He was suffocating. Suffocating and dying and he hoped it was true. He'd be safe; he'd be with his mom. It was the first time he'd ever looked up at his boyfriend's face and ever really hoped to leave. It was easier to think about a different life when they were apart but when they were together, it was impossible to forget why he worshipped the ground Leigh walked on. Even when his face was clouded with anger and there was a rage in his eyes – the likes of which Connor had never seen before. Black edges and stars danced across his vision and Connor struggled to take one more breath because – no matter times he lived through it – he was scared of the darkness taking over. There was hardly anything left to see – just the patch of hair that fell across Leigh's sweat dampened forehead.

Then the world went askew. There was a noise; a sound that wasn't supposed to be there because Connor knew the script. There was just supposed to be darkness and then relief and then he was allowed to wake up. There was not supposed to be a noise. There wasn't supposed to be anything. Nothing was supposed to make Leigh turn his head and then stand; the black wasn't supposed to start fading, allowing his vision to return. Leigh took a heavy step and a force that wasn't Connor himself turned his head so he could follow Leigh's every movement as he aggressively staggered toward the doorway where Jude was standing, just looking at Connor as if he didn't see Leigh at all. And Connor had to warn him! But he couldn't move, couldn't speak, until Leigh was close enough to Jude to reach out and –

Connor bolted upright in bed, covered in a cold sweat that made him feel like his bones were rattling. Connor wrapped his arms around himself and stared at the curtains he'd kept tightly shut around Jude's bed.

"Leigh is dead," he said aloud. Dr. Scott said saying things would help him believe in them. "Leigh is dead and Jude is safe."

Connor knew exactly where Jude was. It was too early for him to be awake and so he would be splayed out in his small bed at Stef's and Lena's, his long legs nearly hanging over the end. His hair would be rumpled and messy and his shirt had probably ridden halfway up his body by now. It would be a beautiful sight, were he there, but he wasn't.

"Jude's coming home today."

Connor's voice bounced back to him and he couldn't help but smile. He knew how excited Jude was and that just fueled the feelings inside of Connor. He would get to see Jude today; he would get to hold him tight and not get that self-conscious feeling that he did every time he thought about the fact that Stef and Lena were in the next room. Connor slid from bed, ready to get his day started. He couldn't just sit around and wait for Jude, he had to do something. Jude wasn't supposed to home until early afternoon he was dropped off by Stef and Lena. Connor needed something to fill his hours.

He made himself breakfast with the groceries he'd bought last night. He ate quickly and then jumped in the shower, thinking about what he could do for Stef and Lena while they were here. Cookies! He had the things for chocolate chip cookies. Connor started on them as soon as he was out of the shower and dressed, but they didn't take as much time as he'd been hoping they would and, before he knew it, he was making up the bed, not just in the organization that Jude liked, but so that it would be presentable for Stef and Lena. He took out the first batch of cookies and put the second batch in before he actively went looking for things to dust. The problem was that there wasn't a lot of cleaning to do. He was used to keeping a clean house and there had been a lot of free time on his hands recently. He had nothing to do but over-clean things. He wondered if Jude's sink had ever been so shiny.

Though, he supposed, he shouldn't just be thinking of it as Jude's sink anymore. It was supposed to be their sink. He was supposed to be moving in and thinking of this as his only place. It shouldn't be so scary; his dorm room only rarely crossed his mind now when he was on campus for a few hours and he needed a place to study that wasn't the library. It wasn't a good enough reason to justify keeping the room and, if even Adam thought they were living together, it could be argued that it was the best idea. Connor rinsed the last of the cleaner out of their sink and then carefully washed his hands so that he would be safe to move the cookies over to the cooling racks.

He abandoned his task early when his cell phone vibrated.

Jude: I should be there around 1!

Connor: I'll be here!

Just over two hours. He felt too antsy. He couldn't just sit and watch TV but there was nothing more to do here. He had a car; he had the whole world open to him, but there was nothing that he wanted to go do and there was nothing that he had to go and do. He finished up with his cookies and covered them with a thin tea towel, just in case a fly managed to get in. Then, he made a split-second decision, gathered up the car keys and the few bags that Jude had in his house, and went out the door. He and Jude were supposed to go and clean out his dorm room this weekend, together, but Connor was restless and he had hours to kill. He and Jude could go thrift store shopping for the dresser he'd been promised. It would be more fun than Jude watching him pitifully pack his few belongings to be shipped back to the apartment.

Connor locked the front door. Jude's apartment was homier than his dorm room but that wasn't a hard thing to admit. Connor had always claimed that. Connor had never lived somewhere where ours was part of the title. He had lived in his parents' house, then his father's house, and then Leigh's house. He'd stayed in Jude's apartment enough for it to feel like Jude's apartment. He had lived there for years; the small basement held his essence, a something that reflected Jude. As Connor slowly turned toward campus, he wondered if there was a way to transition to about thinking ours. He knew he couldn't ask Jude. Well, he could in the sense that nothing was stopping him, but what would come of it? Jude would be sweet and comforting but he wouldn't have any more answers than Connor did.

Connor parked Gerald in the lot, flipped Jude's student pass onto the dash, and then slid out of the car. He gathered the bags, triple-checked that the car was locked, and then he headed up the stairs to his room. When he let himself inside, the smell of must nearly overwhelmed him. He pulled his things inside, locked the door, and went to open the window, letting the heated summer breeze rush into the room. Then, he turned and looked around him. Did he only take what he thought he might need or did he take it all? It only took him a moment to decide that he should clear out the room. He was supposed to be acting like his room wasn't an option at all; it was his idea – he should know the rules. Connor slowly began to pack and clean what he was able. He was systematically going through every nook and cranny, making sure he was leaving nothing of himself behind. That, he decided, was step one of the transition to ours. It meant not having a his, however little the dorm room had felt like his.

He was sweating slightly and zipping the last bag when his phone vibrated. Connor picked up his phone and read Jude's text.

Jude: Baby, I'm home, but where are you?

Connor smiled and typed out his reply.

(-.-)

Connor: I'll be home soon. Ten minutes. Promise.

Jude grinned and grabbed a stack of three cookies from the warmer. He'd packed a Tupperware container full of them for Stef and Lena to take home but he was still left with more than Connor would probably help him eat. He flopped down on the couch and groaned as his ribs shook inside his body. Sometimes, he thought he was fine. Other times, he thought he was too fine and ended up being reminded otherwise in painful ways. Jude stretched out on the couch, taking a large bite of one of the cookies and flicking the TV on.

He loved the feeling of being home. When he had first started living alone, he had felt lonely. He was used to noise; he was used to brothers, sisters, parents, and the friends of all of them. He had borderline hated it. He felt isolated, especially when he struggled to find friends. The people he had spent time with on his dorm floor drifted when they weren't a doorway apart. Now, though, he loved it. He loved his little space but, even more, he loved the thought of opening it up to his boyfriend more. He had gotten used to Connor's shirts stuffed in drawers around his and Connor's scent lingering on his pillows.

Jude finished off his last cookie and snuggled deep into his couch. Had it been ten minutes yet? Was he too clingy? Did he need a new couch? He was definitely bored. He and Connor should go out soon. Brunch, tomorrow, maybe. That would be nice. That would be –

"Connor!"

"You're home!"

Connor's face lit up and he kicked off his shoes in a very un-Connor like way. He was usually so careful, even with things like that. He slid quickly across the floor and clambered on the couch next to Jude. Jude only had to chance to half-sit up before Connor's arms wrapped around him.

"You're home," Connor whispered, much more softly, hiding his face away in Jude's shirt.

"Where were you?"

"I packed up my room." Connor inhaled and slid his fingers under Jude's shirt. Jude felt goosebumps rise on his skin but he didn't even start to push Connor away. Connor was so careful at moms and Jude missed the way that Connor had come to touch him, so casually, all the time. Jude almost couldn't believe that Connor was rivalling him for the cuddly one. "It's all in the car. I'm … not taking my dorm key off the chain, though. Not until I give it away for good."

"That's fair. If you need it, you want to have it. But I thought we were doing your room this weekend."

"I needed something to do," Connor admitted. "And going to thrift shops seems more fun than packing."

"We'll find you a dresser," Jude promised.

"And I need another shirt or two, I think," Connor said. "We should do that too."

"Whatever you want."

"I want a dresser that matches what's already here," Connor said. "I want to fit in."

"It's not black and white like that," Jude said, but he felt amused.

"It'll feel like it when I'm looking at the room," Connor replied.

"It'll be perfect. We'll figure it out."

"Thank you," Connor said.

"It's not something you have to thank me for," Jude said. "Come here and kiss me, though, before I jump you."

Connor lifted his head slowly and drew Jude in toward him, leaning up to cover Jude's body with his own. His lips pressed to Jude's, moving in a slow, perfect, way that left Jude breathless and feeling tight all over. He let his hand slide up Connor's shirt and then he felt his heart let out a heavy thump and he knew that he couldn't just keep kissing Connor like there wasn't something heavy on his mind.

"Baby …"

"I'm so happy you're home." Connor snaked his arms carefully around Jude's waist and hid his face back against Jude's shirt. "It's mostly selfish. I should have been happier you were with your moms but I like that you're here and that I just have to look up to know you're safe and you're okay."

Jude ran his thumb across Connor's lower back and took a deep breath. He had waited long enough. He had promised himself to be patient until he was home again, until Connor had time and he had time, and they would have the privacy to have the conversation they needed.

"Baby, I need to talk to you about something."

"Serious?" Connor asked.

"Yeah."

"More serious than moving in with you?"

"Yeah. It might make you leave me."

Connor closed his eyes and then opened them. "Okay. Tell me quick. Before I panic too much."

But Jude had rehearsed this speech so many times in his head. "I don't know if you remember when I was in the hospital, what you said. You were really freaked out but you said that … that you loved me. And I just want to know if it's a fluke or if it's a panic response or if you might have meant it. I just … I need to know, Connor."

Connor only looked away for a moment. "I remember saying it."

Jude held his breath.

"I've been thinking about it. A lot. Um, I drove you to the hospital, you know?"

"I know."

"I parked in the ambulance bay and I sat there with the back door open so the nurses and doctors could see you. I had to sit there and just wait for them to come get you. I was thinking, not Jude. Anything but Jude. I was shaking so bad and I kept replaying everything that had just happened over and over again in my mind and I knew. Everything I've been feeling, all the thoughts and the feelings that I didn't know how to name or what they meant, that more that I've been wanting to say to you …" Connor ducked his head, hiding his gaze from Jude's eyes. "But I was hoping you would forget that I said it in the hospital at all."

"Why? If you meant it –"

"I did! But I know you. I was going to tell you. Soon. I was. But I know you. I wanted to make it … sweet. I wanted to make it an event. I wanted to make sure that it was a big deal. I wanted to make it that special for you. You told me in a way you thought I should hear it and I wanted to tell you in a way that I thought you would want to hear it."

Connor's hands wrapped around Jude's, his heated palms pressing into the backs of Jude's hands. His fingers rested along Jude's and he flexed them. Jude let Connor move his fingers in and out, watching his face for more. He wanted Connor to keep talking. He wanted Connor to say it without Jude asking to hear it.

"It's a hard thing for me, you know that."

Jude nodded; Connor kept playing with his fingers, not looking him in the eye.

"I know," Jude admitted.

"But if I feel it and I know for a fact that it's what I'm feeling, then you deserve to hear it. I want you to hear it." Connor finally looked back at Jude, squeezing his hands. "I do, Jude. I love you."

Jude felt absolutely breathless but even that didn't stop the smile that started to take over his face. He went to sit up and kiss Connor, but Connor's arms didn't yield and kept him in place.

"But more than that …" Connor said and Jude froze.

"More than that? Would could possibly be more than that?"

Connor flexed Jude's fingers along with his and he took a deep breath that shook Jude.

"I trust you, Jude. Completely."

Connor opened Jude's hands and then he lowered his head until his cheeks were resting in Jude's palms. Jude could feel the ends of his longer hair tickling on his fingertips and tears pricked at his eyes.

"You trust me," he breathed. "And, you love me!"

Connor nodded.

"Is this okay? Can I play with your hair?"

"Yeah," Connor agreed and he closed his eyes as Jude slowly threaded his hands through Connor's hair. It was light, thicker than it looked, and soft to the touch.

It was just like Jude had thought it would feel.

"I love you too, baby, so much."

Connor smiled, soft and small, and then he lowered his torso back down against Jude's, hugging his legs around Jude's and putting his arm across Jude's body. Jude kept one hand along the top of Connor's head, gently massaging along the top of his head. Jude felt Connor tense slightly against him as his fingers moved before slowly relaxing.

"I missed you," Connor said again.

"I know but you've got me back now, baby. No more missing each other. And I've got another week off work so we can just hang out here. You and me and nothing else to do."

"Except thrift shopping."

"Right."

"And we've got a date tomorrow."

"Since when?"

"Since I planned one," Connor said sheepishly. "It's just been so long since we've had a real one because I've been so scared to go out. Now that I'm not scared, we get to go out again. I do kind of miss it. I mean, don't get too excited. It's just a new place to eat but I thought we'd like it."

"I'm excited," Jude said. "It's going to be great."

"We'll see," Connor said skeptically.

"We'll see," Jude repeated, teasing him. He lifted the ends of Connor's hair, which was looking much more even. "Thank you for trusting me."

"It's surprisingly easy right now. I made up my mind to let you but we'll see what happens the next time you try to play with my hair."

"You can always say no," Jude reminded him. "You can always change your mind."

"I know," Connor said, "but I don't want to."

Jude grinned and hugged Connor tightly to him. Connor spread slowly across him as he relaxed, feeling like a warm blanket. It took hours, but Connor eventually stretched, saying that he should make dinner, but Jude just didn't want to let him up. He was back to his favourite thing in the world: laying on the couch with Connor's arms around him. It was the simple things that meant the most and he had missed this simple thing, specifically.

"Come on. Let's order a pizza so we don't have to move. Celebrate me being home by being lazy." He could see by Connor's face that Connor was tempted. "Then, when we're done eating, we can shower together before bed."

And that was where he lost Connor's interest.

"You're still hurt," he mumbled.

"And what are we doing in the shower that's going to bother my ribs?" Jude asked and, to his surprise, Connor blushed. Taking a guess, Jude said, "Does it have to do with my missing day?"

"Uh … maybe."

"Now that I'm not living with moms, are you going to tell me what we did? I'm still only half convinced we didn't have sex."

"We didn't," Connor said earnestly. "I would have told you that. This was … It's almost embarrassing for me to say. It was … physical. I just … don't have the words to describe it."

"Did you like it?"

Connor nodded.

"Did I?"

Connor nodded again.

"Well, then, maybe you just show me. You know, when I'm fit for physical activity." Jude grinned but Connor didn't seem to be as taken with the idea as he was.

"But you wouldn't know what was going to happen. Would that really be okay with you?"

"I could always say 'no', right?"

"Of course."

"You think about it," Jude said. "It's what I'm comfortable with but if it freaks you out, then I understand."

"I'll think about it," Connor agreed. "Um, I should … get a pizza menu or something."

Jude was already reaching for his phone. "We order the same thing every time."

"I guess we do."

"Why? Did you want something different?"

"If we're celebrating you being home, we should get one of their little desserts too."

"Oh, you're perfect," Jude said. Connor made a small sound to that but Jude skipped over it. "Let's do dessert."

Dinner was quiet and perfect; they ate lazily and left the pizza sitting on the coffee table for longer than Jude thought Connor would allow. To Jude, unlike with the pizza, Connor was even more attentive than he usually was, reminding Jude of when he had first gotten home. His mothers had babied him too. He decided he would let Connor have today, maybe even tomorrow, depending on how it went, but, after that, he'd call Connor out on it. He knew Connor was likely aware of it too but he and Connor were on the same page so often that they were probably thinking the same thing. One more day. It wouldn't hurt to take it easy like they were for one more day.

Jude had wondered if it would be easy to go back to the routine that they had before the trip or if it would be awkward, somehow, like the beginning of the relationship had been. Jude didn't want to go back to Connor being shy or him not knowing what the right move to make was. He wouldn't have put money on it happening – Connor had been himself when he came to visit Jude at his parents, but Jude knew Connor wasn't entirely predictable, either. But, now, when Connor was tidying up the kitchen and putting their leftover pizza in the fridge, he looked himself. He was happy. He was in love with Jude too.

The thought of that had Jude sighing and leaning his head against the back of the couch, swooning like someone who had never even thought of love before. Connor caught him staring but instead of asking like he used to, he just smiled at Jude, like he knew what Jude was thinking. He probably did.

"Scale of one to ten," Jude said, "how happy are you, baby?"

Connor pondered the question. "Can I ask you one first?"

"Sure."

"Are you ready to go to bed?"

"Yeah," Jude said.

"Then, it's an eleven."

Jude laughed and pushed himself up off the couch. He got ready for bed while Connor finished in the kitchen. Jude was finishing brushing his teeth when Connor slid into the bathroom behind him, stopping so that he was just behind Jude. As Jude was bent over the sink, Connor's hand slid up the side of his shirt.

"Do you still feel okay?"

"Yeah. No pain at all today. The doctor said it would only take six weeks to heal."

"Minimum of six weeks," Connor corrected, quiet and serious.

"It wasn't that bad of a break." Jude rinsed his mouth and then he turned to face Connor. His bathroom was small and the washer and dryer were protruding out, keeping Connor close to him. "I'm healing just fine."

"I know," Connor murmured. "I'm just worried about you. I know how much rib breaks can hurt."

"I don't think it's really comparable," Jude said and Connor could only shrug. "I'll meet you in bed, okay?"

"Almost okay," Connor said. "I came in here for something from you before you went to bed."

"Yeah, what's that?" Jude asked, hoping that Connor kissed him, even though he knew that Connor would kiss him. Connor would probably kiss him once they were in bed too but there was no problem with Connor kissing him more than once.

More than twice, even.

Instead, Connor's hands went under Jude's shirt. Jude just grinned as Connor pulled it off him and then folded it neatly to sit on the edge of the counter. Jude could feel Connor carefully watching his expression but Jude just grinned.

"You can have that."

"I just didn't feel like you needed it. Unless you think you do."

"No, I think you're right, baby."

Connor grinned too and Jude left him in the bathroom. He went to his bed, glad that he had his big bed back. For someone who had never thought that they needed a queen-sized bed, he missed the hell out of it when he was in something smaller. And it was so nicely made too. Moms didn't make his bed for him and Jude was lazy when it came to fixing up his bed. He was glad that Connor liked clean beds because Jude liked his bed made, he just wasn't as motivated as his boyfriend was to do it. He peeled back his blankets and rearranged the pillows to be better suited for sleeping on. He tossed a couple of them to the end of the bed and then he climbed onto his side. It didn't take long for Connor to come out of the bathroom, turning off the lights as he went. He left his phone on the bedside table and then he clambered over Jude to his side of the bed.

"I missed this bed," Jude groaned aloud, stretching out.

"It missed you too." Connor reached down and pulled the blankets up, adjusting them across Jude's chest. "It's more comfortable sleeping with you in this bed too."

"And you like sleeping next to me now."

"I've liked sleeping next to you for a long time now," Connor pointed out. "You know that."

"I know. I like you saying things," Jude said softly, hoping that Connor could take the hint.

Connor studied his face for a moment and then he leant down, kissing Jude softly. Smiling to himself, Jude wrapped his arms around Connor's waist. When the kiss ended, Jude knew that he was going to have to say if first but that was okay. It was worth it to say it first.

"I love you, Connor."

Connor's hand reached up and tightly gripped Jude's. "I … I love you too."

He ducked his head after, unable to fully look at Jude, but he didn't pull away. He settled down against the mattress, putting his head on Jude's shoulder.

"Let's go to bed, Jude," he suggested.

"Okay," Jude agreed, and he kissed the top of Connor's head. "I can't wait to wake up to you again."

"Stuff for a cheeseburger omelette is in the fridge," Connor murmured, sounding far sleepier than Jude felt. "Don't worry, I know you."

Jude hadn't been worried but it was nice to hear all the same. He slid his hand under the thin white tank top Connor was wearing to bed, just to rest against the small of his back. His thumb ran in small circles along the soft skin. He felt the moment that Connor fell fast asleep against him and he was so glad that Connor trusted him enough to do that now. He could remember all too clearly a time when he wouldn't have but now Connor was asleep in his arms, hair soft and flopping across his pale forehead, his breath heavy as he dreamt. Jude knew that he should really try and fall asleep too but he couldn't take his eyes off Connor.

One more minute of staring wouldn't hurt anything.

The chapter's title is after the song Heart And Mind by Kina Grannis. If you have a song that reminds you of Barefoot And Bruised and would like it to be on the playlist – and possibly a chapter title – send it in and let me know! I'd love to hear your playlist suggestions! (Chapter titles are mostly chosen via shuffle.)

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Barefoot And Bruised, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash barefoot dash and dash bruised dash. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~