"I'm fine, Mom," Jude said, glancing at the time on Gerald's dashboard. Quarter after eight. He only had a bit of time. Connor thought he was getting off work at nine and that was when they were supposed to meet back at his apartment for dinner.

"Jude, you haven't been talking to us," Lena said, "and we've been worried about you. Now is the time when you need your family."

"I know," Jude said. "I've just needed space."

And Jude couldn't rest against them. He didn't want to be the one that broke Stef and Lena in the end, because the burdens that he'd been carrying were too much for them. He didn't want them to be thinking the same things that he was: that it was his fault Taylor had been with Callie in the first place, that he hadn't noticed the drinking that she was doing, that he had brought Taylor into their lives in the first place. It was all too much.

"You don't need to stay away. We need you too and we hate the thought of you being alone."

"I'm not alone," Jude said. "Connor's, um, been staying with me for a couple of weeks."

"You didn't mention that the last time we spoke."

"It didn't seem important," Jude said. "You know, it's not like we're dating or anything. He's just acting as support. He lost his mom and so he kind of understands."

Jude stopped in the parking spot and took his phone off speaker, holding it up to his ear as he got out of the car and hurried into the florist shop.

"If that's what helps you and isn't hurting you."

"It's not. I'm still an adult! I can still make my own mind up about things, you know?"

"I know," Lena said. "Is it so bad to worry about you?"

"No," Jude admitted, deflating. "I'm sorry. I'm just feeling a lot."

"We understand," Lena said. "We'd like it if you came home soon, though. We'd like to see you."

"Next week or the week after, I promise," Jude said. "Depends on work and classes, you know?"

"You call us," Lena said. "Have a good night, Jude."

"I love you."

"I love you too. I'll tell Mom you said 'hi'."

"Yeah, please do. I'll talk to you both soon."

After saying his goodbyes, Jude stuffed his phone in his pocket and picked up a large cactus that had a red bloom on the top. Red flowers. He was supposed to get red flowers for Connor for Valentine's Day. For whatever reason, red flowers were what Connor liked. He took the cactus to the counter and paid for it. He hurried back out to Gerald and put the cactus on the floor, speeding home. He made it just a few minutes before nine. He scooped up the cactus and hurried down the hill. Connor's bike wasn't out front yet and the lights were still off.

Jude turned his main light on and then he hid the cactus under the sink. Connor's birthday wasn't until tomorrow, after all. He closed the cupboard door and then he jumped up on the counter, looking out over his small apartment. He'd often spent nights alone here and had enjoyed it, even, particularly after a long night of work filled with customers that just seemed to drain most of his energy. Now, the apartment felt empty without Connor, though he seemed to fill every space. His books were stacked on the coffee table, he had clothes packed in the bottom drawer of Jude's dresser, and his fridge was brimming with Connor's favourite foods. It was almost as if Connor fully lived here now. Which, Jude supposed by most definitions, he did.

The lock turned and Connor opened the front door, his backpack swung over his shoulder.

"Jude! I didn't expect you to be home already!"

Home felt warmer, now that Connor was here, his long hair swinging into his eyes.

"I know. It was slow, so I left five minutes early," Jude lied. "It doesn't matter but, little victories, right?"

"Right," Connor said.

"Come here, for a sec, would you?"

Connor shut and locked the door behind him, carefully took off his shoes, and left his bag resting against the arm of the couch. Another thing that Jude had noticed since Connor had come to stay with him was that his apartment seemed to be a lot cleaner. Connor padded into the kitchen, looking at Jude with expectations in his eyes.

"I took the day off tomorrow, for your birthday."

Connor's eyes lit up first, a smile on his face. The smile made Jude's heart skip and before he thought about it, he reached for Connor, drawing him in for a hug. Connor hugged him back and it felt as close and as intimate as they had done before. Jude's long legs fell on either side of Connor's thighs and Connor's head was snuggled into Jude's collarbone. Jude tightened his grip on Connor and Connor held him back.

"Jude," he whispered, and the want in his voice flared the feelings within Jude that he wanted to keep hidden.

Jude felt his head moving downward, his lips on the soft skin of Connor's cheek. It was too much. He wasn't ready to deal with the pain that came with Connor's leaving and coming back, but he didn't want to give Connor up. The balancing act between those two things made him breathless. Almost as breathless as Connor's closeness did when Connor looked up at him, his light eyes striking.

"You, um, you … I …"

"Connor," Jude interrupted and Connor inhaled sharply. "I think I can guess what you're going to say."

"I told myself to hide it," Connor whispered. "That it wouldn't be fair to you if I didn't, because there was so much happening, but it's hard, Jude. I feel so much."

"Me too." Those eyes were his undoing, as they had been before, and the truth came spilling from his lips. It was so easy to be honest with Connor.

"So …"

"So," Jude said, "tomorrow's your birthday."

Connor nodded. "I remember."

"I was thinking we'd sleep in and then around noon, I would go and pick up a surprise birthday lunch, come back here for you, and we'd go for a nice drive."

"I like that plan."

"Maybe, after find a place to stop, we can eat and talk."

Connor's breath tickled Jude's face and Jude wanted nothing more than to close that gap and just let go again. He wanted to let himself free-fall, as if it would be easy to do it again. Jude really did think it would be easy to do again. Something about being with Connor just fit, like they were meant to be together. But Jude couldn't let those thoughts get away from him now.

"Talk about?" Connor asked, gently touching Jude's side. "This? Um, us?"

"Yeah and just talk. About the month apart. About feelings. About what we need to. We can have tonight to think about what we really want to say to make sure we get it right."

Connor's smile was soft and sweet and he rested his head back against Jude's shoulder. "That sounds really good to me."

"I can't promise what it'll lead to."

"I know. I'm just happy we're here."

Jude put his hand against the small of Connor's back, holding the two of them close together. "Know what?"

"What?"

"Me too."

"Really?"

"Really," Jude confirmed, the excitement in Connor's voice sending his heart spinning.

Connor picked his head up and his eyes were bright and swimming with excitement. He kissed Jude's cheek briefly and then backed away, as if scared of what he'd done. "I should start dinner."

"Let me help tonight," Jude said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm not usually home when you start dinner. I feel bad you do all the work."

"I don't mind. I don't really consider it work."

"Still, let me help."

"I'd like that."

"What are we making?"

"Mac and cheese. It's late. I'm feeling lazy."

"Nothing wrong with that," Jude said, and he put in the effort to smile at Connor. Being happy wasn't something that came casually to him yet, in the back of his head was still the thought of Callie and Taylor, of how things had changed, and they would never be as good as they once were, but, he had to admit, not everything about this moment was bad.

Connor brushed his hand as he placed the box of pasta in Jude's hand. Matter of fact, there were definitely some good things about right now.

(-.-)

"If you lend me your heart I vow not to break it. I'll keep it safe within mine so no one can take it and if ever you are lost with nowhere to roam reach for my hand and I'll guide you back home."

Jude glanced over at Connor, who was reading to him from the passenger seat. "I really like that one. What's it called?"

"Keepsakes by Shelby … Shelby, uh, something. They cut off her last name on the photocopy. It looks like it starts with an 'L'."

"Hmm. I like how she writes," Jude said. He focused back on the road but it was hard to keep staring at the road when Connor looked like he did. Handsome, with his hair thrown around by the open window, looking sweetly down at the pages in front of him.

"Me too. Um, Jude, where are we going?"

"Not sure. Why, getting bored of driving with me?"

"No," Connor said. "I'm just … getting hungry."

"There's good food in the cooler."

"Makes me hungrier," Connor said.

"There's a place about ten or fifteen minutes away now. Think you can wait that long?"

"Yes. Thanks, Jude."

"For what?"

"Birthday lunch," Connor said.

"You haven't seen it yet," Jude said. "You might not like it."

"I have faith in you," Connor said. "When have you ever let me down?"

Jude couldn't help himself. He slid one hand off the steering wheel and draped it across the console. Connor grabbed onto him quickly, his fingers tight on the back of Jude's hand, as if Jude would change his mind and let go. But Jude didn't think he was going to change his mind. There was something solid and right about his hand in Connor's and the more time they were together again, the more that Jude realized that this was how he wanted it to be. It was why he'd fallen in love with Connor so quickly, it was why it had been so devastating when Connor had left, because he wanted Connor with him, because this was when he felt he best. Connor was the person he wanted to be his best for.

Jude pulled into the spot he was looking for: a large, grassy hill, overlooking the ocean. During the summer, it was an insanely crowded and busy spot. Now, in late March on a weekday, there wasn't another car around. Connor was peering out the window.

"Looking for someone?"

"Maybe," Connor answered. "But I think it would be obvious if we were followed."

"You're safe."

"When you say it I almost believe it."

"Come on, let's go find a place to sit."

Jude carried the cooler while Connor carried the blanket. It almost felt like their Christmas date – same cooler, same blanket, Jude had even bought the same cider, since they had liked it so much. It also felt right. He could hear the ocean waves crashing below and a slightly cool breeze washed across his face. The thought crossed his mind of whether or not Callie would have liked to photograph this place – though landscapes had never been her focus – and it was the only thing that sent his heart sagging. It was Connor's birthday and Jude wanted it to be a good day for the two of them.

Connor spread the blanket out and Jude kicked off his shoes. They sat cross-legged, the cooler between them.

"Open it up," Jude said, "it's your birthday."

Connor cracked it open, peering inside. "Oh, the cider! And … Did you get me a cake?"

"Just a little one," Jude said. "Sorry. I thought about trying to make one but I thought you would enjoy this one better. If you really want me to bake you a cake, though, I will. This weekend."

"It's sweet that you thought of it."

"What's a birthday without cake?" Jude asked.

"It's still great, Jude."

Connor pulled out the sandwiches and deli salads that Jude had picked up.

"You forgot glasses again."

"Well, I've kissed you before," Jude said. "It's not a big deal to share a bottle of something."

Connor picked up the cider, turning it over in his hands. Even though Jude was watching him, Connor kept staring at the label as he asked, "Am I ever going to kiss you again?"

"You don't even want to eat lunch before we talk?"

"I can multi-task."

"Okay, well, I can multi-task too."

Connor worked the top off the cider. "Um, I don't know how to start."

"I do," Jude said. "And I need to say this once and I need you to look at me when I do."

Connor picked his head up, meeting Jude's eyes.

"Fuck you. Fuck you for leaving me like you did. Fuck you for not talking to me. Fuck you for every bad decision that you had no right to make when I needed you. When I never expected you to be that person. Fuck you."

One tear fell from Connor's eye. "I deserved that."

"And I don't forgive you for that. It hurts when I think of it and sometimes it still makes me want to kick you out of my life. I loved you. I didn't deserve that."

"No, you didn't," Connor agreed. "And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I know and it's the fact that I believe you that I don't kick you out. That and the fact that I do want you here. I want you with me."

Connor bit down on his bottom lip. "You want me?"

"I didn't stop loving you when you left. I didn't stop loving you when you came back. I still feel that way. That's how you matter to me, sitting here, right now. I love you." The words felt right in his mouth. Saying them to Connor was right.

A tear fell from Connor's other eye.

Jude pushed the cooler and the cider bottle aside, edging closer to Connor. They sat, knee to knee, and Jude bent his forehead to rest against Connor's.

"My life has sucked since you left and … I didn't think it would get worse than that but it did. I can't believe how it did." Jude took a deep breath, holding back his tears. "But since you came back, you've been my brightest light. I meant what I said when I said I still didn't forgive you, though. That's going to take more time than we've had. I'm going to need to heal from Callie and Taylor and everything else that happened, but I know I will get there. I never wanted to break up with you in the first place."

"I never thought of us as broken up, Jude."

"Connor, do you want to get back together?"

"Yes. Since the moment I sent you those texts, I thought of you and being with you and I don't really think I realized how much I'd changed and how I felt around you until I didn't have you anymore. I want to be with you too."

Jude tilted his head, angling his lips toward Connor's. With a gasp, Connor brought his hand up, putting in between their mouths, blocking Jude.

"But …"

"But?"

How could there be a but, with everything Jude had just said and the way they had been acting recently?

"I need to tell you something. I need to be totally honest with you, right now, because after I say this, you might decide you don't want to be with me anymore. That'll be okay, I just want to make sure you have all the facts, so you know what decision you're making."

"I don't think I know what you're talking about."

Connor leant back, giving them space to breathe. His hand dropped to hold Jude's. "My ex is out of prison now. And if he finds us, he'll kill us. I'm not exaggerating because the last time I saw him, December before last, he tried to kill me. That's why he went to prison. Not because I was strong enough to report him for the abuse, but because he tried to kill me and … and he almost succeeded."

"Connor …"

Connor pulled at Jude's hand, sliding it underneath his shirt. Jude felt the thick rib scarring that he'd brushed his hand against before, but had never been allowed to ask about.

"Those scars I won't talk about, um, is from that." Connor closed his eyes. "It was December twenty-third. My ex had to go to work, because it wasn't Christmas yet. I was left home. I was always home. I was supposed to get a start on the baking and Christmas cooking. We were having his parents over that year instead of going to their house so there was a lot for me to do. There was a knock on the door and I th-thought it might be Mrs. Malone. They had moved in only a few months before. They were in their forties with kids. She'd come over before to borrow sugar or eggs. I wasn't supposed to give her anything. My ex said I wasn't supposed to feed the neighbourhood but she was nice. I thought if it was her, I'd probably be able to get away with giving her a little."

"Was it her?"

"No, it was my dad. I hadn't seen him since I was fifteen. We had a really big fight and when I r-r-ran, he didn't come after me. He just let me go. I hadn't expected to see him. I wasn't supposed to have guests in without my ex's permission. He liked to know who was in his house. I always thought that was reasonable. And he especially didn't want me to have male guests but he was just protective. I told myself it was because he loved me. Um, but I let Dad in. I knew what time my ex would be home. I thought he'd never know and, if he did, it was just my father. What kind of things would I get into with him?"

Jude ran his thumb over the edge of Connor's scar. He knew the story didn't have a happy ending but he was already cringing about what was coming.

"It was a nice visit. Dad said I should call him again, some time after the holidays. I told him I'd talk to my ex about it, maybe we could both come visit. Dad didn't look happy but I think, at that point, he'd accepted that he and I were a packaged deal, and that if he wanted to talk to me, he was going to have to put up with my ex. Um, so he left. In his car. He drove, right? And he left his car in the driveway. He must have seen my dad's car in the driveway, at whatever point. When he came home he was so angry. He had a knife. That's what all those scars are, the ones I told you not to ask about. He stabbed me. He was stabbing me and stabbing me and I can remember him screaming about Dad because he didn't know who Dad was and he thought I was cheating on him, but I would never have. I loved him. I tried to tell him that. And then he wrapped his hand around my throat and that's the last memory that I have of him, because I went unconscious and he … he didn't stop. He kept beating me. It was only because Dad decided to come back … He said he wanted to try and make peace with my ex so he could see me on Christmas for once. He found me. What happened on my ribs was that he beat me so badly my ribs tore through my skin. And … He wanted me dead, Jude. He wanted to kill me. After all that, I still loved him. I would have gone back to him in a heartbeat if I'd been allowed."

Connor grabbed onto Jude, the tears flowing from his eyes in stark contrast to the monotone that he recounted his story in.

"I've got you, baby, I've got you."

"I just need you to, um, understand," Connor hiccoughed, his emotion finally breaking through. "It's dangerous. He'll kill me for sure and he'll do the same to you and that's why I ran away from you. I didn't want to see it happen to you! But you were right when you said that you should be able to make your own decisions and that's what I'm doing. This is your decision but I needed to make sure you have all the facts."

Connor picked his head up, his eyes on Jude's. Jude traced Connor's large scar again and his heart dropped. He felt Connor's stomach heave with his long breaths and then Jude's gaze fell to Connor's lips. He pressed forward and kissed him and it was as brief as their first kiss.

Connor's breath stopped. "Jude?"

"I choose you. I'm not going to live my life afraid of some man I've never met and probably never will. I want to be happy. I want to be happy with you."

"You mean that?"

"With everything I have."

Connor's large hands cradled Jude's head and Jude let himself relax into that hold. He had missed this.

"You make me happy."

"I hope so," Jude said. "I'm so sorry all that happened to you."

"It's not your fault. It's not my fault. It's no one's fault but his." Connor's jaw trembled. "I'm allowed to be happy with you."

"Yes," Jude confirmed.

The slow smile that crossed Connor's face lit up the world around him. Jude leant toward Connor again and Connor was moving toward him too. Their lips met gently. Jude moved slowly. He didn't know how far Connor would want to go; deep down, he wasn't even sure how far he wanted to go right now. But his hand was still on Connor's warm skin and he let it slide around to Connor's back. Their kiss deepened and one of Connor's hands left his face to meet Jude's waist. Jude wanted to be closer. Connor's hand pulled at Jude's shirt. Connor wanted him closer. Jude maneuvered his legs under him, climbing onto Connor's lap.

Connor's unstable balance sent them both tilting backward, Connor flat onto the blanket and Jude on top of him. Jude laughed and then Connor laughed too, though it was still shaky. He wiped at his eyes and Jude went to get off him, thinking he'd need space.

"No, stay. I don't mind you squishing me."

Jude slid his legs back over Connor's, leaning against Connor's chest.

"Jude, this means I'm your boyfriend again, right?"

Jude laughed. "Yes, baby, and I'm your boyfriend again."

"I was worried about when I told you that story," Connor whispered. "I thought that would be too much."

"No. It's not too much. I want the darkest parts of you and the brightest parts of you. I don't want to run away."

"I shouldn't have," Connor said. "And, for the record, I didn't want to."

"I know, baby."

"I've missed you calling me that."

"It was hard to stop saying."

"I noticed that too."

"I'm not so good at hiding my feelings for you."

"I don't think I really hid how I was feeling about you either," Connor said. "But, I think there was a good thing."

"Yeah?" Jude said. "What's that?"

"I've realized that nothing about being with you is as scary as being without you or is scary compared to my past. I just feel a lot more confident in you and us."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"So, you're going to stop counting the times I say 'I love you' in a day?"

"Are you still going to say that?"

"Yes."

Connor pressed a kiss to the side of Jude's neck. "I won't do my counts every day."

Jude grinned and then he rested his head against Connor's chest. The food was warming in the sun and he heard a car speed by, but neither of them moved. The breeze picked up and the waves seemed to be roaring, but it was the most beautiful day that Jude had experienced in a very long time. He listened to Connor's heart and he thought about how glad he was that Callie had gotten to meet Connor and that she liked him, even. It helped Jude feel like he was making the right choice. He threaded his fingers through Connor's.

Jude knew that he was making the right choice.

(-.-)

Boyfriend.

Connor rolled his head over the back of the couch, watching Jude come out of the bathroom with his pyjamas on. Jude was his boyfriend again and he could hardly believe it. It was like a dream. He looked down at his journal. It was nice – more than nice – that he could finally see happy words looking back at him.

"Baby, close your eyes."

"Why?"

"I have one more birthday surprise for you but I couldn't wrap it."

"Okay."

"Promise your eyes are closed?"

"I promise!"

Connor listened to Jude move around and open a cupboard in the kitchen. He remembered when he couldn't even close his eyes, even knowing exactly where Jude was, without thinking that Jude was going to do something terrible to him. Now, Connor knew that Jude wasn't going to do anything to him. Jude wasn't going to surprise him or touch him. It was fine.

Something glass clinked against the coffee table.

"Okay, open up."

Connor opened his eyes and there was a tall, fat cactus sitting on the coffee table in front of him. There was a large red flower blooming off the top of it.

"It's beautiful. It's going to look great on the window sill with yours."

"Not in your room with your big collection?"

"Oh, well, it's … It wouldn't get enough sun," Connor stuttered. "And, I'm in my room so little now. I wouldn't see it."

Jude drummed his fingers on the tabletop. "Do you miss spending time in your room?"

"What?" Connor hadn't been expecting the question.

"Well, I just know you've been here most of the time and I'm really glad for that. I've really needed someone. I still think I do. But I also know you value your time alone. I don't want you to feel like you have to stay."

"Never," Connor said. "I haven't felt like that the entire time I've been here. I'm happy here. I don't feel smothered. You're at work and I still get my alone time. And I'm so sick of my room and of feeling miserable there. It just makes me think of bad things. And … if I'm not where I'm supposed to be, it'll be harder for anyone to find me."

"You can go, if you want to and then come back."

"I don't want to go. I feel at home here. More than I should."

Jude sat on the other end of the couch. "What's that mean?"

"It's your house, Jude, and it's not like we're going to move in together." Even though they had been essentially living together for so many weeks now, it wasn't the same as moving in together. Connor still went back to his dorm room, to get different clothes and to take care of his cactuses, despite the fact that his clothes pile at Jude's was growing and that he definitely had a presence here now – he had two pairs of shoes by the door and his toothbrush sat beside Jude's.

"No," Jude agreed. "We're not but I still want you to feel at home here."

"I do," Connor said. "And I think that's because I know that I can leave and back to my room if I want to but I just don't want to. I know you want me here and here is where I want to be. N-not just because of that, though," he added hurriedly, seeing the look on Jude's face. "I don't want it just because I know you do."

Jude smiled at him, trailing his fingers down the long sleeves of Connor's shirt. Connor flipped his hand over when Jude reached his wrist, holding onto him. They were together again; there was nothing that could happen to him now that was better than that.

"I'm just happy you're going to keep staying with me," Jude said.

"I told you I was here until you sent me away."

"I'm not going to send you away," Jude said.

"That's what I want."

Jude grinned. "We should go to bed, though. There's class tomorrow. For both of us."

Connor nodded. "Uh, one thing first, Jude?"

"Sure."

"Can I bring some more of my cactuses here? I … I miss having them all around."

Jude laughed. "Anything you want, baby."

Connor leant across the couch, drawing Jude into him for a long goodnight kiss. Jude was what he wanted.

The chapter's title is after the song Black And Blue by Mindy McCready. If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~