Connor crossed his arms and stared out the window, rocking back on his heels. It was raining – a heavy, brutal, unexpected downpour for this time of year. He watched the droplets cross the window and gave no thought to the woman sitting on the couch behind him. At least, not until she cleared her throat.

"Connor," Dr. Scott prompted.

"I don't want to talk about it." He knew that it wouldn't work. He knew that he was here to talk about it. It was just so hard to think about and, harder still, to admit to what had happened. Dr. Scott wanted him to say it aloud; she thought it would help him accept it. As if there was accepting.

"Just try. There's no harm in trying."

Yes, there was. Connor took a deep breath and tried not to think back. He didn't want to visualize it all again.

"A week ago …" Connor started but his voice died in his throat.

"What happened a week ago?" Dr. Scott asked, politely interested, as if she really didn't know.

"He's dead," Connor whispered to the fat raindrop rolling down the centre of the pane.

"Who's dead?" Dr. Scott asked. "Names matter."

Connor felt tears prick at his eyes, even though he knew that he shouldn't be crying. He shouldn't feel it. "Leigh is dead."

"What happened?"

"He came after me," Connor whispered. It was slightly easier, once he said something, but he still didn't like it. "Ran into the road. He was hit by a car. He died before an ambulance got there."

"Whose fault was that?"

"His."

That was one thing that everyone had been very firm on when they were around him. It was not his fault. Leigh made his own decisions. He got himself into his own troubles. It wasn't Connor's fault. Connor didn't quite believe it. There were things that he had to take responsibility for, and it wasn't necessarily what had happened to Leigh. But it was easier to think about Leigh than it was to think about … him. Connor couldn't even think his name anymore.

He pressed one thumb to the cold window. He had to distract from what he knew to be coming next. He would rather try and fumble his way through talking about Leigh. Somehow, it hurt less. Connor was sure that meant something.

"I snuck into the wake. I thought it would help to see his body. You know, to make sure he was really dead. I didn't stay. I didn't want his mother to see me. But I saw him."

"And?"

"And nothing. It didn't feel like him. I still feel like I have to look over my shoulder for him all the time." Connor took a deep breath. "Leigh is dead."

It felt the same as Leigh is in jail and Leigh is gone used to feel. Unreal, untrue, something that couldn't be trusted.

"Yes, he is."

Connor knitted his fingers together and looked down. He didn't want to hold his own hand. He thought about saying that to Dr. Scott and then realized it would just lead back to the person Connor was trying to avoid talking about. He knew that she wouldn't let him get away with it for very long but he would take what he could get while she was still giving it. He fished around for something to say and then, like a moment of grace, there came a knock at the door. Connor glanced over his shoulder and saw the cross look on Dr. Scott's face. He knew what bad form it was to interrupt a session. He recognized the receptionist, Mandy.

"Sorry, Dr. Scott," she said in a hushed voice that Connor could still clearly hear in the small room. "Connor's father is here. He said that Connor should come immediately, it's about Jude."

Connor felt his knees go weak and the world tilted on its axis. He stumbled forward and the two women moved out of his way. Dr. Scott called his name but it was just white noise to Connor. He stumbled to the lobby and there was Adam, rain jacket soaked through.

"Dad," Connor gasped. "Dad, what is it?"

Adam's face was neutral and slightly grave; it was the same expression he'd been wearing since seeing Connor in the hospital again. It was a face that gave nothing away, even though his rapidly growing dark circles did.

"I just got off the phone with Stef. Jude's awake"

Connor felt the tears of relief leak, hot and steady, from his eyes. "Is he going to be okay?"

"Let's go to the hospital," Adam said. "Let's find out."

Like he was a scared child, Connor clung to Adam's arm as they headed out to the car. He felt as though the floor was rolling under his feet and he needed something solid and warm to cling to as he barely dared to hope: not Jude.

(-.-)

Jude felt like his mothers were going to squeeze his hands off. They had a hold of one each as they perched on either side of his skinny hospital bed, staring up at the doctor, who was holding the results of his latest battery of tests, waiting for the verdict.

"Jude's memory loss is consistent with his trauma," Dr. Drew said, her red ponytail swaying slightly. "A lot of people can't remember the hours or, in some cases, days leading up to the incident. You might get it back, you might not. Either way, it's not a concern."

"Is there a concern?" Stef asked. Jude thought she needed a shower and a proper bed; her and Lena both. They said he had been unconscious for a week but they looked run down; Jude felt rundown. It felt like more than a week's worth weighing on him.

"No, not right now. I'd like to keep him at least another day so we can keep running tests to make sure everything's functioning as it should and to make sure that Jude knows the limitations of his ribs, which are going to take much longer heal than you think, so make sure you baby those. Move slowly, listen to your body when it's in pain. They're hard to heal because of your breathing, so listen to the instructions we gave you earlier, okay?"

"Okay," Jude said.

"Soon rather than later, we're going to have someone come in and take out your catheter. I think it'll be good for you to get up on your feet, just to the bathroom and back."

Jude nodded. He'd been trying not to think about the catheter.

"Within the half hour," she amended as if sensing Jude's discomfort.

"Thank you."

"Is there anything we should be watching for?"

"Anything abnormal. Vision changes, headaches, forgetfulness, numbness. That was quite the blow to the head you took. You're lucky. You know your body best, Jude, so if anything feels strange, don't hesitate to ask about it."

"I'm just thirsty," Jude said, feeling every eye in the room on him.

"Water's fine," Dr. Drew said. "We'll talk about solid foods on your next hourly check-up, okay?"

"Okay," Jude agreed.

"That's all for now. Nurses will be popping in periodically, ask them anything. They know what they're doing." She smiled. "Anything for me, before I go?"

"No, thank you."

Dr. Drew left the room and Jude was left alone with his mothers. He hugged them tightly as they both wrapped their arms around him. Jude could feel their worry and their stress and he was so sorry to have done this to them, so close to what had happened to Callie.

"Mariana said to say she loves you and she wishes she could be here."

"We could only afford two tickets," Lena added.

Tickets. Jude groped around in his brain, trying to make the pieces fit. He knew he hadn't imagined the plane ride to visit Connor's father. They had gotten here, they had made lunch. After that, things began to get fuzzy for him. When he first woke up here, they said it had been an accident. Had it been a car accident? Had they gone somewhere with Adam again? Was that why his boyfriend wasn't here?

"Connor?" Jude asked. "Is Connor okay?"

The way Stef and Lena exchanged a glance made Jude not want to trust their word. He felt bad for it.

"Connor's fine," Lena said, a little too slowly.

"We haven't really seen him."

Jude found it hard to believe that his parents would have left his side for very long so it meant Connor hadn't come to visit him. Jude wished he were surprised but it was characteristic of Connor. It still left Jude feeling disappointed and hollow. He wouldn't have left Connor alone in the hospital. He would have been there when Connor woke up. He would have known that his face would be one Connor wanted to see when he woke up. Why didn't Connor know him well enough to know Jude would want him here?

He took a deep breath and felt an ache in his ribs.

"Mom," he started, looking at Stef. She would tell him the truth of what happened.

Just then, the nurse came in.

"Maybe you should go get lunch," Jude said. There were few things more embarrassing than having his parents watch a catheter be removed.

"Okay. We won't be long," Lena said and she leant over to kiss his forehead.

"You can take some time," Jude said. "I'm okay."

"We'll be in the hospital cafeteria," Stef said, a stern edge in her voice that let Jude know there would be no arguing. "Two minutes away."

Jude nodded and then the nurse was upon him. Her name was Sheila and she described what she was doing in quick, no-nonsense snippets that left Jude no room to be embarrassed. She was nearly finished when Jude's door creaked and Connor slipped in, sitting in the chair by the door and drawing his knees up to his chest. Jude's cheeks flamed and he flopped his head down against his pillow. Connor was supposed to see him as sexy, not as a medical specimen.

Sheila was done quickly and she patted the blankets over Jude. "Don't forget to take your IV with you to the bathroom. Make sure you watch your ribs."

"I will, thank you." Jude held his breath and waiting for her to leave the room, his eyes never leaving Connor's face. Connor's eyes were wide as he cowered against his own legs, staring right back at Jude. Jude hadn't expected him to speak first.

"Are you gonna be okay, Jude?"

Jude nodded. "They want me to stay another day, just in case, but they're not worried."

"Okay. Okay." Connor nodded and his hair flopped around, shorter than Jude remembered and horrendously uneven, like a mirror hadn't been around he'd cut it. It highlighted a thin scar along the edge of Connor's cheek, something new that must have come from whatever put Jude in the hospital. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I don't want to intrude."

"Baby, you're not intruding."

Tears gathered at the bottom of Connor's lids. "Jude, don't call me that."

"I thought you liked it."

"I do but … but … you … I did this to you and y-you can't call me that anymore."

"Connor, what happened? The last thing I really remember is making lunch for your dad but I know you wouldn't have done this."

"You really don't remember?" Connor whispered and Jude shook his head. "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

Connor really started to cry then, falling in on himself.

"Baby, baby, come here," Jude pleaded, though he was fully prepared to stand and go get Connor. He threw back his starchy hospital bedsheets and then Connor was up like a shot, putting the blankets down like he was a nurse.

"No, don't move. Don't hurt yourself."

"Watch my right ribs. Apparently, they're broken."

Connor paled and he quickly moved to fuss with Jude's left side. "Are you in any pain?"

"I'm not comfortable but I don't hurt."

Jude caught Connor's hand as he fidgeted with the blanket. He held it tightly between both of his. He watched Connor's face flare in panic but he didn't pull away. Jude wished he could clear Connor's tears away. Jude knew whatever had happened couldn't have been that bad; Connor was probably overreacting. Jude was fine. He was alive, with nothing but two broken ribs. He could have broken his ribs in a hundred different ways, none of them would Connor be at fault for. Jude didn't believe he was to blame for what was happening now. Connor put bugs outside; he would never hurt another person, especially when that person was Jude. Jude was convinced.

Jude lifted Connor's hands to his lips and kissed along his fingers, watching Connor melt. "What happened, baby?"

Connor pulled away and perched on the very edge of Jude's bed. Jude sat up while Connor stared down at his fingers.

"His name was Leigh. I never let myself say it before. It felt like a jinx. But he f-found us." Connor's breath hiccoughed. "We were fine. We were fine and at the grocery store and then you were in the back seat and he was in the front and I thought you were dead!"

Connor hid his head in his hands and he sobbed wildly.

"I couldn't let you die!" Connor screeched. "I couldn't! The whole time, that's all I could think!" His face red and blotchy, Connor gave in and desperately clawed his way up the bed. Jude clutched Connor against him, trying to calm the shaky with little circles rubbed into his back. "That's all I could think the entire time he had me again was not you, anyone but you, that I loved you too much to let it happy to you!"

Jude felt the ocean roar through his ears and he was only vaguely aware of Connor detailing their escape. Had Connor meant that? Did he love him? Or was he just so emotional that it slipped out?

"Wait," Jude said, breaking his own thoughts. "You ran him over?"

Connor nodded, his red eyes staring up at Jude. "He wouldn't move. He was going to hurt you. I had to save you."

Say it again, Jude thought, but, of course, Connor didn't.

"Where is he now?" Jude asked.

Connor paled and said hurriedly. "I'm not a murderer but … Jude, I am a cheater."

The last part was said so quietly that Jude almost missed it.

"I forgive you."

"You don't even know what I did."

"Tell me," Jude said, "and I'll forgive you."

"I kissed him," Connor admitted. "I might have wanted to do that. And then he made me … made me ... oral sex," Connor finally forced out.

"I forgive you."

"Why?"

Jude should have seen that coming. "If it were anyone else, I wouldn't but you have such a history with him. I know you and I know it was the way that he got to you. I forgive you."

Jude leant his head down, the tip of his nose brushing against Connor's. Connor's eyes flared and he pulled his head away.

"You're too good for me! I shouldn't be here!"

"You should. There's nowhere else you should be. But you need to calm down before a nurse kicks you out. Come cuddle, okay? Just watch my wires."

With a lot of prodding, Connor was under the blanket with him, his head on Jude's shoulder. He could feel his hospital gown getting wet from Connor's tears.

"Baby, I'm okay. You're okay. We're together and okay."

"We're together?"

"Unless you're leaving me again."

"No!" Connor shrieked. "No."

"Look at me, baby," Jude murmured, his lips brushing Connor's forehead. Connor peeked up at him. "I love you. I'm always going to love you."

Say it again, Jude thought, so he could know for sure it wasn't a fluke.

"I don't know if I'll ever understand. I'm sorry I got you hurt."

"I don't blame you. You gave me the choice, remember? You told me this might happen and I chose you. I'm still choosing you."

Connor stared up at him.

"I love your eyes, baby."

That brought a small smile to Connor's face. He put his head back down and he looked almost relaxed, were it not for the little frown between his eyebrows.

"Can I ask you for something? It might be selfish … No, it's definitely too selfish to ask."

"You can't bring it up and then drop it."

"I was going to say that I want you to be the last person I kissed. I was going to ask for you to kiss me. I –"

Whatever Connor had been about to add didn't matter. Jude pressed his lips to Connor's, feeling Connor's soft fingers rest on his cheek. When Jude left the gentle kiss, Connor sighed his name.

"I didn't know what I would do if you didn't wake up," Connor said. "Are you sure your head feels okay?"

"Okay as it gets. Anything about the missing days I should know?"

To Jude's surprise, Connor blushed deep red. "Um, I'll … I'll tell you when our parents aren't in the building."

"Did we have sex and I missed it?" Jude hissed.

"N-no. Not quite."

"But, something," Jude guessed, and Connor nodded. "Show me later?"

"When you're feeling okay. I'm not doing anything that could hurt you."

"Just lay with me, baby. For now, that's all I want."

Connor sniffed and put his head back down on Jude's shoulder.

"And I want to know why moms said you weren't here."

"I just didn't want to shove myself in your space. I didn't want you to hate me. I thought you'd hate me. I couldn't do anything the whole time you were here. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do anything but think of you. And … and go to therapy," he tacked on.

"Is that good?"

"I think so. I just … thank you for letting me be here."

"I don't want you anywhere else. Take a nap, baby, you do look tired."

"What if you need something?"

"I will wake you up. With kisses. Like you should be woken up."

Connor stared up at him and his lower lip pouted out just enough that Jude knew that something was coming.

"I'm so sorry for what I did with him."

"And, when you're ready for me, it'll be us. When we're ready. Baby, I know you didn't choose what happened with him."

He watched Connor swallow and his eyes half-drifted. "I chose you. You are what matters."

Jude picked up Connor's hand and Connor's thumb rested heavily over the tape holding his IV to his hand. He touched Jude even more gently than he normally did, so that Jude barely felt him at all.

"Did anything happen to you?"

"N-no. N-nothing l-like that. I'm just a m-mental mess," Connor stuttered, even though he swiped at the scar on his cheek.

"It can't be that messy. You're right here." Jude tightened his arms around Connor.

"The worst happened. Here is where I think I'm supposed to be," Connor said. "And here is just where I want to be. As long as you'll let me."

"Always gonna let you," Jude murmured. He rested his head on top of Connor's hair. "Baby, are you going to be offended if I ask about the hair?"

"He liked it short and then he used it against me when it was long and I didn't know what to do so I think I'm just going to have to go bald," Connor said miserably.

"What do you want?"

"I thought I liked it."

"It's about you."

"It's about you. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes," Jude said firmly. "When are you going to believe it?"

"When your ribs stop hurting."

"Which is apparently going to be a million years from now."

"It is. They take a long time."

"I guess you'll just have to kiss all of me better."

Connor pulled his hand out of Jude's to brush the side of Jude's face, pressing his lips to the side of Jude's mouth. Jude closed his eyes and smiled as Connor settled back down against him, neither of them having enough space in the bed to be comfortable, but, for Jude, it was still a weird kind of perfect. He just watched as Connor fell asleep, trembling and twitching. He knew Connor was dreaming and he wondered if he should wake him before his nightmare got worse. His face tightened and Jude finally whispered Connor's name, hoping to wake him a little.

Then, Connor bolted upright, sweaty and crying. Jude reached for him but Connor had keeled over the side of the bed, throwing up in the trash can, sobbing Jude's name so violently that Jude's heart almost broke hearing it. Jude reached over the side of the bed, resting his hand against Connor's shoulder. Connor jumped away from him, falling onto the tile floor.

"Baby," Jude whispered, biting down on the inside of his cheek, trying to force away the pain in his ribs. "Connor, it's okay."

"Jude," Connor whimpered.

"Baby, I'm okay. It's okay. Come here."

Shakily, Connor pulled himself up onto the hospital bed, looking around.

"You were dreaming," Jude promised him. "Just dreaming."

"He was alive. He was here. He was in my face. He came back and you … I just … Not you. I couldn't let it be you."

"It's not," Jude said and he picked up Connor's hands. "I'm here, I'm real, he's not. We're okay, now, right?"

"I don't know."

"We are. I know."

Jude carefully wrapped his arms around Connor and Connor snuggled into him.

They were safe.

The chapter's title is after the song Lay Down by Ella Henderson. If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~