Chapter 17

Stephanie felt her spirits rise on the way home from the hospital.

"It is going to be so, so good to have her home." she said, as she sat in the front seat of the car next to her dad.

"It certainly will… And you are going to be staying around Salem for a while?" Steve checked as they drove.

His daughter nodded. She wasn't leaving just as she got her mother home. She was surprised by how little she had thought of her life back in Chicago since she had been in Salem.

On the flight when she had been coming to the place she had been born, she had already been desperate to go back. But that had been due to fear, the fear of not knowing what she was arriving too. She was sure of it in hind sight. Now she was home she was not sure she wanted to go at all.

She had her family here, friends… why on earth would she leave them?

"I am. I know mom is going to need a bit of help to adjust to being back at home and with you moving into the apartment with Jack…" she sighed as she looked out the window…

"That's good, baby."

Steve nodded. He had not forgotten. And he knew Little Sweetness meant nothing by it…

Still, he took a deep breathe. And he knew no matter what anyone said to him, nothing was going to wreck that day.

His son felt the same when he got home.

It was only when Steve gave his boy the news that he was going to get his mom home that he realized he had not really seen Joey smile since he had been home. Not a smile which met his eyes any way.

The Johnsons were happy that night.

Steve knew they could be. Kayla was coming home. Stephanie was staying home. Joey was at home. And he was going to be moving i to a home with his brother.

It was only the last thing one that list that put a dampened on his spirits.

Till he thought too deeply. And then he wondered if there happiness really was more than surface deep.

There was still a lot of work to be done before he knew any of them could be truly happy.

Kayla was not yet one hundred per cent. No matter what route that she went it meant she was going to have to go back in to hospital for surgery. Then there was the fact she was still too terrified to talk through what happened. Stephanie was clearly wanting to accept him home for good but had her reservations, whether she was upfront about them or not. And while her staying in Salem was a good thing for the family, it was going to be a lot of upheaval for her. She was going to have to find a new job and settle somewhere where she was going to have to confront unhappy memories as well as better ones. Then there was Joey the night before…

No. perhaps Steve had been fooling himself. Perhaps there happiness was not as complete as he would like it to be.

For just five minutes he realised he needed some time – just to take breathe.

And so he found himself back at the Brady pub. After practically living on top of Bo for the last few years and the two of them flying home together when they had got the news, they had barely seen one another when they had got back.

He walked into the pub to find it was a fairly quiet evening – but then, it was a school and work night.

Bo was behind the bar when he entered to Steve's relief.

"It is good to see a friendly face," he said as he sat on a bar stole. "A beer, Beauregard."

"Well, you look as if you need it," he said to his friend.

Going over to the right side of the bar, he pulled two cold ones out of the fridge and slide one over to Steve, keeping the other for himself. It was so unsociable after all to let him drink alone and the two of them had been drinking partners all the way back to the merchant marine days, when the truth was they had never even always liked one another that much.

Still they had never allowed the other to drink alone.

They had been in Salem for just about two weeks. And they looked like they had been.

"Tell me all your news," Bo promoted.

Though the two of them had both been up to see Kayla regularly, neither of them had seen one another at the hospital for more than a 'how's it going man?'

Bo guessed that was because Steve was going in the evenings so that he and Kayla could curl up and be alone. The image of the two of them on the bed that first night that they had got back not yet left his head

"Well, Kayla is coming home tomorrow."

That was the main thing. The most important thing. Nothing could be more important than that so it seemed a good piece of news to lead with.

"Yeah, we got a call from the hospital. It is the first time I have seen mom smile since we got back."

"I thought the same thing about the kids earlier." Steve nodded. "So I am going to be going over the other side of the corridor and moving in with Jack."

That was not where he wanted to be.

"It could be worst."

"Could it?" he indulged in a selfish moment. He had never had them round Kayla or the kids – all along he said he had to be the strong one and he knew that was right. To be weak in front of them was not ok. This was not about him or his own selfish needs…

But he did not think he had to be strong for them just then.

"Yeah. It could." Bo's tone was what made him look up.

And he saw something in his eye – something he had seen before. God knows why but he was suddenly spoiling for a fight.

Better the two of them took it out on one another, Steve guessed.

"Ok, I'll play. How could it possibly be worst?"

"At least you're talking with Kayla and the kids."

"Talking… nice choice of words there buddy."

"Ooh come on Steve," said Bo as he came round the bar talking a swig as he did so. "you know what I mean. You are there with your family, they want you to be around," Bo pointed out. "You have been welcomed home!"

Meanwhile, he had spent about as much time with Ciara and Hope since he had been home as he had when he had been away. Hope had been as good as her word and had been in contact but the one time he had seen Ciara since the pub, she had been no more forth coming than she had been at that very first meeting.

And then just a few nights before he had had to stand and watch as the Johnsons family had eaten together. They had laughed and they had joked and… it had been everything he had wanted for him and his family.

Steve was his best friend and he so wanted to be kind but being away from his family was making his grumpy. In fact he was not sure it wasn't making him a little crazy.

And as much as he didn't want to be mean spirited about any of this, a small voice which he hated could not stop those little jealous thoughts infecting his mind.

Steve and Kayla were going through a lot. The moments of happiness either one of them got was a truly precious thing.

But he wanted them to. And he wanted to be a father to his daughter the way Steve was getting to parent his son.

"Is that what you think? That coming home has been a walk on a sunny day for me?!" Steve almost laughed in his friends face.

If only…

"Well, on the outside, I do have to admit it does not look so bad."

"Well, why don't I give you a little insight into what it has been like on the inside.

"My wi – your sister has lost her hearing. I can't hear her beautiful voice, which is something I am desperate to do. She can't hear me say how sorry I am for leaving her in the first place which is something I am even more desperate to do. In addition to that something has happened to her which she won't tell anyone, which she is too scared to tell anyone, which kills me. She got battered and bruised Bo… I can't help her, I can't make the pain stop and now she is putting all these walls up between us that I do not think I have the right to try and tear down when she is putting them up there for her own protection.

"So that's Kayla, how about we move on to my little sweetness? Stephanie seems to be happy I am home one minute and then she I tells me not to get her brothers hopes up that things might work out for me and his mom. She still doesn't trust me, and why the hell should she? I have let her down so many times. And my little dude… my baby boy is clearly trying to be a man before his time. That is until it is the middle of the night and he wakes up screaming from a night mare." He paused only to take a breathe. "Do you want me to go on?"

Bo however was beginning to look ashamed of himself. Deep down he knew it was had not been as easy for Steve as his jealousy had wanted him to believe. He was only sorry he had let them get the better of him.

He had been about to reply when Steve started up again.

"No – no, you know what I have started so I am going to finish. Justin is treating Adrienne like crap, only I can't do anything about that either as the two of us are only just getting back on an even footing to as she was pissed as hell I never told her about Jack. Now that dude is in love with his wife and his daughter loves him like crazy but JJ? There is another member of the family who is pissed as hell and I have no idea why."

Strangely enough Jack was the only one he was not too worried about. He had always had to worry about Jack.

Not anymore. Steve only hoped it was going to stay that way.

His mind turned away from his family and back to the matter in hand. Bo was now looking ashamed of himself as well as down cast.

Steve felt is heart ache a little, but as well as that, to Steve's great surprise, he felt better. He had got it all out of his head and it felt good to be able to voice his worries, even in anger… which he knew should not come as a great shock, not at all. After all Kayla's lessons about letting his feelings out….

That was what they both needed.

"Are things no better?" He asked. Steve did not look at his friend though… not yet.

"I just feel as if it is all so useless, as if I am useless. I have to give them some space but at the same time I have to do something…" Bo admitted. He just felt so disconnected. He had his mom and he loved her. But the rest of the family – they were moving and he was stuck still.

Kim had Shane got to on with and for all their differences, he knew Steve and Kayla would forge on side by side. It was just what they did.

The only way he might go on was if he did so with his wife and daughter.

And so until they were ready to think to have him back there was nothing to be done.

"So do it. I know it may seem as if life begins with Hope and Ciara but until it can, you need to find a new starting point."

"And where might I find one, oh wise one?" Bo asked his tone less pitiful but no less desperate.

"I do not know, that is up to you - ring up Shawn Douglas, do something for a member of the family, sort out a job. Sitting round here wishing you had my trouble is not going to get you anywhere."

Bo nodded. He knew he was right. But that did not make it any easier. He did not think there was anything on earth which could make what he had to do easier. "Do you think you could get another starting point? I mean asides from Kayla."

Steve shook his head. He would not but then he was not the one who had too.

"I know you, Bo. If I know you at all, I know you can do this."

Bo was not sure he had earned the faith of his friend. But he would take it all the same.

"I am sorry for what I said. I know none of this has been easy for you."

Steve nodded. "Don't think about it, I think I might be going a little mad to if I were in your shoes. You just have to - channel all that frustration, dude, somehow," he said as he took a swig of his beer. "You know your girls will com round."

He was Bo… she was Hope. Steve was pretty sure that meant she had to come round.

"I do not know about that, but you are a real friend."

And as long as he had his friends and family, then he could stay sane during the long wait. Hopefully.

X x x

The moon was high in the sky when Adrienne and Justin got back from Chez Rouge. It was in fact the sort of night which a women and her husband should have no trouble feeling like a pair of young sweethearts again. But then there was a little too much water under the bridge for either one of them to feel exactly like that again. In fact, when they had sat down to dinner, it had been a little awkward. There had never been that kind of tension between them over a dinner table before. But then they eased into each other's company, they had a little wine and the tension left them to their meal.

Rather than the state of their marriage, they had stayed on topics which could only be described as 'safe'. Her family, their sons…. They had looked for a common ground and they had found one. After that it had become considerably easier, they laughed and joked and for the first time in a long time he found he could not take his eyes off her. There was a light in her eyes he had not seen for quite some time… for too long he realised.

Maybe it was the security of having her family back together which had put it there.

He was not sure. But it was good to see.

On the way back to the car he grabbed her hand to hold. It was warm and it was loving and allowed her to admit to her own heart she had missed him.

And on the way home, she allowed herself to admit something else: she was looking forward to bed.

They had been together properly so little of late. Only once, in fact, when he had got back from Dubai been together and that was when they had found out Sonny was going to be ok. But that night it was going to be different. It was going to be just Justin and her in their own bed together because that was where they wanted to be.

She had thought they were in a place from which they were not going to be able to return. But as they kissed on the couch on their return home, as if they were teens, she felt the very pleasant and heady sensation that there was a chance she had been wrong.

"Oh honey," he murmured to her between kisses and Adrienne was sure she had the Justin of old back. He was not going to hurt her, he was just going to love her the way he always had done.

All it took was a look from him and all thoughts of Lucas left her.

She wanted Justin. She always had.

"Yes," she sighed contentedly as he slide is hand under her blouse.

The direction he was going said her bra was soon to be a thing of the past, at least for that day.

In the cold light of the next morning she knew she may very well have a few doubts over what they were doing just then which was why it was so lovely it was not yet morning. This was not going to fix their marriage but it might make them feel loved for a while.

"How about we go upstairs?" he suggested.

"Now that is an idea I like the sound of." she had been about to let him led the way when there was a knock on the door.

The only thing louder than her sigh was his growl of pure frustration.

Why?

The two of them looked at each other both wondered if just ignoring it was an acceptable thing to do. But they had a son who had marital issues of his own and they had nieces and nephew who might need them at any given moment. Of course they had to get the door.

"You stay here," he said with a determinedness she had not heard in quite some time. They were just putting things on pause for a minute. That was all.

But if she stayed on the couch then she was going to be far from where she wanted to be which would right up next to him. And so she went to the door with him and was placing her hands on his sides even as he opened it, laying a claim to what had always really been hers.

Even as he opened the door, she was placing tender, teasing kisses to his neck.

There at the door stood a stunningly pretty blonde in her late twenties. She had wide brown eyes and a sweet smile.

It was only on her face for a moment before it feel off though.

"Oh you are so right, Justin. You wife does not seem to understand you at all," she stated.

Adrienne felt as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown over her.

So this was Elsa.

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