping by later, have you seen him?" Emma asked.
"Mr. and Mrs. Sherman I-"
"Oh forgive us!" Emma cut him off, "We're asking you all these questions and you're clearly not here for us to ask you questions."
"I'm here to tell you some news about Stan." Levi started, feeling his hands start to shake. He folded them together and looked into the Sherman's faces, "This morning, the scouts went on a mission to retrieve lumber to build more housing units inside the wall."
Herman and Emma nodded, their smiles fading only a little.
"While on the mission, the forest we had cleared out became the object of a titan ambush." Levi said, trying to find the right words. Be upfront. He took a deep breath, "Stan was killed, valiantly protecting the lives of the supply squads."
Emma gasped, covering her mouth with her hands. Tears instantly formed in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. Herman just sat in his chair staring straight ahead, like he was still trying to comprehend what Levi had said.
"It was our mission." Levi continued, "He never abandoned them."
Emma dabbed at her eyes with a napkin, "Are you sure? Maybe he just is unconscious. O-or-" she stopped herself, more tears spilling out of her eyes, "Are you sure?"
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Sherman." Levi said, mustering all his sincerity, "I really am."
"He died saving lives?" Herman whispered, "He died bravely? Honorably?"
"He did." Levi said.
"His body?" Herman asked.
Images of Stan being torn in half flashed through Levi's head, and he shook his head, "I'm sorry."
Herman closed his eyes, one small tear falling from his eye. He nodded, "My son died a hero. That's all I could have asked for. I couldn't be any more proud of him."
Emma took hold of her husband's hand, "We couldn't be any more proud of him."
"Thank you captain Levi. Petra." Herman said, "Please don't be a stranger to this household."
"Never." Levi said, "I just want you to know that your son lives on through me. I will make sure his sacrifice wasn't in vain." He clenched his fists, "I won't stop until every last titan is gone from this earth."
"You remember that, son." Herman said, "Remember that."
Levi nodded, and he and Petra walked out of the house. The Shermans knew they would never see him again.
The next house on his list was Lennox's. He was afraid of upsetting his wife, Jenny, in her pregnancy. The last thing he wanted was to distress her while she was with child. Maybe he would let Petra help him this time.
Levi knocked on the door, which opened almost immediately. Standing in front of them was a slim red-headed woman. Levi had never seen Lennox's wife before, but he knew immediately that it was her. Lennox had described her on more than one occasion. Red hair, freckles on her nose, as beautiful as the sunset.
Levi looked down to a small bundle she cradled in her arms. His eyes widened when he saw the shock of auburn hair. His stomach churned as he looked up into her green eyes. She was obviously startled, "Can I help you?"
"He-he said you weren't due for a couple weeks." Levi whispered.
"He?" She asked, covering the child protectively.
"My name is Levi Ackerman. I was Lennox's squad captain." Levi said, "This is Petra Ral."
Jenny smiled, obviously relieved, "Oh, captain, yes! Lennox has told me all about you. Please come in."
He stepped inside and closed the door behind Petra, who had stayed silent the entire time. Jenny sat down at the table in the dining room, cradling the infant in her arms, "I'm sorry the house is a mess, I wasn't expecting visitors."
"We weren't expecting this visit either." Levi said quietly.
Jenny looked up at him upon hearing the softness of his voice. He couldn't help the look on his face, and she nodded, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. The baby started crying, and Jenny wrapped the blanket around it more. She rocked the baby until it stopped crying and she said, "Lennox was so happy about our child."
"It was one of the last things he talked about." Levi said, "About how excited he was."
"He picked out the name of our son." She said, staring down at the little bundle. In her eyes was all the love in the world, the love of a mother.
"What did you name him?" Petra asked.
"Levi." Jenny said, turning her green gaze on the captain, who stared dumbfounded at her, "He loved you." Her face fell, and she cried, her shoulders shaking from her sobs.
Petra stepped in front of Levi and held out her arms, "Here, let me me take him for a moment."
"Thank you." Jenny said between sobs. Petra held the infant close and left the room, giving Levi a look that said, 'say something'.
"Jenny, I-" He stopped, kneeling down in front of her, taking her hands in his, "I'm sorry I couldn't save him."
She looked down at him, her cheeks glistening with tears, "Just tell me he died with purpose. Even if he didn't. Just tell me."
"Oh but he did." Levi said, "He died protecting good people. I know it's not the sort of consolation you want, but he was one of the best soldiers I've ever known." He paused, and then said, "And a good friend."
"I don't even have a picture." She said, putting a hand over her mouth.
Levi reached in his pocket, drawing out a photograph Lennox kept in his pocket on every mission for good luck, which he coincidentally had left behind that morning. He put it in Jenny's hand, and she gasped upon looking at it, more tears rolling down her cheeks. It was a small photo, small enough to fit in Lennox's breast pocket. It was a professional photograph of Lennox and Jenny, his arms around her. They were smiling like fools.
"Where?" She asked, unable to say anything else.
"Lennox kept it with him, always." Levi said, "He left it behind this time."
"Thank you captain." She whispered, "For everything."
Petra entered the room, handing the infant back to Jenny. Levi looked at it with awe. Such innocence. "He looks like him." Levi said, and then he and Petra left her, crying into the infant's blanket.
The next place Levi went was the high court. Court was in session, so he sat quietly in the corner with Petra until there was a recess. Before the judge could leave, Levi stepped in his way. "Just what do you think you're-" The judge caught himself upon seeing Levi and said, "Oh, Captain Levi, forgive me, you startled me is all."
"I have something I need you to do." Levi said.
"You name it!" The judge said, smiling.
"Marcus Sleven." Levi stated, "You're bringing him to court to decide whether he can live on his own or go to an institution."
"Ah yes, yes, Marcus." The judge muttered.
"We both know what your decision is." Levi said, "Today his sister, Mina, was killed on a mission."
The judge's eyes widened, "Mina? She's gone?"
"Yes."
"I'm sorry." The judge breathed, "What do you need me to do?"
"I need you to release Marcus to scout custody." Levi said.
"Marcus isn't fit for that sort of duty." The judge said defensively.
"He wouldn't be going on missions. Only tending to things around the estate that we can't get to on a daily basis. His chores would include taking care of the horses, making sure they have food and water, and make sure their stalls are clean. Cutting the grass, tending to the flowers, cleaning the mansion. His help is much needed." Levi explained.
The judge listened, and nodded his head when he was finished, "I think your idea sounds great, captain. It's better than letting him waste away in an institution. All I need is an approval from commander Erwin and then I don't see why Marcus couldn't help out around your estate."
"Thank you." Levi said, and let the judge go off to eat his lunch.
"That was a good thing you just did." Petra said.
"It was the last thing I could do for her." Levi said, and then he strode out of the courts to go home.
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who read my first chapter, favorited, followed, and reviewed my story! It is much appreciated. So here is the second installment, kind of showing Levi's distress after losing those around him. Of course I added in Petra, because I love her as a character, I don't have a side between the Petra and Levi thing, like I totally think they would make a cute couple, but I'm not saying that I ship them 100%. Though his face after seeing her dead and watching her body get thrown out of the cart, did break my heart!
So please, read, review, do what you will!