I hate admitting it, but I did not make Naruto. I think I'm going to cry TT-TT I only own Chaos and my friend owns Brise.
Enjoy.
/
Turns out, Hidan is a bigger idiot than the series lead on.
Actually, idiot would be an understatement.
Hidan is a dumbass.
Within minutes of entering the kitchen, he'd already caused destruction. Two of Chaos's mugs were shattered, the kitchen window had a crack in it that resembled a spider web, a cabinet door was pulled off its hinges, and an area of the white kitchen tile was covered in blood.
Okay, Chaos actually caused the bloody tile. How, you ask?
She threw the cleaver at him.
Kakuzu congratulated her on her aim before pulling the knife from the back of his partner's neck. He tried to hand it back to her, but instead she pointed towards the sink with a grimace.
"I'd rather not touch that. We never know what Hidan might be carrying," she said, nose turned up in disgust.
Hidan groaned before standing, hand over the wound on his neck. He gave Chaos a bewildered look.
"You psychotic slut! You could've cut my head off!"
Sasori passed Chaos on his way to the stools seated at the bar. "It's a shame she didn't," he muttered, load enough for the room to hear.
Hidan grumbled and threw a glare at Sasori. "Shut up, you short toothpick."
Chaos quirked a brow at Hidan before walking over to the sink, avoiding the bloody tile and shards of mug. She opened one of the drawers on the side of the sink and pulled out an old towel. She got it wet before throwing it at Hidan. "Use that to clean yourself and the floor up."
Grumbling, Hidan nodded. Chaos leaned against the counter, herself and the group watching him as he wiped the blood from his neck and started on the floor. Konan glanced at Chaos before back at Hidan, and then letting her eyes lay on the pink haired woman again.
"I'm surprised he actually listened."
Chaos tapped her nails on the edge of the sink as she opened the cabinet doors underneath the sink and pulled out a mini-broom and dustpan. She swept up the pieces of mug while saying, "It's because the knife is right next to me. Anyways, who wants tea?"
Konan and Itachi raised their hands, which made Chaos quirk an eyebrow. She dumped the contents of the dustpan into the trash and washed her hands. "Okay. Who wants Coke or Mountain Dew?" the remaining members stared at her. She blinked before face palming at her stupidity. "That's right. You don't have Coke or Mountain Dew in your world. I'll give each of you some anyways, so you can see what it tastes like, okay?" a chorus of okays followed her statement. She looked back at Zetsu. "I'll get you some water, since I doubt you can drink either." He nodded and his white half thanked her.
Chaos turned towards the cabinet, pulling out nine glasses. She filled each one with ice and then opened the fridge and pulled out a pitcher of tea. She poured two glasses of tea and placed them in from of Itachi and Konan, earning "thank you"s. She filled Zetsu's up with water from the fridge and slid it across the counter to him, earning the same reaction as before. She turned back to the fridge and pulled out the two liters of each kind of soda. She placed them each on the counter so all the members could look at them.
"This is Mountain Dew and this is Coke. Which one?" she pointed at each one before pointing at Deidara. He stared at the Mountain Dew, eyebrows pinched together.
"It's green, un."
"Coke it is, then," Chaos said with a humored sigh, twisting the top off of the bottle. She poured it into the glass and slid it across the table to Deidara, who hesitantly picked up the glass. He took a sip and smiled, mumbling something about it being good, which would probably influence the others into getting it as well. She decided the leave out the fact that it was as healthy as a eating a pound of sugar. Chaos shook her head and smiled before different colored eyes landed on Sasori. He glared at her, knowing that that kind of look usually didn't mean something good. "What about you Sasori? Coke or Mountain Dew?"
"Fuck you, brat." Sasori scowled and threw his middle finger up at her. Chaos laughed before turning towards Pein.
"How about you, oh fearless leader?" Pein ignored the title she'd given him and pointed towards the Mountain Dew, living up to the nickname. Chaos nodded and poured the liquid into his glass before sliding it towards him. The group finally all had a drink, which left Chaos to getting herself something. She poured the coffee grounds into the filter and pressed start, waiting for her coffee patiently.
"So," Chaos started, "How long till you think you'll be able to go back to Ame?"
Pein set down his glass and shrugged, ignoring the fact that she knew where the base was. He assumed she wasn't a threat, so he didn't dwell on it. "Hopefully, soon. I can't imagine what would happen to Ame if we're gone for too long."
Chaos nodded and turned towards the cabinet, pulling out one of her many, many mugs. The one she pulled out had her name written on it in all caps, along with a date and signature. Her best friend's sloppy handwriting greeted her eyes, along with the scribbled date. Brise was never the best at arts and crafts, but knew that Chaos liked homemade things. So, for Christmas nearly two years ago, Brise had bought a red mug and a few sharpies, decorating the cup for the person she called her best friend. Chaos was written in black with it wrote over it again in white. Next to it was a drawing of TNT to symbolize Chaos. Brise had signed her name under the stick of dynamite, along with the year. The mug was Chaos's absolute favorite and she used it as often as she showered.
"I understand your worry. It must be really off setting," she commented, pouring the pitch black liquid into the glass. She reached for the creamer and sugar jar. "Since you don't know where you are and I'd probably be breaking some American rule about letting murderers and terrorists roam around the US, I'll be kind enough to lend my assistance. You can stay here until you find a way back, if you want."
Pein seemed to consider this. "What about your roommate?"
Chaos rolled her eyes and turned to face them. Some quirked an eyebrow at how she was holding her cup. She held the cup by its rim instead of the handle, something she'd picked up from Levi from Shingeki No Kyojin.
"Brise won't mind. She actually has an artist fetish, so I'm sure she'd be overjoyed to have Deidara and Sasori in the same house as her." Sasori scowled and Deidara made a face. "Now, sleeping situations. We have a guest room for when Brise's parents visit, but it only has one bed, but I think it will be able to fit two, at least. I think we still have the air mattress from when Brise and I went camping with a few friends, but it'll probably only fit one. Then we have the couches. One pulls out into a bed and the other is just a couch. The bed can easily fit two, and I'm willing to let one or two people room with me since I have a queen sized mattress. Brise sleeps on a futon for some crazy reason, so we might be able to put someone there if we have to. Does that work with you guys?"
They all nodded in agreement. Hidan smirked and Chaos raised an eyebrow at his shit-eating face.
"I call sleeping with the pink bitch," Hidan yelled, jumping down from his seat and rushing towards the living room. By the time Chaos had realized what he had said, his feet were already making their way up the stairs. Her different colored eyes widened and she hurriedly set her cup down before yelling after him.
"Don't you dare touch my stuff!" she yelled, racing after him. Some of the more emotional members laughed as she ran up the stairs, nearly falling a couple times. The sound of a door being slammed open along with a stream of mild curses filled the house as the two fought it out. After a few minutes, the cursing stopped and turned into feet pounding against the stairs, probably in a desperate attempt to escape. The group had been waiting for Hidan to appear but was surprised when Chaos barreled through the doors, crazy smile lit up on her face. She ran to the other side of the kitchen and hid behind Kisame, jumping onto his back and hiding herself so only her eyes showed over his shoulder. Kisame laughed and ruffled her light pink hair, much to her dissatisfaction. Seconds later, Hidan burst through the door, nearly throwing it off its hinges on the way in.
"The psychotic slut fucking stabbed me!" Hidan said yanking a pocket knife out of his arm. Everyone raised an eyebrow at Chaos, who scowled.
"There are assholes in the world that will do terrible things in order to get what they want. Because of those terrible people, I hid a shit ton of weapons all over the house. I thought Hidan was one of those terrible people because he jumped out of the fucking darkness and grabbed me. I simply protected myself," Chaos said, grumbling slightly. "He really did scare me though."
Kakuzu rolled his eyes before taking the knife from Hidan's grip and throwing it into the sink. It clattered against the other one before resting. Chaos sighed in content and hugged Kisame's neck tightly.
"Safe," she said, closing her eyes. Kisame chuckled at her before letting her jump from his back. She moved towards the table and bumped her hip into Tobi's thigh a signal to scoot over. "So, sleeping arrangements. Since they're the leaders, I think Pein and Konan deserve the guest room. Sasori doesn't sleep, so he can basically do whatever the fuck he wants at night." Chaos looked at Zetsu. "Since you're one of my favorites, you get to choose where you want to sleep."
"We don't need place to sleep. We'll just stay outside at night."
Chaos nodded and held in her inner fangirl. Zetsu really was one of her favorites. She found the fact that he had a split personality to be badass, despite the fact that cannibalism was a no-go for her. "Hidan and Kakuzu can take the living room, since I doubt Brise would be up to sleeping next to Hidan and Kakuzu will probably take up the whole space. No offense, Kakuzu." He shrugged to show he didn't care. "Tobi can take the air mattress. Don't worry, it's actually really comfy. Deidara can sleep in Brise's room, since there would probably be enough room for both of them on the futon. Or you could kick her off the futon, whatever floats your boat. Since Kisame and Itachi are the only ones left, and I have the biggest bed out of the whole house, they can stay with me. I'll probably make a pile of pillows and blankets and give you guys the bed, since I'd feel guilty if either of you were uncomfortable with sleeping in the same bed as me. Is that okay with everyone?"
The group nodded in unison. Kisame smiled and placed his hand on her shoulder, unable to wrap it around her since she was so short. "No need to put yourself out for our sake. I don't mind it and I'm sure Itachi won't either." Chaos smiled at him.
"So when is your roommate supposed to be here, yeah?" Chaos looked at Deidara who had downed his Coke already. She slid the bottle across the table to him which he happily opened.
"She stayed at her parent's house last night. She should be here in," she glanced at the wall clock, reading that the time was almost seven a.m. "About three hours, give or take." Chaos blinked before groaning. "How the hell am I going to explain that we have ten fictional criminals in the house?" she separated herself from Kisame and grabbed her coffee cup, lifting it up to take a sip. She smiled at how Levi-y she felt.
"You could just tell her what we told you," Sasori suggested. Chaos waved him off, much to the puppet's annoyance.
"Shut up for a moment, toothpick. I'm trying to think." Sasori huffed at her nickname and crossed his arms, settling for glaring at her instead o voicing his distaste.
Chaos hefted herself up onto the kitchen counter and crossed her legs. She blankly stared in the direction of the kitchen island where everyone sat/stood. She stared for a good five minutes, only blinking a few times.
To put it frankly, it was damn creepy.
Hidan was the first to voice the thought all of them had. "Oi, slut, quit staring at us like that, Jashin-dammit. You're going to make Tobi piss his fucking pants." Hidan's yell seemed to bring her back and she turned to him.
"I've figured it out," she said. The group looked at her expectantly and watched a she turned to Pein. "You're going to figure out how to tell her while I go take a nap." And with that, she set her cup down and hoped off the table, leaving the dumbstruck leader to stare at her as she ran out the door and up the stairs.
x x x
Ten had rolled around and crashed into the occupants of the house faster than they expected. Pein had decided that, in the end, it would be Chaos who explained their current situation. Chaos, on the other hand, mentally waved him off and went on a small rant about how she only chose one way to explain things; she improvised.
This was not going to be good.
The sound of a key being shoved into the door panel filled the relatively quiet living room. Over the three hours that they had (they had dragged Chaos down from her room, much to the pinkette's distaste), Chaos had showed Deidara, Tobi, and Hidan the wonderful world of YouTube and, after forbidding them to look up porn, set them loose. At first they just screwed around but, as an hour ticked by and they found they were board with searching up random things; they went on Chaos's subscribed list and seem to enjoy watching Danisnotonfire, AmazingPhil, and Jenna Marbles. Mainly Jenna Marbles, though. The other occupants of the room where either talking to each other, reading, or napping.
Chaos chose the last of the three, and found herself leaning against Kisame who was also asleep.
"Chaos, I'm hom—" the voice was cut off as she stepped through the front door, pale blue eyes widening at the scene before her. Brise seemed to compose herself quickly and, with a sigh, she discarded her purse, laying it down on the back of the couch her best friend occupied, still asleep. She gave the people in the living room a weary glance before walking over to Chaos. She huffed and pushed a few stands of her pixie cut out of her face before squatting down, becoming eye level with the body of her favorite—yet most annoying—friend. Kisame had woken up when she'd walked through the door and spared her a confused look.
The girl—who the Akatsuki assumed was Brise—held up two fingers and snapped in front of Chaos's face a few times, but to no avail. Groaning, Brise took a different approach and grabbed Chaos's cheeks. "How many times do I have to tell you to not kidnap cosplayers? Especially when I'm not home, they could've robbed us! God dammit, wake up!" she said, voice annoyed as she pulled the smaller girls cheeks. The yelling seemed to have woken her up, as one eye pooped open, making Brise drop her cheeks.
"Chaos is not here right now. Leave a message after the beep."
Her green eye closed again. About a minute went by before Brise poked her again. "Are you not going to beep?"
Chaos scoffed, opening both her eyes this time. "Of course not. Then you'd be inclined to leave a message, and I don't feel like being yelled at."
Brise rolled her eyes before standing up. She was pretty tall, as Chaos had mentioned. But, unlike Chaos, she wasn't a thin pole. Instead, she had had a full body of a normal model, one who didn't look on the verge of killing over. She had a natural pout to her lips, making her heart shaped face stand out more. She had big, pale blue eyes that seemed to catch the light the right way, giving off a beautiful shine, along with thick, long eyelashes. Jet black hair that swept over her forehead in a pixie cut/fringe combination suited her, complimenting her eyes and pale complexion. She also always seemed to know what would suit her best, and today it happened to be a pair of skinny jeans and a cut off Arkansas football shirt—even though she hated sports. Paired with a pair of grey sandals, the black haired girl rocked the lazy-yet-cute look.
Chaos only rocked the lazy look.
Chaos noticed some of the murders stared at her a bit longer than they should've and frowned. She raised her foot and kicked her in the side, knocking the female back in surprise. Brise turned with wide eyes to stare at Chaos, who had a pout on her lips.
"Stop being so fucking perfect. It's annoying."
Brise blinked before smiling. "I'm going to take that as a compliment." With that, she turned around and plopped down on top of the smaller girl, leaning back into the couch. She looked around the room, eyeing the occupants. The Three Stooges had turned back to the computer and were currently looking for something new to watch. Sasori, Itachi, and Kakuzu were reading. Pein, Konan, and Kisame had turned their attention to Brise, waiting for the inevitable questions that would soon come. Zetsu was outside, playing around with Chaos's rose bush and cacti. Chaos groaned from under her, trying to pull her arms out from under the other girls butt.
"Anyways," Brise lifted up slightly so the smaller of the two could pull her arms away from her behind. "Why is our house full of sexy strangers? Not that I mind or anything, but I'd rather know what I'm dealing with."
Chaos looked over to Pein and raised her eyebrow at him. He raised one back, nose twitching slightly. Chaos twitched her eye back before doing the caterpillar with her eyebrows. Or, at least trying to. Apparently she just made a weird face, which seemed to confuse Pein.
"What are we doing?" Chaos asked finally snapped out of her weird eyebrow thing, giving him a weird look, to which he only rolled his eyes at. "Oh yeah. Brise, meet the real Akatsuki. Real Akatsuki, meet Brise."
Brise flicked Chaos on the nose, earning a scowl in her direction. "I'm serious."
"Fine, fine. Ask Pein nicely and he'll tell you. I didn't really listen when he told me, anyways." Pein frowned at that before sighing.
It took nearly a half hour to tell Brise the whole story because she kept asking questions. Chaos told Pein he could kill her if he wanted to when Brise asked if he and Konan have ever done the dirty. The pretty blueberry turned into a strawberry and even Pein seemed at a loss for words as Chaos smacked the back of her friends head. She didn't even know why the girl sitting on her would bring it up—everyone already knew the answer anyways.
Once Konan's blush died down and Pein had taken out his anger on Hidan (Chaos's cleaver sure was getting quite a work out), he finished the story, excluding the parts where they had given Chaos a few death threats. The mere fact that Hidan dropped her on the floor made Brise break out into a string of death threats placed towards the immortal, along with Kisame and Chaos having to hold her back.
"So…" Brise started, looking at the occupants once more. "We have ten killers in our house."
Chaos looked around the room as well before also nodding. "Yep."
"We have ten insane, anger-management, deadly criminals staying with us for who knows how long."
Chaos shrugged, having moved around so that her hands could trace a cloud on Kisame's cloak. "Yeah, pretty much." She watched as a wide grin ran across her best friends face.
"Cool."
/
Fun Fact: Tobi didn't join the Akatsuki until after Sasori died, and he joined so he could more thoroughly control the Akatsuki from the (Obviously, I'm not following this rule—I need both Tobi and Sasori in my book of love)
Le question Of The Chapter: what do you think of Brise so far? She isn't too Mary Sue (like, how she's a model and tall and blah blah blah) is she? I'm excited to hear what you think of her, good or bad.
Firstly, I'd like to thank my first two reviewer's Insanely-chan and Honesty's Honoring. Their reviews made me very happy and inspired me to haul ass to get this chapter done. Also, for some reason, it won't let me reply to Insanely-chan's review, so I decided to just add it in here in the author's note.
Insanely-chan: you're so excited that it made me excited omg. I planned on explaining Chaos's nickname in either chapter three or five. I already have the scene written and I hope you'll like it. It's actually the same reason my nickname/pen name is Chaos (well, part of the story is, anyways) XD. Now, I'm just trying to find a place to add it in haha.
Anyways, you wonderful readers need to review because reviews make me happy and, since I'm a people pleaser, makes me write faster.
-Chaos
Edit 11-20-14: I have like four class projects due next week but at least then I get to put out the rewritten version of this. I'm also sick, so that fun haha.