Two days later, Exeter – Monday, 24th October

Adam had been right; she does need time off work, not just because of what had happened on the op, but also because... well, because of Harry. As grateful as she is for his concern and support, the fact that they've embarked on this new relationship between them just after all that's happened to both of them is muddying the waters for her considerably, and she no longer knows which way's up, or whether she's coming or going.

After he'd left and she'd finally pulled herself together, got ready for work and gone downstairs into the kitchen, the sight of the breakfast he'd brought her laid out on a plate, the table set for one, and a note propped up against the paper cup holding her now, undoubtedly, stone cold coffee had almost reduced her to tears again, and she'd immediately realised how unfair she was being on him. He was trying so hard to be sweet, and she was unable to see past her fears and insecurities long enough to really appreciate him and all that he was doing for her. And that's when she'd decided that she really wasn't ready to go back to work, and within a few minutes, she'd arranged everything, calling Adam and her mother before she'd made herself some tea and sat down to eat her breakfast, all the while staring at her phone as she tried to muster the courage to ring Harry.

In the end, her call had gone straight to voice mail where she'd left a short, somewhat flustered, and quite likely incoherent message, thanking him for coming over last night and for breakfast, and explaining that she felt she needed a few days away from London and was going to visit her mother. And now, here she is, staring out the kitchen window and wondering why he hasn't called.

He'd seemed so concerned for her two days ago. Could he really have forgotten about her already? Or is he, perhaps, angry that she'd left without a word when she'd promised to see him later and... No, she tells herself firmly. It can't be just about the sex. She'd already decided that on the train ride down here and she can't keep second guessing herself. After all, he'd told her as much when he'd come over, and besides, if it had been all about the physical pleasure, then he wouldn't have hesitated when she'd invited him up to bed. There has to be more to it than that. The question is, how much more?

She hasn't slept well the last few nights, partly because of the nightmares that have plagued her, but also because she's been worrying about this very thing. How much does Harry Pearce really care for her? She knows how fiercely loyal he is when it comes to members of his team, how hard he works to keep them safe, how much it costs him when they are harmed, to what lengths he will go to protect and avenge them, and how hurt he is by any betrayal on their part. She's certainly part of that, part of his team, his surrogate family, and therefore, important to him in that way. But then there's also the physical attraction between them, which makes her skin flush and belly begin to churn with desire every time she thinks of it, the ghost of his touch and the echo of him inside her making her heart begin to pound and her palms to sweat. She wonders if he's affected by it just as deeply as she is, but then quickly dismisses the idea. He must have had so many women more experienced than her who could give him so much more pleasure. But then, why risk it? Why pursue something with her at all?

Not that their first time had been planned by either of them. It had just happened and now... she really can't work him out. Perhaps it's a mid-life crisis of sorts, she thinks with a frown, though it's hardly a typical way for it to manifest itself. Then again, unlike most men his age, he has enough excitement in his life to not need another source of it, so perhaps he's pursuing quite the opposite – companionship and intimacy, something he's been lacking for a very long time. But where does that leave her when he gets bored and restless again, as she's convinced that he eventually will? She sighs, rubbing her face with her hands.

"Tea, Darling?" her mother asks, stepping into the kitchen and almost making her jump.

"Christ, Mum!" she exclaims. "You scared me half to death."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you," her mother smiles. "Tea?"

"Yes, please," she nods, grateful for the distraction, and turns to help make it. It's been good to see her mother and she's pleased she decided to come down to stay with her and her step-father. Normally she's bored to death during her visits here and the endless shopping trips and dropping in to see relatives and family friends it entails, but this time, she's just grateful for the distraction they provide and her mother seems pleased by how focused and present she is, though Ruth's sure that, if she knew the real reason behind her determination to not let her thoughts wonder, she'd be horrified. Her mother still thinks she works for the Department for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs and she'd like to keep it that way as she's a worrier and it wouldn't do her any good to know that Ruth's a spy.

Soon they're sipping their tea quietly, sitting on either side of the kitchen table, a plate of home-made shortbread biscuits between them. As Ruth reaches for one, her mother asks softly, "Are you quite all right, Ruth darling? You look so tired."

"I'm fine, Mum," she answers automatically, but seeing the worry in her mother's eyes as she sits back in her chair, she adds, "I haven't been sleeping well lately, that's all. Work's been busy and we've had to put in a lot of overtime."

"Are you sure that's all, Darling?" she says. "You seem... different, a little troubled."

"I'm fine, Mum," she smiles. "Really."

"You can talk to me, you know," she offers then. "I know we haven't been... as close as we might have been, Ruth, and I'm sorry for that... but I'm still your mother and I love you."

"I know, Mum," she nods. "I love you too. It's been... good, coming here. Thank you."

"I'm very glad you're here. We don't see you nearly as often as we'd like."

"Well, work's busy," she shrugs and takes another bite of her biscuit. "Where's David?" she asks, trying to chance the subject.

"Golf," is her mother's simple reply.

"Ah," she nods and falls silent again. In truth, she never knows what to talk to her mother about. As Elizabeth has just pointed out, they've never been close, not since she'd been sent off to boarding school from the age of eleven. It had been something her parents had always wanted for her, and she'd been looking forward to it herself, but then her father had been killed in that horrific car crash and she'd wanted to stay home, close to her memories of him. Her mother had insisted, however, and she had eventually settled in and excelled, but deep down she's never really forgiven her mother for that, even though she knows that she did it because she thought is was best. "Were you and Dad happy, Mum?" she asks suddenly, taking both herself and her mother by surprise. "I mean, I know you loved him, but... were you happy?"

Her mother takes a sip of her tea, clearly unprepared for the question, before replying, "Yes. I mean we had our moments like every couple, but we were happy... and very much in love even after fifteen years of marriage. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know," she murmurs, dropping her gaze to her hands that are fiddling with her tea cup. "I suppose I've always wondered. I have some very fond memories of Dad, but I also remember that he worked hard and wasn't always home."

"Well," she smiles, "he was a doctor... and I suppose, it did put some strain on our marriage from time to time, but overall, we were happy." They're silent for some time before she speaks again, saying, "He was special, your father, and I loved him deeply. Losing him was... It broke my heart... And then you going off to school so soon after... It wasn't easy."

"But I never wanted to go," Ruth protests somewhat forcefully. "You made me go."

"I know, Darling," her mother agrees with a sad smile. "I thought it was for the best and you did so well in that school. Your father had really wanted you to go there because he knew you'd get an excellent education and you were so smart, Ruth. He wanted the best for you and I knew you'd be bored silly at the local secondary school. I couldn't go against his wishes... though it was hard for both of us at the time."

Ruth frowns and drops her gaze to her cup of tea, struggling to digest this new piece of information. She's always blamed her mother for sending her away, not understanding the true reasons for her decision, or how hard it must have been for her to let her go. She's always assumed that her mother's motives had been primarily selfish, to get her out of the way. "And David?" she asks suddenly, lifting her eyes to her mother's face.

"He's a good man," her mother replies after a momentary hesitation, "and I love him, but I was never in love with him, and he knows that. I know you've always blamed me for marrying him so soon after your father's passing, and I have to say, I wasn't planning or expecting it myself. But he was good for me, Ruth. He made me smile and laugh again, and I needed that... I needed to put myself back together again and move on with my life."

Ruth nods, wondering if she'd be able to do that if Harry... but she mustn't go there. Then as if her mother has read her mind, she asks gently, "You've met someone, haven't you? That's why you're asking me about your father and David, and why you haven't been sleeping well lately."

She lifts her eyes to her mother's again, ready to deny everything, but something stops her at the last moment and she nods instead. Perhaps it's the recognition that her mother does care for her, that she'd been wrong to think otherwise, or perhaps it's the realisation that she has no one else to talk to about this, but she suddenly wants to open up to her and ask for her advise. "Partly," she murmurs after taking a sip of her tea, her eyes lowered once more. "He's... I've known him for a while now; we work together. And I've know for some time, I think, that he... likes me, but he... his job is... he needs to lie a lot and he's very good at deceiving people, so..."

"You're not sure he's being sincere?" her mother finishes for her.

"No," she sighs, lifting her eyes to her mother's.

"But, Ruth darling," she says gently, "if he's not worthy of your trust-"

"No, it's not that," she hastens to add. "I do trust him. I'd trust him with my life. He's very loyal and so... kind hearted, underneath all the bluster and bravado."

"Then why don't you trust him to be honest with you about his intentions?" she asks.

"He... well, he has the reputation of being..." she hesitates, "a bit of a lady's man and I don't feel... I'm scared that he'll... move on and I... I'm in love with him. I'm scared he'll break my heart because he doesn't feel the same way."

"It sounds like you're already seeing this man," her mother replies after a moment's deliberation, waiting for her to confirm her suspicions with a nod before continuing, "and from what you say, he's a good person and your only concern is that he might not have deep feelings for you but, Darling, not everyone falls in love at first sight. It's the kind of thing that grows with time after you get to know someone. I was never in love with David, but with time, I grew to love him and I don't regret marrying him. Perhaps this man- What's his name?"

"Harry," she whispers.

"Perhaps Harry will love you too with time," she says. "It's no reason to hold back, just because he doesn't love you yet."

"I know," Ruth sighs, "but the thing is... he's actually my boss, and I'm scared that, if it doesn't work out, we won't be able to work together and I'll have to leave."

"I see," her mother nods with understanding. "That does put a different spin on things... But isn't it a bit late to worry about that, Darling? You're already dating him, aren't you?"

"It... we," she stammers, "we ended up... We were drunk." She finishes, not wanting to explain anything about what really happened between them, then seeing her mother's shocked face, she adds, "It was stupid, I know, but he did admit that he's been wanting to ask me out for some time now. We work well together and I think he didn't want to risk jeopardising that."

"Which is a good sign, Ruth," she says gently. "If he values your work and your working relationship, then that's a sign that he's after more than a short... interlude."

"Yes," she agrees. "I suppose that's true."

"You're a lovely person, Ruth," her mother smiles. "Any man would be lucky to have you and your love. Don't underestimate yourself and all you have to offer him. It doesn't sound as if he does, so don't sell yourself short. If you love this man, Harry, then he must be a special person. You have a good head on your shoulders and you wouldn't bestow your love on someone unworthy of it. So I think, it really comes down to one thing, Ruth - is it worth the risk? How strong are your feelings and can you see yourself having a future with Harry? Is he more important to you than your job, which I know you love very much."

"That depends on how he feels about me," she sighs. "It's a wonderful job, Mum. I love it and I don't want to lose it."

"Would you love it just as much if Harry wasn't part of it?" her mother asks rather astutely.

"No," she admits, "but not just because of my feelings for him. It's because he's an excellent boss. He really cares about the work we do and our team is very close-knit as a result. It's not often you find that."

"No, it's not," she agrees.

"I'm scared to lose that," Ruth sighs.

"Perhaps you already have, Ruth," her mother replies, and at her frown explains, "It might already be impossible to go back to the way things were at work, but that needn't necessarily be a bad thing. All relationships change with time, and although change can be very frightening, it can lead to many good things, not just disasters. Perhaps this is a step towards something better for both of you."

"You're right," she nods, smiling at her mother. "I'm over-analysing everything."

"It sounds to me as if you need to make a choice and then give it your very best," her mother replies, reaching for her hand across the table and giving it a squeeze. "You're wonderfully determined when you put your mind to something, Ruth. Look how well you did at school and University and how far you've come in your career! But it's not only in your work that you can use that, Darling. In fact, if you love Harry as much as I think you do, then you probably owe it to yourself to give it your best shot, otherwise you'll always wonder and regret, and life's too short for that. If there's one thing I've learnt from losing your father, it's that."

"Thanks, Mum," she smiles, getting up and walking round the table to give her a hug. "I'm so glad I came to see you."

"Me too, Darling," her mother replies. "I do hope everything works out for the best."