Kana
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Hair: Red
Eyes: Red
Kana is another one of Ian's friends. Unlike Goro or Ian Kana is very timid as he is impotent and has Erectile Dysfunction. People usually think of Goro as a little sister/brother. He meet his girlfriend when she was pulling a prank on the boy's soccer team, and she told him she'd go on a date with him if he didn't rat her out. At first she was going to blackmail Kana by putting explicit pictures of him, but developed deep feelings for him instead when she saw how kind/ brave he is, as she usually clings on too him. Kana likes include candy, reading, and poetry. His dislikes include being in a locker room as he feels insignicant in it, bullies and scary movies.
Chapter 8: Good-bye too manhood
" I'm home!"
Yui had just entered the Hinata House with two bags of groceries in her hands. Upon entering the house did she hear the peculiar noise of absolute silence. Yui just shrugged the quietness and made way for the kitchen, but she stopped herself and nearly dropped her groceries from fear seeing Ian—he was in some sort of a deep trance.
" Hey Ian," Yui greeted by waving her hand too Ian. However, Ian still remained in his deep trance and was spinning a small coin around in circles. " Earth too Ian, it's me, Yui. You could look me in the eyes when I talk to you, you little-" " GET DOWN!"
Ichiro soon grabbed Yui's mouth and pulled her down. Yui made loud groaning noises as she was being handled by Ichiro, and then she bite his fingers like a wild animal. " Yeow!" Ichiro cried from the pain. " I'm trying to help you, you bitch!"
Yui freed herself from Ichiro's hold and soon ran away from him. Ichiro stood breathing on the teeth marks Yui made into him. " I could sue you for this y'know." " Oh put a cork in it, pervert! Tell me why Ian seems so...different." " I don't know. I found him like this right after I..."
" Yes, yes, yes, YES! Harder, harder, harder, HARDER!"
" Er...it all started an hour ago..."
Flashback
" Hey good looking, you're one beautiful girl, and I'll be sure to give you a call."
Ichiro was standing at the entrance to the Hinata House where he was about to greet a woman he had intimate relationship's with. The girl smiled and waved good-bye as she departed from the Hinata House.
" Okay. Ciao." Ichiro was fast too slam the door closed as soon as the girl was out of the house and put on the lock too make sure she couldn't open it. " Honestly, does she think we're dating or something? Pfffffft! Woman."
Ichiro started walking and was about too go back upstairs as he saw Ian sitting at the kitchen table and staring at a piece of gum. " Yo, what time's it? I need too get my beauty sleep." Ian ignored Ichiro and continued staring at the single piece of gum. " Yo, earth too Ian, what time is it, cuz?"
Ichiro walked into the room and started waving his hand too Ian but with no avail did he get any stimulus out of him. Ichiro was mumbling too himself when he noticed a stapler on a counter and decided too test it out against Ian." How 'bout's I staple your balls together? Would that make you want to cry, cuz?" Still No reponse.
Ichiro began too teasingly press the top and bottom of the metal together—he had one thing on his mind—he was about to press the metal against Ian's pants. However, Ian's legs kicked Ichiro squarely in the face while his head was down as he pushed the pushover away.
Ichiro's body slammed, cracked against the wall as he stumbled down but was soon able to get back up. " Ow, you kicked me, A-hole." Still no response came from Ian. " Oh, so you want too do things the hard way? Very well. Prepare to meet your maker, bitch."
###
Ichiro started his first plan: fire a balloon of mega itching powder at him; one of the itchest stuff in the world. Ichiro had the powder in a blue balloon secured safely on the strap of an elastic band from his slingshot and pulled the elastic back too fire at Ian. " Prepare for a long, itchy rash, Ian."
Ichiro fired the rubber balloon from his slingshot. The balloon was about to hit Ian's face, but Ian jumped up and retaliated by kicking the balloon as it went back and hit Ichiro in the face. Ian then went back into his chair and continued his deep trance as Ichiro tried desperately too get the powder off his face.
" AHHHHHH!"
###
Ian was still thinking too himself in deep thought as Ichiro placed numerous windows all around him. " I'll get you too get out of your chair this time, you little pussy." Ichiro ran through the door of the kitchen, then he turned a flashlight on as he made puppet shadows.
Meanwhile, all around Ian were shadows of tough looking figures—each and every one of them were carrying a gun. " Get your ass on the ground so we can take all your money, bitch." A rough voice shouted.
Ian stared nonchalantly at the shadows, got too go into the kitchen, came back while he was carrying a flashlight. " Do you honestly think cheap parlor tricks would work, Ichiro?" " There is no Ichiro; only-"
The flashlight Ian was using had a built in laser-pointer. A long blue light came out of Ian's flashlight and hit one of the mirror, then reflected too another mirror, another, another, another, until the blue light hit a mirror besides Ichiro and it went into his eyes.
" AH, mom, MY EYES!"
Flashback End:
" See, he hasn't moved from that spot for the past hour."
" Oh god, could Ian be having a psychaotic episode?" Yui said a little worried about Ian's safety. " Our family reunion is tomorrow. Isn't there something you can do?"
" I don't know. But I think you can fix it. I think you with your female prowness can persuade Ian to get up."
" What?"
" I'm just saying you could use some body language too get him up."
" Did you just call me a whore?"
" No, no, I was referring too all you woman being whores."
SMACK!
Yui smack Ichiro on his head and he grabbed his head in grievance.
" That-ow-really-ow-hurt."
" It serves you right, you little pervert."
It was then that the door too the Hinata House were opened. Ian's friend Kana walked in. Both Yui and Ichiro stared at the small kid with glasses, turned their heads too each other, and looked back at the small boy.
" Excuse me," Kana said after walking closer to Ichiro and Yue. " Do any of you know where a Ian Urishima is?" Both Ichiro and Yui pointed to the room Ian was in, as Kana bowed his head in sympathy. " Thank you."
Kana walked into the room as he went to the other side of the table Ian was sitting at, pulling out a chair, then sat down; Ian raised his head up to look into Kana's eyes. " Oh, nice too see you, Kana."
" Oh sure," Ichiro said in the other room. " He won't notice me but he'll settle for anyone else?"
" Well, that kid does seem like a real nice guy; unlike a certain womanizer who can't even cook for himself."
" Like you're one to talk, crispy."
" WHAT DID YOU SAY!"
" What brings you over here too the Hinata House, Kana?" Ian said in the other room. Kana seemed sheepish from hearing Ian's voice—his cheeks were also blushing, but Kana answered Ian all the same:
" As you may've known, I'm dating one of the toughest girl in our school. Well...this is hard for me too say...but I have...ED."
" What the hell's ED?" Ichiro said too which Yue leaned her head up too Ichiro's right ear and whispered too him. " Oh."
" I'm a little impotent, Ian. I'm awfully worried, ashamed that I may not be able to be together with her." " Kana...what are you implying?" Ian said. " See...I have a wee-wee the size of a peanut."
"Buwahahahaha!" Ichiro laughed in the other room. " Oh look, the little peanut has a wee-wee the size of a peanut! Ahahahah-"
SMACK!
Yui smacked Ichiro on his head, tears dripping from his eyes, she said, " It's morons like you that make him sad, you idiot!"
" Kana, I don't have any medicine that will make your wee-wee bigger if that's what you're implying? If you don't mind I have problems of my own. First I have to do a study session with one of the girls I live with so she can get into university. Than I have to teach another girl how too properly cook."
" Oh shit, Ian's actually teaching you how too cook?"
" Yeah. We've been training for the past two days."
" And you haven't done any...?" Ichiro made a hole with his fingers in his right hand, raised his index finger, then rapidily sticked his finger in, out of the hole. " Y'know."
SMACK!
" That's none of your business!"
" Water the trees. Feed all Rina's animals as well spend time playing with them. Assist Daisuke and Kimza with their crazy experiments, help Foxy with cheerleading, and so on, so on."
" That's okay. What I ask of you will only take a second."
" Really? What is it that you want?"
Ichiro snickered, said, " Oh, this is going to be good."
Kana took out a pair of rusty scissors. He then pointed the tip of his scissors directly at Ian's crotch. " I want to surgically remove your wee-wee and sew it on for my very own!"
" WHAT?!"-Ichiro
" WHAT?!"-Yui
" I'm sorry, what?"-Ian.
" This is the perfect solution. Can't you see it? You told me yourself no girl would ever like you, and from P.E I saw just how big it is."
Ichiro manhandled Yue by grabbing her shoulders and pulling her close too him. " Is there a chance Ian could die without his dick?" " Er, there may be a slight chance." " God dammit, we've got too get Ian out before he gets neutered."
" Kana, I don't think you are thinking clearly," Ian said nonchalantly too his friend. " Have you been sleeping well?" " I'll pay you $ 10,000 in American money for your scrotum. Imagine how much you could get for that in ye-"
Ian soon got up and punched Kana squarely in his face as he broke his glasses on contact. Ian took the scissors away, took out the flashlight with the laser-pointer and activated the infra-ray switch as blue light burned the scissors away.
What remained of the scissors Ian threw away in the garbage, and then he grabbed Kana's collar.
" Do you really think she likes you 'cause you have a big wee-wee? In a relationship it's not really about the physique that will stimulate her, but the aim. You have too make sure she's sensitive."
" Huh?" Ichiro and Yui said in unison as Ian helped Kana too his feet and set him on the kitchen table.
" With this technique...anything will feel good for her." Ian rubbed both of Kana's man boobs with his left hand as he rubbed Kana's red hair as well. Ichiro and Yui's cheeks both blushed red as Kana was groaning in joy from Ian manhandling him.
" I've gotta blackmail Ian for this," Ichiro said; took out his phone and focoused the camera lens on him. However, Yui smacked the camera away before Ichiro could take a picture.
" You'll do no such thing." Yui grabbed Ichiro's hand, and forcibally made him grab her breasts before taking a picture of it with her own phone, and then she smack Ichiro's hand away. " There. Now I can blackmail you unless you do exactly as I say." " Drats."
Meanwhile, Ian poked the lower part of Kana where his butt was, pushing deeper inside, as Kana was groaning from the titulating pain. " See. A finger can be used like your wee-wee. Also..." Ian raised Kana's armpit up, and then sticked his index finger inside while tickling his armpit hair.
" A-ah!" Kana graoned. " Stop it! This is the most embarrasing thing you've ever done too me!"
" Hey, neither of us are gay," Ian retorted with a wide smile. " This is too save both our hides." Ian put Kana's armpit down and set him down gently on the kitchen table. The stimulus of Ian's teaching titulated Kana so much his cheeks were red and his breathing was rasp. " I would also suggest licking the skin- I wouldn't do it if they're dirty or have any cuts or bruises. I'm also not going too do it since I'm NOT GAY!"
" Sure he's not," Ichiro snickered on the otherside of the wall. " I didn't think Ian had a feminine side."
" At least he has technique."
" What are you talking about?"
" Do you know how Daisuke videotapes everything that goes around in the Hinata House?"
" Yeah, so what?"
" I watched you and your woman. I understand you too have ED."
" W-what are you talking about?"
" You're limp."
###
Outside a group of men and woman wearing black suits and carrying type 37 machine guns were walking up too the entrance of the Hinata House. The men were bald, the girls had short-cut hair, and their leader was a burly black man with brass knuckles on both his hands and carrying two machine guns.
" This is it!" The burly man shouted. " Let's lock 'n' load! Today we're going to get back what Ichiro owes us!"
###
" You know, I know Ian said he wasn't gay, but...wow."
Kana was happy as he could be. No longer afraid of his little physique decided too leave the Hinata House. Before he left he shaked Ian and Yui's hands, as he knew Ichiro never washed his hands.
" Thank you for the experience, Ian," Kana said. " I'll be sure too use everything you're taught me." " By the way, Ian, why were you so spaced out a while ago?" Yui asked.
" Should I tell them?" Ian thought too himself, was unsteady seeing Kana and Yui staring at him ( Ichiro ran away) and seeing their lips curl. " One of them is going too die...one of their life will be changed...for the worse. Either way they're it might happen; I might as well tell them. Well...you see...Yue, there may be a chance you will..." Ian's ears were twitching. Ian could hear the steady sound of footsteps as they walked up the hill. Ian soon ran up too Yui and Kana and grabbed them by their waists. " EVERYONE GET DOWN!"
Ian pulled Yui and Kana down just in them; hundreds of bullets were fired through the the front of the house and would've killed all three of them on impact. However, Ian's quick thinking allowed for both Yui and Kana too lie on the floor and watch as the bullets fired past them.
" WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON!" Yui cried.
" This is madness!" Kana cried from seeing the bullets go past his eyes.
" Stay clam," Ian demanded, held his hands over both Yue and Kana's mouthes. " It'll be over soon."
Ian was right.
As the bullets stopped firing, there was a banging noise in the front of the house. The door too the house soon fell down and dozens of people wearing black suits carrying guns ran inside.
" Are these people here to vandalize us?" Yui said.
" I don't know, but they seem awfully scary," Kana cried. " Oh god, Ian, say me!"
" Just-stay-calm."
The biggest man Ian had ever seen was the first to see Ian, Yui and Kana on the ground.
" Hello there," The man said in a snide voice. " I'm looking for someone named Ichiro. He promised me the deed too this house."
Days until Ian finds his true love: 81
End of Chapter 6, Volume 2