Chapter 4

Steve was never the best travelling companion. The only flight he really enjoyed were the ones which had taken him on honeymoon. Sitting high in the sky with Kayla at his side, that was always fun. And the ride back from Australia… when he had his little sweetness back in his arms. That had been a good one too.

But otherwise… Not so much.

That day was no exception.

After they had got off of face time, both himself and Bo had been furious – with no on in particular, just the world in general, though the person Steve hated the most was himself. For the love of god, he did not know what had gone wrong in Africa… if things had gone so wrong. He did not know why he and Kayla did not stay and sort things out for them always had done in the past…

The words they had said to each other after he had got his memory beck had been relegated to cheap sweet nothings once they gave up, once he went away. He had said he loved her and he was never going to leave her again and that she was never going to have to face another lonely night… So much of what made them, they had lost.

He only hoped he was not too late. He only hoped they could find it again…

He was not going to be giving up this time. Not now.

As delighted as he was that Kayla was out of any immediate danger what he had heard… It had spooked him. The last time he had felt such a need to wrap his baby up and protect her from the entire world, he had been out in the forest with her in a little hut. And he had just learned what Jack had done to her…

Somehow over time, he and his brother had managed to claw back some of what Billy Jack had taken away from them that day. They had managed to salvage something from what should have been the complete wreck of their brotherly love.

But he was glad it was Bo who was with him on that flight. Having Jack with him just then would have made everything worst… or given him a target on whom he could take out his frustrations… One or the other and he did not think either was a good thing considering the state of mind he was in.

"This is taking too long," he heard his brother in law say.

Wasn't that just the story of their life though? And wasn't that what Bo was most afraid of just then?

When they had got into this mission, they had been told they were going to be in it for six months and by the end of it they would have made sure the phoenix was never going to be able to rise again.

That had been the idea. For Benjy…

To do that as a final act of love for the boy he had cherished as a son would have felt good for Steve. He could have then let him rest in peace.

Then he had made a tough choice… or mistake was a better word. The biggest mistake of his life.

He and Kayla had divorced before he had gone… he hadn't wanted to make a widow out of her for the second time, he thought as his past logic came back to him. It hadn't been great at the time and it sounded even worst now but that had been his thinking…

He hated he had used that as an excuse. Hated that he had left his family. Hated that he had wasted all that time.

But what he hated even more were the unexplained injuries which Kayla had…

The last time she had lost her hearing… the last time she had been mute was when she had been under a considerable amount of stress, stress which he had always felt he should have shouldered more of for her.

So for her to go mute and deaf now – well, something had to have happened to her. Something bad. The unexplained bruises… all of it just conjured up the worst imaginings in his head. No matter what had happened to her… it could not be worse than what he was imaging. He blinked and swallowed, chastised himself for ever leaving her side all over again. He had done it for the last time, he thought.

If he was lucky enough to get her back… if by some miracle they could be together again… he would never let her go…

Not this time.

"We are going to be back there soon. That is what we have to focus on, Beauregard."

And when they were there, they were going to be able to make things that should never have gone wrong right…

At long last they touched back down on American soil. Knowing that they were in the same country as Kayla and the rest of the family helped… but it was still not enough. It would not be enough till they were at her side.

Thankfully after the delay on the other side of the flight, they got out of baggage claim in record time.

"University Hospital," said Steve as they flagged down a cab with ease. It was coming up to midnight and the streets were quiet. They'd be there in no time at all, he thought to himself.

"How you doing?" his best friend asked.

"Better… better now. And you?"

"Looking forward to seeing Kay… and Hope… and my little one."

Steve smiled. It had been a very long time since he had seen his little niece. It would be nice to catch up with every one…. But he had to see his own little dude as well as his little sweetness before anyone else, save their momma.

Being back in the hospital felt bizarre… it was sad that they had to see this part of Salem first on their return but even this place held plenty of memories of their loved ones.

Steve could not recount all the times he had been here with Kayla over the years. He had to focus on this one yet his mind swum with memories. Memories of holding Stephanie when she was born and memories of standing by Joey's incubator as he fought for life, memories of the kidney operation and Kayla's car crash and the day he had brought her in when she had got caught in the basement fire…

Checking the text on the phone from Roman, it was easy enough to find her room and before they knew it they were at the nurse's station just down the hall from where she was being treated. Up until that moment they had been marching in time with another to the room. Now, Bo slackened his pace. As much as he wanted to see his sister… something in his said he could see her after he had had a coffee.

"I – you go on in," he said as he sat on some chairs. He was not the one she really needed and no doubt Steve wanted a little privacy with her…

Together they had troubles for hours and hours… "You sure?"

"Yeah. I know my sis," Bo said as he put his bag down.

Steve nodded his thanks but the enormity of what was going on was suddenly hitting him as he walked down to her door.

It felt as if being with her was all he had wanted for a long time… a life time. And he had been panicking ever since he had heard about her accident. And now there was nothing than a door between them, no time, no distance… just a door. It was time to close the distance.

He knocked on the door before remembering how little good that was. He had wanted to announce his arrival but, of course, when his brain kicked in to gear he knew he was not going to be able to do that.

It felt rude to just walk back in to her life as if he had never left it but he had no other choice. She couldn't hear him… she had to see him to know he was there.

The room was dark when he walked in and he earnestly prayed that she was getting some much needed sleep. If that was the case then he could just see her that night and then they could be reunited the next day when she had just a little more strength.

But he had watched her sleep so many times that he knew as soon as he got in there that she was not quite asleep then.

She was facing away from him, but he knew and he heard her sniff gently as he shut the door. The sound tore at his heart and he knew she had been crying.

Breathing deeply, he took just one moment to compose himself for he knew he had to be strong for her, if she wanted even that. She might just turn him away, he knew that. But that was why he had come… to be strong for her. As well as to quell his own selfish, desperate need to see her.

He crossed the room… his natural instinct was to run a hand through her hair or to stroke her back but that all seemed to intimate after their separation. He settled for slipping his hand into hers.

For a moment she did not respond at all. She just lay there with her back still facing him before she shifted in bed, her eyes remaining on the hands which were clasped together for a while. The fact she hadn't pulled away was a blessing and he put his other hand on top of hers. The tension which existed between them could have filled the room or may have just been in his head, he wasn't sure. All he knew was he wasn't letting go. Not this time.

What he was sure of was that as she finally allowed her eyes to travel up his arm and rest finally on his face, they were filled with tears.

And hurt. And pain. And for the millionth time he knew he should never have ever left her side.

Guilt attacked him from the inside out.

"Hey baby." He hadn't meant for his voice to break. Not that it mattered.

Her lip wobbled as she saw his lips move…

'Sweetness, are you ok?' he signed.

She shook her head. She was not ok.

X x x

It took a supreme effort to bring her arms up to her chest. Kayla had laid as still as she could since she had been in the hospital for fear that any given move would hurt.

But she couldn't… she knew what she wanted and what she needed. And even though she was quite sure why the two of them seemed to have been apart for a while, she just didn't care.

Steve was just another word for 'safety' to her. He embodied so much she had relied upon, and he had done for all the days of her life.

And she needed him. No matter what had gone on… what mattered was right then.

'Hold me.'

She knew from the look in his eye he was hesitant for some reason… but then there was a longing too. A longing give in to her request.

'Baby, I –'

'I don't care about the last few years or however long it has been since we were angry at each other. I don't know what we were so angry about. You are here now. Just hold me.'

It had been the first time she had been able to communicate what she wanted with ease for days. There was no way she was going to allow him to deny her.

Thankfully, his resolve seemed to crumble.

He paused only to remove his shoes before sliding on to the hospital bed at her side. How many times they had laid one of these together she was not sure.

But what she did know was now there would be one more time added to that list.

He was gentleness itself as she adjusted herself against him to find a way of laying which was comfortable and painless… the former was achieved and she found her head pillowed on his shoulder, his lips resting on her forehead as he greeted her. The latter they were not going to be able to achieve. No matter how she lay she was going to be in pain. But at least when she was with Steve she was allowed a little balm to her wounds. He always had applied that.

Honestly, in spite of the fact she could feel and smell and touch him, she was not quite sure that he was real. When she had come round from the surgery, she had been so sure Steve was dead. When Adrienne had come in to the room, her old friend had been a reminder of her brother and his absence… well, Kayla had jumped to conclusions as the loneliness she had felt for years and years had threatened to take over again. She had lost any semblance of what was real and what wasn't…

But it seemed she was wrong… he appeared to be right there with her. And even if he was not real, even if this was the most wonderful dream… then she could still take enough of the two of them from that night to get her through the rest of it… whether he was there when she woke up or not.

X x x

Steve wasn't quite able to believe that she had invited him up on the bed with her. To hold her and to touch her as he had once been able to… it was beyond all of his expectations and in a way it made him feel guilty – what if when she really came round she decided that by accusing of her request he was somehow taking advantage of her?

What if that was the reality of the situation…

But Kayla had never been a feeble minded women, she had always known her own strength and her own mind and when she had cut him off he had had cause to remember that. He saw it in her eye she knew things were not as they should be between them. But she just didn't care…

She needed this as much as he did.

And so he had climbed on by her side and taken her in his arms.

"Ahh, sweetness…" the knot which had tightened in his stomach ever since he had found out she was in danger loosened. "Sweetness, I am so, so sorry this has happened to you. I am so sorry I went away…"

Tears trickled down his cheeks as her felt the relief of their reunion flood through him. He kissed her forehead and stroked her hair and generally allowed his instincts to do the rest. Comforting Kayla when she was in distress was second nature to him. It was like breathing, it was simply something which he needed to do…

The last few days had been hell… but they were over.

She lay in his arms in the darkened room. Sleep seemed torturously far away but silence was no longer her only companion. She had him. His heart beat, his arms, his hands… she knew deep down, and when morning came they were going to have to face the reality of their situation, whatever it was. They were separated, though it felt only in theory right then… and they had a lot to work through.

But she had been hurt… and he had come for her.

That was all Kayla needed to know for the time being. There was the bottom line.

If she needed something, he would hear her, he was understand her and he would speak for her.

And that was a comforting thought indeed.

She wasn't sure when she surrendered to sleep. All she knew was his hand was running through her hair when it took her… and no one and nothing would hurt her that evening. Not with him watching out for her…

Kayla slept a deep, dreamless sleep that night.

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