Connor leant his head against Jude's car window, watching the scenery whiz by. He was starting to recognize things along the route to Stef's and Lena's house now. The closer they got, the bigger the pit in his stomach grew. He didn't want to face Stef and Lena after what had happened between he and Jude – he thought that they'd hate him now. But, more than that, Connor didn't know how to face Stef and Lena after what had happened to Callie. He didn't know if he was supposed to bring her up; if he was supposed to tell them how sorry he was for their loss. In his head, even though he knew that he was genuine about it, it still sounded so fake, like it was something that he was supposed to say, rather than something that he wanted to say.
The whole thing felt awkward, but Jude didn't want to go home without him, and Connor understood that feeling all too well.
"Do you mind if we stop and get coffee before we go to Moms?" Jude asked. "I just need a minute to sit and breathe before we head over."
"Okay," Connor said. "That sounds good. And we're early anyway."
They stopped at the first coffee shop that they came across. It was a local place, close to Stef's and Lena's, and it wasn't very busy, which suited Connor. They got out of Gerald and linked hands as they walked in. Connor pushed the brim of his hat down and glanced around at the people that were sitting on the outside tables. Most were women with children of the same age, sitting around several tables they'd pushed together. The other two were a couple of elderly men, sharing a newspaper. Inside, Jude tugged him toward the line, but Connor kept glancing around, checking the faces of the people around to make sure he didn't recognize them. He didn't want to recognize anyone, but he did.
"Jude," Connor whispered, "Jude, we have to go."
"Why?"
Before Connor could open his mouth or even pull Jude in one direction or another, Taylor was upon them. "Jude? Can I talk to you, please?"
"Don't touch me!" Jude shrieked and Connor saw every face in the coffee shop turn toward them. "Go away, Taylor."
"I just need to talk to you –"
"No."
Jude's hand tightened, almost painfully, against Connor's and he started pulling Connor out the door. Connor hurried to keep up with Jude. He didn't like the feeling of Jude's rough movements but he knew that it was just because of Taylor. Connor turned his head to see her, standing stricken in the spot where he and Jude had just been. He had never seen her without her bright, elaborate clothes and make-up on. Without them, she just seemed so much smaller. Tears glistened in her eyes and then he saw something come over her face and she followed them out.
"Jude, please," she cried.
"I said don't touch me. Don't you get it, Taylor? I want absolutely nothing to do with you. You murdered my sister and I hope you get thrown in prison and stay there. But no matter what, you're out of my life. Go to hell."
"You forgave Connor!"
"Connor didn't kill anyone! Has that sunk into you, yet? You killed someone! You didn't steal someone's boyfriend or even just crashed someone's car! Callie is dead because of you! You can't say I'm sorry and make it go away! It's never going to go away! You can never take this back, no matter what you do with the rest of your life, this is going to hang over you! I hope you never forget."
"I can't!" Taylor shouted. "It never leaves me!"
"Good!"
Connor scrambled into the car as Jude opened his door. They left Taylor standing on the curb and Jude peeled backward before Connor was even able to put his seatbelt on. The tears were cascading down Jude's cheeks and Connor could tell that he wasn't really watching the road. If he was, Connor doubted he'd be able to see it all that well.
"Jude, Jude, pull over," Connor urged him. "Please. Taylor's way back there, she can't see, just pull over."
Jude jerked the car onto the shoulder of the road and turned the ignition off. Everything was quiet and still for a moment until a heartbreaking cry erupted from Jude and he buried his face in his hands.
"She didn't even say it!" he shouted into his palms, the sound muffled and distorted.
"Say what?"
"She didn't even say she was sorry! For all the voicemails and messages and everything she's sent and said, it's never been 'I'm sorry'."
Connor rested his hand on Jude's shoulder. He didn't know what to do or say, and he hated that he was so helpless when Jude needed him. Connor rubbed his thumb against Jude's skin and Jude threw himself into Connor's arms. It was so hard to hold him over the console but Connor didn't think of letting go. Jude buried his head in the crook of Connor's shoulder and Connor's t-shirt quickly became wet.
"I hate her!" Jude cried. "Except … except … except she was my best friend. How can I hate her? But if she was my best friend, how could she do that? I hate her."
"I know, I know," Connor murmured, trying to think of all the things that Jude said when he was at a low point like this. "It's not fair of her."
"I don't even think she cares."
Connor bit down on his lip. Even though he had only met Taylor a handful of times, he thought that there was no way that she didn't care or that that it didn't matter to her. He had seen that look in her eyes; something dark and heavy. It didn't mean Connor thought she was worthy of forgiveness and he definitely didn't think that Jude had to hear her out. He kissed the top of Jude's head. In all of the places in the world for Taylor to be today, she had to be in the coffee shop that Jude picked. Jude's strong hands dug into Connor's sides and he gently rocked Jude, as best as he could.
"You're okay here," Connor said. "I have you."
Jude sniffled. "I want Moms."
"We're almost there," Connor said. "Do you want me to drive?"
"But I don't want to let go," Jude whimpered.
"We'll just sit here another few minutes," Connor said. "Just sit. It'll be okay."
Maybe if Connor really tried to believe it, then Jude would believe it too, but there was no faith or absolution to come while they were sitting in the car. Jude eventually found the strength to switch seats with Connor. Connor hated driving, particularly on bright days when it was early enough for the streets to be busy. He moved too slowly for the other driver's to be particularly happy with him but everyone made it to Stef's and Lena's house in one piece and that was what mattered. He parked in the driveway and slowly released the steering wheel. He flexed his stiff fingers and then looked over at Jude.
"Do I look terrible?"
"A little," Connor said.
"At least you're honest," Jude said, his voice shaking.
"Always," Connor said. "I still like how you look though."
Connor brushed his thumb under Jude's eye, collecting the tears that had collected there. Jude's skin was flushed and warm.
"Let's go get a drink of water for you or something," Connor said. "Stef and Lena are definitely waiting for us too."
Jude nodded. "Thanks for being here."
"I keep telling you, Jude, I don't want to be anywhere but with you."
"Then come in with me."
Connor clung to Jude's hand as they walked into Stef's and Lena's. Jude took him into the kitchen, where Stef and Lena were sitting together, their heads bent over something. Stef looked up first as she heard their footsteps.
"Oh, Jude, what's wrong?" she asked immediately.
"I ran into Taylor, accidentally," Jude whispered. He took the seat beside Stef.
As he told the story, Connor went into the cupboard and fetched a glass and poured water for Jude. He slid the glass into Jude's hands and Jude looped his hands around it, as if it were a comforting mug of coffee. He bent his head down and stared into it. Connor took the seat next to him and watch Stef's hands gently rub the length of Jude's back. There was nothing that Connor could do here that Stef and Lena couldn't. He sat quietly in his chair, trying not to intrude.
"I know ignoring her is really the only thing I can do," Jude finished, "but it's hard."
"You're the one who has to decide what to do about Taylor," Stef said. "If you never want to talk to her again, we'll support you. If you need to talk to her to get answers, we'll support you with that too."
"What's to be gained by talking to her?" Jude asked. "She got drunk, got behind the wheel, and she killed Callie. There's no question there! What would you do if she came here and asked for you forgiveness?"
"Jude," Lena said softly, "she has been here."
"And you didn't tell me?" Jude recoiled from Stef's touch, his hand flinging backward to seek Connor's.
"It was only a few days ago," Lena said, and Jude squeezed Connor's hand tightly. "Since we knew you were coming home, it just seemed to us to be one of those things we should talk about in person."
"What could you have to say to her?"
"We didn't do a lot of talking," Stef said. "Taylor came over, apologized, and said that she joined a twelve-step program that she feels is really helping her."
Jude shook his head and Connor caught his mutter of, "Too little, too late."
"She also said that she misses you," Lena added.
"Well, I miss my sister."
An awkward silence reigned for an endless minute. Then, Stef cleared her throat. "Speaking of sisters, Mariana made something for you."
Lena pushed a photo album across the counter.
"She made a special one for each of us. It's how she's been coping."
She had put stickers on the front, spelling out his name. Connor leant close to Jude as he flipped open the front cover of the book.
"It's photos of you and Callie and photos Callie took that Mariana thought you might like," Stef explained
Jude traced his hand down one side of the album, his fingers lingering on Callie's face.
"Mariana said she would like to come down to visit you at your apartment sometime soon," Lena said. "She said to tell you to call her."
"I'll do that," Jude said. "I need to tell her 'thank you', anyway." Jude closed the book. "I just don't think I'm ready to look at it."
"She understands. I think she's lonely in their apartment. She's taking up knitting," Lena said.
"And throwing herself into her schoolwork. I don't think she's been sleeping well," Stef said.
"Who has?" Jude murmured.
"Have you been eating okay? Sleeping? Going to class? You look thin, Jude," Stef said.
"I'm fine! I've kept it together."
"You haven't been eating as much," Connor said.
"Thanks for that," Jude muttered, as Stef's and Lena's heads picked up.
"I'm sorry," Connor said under his breath. "I mean, he has been eating every meal, just a little less than normal."
"And how have you been, Connor?" Lena asked. "It's been a while since we've seen you."
"Oh, I've been fine." The kindness in her voice was unexpected. "I was really sorry to hear about Callie."
"Thank you," Lena said.
Connor ducked his head awkwardly. "And, how are you?"
"Making it," Stef said. "It's better to have family at a time like this. We're so glad for all of you."
Connor watched as she wrapped her hand around Jude's and Connor wondered what that was like, to have the solidarity of family. He wondered what it would have been like if his father had stuck closely by him when his mother had passed instead of his father throwing himself into work and leaving Connor to fumble, grasping desperately onto whoever looked like they would care about him. And though he didn't envy Jude his loss, he envied Jude's family.
"Are you going to stay for dinner?" Lena asked.
"No, I can't, really. I was called into work on the drive down. I'm going to have to cut it short."
Connor stared at Jude. Why was he lying to Stef and Lena? There had been no call on the way down, Jude didn't work until tomorrow night, which was the whole reason they had come to his parents' house today.
"Oh, well, Jesus was going to be here. He hasn't since you since Callie's funeral. I know he wants to," Stef said.
"I'll work out a better time to come down and see everyone," Jude said. "I'm still trying to make up for the hours lost from being home so much before. Melanie likes me but she's not going to let me live in my apartment for free."
"Do you need help with anything?" Lena asked. "Are you struggling?"
"No, it's fine. I promise," Jude said. "But we should go soon."
"You just got here," Stef protested.
"I know. I wasn't counting on work, I'm sorry."
"You'll come back soon, won't you?" Stef said.
"Of course."
"Or Mom and I can come to you," Lena suggested. "We can take you and Connor out to supper."
"That would be nice," Jude said.
"Thank you for offering," Connor said.
Jude held the photo album under his arm as he hugged Stef and Lena. Stef shook Connor's hand, but it felt stiff compared to the last time she had seen him.
"Maybe we'll get to talk to you more then," Stef said to him.
"Maybe. Thank you for letting me come here with Jude."
"He cares a lot about you," Stef said seriously.
"I care a lot about him," Connor assured her, knowing that he had to, knowing that he had to make sure Stef and Lena know that he wasn't going to hurt Jude again.
"I believe that."
Connor let go of her to hug Lena quickly and then Jude ushered him out the door.
"Baby, do you mind driving? At least for the first little bit. I just don't think I can, right now."
"I don't think I can drive the whole way," Connor said. "I'm not that good."
"Not the whole way. Just the first part."
Connor took the keys from Jude's hand and circled around to the driver's side of the car. He hated driving, especially since it was Jude's car. But he would do it for Jude. He would do anything that he possibly could for Jude. He backed out of the driveway and focused on the road. He was driving slowly enough to be a nuisance, he knew, and he watched the rear view mirror like a hawk. If a car came creeping up behind him, which it inevitably would, Connor knew he'd have to push himself and the car.
"It's hard being there," Jude said, "And being around my family. I know it shouldn't be. I know they love me and that they're hurting too and so they're trying their best to help us through what happened to Callie. But it hurts to be at home because that was the first place that I think Callie was ever truly happy. The first place either of us were really happy. Now, she's dead, because of Taylor, someone I brought into their lives and I couldn't have known. I know I couldn't have known but it's still my fault."
"It's Taylor's fault," Connor said, focusing on the dotted line in the middle of the road. He felt so bad; he couldn't give Jude the attention that he needed or deserved. "Not you. Nothing about what happened to Callie is your fault."
"It feels like it. It feels like they blame me."
"What? No!" Connor said. "It doesn't sound like that at all! I heard how they were talking to you, Jude, they just want you around."
"It's stupid," Jude murmured, "but that's just how I feel."
"It doesn't mean what you feel isn't what real. That's what you say when I feel things that are stupid." Connor exhaled shakily. "Jude, I can't drive and talk."
"Oh. Um. Just keep driving, then. I need to think."
"I'm sorry," Connor whispered. "It's just so hard to do both."
"It's okay. Just drive, baby."
Drive. Right, like that was easy. Not that Connor was going to stop when Jude needed him to keep going. He managed to drive them most of the way back and he was proud of himself for that. Jude had to take over for the last twenty minutes of the drive and though Connor tried to goad him into talking, Jude wasn't ready for that yet either. They walked down the hill to Jude's apartment and Jude let him in.
"I'm going to find something to put in the oven for supper," Connor said. "Are you hungry?"
"Not really," Jude said, "but I know I haven't eaten in a while. Maybe I'll feel hungry once I smell something."
"Okay. It'll just be something small."
Connor didn't even know what he had to put in the oven. A frozen lasagna, picked up because it was on sale, for a night like this when he wasn't supposed to cook. He set the oven to preheat and turned back, watching Jude slid the photo album from Mariana onto his bookshelf. Jude turned back around.
"I don't want to talk about my family anymore today, okay?"
"Sure," Connor said. "Can we talk about something else, though?"
"Well, yeah, we're not just going to sit here in silence all night." Jude tried to crack a smile but it fell flat and he sat on the couch. "What are we talking about?"
Connor padded over to sit next to Jude. "Um, well, I've been staying with you for a while."
"Yeah."
"And it's your apartment."
"Yeah, you've got your room. I told you, if you want to go back to your room, it's fine. I understand."
"No, no, I'd rather be here. I just thought, well, you pay rent and all the bills. I know you work a lot and you don't have to. I can help you out."
"You've been paying for groceries and that's been a help. And you've been doing cooking and cleaning and a whole bunch of stuff around here. I think the labour also counts toward helping out. It makes thing fair between us."
"Fair?" Connor repeated. "It's just housework. It's not the same."
"You're putting in effort here, baby. That counts for something. If I need your help, I'll ask, but you buying the groceries and doing the housework balances it out, I promise."
"Okay."
Fair. Like his last boyfriend hadn't ranted and raved about how Connor contributed nothing to the house and how Connor owed everything he had to his ex. Connor wrapped his arms around himself, but Jude wouldn't let himself be closed out. Connor wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.
"Jude?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you really forgive me? And how could you really care about me after what I did?"
"I mostly forgive you. It hasn't been that long and so I still sort of feel like you need to prove yourself, but I decided that loving you was more important than being mad at you and I love you. I mean that. I love you."
Connor pressed his forehead against Jude's, rubbing their noses together. Jude grinned and Connor felt Jude's hand paw at his shirt for a moment and then Jude's hand pressed against his stomach. Connor tensed as he Jude's cool fingertips slid over his stomach and then touched the scar on his ribs. He didn't want to say anything, but Jude didn't move on. Jude didn't touch him somewhere else. Connor shrugged out of the button-up he was wearing and Jude's hands fell away from him.
"What is it?"
"Um –"
The preheat beep sounded from the oven. Connor pushed himself up off the couch and went to put the lasagna in the oven, setting the timer, and then he returned to Jude. Jude's hand touched Connor's, sliding up his forearm and over the large scar. Jude touched him too gently; it was more than he deserved. Connor kissed Jude's forehead and his heart starting thudding loudly in his chest.
"Remember when you first saw my arm?"
"Yeah," Jude said. "That's not something I'd forget."
"But you had to see it," Connor pointed out. "And I think you have to see this one too."
Jude nodded. Connor sucked in a breath, watching Jude's trusting brown eyes watch him back. Connor hooked his hands around the hem of his shirt, pulling it off. He let it fall to the floor and then he realized that he'd exposed more scars than he wanted to; more of himself than he had ever intended. Jude knew the story behind all of his wounds now and he waited for Jude's face to become sick. He waited for Jude to be disgusted with him. Jude reached out a hand and touched it to the top of Connor's chest, just under the long scar by his collarbone. With his other hand, he grabbed onto Connor's.
"Baby, you're shaking."
"Nervous."
"Why?"
Connor shrugged. "About what you'll say or do. About feeling inadequate. About us being unequal."
Jude's fingers fell down the length of Connor's chest, leaving a heated trail. "What do you have to feel inadequate about? Look at you! I just … Wow."
Wow. That was what Jude had to say about him? And Jude hadn't even touched the scar yet, he was too busy stroking along the very front of Connor's chest. Jude bent his head and kissed the top of Connor's bare shoulder; Connor felt his heart stop. Jude straightened up.
"You look amazing, you do," Jude said.
"Even with the … scars?"
Jude pressed his palm flat over the mess of scar tissue on Connor's ribs; the heat from his skin sent Connor's heart spiraling out of control again.
"Why do you feel we're unequal?"
Connor touched Jude's t-shirt sleeve.
"Oh, well, that's an easy fix."
Then Jude's shirt was pooled on top of Connor's, sitting on the floor in front of the couch. Jude looked far more embarrassed about being shirtless than Connor felt. His hands shaking, Connor turned to the side on the couch, placing both of his hands on Jude. It was so different from when he'd been sick and half-naked on the bathroom floor. That had been all about care-taking but this … This was about heat, about his stomach feeling wobbly even though his feelings felt sure. Connor ran his hands over all of Jude's skin, pulling him closer and sliding his hands over his shoulder blades.
"What do you think of me?" Jude asked, and it surprised Connor to see genuine worry in Jude's eyes.
"Wow."
Jude let out a nervous chuckle. Connor cupped his cheek gently and leant in for a small kiss, but the moment that his lips touched Jude's, the heat he was feeling became a fire. Jude's fingers tightened on his bicep as he pulled himself into Connor's lap, a leg on either side of Connor. The feel of their skin touching sent a shiver through Connor's spine, but not in the bad way, if that were possible. Connor held Jude tightly, feeling how warm he was, feeling him breathe in such a different way. Jude's nails were light against his skin, where the squeezing of his legs against Connor's was almost too tight. Connor needed air and he let his lips fall from Jude's to kiss Jude's jawline. A moan vibrated from Jude, but Connor felt it in his body. He wrapped one arm around Jude's back and Jude's head dipped, kissing along his shoulder. Connor gasped and Jude's hips roughly thrust against his own.
"Jude."
"Too much?" Jude panted, and Connor had barely realized Jude was as breathless as he.
"No."
Connor secured his arms around Jude, flipping him so that his back was on the couch. Jude grinned at him, sliding his legs over Connor's hips. Connor put one hand by Jude's side, another by his head. Connor slowly lowered himself over Jude, feeling himself get harder and harder the closer he let himself get to Jude. And he wanted no space between them.
"You're surprising me, baby," Jude said.
"In a bad way?"
"No," Jude said, and he pressed one hand over Connor's heart. "I thought we'd go back to slow."
"I've done enough slow for right now. I want you. Is that a bad thing?"
"No," Jude said.
Jude lifted his head to kiss Connor and Connor fell on top of him. Jude's leg drew upward, hooking over the back of Connor's thighs, pulling him into the kiss. And Connor didn't care. He didn't panic. He didn't feel trapped. He felt good as he pressed his lips against Jude's in a kiss that was messy and magical. Connor panted but he didn't want to let go of Jude. He didn't want to lose the dazed happiness that made it feel like Jude's hands were everywhere at once. Jude's hips bucked upwards into his and Connor's hand skimmed down the length of Jude's body, grabbing onto the flesh of his thigh and holding him close.
Jude whispered his name and Connor's fingers tightened.
"Baby."
Jude's hand was slick against his back.
"What?" Connor pulled back, looking down at Jude's flushed cheeks and puffed lips. His eyes were a dark pool, a mixture of what Connor thought to be love and lust. That was what nearly terrified Connor and pushed him over the edge, but he held still. No more running away, from anything he felt, and he couldn't deny that there was more good than bad.
"I love you."
Connor pushed himself up on his arms. That was too much. To be here and hear those words.
"What are you thinking?" Jude asked.
"That –"
The timer beeped and Connor pushed himself up. Jude's leg fell away from him and Connor felt cold without Jude's body heat.
"Baby!"
"It's going to burn."
"You're going to get me all hot and bothered and leave me?"
"It's probably a sign," Connor said, though he trailed his fingers across Jude's torso before standing.
"A sign of what?" Jude asked, and Connor could hear the pout.
"To quit while we're ahead. So I don't panic like I did when I asked you to take your shirt off. Um, you know, the first time."
"You didn't seem like you were panicking," Jude said. "Oh, do you have to put your shirt back on?"
"Yes, I'm going to get something out of the oven. And," Connor added, pulling the shirt over his head as he walked into the kitchen, "no, I wasn't panicking. I … kind of liked it."
It was easier to admit that when he was pulling the lasagna out of the oven, the heat washing over his face. He could blame his blush on that. He balanced the lasagna on the burner and he flicked off the oven. Connor left it. It needed to cool and settle. He needed to cool and settle; the heat needed to leave his body before he touched Jude again, or they would end up where they just had been, half-clothed, hands everywhere, mouths burning. Connor needed a moment, or a day, before they did that again.
He leant against the back of the couch. Jude hadn't gotten dressed yet and Connor pressed his fingers to Jude's soft stomach.
"What are you thinking?" Jude asked.
"Getting ahead of myself. Worrying about sex, even though we don't … We're not … It's not something we're about to do."
Jude hooked his hand behind his head, looking so casual and perfect that Connor's heart dropped and then lifted again when Jude smiled.
"What are you worrying about? If we talk about it, even if we don't have sex, then maybe you won't stress."
"You're too good for me."
"Maybe," Jude said, and it was half-joke, half pain of their separation. "But I'm yours and you're mine. That's what there is to it. Tell me what you're worried about, baby."
"Um, if we … if we ever … Um, you know what he did to me, kind of. What I'm trying to say is … is …" Connor couldn't look at Jude's face while he stuttered, "I couldn't let you be on top of me."
Jude laughed and sat up, and rested his head on the back of the couch. "So, I'm curious about sex either way but, you know, I really like you on top of me."
Connor managed to crack a smile.
"I don't think that is going to be the problem for us having sex." Jude cocked his head to the side. "I mean, our hypothetical sex."
"I'm always going to be the problem in our hypothetical sex."
"I'm nervous at the thought of it too," Jude said. "I just think it'll be really good. Not scary, the way you make it out to be. I think we'll like it. And when you kiss me like you just were, it's just encouraging me."
Jude pressed a kiss to the inside of Connor's forearm and even that was enough to make him feel like he was on fire again.
"Jude," Connor whispered, "we just got back together."
"Yeah, but that's the hard part. Or was, I guess. It was the hard part right after you came back. It suddenly felt like you hadn't been gone at all. That you just fit and belonged here. It was heartbreaking, then, but it feels right now."
"Jude, don't be so sweet to me. I really don't deserve it."
"I want to. I'm not going to hold a grudge, Connor, as long as you keep being honest with me."
"I know. I learnt my lesson. I … I don't want to be without you." That was hard to admit, still. "And, you need to come eat dinner. I mean, if you want to."
"Sure, baby, let's eat."
Jude reached down and picked his shirt up off the floor. He turned his back to Connor to pull it on and Connor let out a small sound of complaint. He clapped a hand over his mouth while Jude laughed at him.
"Not so fun when the shoe's on the other foot, is it?"
"No." Connor reached over and fixed the collar on Jude's shirt. "But, um, we can do something like that again, right?"
"Yeah, baby. Hopefully we've got a lot more time together." Jude looked over his shoulder with expectations on his face and Connor knew he had to say something.
"A lot of time," he finally confirmed. Not seeing an end date was supposed to be scary, but it wasn't, and it made Jude smile.
Connor pushed himself up off the couch and caught Jude around the waist, drawing his tall boyfriend into his hold. Jude took his hands and held Connor's arms more securely around him. Connor buried his face against the back of Jude's shoulder blade.
"I missed you so much."
"I missed you too. But we don't have to miss each other anymore. You're going to stay here, with me, aren't you?"
"Yes. I don't know if you could make me leave now."
"That's what I want to hear."
To Connor's ears, Jude sounded happy. Jude kissed his knuckles gently and Connor truly believed that Jude was happy, and that's how Connor wanted him to feel, because that was how Connor himself felt.
"Come on, baby, you made me something good to eat."
"It's just a frozen lasagna," Connor pouted out, his mouth whispering against the material of Jude's shirt. The shirt that had just been on the floor, so Connor could get his hands on Jude's skin, feeling how Jude moved beneath him.
"Yeah, but you still put all the effort in. Come on, after all the whining you did to get me to eat."
"I don't whine," Connor said, though he sounded particularly whiny as he did so.
Jude squeezed his hand. "Come on. It's been a long day already. We can just eat and settle down."
Connor unhooked his arm from Jude and allowed his boyfriend to draw him into the kitchen. It had been a long day, for sure, but it hadn't felt so bad since they were together. Together, as happy as they could be with how heavy their pasts sat on their shoulders. But Jude still smiled, beautiful and wonderful, and Connor wondered how he could still do that, after all of the pain that he had been through. It made Connor fall for him even more.
"I love you, baby."
Connor smiled and leant over, just to press a kiss to Jude's temple. He cared about Jude too, so much. He was allowed to be here, happy, in the kitchen, not thinking about all of the things that went bump in the night. For once.
The chapter's title is after the song Fragile by Gnash. If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)
So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.
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