"I'll be home around two," Jude said.

"That's a gross shift." Connor pulled his feet onto his couch. "And you'll be gone while it's dark."

"I know. Are you going to be okay alone here?"

"I have been before, right?" Connor drew the plaid blanket around his shoulders and rubbed its softness against his cheek. "Um, there's something I'd like you to think about."

"Sure." Jude leant against the back of the couch and Connor poked a hand out to toy with the sleeve of his black work shirt.

"Dad wants me to go home and see him the first week of May, after exams are through."

"Sounds nice."

"Well, he invited you to come too," Connor said. "He said he'd buy your ticket and you can stay at his house with me. It would just be for a few days. If you want to. You might not want to. You might need to think about it."

"I think I want to," Jude said, "but let me think of the logistics of it during this shift, okay? Just to be sure. But, I think it would be nice for me, just for a small break from what happened with Callie and Taylor, even."

"I hope you do. I hope it's okay if I go, even if you don't."

"You don't need my permission about that, baby. I want you to spend time with your dad."

"So, it's fair for me to tell you that you should call your moms more?"

"It's fair and I know I should. I know they need that but I just feel shaky inside when I talk to them." Jude kissed Connor. "I really have to go. Have a good night, baby. It'll be slow, so you can call the store phone if you need to."

"Don't encourage me. You'll never get rid of me. Are you going to come home for your break?"

"No," Jude said. "It'll be late and I don't want to keep you awake waiting for me. I know how early you get up."

"Come home safe," Connor whispered.

"I will. See you in six hours."

"See you," Jude said. "I love you."

"Bye."

The door closed behind Jude and Connor heard the lock turn. His stomach flip-flopped around. He had, of course, been here alone, but Jude had always been here to go to sleep with Connor lately, even when he had to leave around three or four in the morning. Those hours made Connor feel far less anxious than being fully awake and being left in Jude's apartment. Connor bit his lip and looked at the TV. The tattoo show that he and Jude always ended up watching was on, but, somehow, it was less fun when Jude wasn't here. Connor turned the tv off, skipping his hand underneath his collar and picking up the chain with his mother's rings on it. He slid the rings down the length of the chain and then sighed, letting them fall over the front of his shirt, instead of tucked away where he usually kept them.

Connor pushed himself off the couch and he checked that the door was locked, just in case. He turned off the overhead light, letting the dark room be lit only by the small lamp by Jude's bed. The shadows were long and creeping; Connor had to work to keep the shiver from crawling all the way up his spine. He walked through the apartment, even though there wasn't much to see and he and Jude had spent the day here. It wasn't as if someone had snuck in and they had missed it. He was all alone.

Connor brushed his teeth, finger combed his hair, and tucked his necklace away again. He padded into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. He left it sitting on Jude's bedside table and then he went around, collecting his journal and his phone from where they had gotten spread around the small apartment. He found one of his good pens and then he went and curled up in bed. The silence was obnoxious. He was used to Jude being around, even just the little things like him scuffing his heel against the rug or a sigh as he went through a textbook he didn't really want to read. It was comforting. Connor had learnt to like being alone and he didn't like to think of himself as being reliant on someone else's presence anymore, but he liked it a lot better when he had Jude with him.

He scrolled through the poetry blog, skimming, mostly. There wasn't a lot to catch his attention but there was one quote that he wrote down in his journal.

I've had enough hurt already in my life, more than enough. Now, I want to be happy – Haruki Murakami.

Connor let his pen fall down against his bed and he checked the time. Midnight. He wanted to stay awake for Jude but he knew he wouldn't be able to. He sighed and placed everything on the bedside table and adjusted the curtains to the way that he and Jude slept. He turned off the light and fluffed the blankets out around his body and nestled down on his pillows. Jude's bed felt far too big when he was the only person in it. He wondered how Jude could stand it. Connor rolled over to Jude's side of the bed and rested his head on the pillow that Jude liked best. It was huge and stuffed too full for Connor to really find it comfortable but it was where he fell asleep.

(-.-)

Jude snuck into his own apartment, closing and locking the door as silently as possible. He glanced at the curtains on the bed and they didn't move; Connor was fast asleep. Jude quickly put his pyjamas on in front of the dresser and then, half sliding on his socked feet, he slid the curtains back slightly more near the bottom of the bed. He crawled onto the mattress, then glanced up and laughed softly to himself. How had Connor managed to take up so much of the bed? Jude shuffled more toward the wall, trying to figure out if he could make it to the pillow without moving his boyfriend. Underneath him, the mattress creaked and Connor flew up into a sitting position. Connor's long hair stuck straight up on one side and Jude couldn't silence the laugh that came out of him, even though it made Connor flinch.

"Baby, baby, it's just me."

"You're home," Connor muttered blearily.

Connor reached out his hand and Jude took it, letting Connor pull him into the pillows, onto his usual side of the bed. Jude pulled the blankets up around them and, to his surprise, Connor burrowed under his arm, resting his head against Jude's chest. Jude draped his arm around Connor's shoulder.

"Shift okay?" Connor asked.

"Yeah, shift was great. You okay?"

"Mhm. Sleepy. Glad you're home." Connor ducked his head down and curled even more around Jude.

Even when Connor was in a cuddly mood, he didn't usually tuck himself in around Jude. Not that Jude minded. He kissed the top of Connor's head.

"I'm glad I'm home too."

Connor's head lifted and, even in the darkness, Jude could see the glint of his eye. His thumb rubbed Jude's side. "You're my best friend, you know."

"I love you," Jude whispered. "Let's go to sleep, okay? We can talk in the morning."

"Okay," Connor agreed, and he yawned.

Jude smiled as Connor settled his head back on Jude's chest. Jude slipped his hand under Connor's t-shirt, sliding his hand up Connor's warm back to curl around his waist, his fingers on Connor's rib scar. He waited for Connor to shift around and dislodge his hand, but then he realized that Connor had already fallen back asleep, Connor's leg nudging his own. Jude closed his eyes. He felt trusted and that was like a gift from Connor. Jude kissed his forehead and Connor barely moved. Jude fell asleep, feeling happy and whole.

(-.-)

Jude woke up to his phone ringing. He groaned and rolled over, grabbing it off his bedside table.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jude, did I wake you?"

"It's okay, Mariana. What's up?"

"Well," Mariana said, "you've been ignoring us. Me."

"Sorry. I've been busy."

"Sure," she said, but she didn't sound like she believed him.

Jude rolled onto his other side. Connor had woken now, too, and was watching him.

"I want to come visit you," she said.

"I want to see you too."

"Then act like it, okay? Let me come see you one night this weekend."

"Okay," Jude said. "Um, Saturday night will be best for me."

"Saturday, then," Mariana said. "I'll be there. Just you and me, okay?"

"See you then. And, um, thanks for the scrapbook."

"You're welcome. I love you, Judicorn."

"Love you too," Jude said, and then he hung up the phone. He slid it under his pillow so that he could just snake his fingers through Connor's and hold his hand tightly.

"Everything okay?"

"Mariana wants to see me."

"That sounds like a good thing."

Jude shook his head. "I don't want to be alone with any of them. I'm afraid that they'll feel like they can speak their minds more once we're alone. And, um, they're going to say everything I'm scared of hearing. That it's my fault. That they hate me because of Taylor."

Connor's arms locked around him and Jude hid in his chest.

"You just need to talk to your family. Jude, it's not your fault. They don't believe that at all. I know that."

Jude wanted to believe him. But he was too scared to find out otherwise. He couldn't bear to know that any of his family thought about him the way that he currently thought about him. He couldn't stand to lose any of them, not now, but he was also smart enough to know that by closing himself off the way he was, he was going to end up without his family anyway. Something had to give way; something had to break, but Jude just didn't know what it would be.

"Maybe confide in Mariana?" Connor suggested. "That might help. She might know what to do."

"Probably." If only it were as simple as Connor made it sound. "Look at you, giving advice."

"It's hard," Connor said. "I think I prefer to be the mess."

Jude laughed and hid his face against Connor's shirt. He wiped his eyes against the soft fabric and took a deep breath, peeking his head up to look at Connor's illuminated face. The slice of sunlight that made it inside of the curtains glinted off his hair and Jude wished that he could run his hands through the strands and pull Connor's head to meet his. Instead, he just hitched his leg up over Connor's hip and let Connor fall over him, just like he knew Connor would.

"How'd you sleep?" Connor asked.

"Pretty good. What about you?"

"The dreams got better when you got here."

"You were having nightmares?"

Connor shrugged. "I wouldn't call it a nightmare. Just this long, uncomfortable dream that someone was watching me. Always watching me. It wasn't scary enough to wake me up, but it was almost worse that way, you know?"

"I think so," Jude said, though he wasn't sure if he was telling the truth. He kissed Connor's forehead.

"You feeling okay?"

"I think so. I think you're right. I'm going to have to talk to Mariana and my moms and the rest of my family. But the thought of actually doing that makes me nervous. Too nervous."

"It'll be better once it's over. Like ripping off a Band-Aid."

Jude nodded. "You're probably right about that too."

"I'm not used to being right."

Jude laughed. "But you're so smart, baby."

Jude kissed his cheek, sliding his lips across to Connor's. Connor kissed him but, but he hesitated. "You okay? You were upset just a few minutes ago and now …"

"I'm okay," Jude assured him. "You know, it's one of those things that I'm going to have to deal with but I can't do any more with you. I can't fix it with you. But, there are some other things that I can do with you. Things I'd like."

Jude trailed his hands down the front of Connor's shirt, watching his boyfriend's reaction. Connor had been freer with his touches lately, especially since the night they'd ended up half-naked on the couch, but Jude hadn't seen him that way since and he wondered if he'd be more sensitive about it since they were in bed, or if Connor had let that paranoia go too. Connor grinned at him and Jude smiled back.

Connor pressed his lips to Jude's again and Jude slid his hands up under Connor's shirt, his fingers ghosting the warm metal chain.

"Wait," Connor murmured.

"Okay," Jude said, automatically. "We don't have to go there."

"No, I don't mind but … but …" Connor's cheeks turned bright pink with his blush. "You should go first this time."

Connor crawled back as Jude sat up, aware of how his t-shirt hung from his frame. Connor's hand was resting on the top of his thigh and Jude looked down at his fingers.

"Why don't you do it?"

"What?"

"Come on," Jude said, trying his best to look cute, though he didn't know if he could pull it off, particularly first thing in the morning. "Why don't you take my shirt off? I mean, you want to see me without it so bad."

Connor grinned at that and Jude knew he had him. Connor wouldn't smile like that unless he was really comfortable, not just doing his best to be okay because he thought that was what was best for Jude.

"I haven't done this in a while," he said, and he sounded nervous as he shuffled toward Jude.

"You saw me without a shirt just a couple days ago."

"No. Take clothes off someone," Connor said.

"You undress yourself."

"That's true."

Connor's hands hooked under Jude's shirt and guided it upward. Jude lifted his arms and he felt the shirt clear away from his body. He opened his eyes and watched Connor quickly fold it before sitting it down on one of the pillows gathered at the foot of the bed. Jude leant back on his hands, and then Connor straddled his shins.

"You can sit closer, you know," Jude tempted, hoping that he would. He had meant what he had said about their hypothetical sex – if Connor never thought he could be on the receiving end of anal sex, Jude would never pressure him about it. He had never been that set on being the top and he had meant what he said about liking the thought of Connor being on top of him more. But that didn't mean that he didn't like the thought of Connor literally on top of him, sitting in his lap with his hair all mussed and their lips close together.

"No, I can't," Connor emphasised and his hands inched up the inside of Jude's thighs, stopping just before they got close to anything enjoyable. He glanced downward and abruptly back up again, his cheeks going pink.

Jude laughed and placed his hands on top of Connor's. Connor curled his fingers around Jude's, cementing their hands together.

"Your turn," Jude said. "Can I take yours off?"

Connor shook his head. "Your hands would be … would be too close."

Jude understood and the fact that Connor then let go of him to pull his shirt over his head was nearly more than he could take. The way his hard abs turned into the V of his hips, peppered with thin blond hairs … Jude became painfully tight in his thin pyjama pants and it felt harder to breathe when Connor's hands skimmed over his chest, his nails teasing on his skin. Connor knew what he was doing and that thought almost soured the moment. He didn't want to think of Connor's ex when Connor was in front of him, with him.

"I'm scared," Connor whispered.

"Of what? We've done this before."

Connor nodded. "I know. It's not this. It's … the thought of things we haven't done."

"We don't have to do those."

"You want to."

"Yes."

"I might but I'm too scared to know. To really know. It's one of those moments, Jude, where I don't know what I want and I don't know what to do."

Jude let his lips skim along Connor's jaw, his heart thrumming in his chest. He knew what he wanted but he knew that he and Connor might not get that far – not now, or ever. But the thought of maybe doing something sent adrenaline through his veins.

"Do what you want, baby. If it gets too much, just say no." Jude bit his lip, almost thinking that it was enough, but then Connor's ex invaded again, and he knew that there had to be more. "You can always say no, at any time. It doesn't matter what we're doing. It's okay to stop. Any time you want."

"You mean that," Connor said, and it pleased Jude that it wasn't a question.

"Yeah." Jude's hands slid from Connor's shoulders down to his hips, touching the waist of the sweatpants he'd worn to bed. "Would it make it easier if I touched you first?"

"No!" Connor said, and he pushed Jude's hands away. "No, that's not how it works."

"What do you mean?"

"I … I … I touch you."

"Yeah," Jude agreed. "Then I touch you. Or vice versa. Or both at the same time. Whatever we want."

Connor bit his lip.

Jude went for jokes again. "I know I'm the virgin here, but, I'm pretty sure we can't do anything without me touching you too."

"Sorry. It's just … It usually hurts when someone touches me."

"I'm not going to hurt you, baby."

"I know you won't," Connor said, "but when I think of … of sex … of things relating to it, there's pain. It always hurts."

"Like when you think of love?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Don't be afraid of me," Jude said. "Please. When have I ever hurt you?"

"It's not about you. It's about me."

"Oldest line in the book."

Connor inhaled quickly and then his lips twitched up into a smile. He leant forward again, pressing his lips to Jude's. Jude melted into his touch, falling against the mattress with the slightest brush of Connor's fingers. His hands tightly grasped the blankets around him as Connor's lips pressed to his collarbone. Jude's leg came up to hook around the length of Connor's torso and one of Connor's hands grabbed onto him, pulling it even closer to the warmth of his body. Jude's hips jerked against Connor's stomach as Connor pressed a kiss to the middle of his chest. Connor's hand skimmed along the underside of Jude's thigh, not stopping this time as he cupped Jude's butt. Jude could feel every line of Connor's hands and he felt warm. So warm.

"Connor," he gasped and grabbed onto the top of Connor's shoulder. Connor's hair tickled his wrist and Connor jerked away.

"No, it's too much," he said. "Too much."

"It's okay, baby. It's okay." Connor hurriedly shoved his long-sleeved shirt back on and fell into the pile of blankets, wrapping himself up in one of them. Jude bit down on the inside of his lip and then yanked his t-shirt on over his head. "It's not a big deal. I said you could say no, remember?"

"It's hard to say no."

Jude drew the blanket up around Connor, letting as close as he thought he could without freaking Connor out.

"Let me make the coffee so you can breathe. I can make eggs for breakfast. How does that sound?"

Connor's eyes glimmered. "I'm okay. I'm –"

"The one who always makes coffee and breakfast and dinner and does dishes and housework. I can do it for you, just this once."

"No, I need to do something," Connor said. "I'm sorry I disappointed you."

"You didn't."

Connor reached out and took Jude's arm. "Come lay with me?"

How could Jude refuse him?

Connor had tucked himself in the pile of the warmest blankets and Jude started to overheat the moment that he was under them, but he didn't make a move to free himself. He tucked his head into Connor's chest and let Connor wrap his arms around Jude. Connor's head rested on top of Jude's. Sweat pooled around the middle of Jude's back and in the crease of his arms, but he didn't let go. He could never let go.

"I love you, baby."

"You're the best person I've ever met, Jude."

Jude closed his eyes and listened to the steady thump of Connor's heart. It wasn't quite as much as an 'I love you' but it still meant the world to him. It was enough to keep him smiling, even as he grew drowsy. They woke up the second time over an hour later, sideways on the bed and covered in each other's sweat, but they hadn't moved, at all. Jude was still locked stiffly in Connor's arms and he woke slowly, his eyelashes hitting Connor's cheek.

"Sorry I freaked out."

"Compared to some other things, I wouldn't call that you freaking out," Jude said. "And it's still not a big deal."

Connor pressed his lips to Jude's forehead. "Let me make you coffee."

"I'll make the eggs."

Even though the basement apartment was fairly warm, the air still felt cold compared to the heat underneath the blanket. Jude pulled the eggs out of the fridge while Connor started the coffee maker. Connor was buzzing around the kitchen and Jude wondered just where Connor got the energy. He took a large cup of water over to the cactuses that were sitting on the windowsill. Most of his plant collection had made it over to Jude's in the past while and Jude loved watching Connor tend to them. He'd gently touch the top of every cactus before giving them water.

"So," Connor said, "did you think about, um, coming to my dad's with me?"

"Yeah," Jude said. He cracked an egg into a large bowl. "I have a question, first."

"Which is?"

"Why do you want to go back to your dad's? I thought with your ex out of prison …" Jude let the question hang, mostly because he wasn't sure how to finish it. If Connor's paranoia had made him kill their relationship with less than a day's thought, he couldn't imagine why Connor would ever want to go back to his father's: a place that his ex knew where he'd be.

"Well, my ex and I didn't really live close to where my dad does. My dad is watchful. He hasn't noticed anything. There's a detective in town who's close to one of his work friends. My dad uses him to keep tabs, I guess. My dad isn't worried. Dr. Scott and Dad both say that I can't let this hold me back. By this I mean him." Connor didn't look away from the cactus he was watering. "Dad says it's safe. And I owe him. He asked if you wanted to come to. He said to ask you. I thought you'd get mad if I made that decision without talking to you. Like I did before. I'm going to have to go. Whether or not you want to come with me is up to you. You're right, Jude, it could be dangerous."

"I understand."

"And?" Connor turned around and his bright eyes were glinting with hope. "What do you think?"

"I think I'd really love to go," Jude said. "I think I just need to book the time off work next time I go in."

He wasn't prepared for the strong hug that Connor wrapped him in. "Thank you, Jude!"

"For what?"

"I'm just going to be so much happier with you there."

"I'm glad to hear that." Jude circled his arms around Connor. "Does this as our first trip away together?"

"You can count it as whatever you want," Connor said, "I'm just glad you're going to be there."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else."

Connor peeked up at him, as expression suddenly serious. "You know, I believe that."

"You should!"

"Coffee's almost ready," Connor said, and he pushed himself out of Jude's hold.

Jude let him go, spinning around to slide the eggs into a frying pan. He kept glancing over at Connor, who had rolled up his sleeves to carefully pour the coffee into two mugs. His eyes fell to the scar on Connor's forearm. It turned his stomach, just like the scar on Connor's ribs did. He couldn't imagine hurting anyone like that, but, especially, he couldn't imagine anyone wanting to hurt Connor, who was so good and gentle. Connor caught him watching.

"What are you looking at?" Connor asked.

"My hot boyfriend."

"C-c-coffee," Connor stuttered, sliding a mug across the counter for Jude.

"Thanks." Jude caught Connor's wrist and ran his thumb over the bottom of the scar. He tried not to think about it as the scar; he tried to think about it as just Connor's bare skin. But he couldn't erase what had happened to Connor, either; not from either of their minds. It would end badly for the both of them, if he tried to forget.

Jude lifted Connor's knuckles to his mouth and kissed along his fingers gently.

"Your eggs are going to burn," Connor warned him.

"What did I do without you?" Jude whispered.

"I'm sorry about that."

"I know," Jude said. "And it's mostly okay now, honestly."

Connor lifted the eggs off the burner and then leant onto his toes to kiss Jude's cheek. Jude wrapped his arm around Connor's back and bulled him in closer, dipping him into a long kiss.

"Don't tempt me," Connor whispered, placing his hands across Jude's chest. "It's been a long enough morning."

"Can you be tempted?" Jude asked.

"By you," Connor said. "That would just be by you."

That was an ego boost if Jude had ever heard one. He couldn't resist giving Connor one last kiss before they turned to have their breakfast.

The chapter's title is after the song You Are In Love by Travis Atreo. If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~