A/N: Please excuse the rough language. I had difficulty with this chapter, not with the content, but with getting it the way I wanted it.

Chapter 9

Hotch lay on his side staring at a spot on the far wall, alone in his hospital room. Raped! I was raped and sodomized! I let it happen! It's my fault! He squeezed his eyes shut as the words kept replaying themselves in his mind. It was then the voice of his late father, Daniel Hotchner, boomed in his mind and blamed him, too, for everything. You're a weak, pathetic little bastard, Aaron. Always were. You let a man fuck you like a little girl. You let it happen. I always knew you were a worthless little piece of shit. Aaron painfully swallowed the growing lump in his throat, his eyes moist. He closed them hoping to stop the tears from falling.

Raped! I was raped! And sodomized! His lower lip quivered. How can I have let this happen? When he opened his eyes, there was an older man's image standing and staring at him with accusatory eyes. Figuring his mind was playing tricks on him, he closed them again.

"You're nothing but a weak, pathetic excuse for a man," the voice boomed. "A real man wouldn't let another man fuck him in the ass like you did. You let another man use you like a whore," the voice stated coldly.

"Dad?" Hotch asked having opened his red, wet eyes to stare at the image in front of him. The face of the image was blurred. But there was no mistaking that voice. It taunted him. Belittled him.

"Don't call me that," the voice continued. "I didn't raise no whore! And that's what you are. A whore!"

"But it…wasn't…my fault, dad. I was…drugged."

Then came the laughter; the cruel, mocking laughter. "So you were drugged. So what? You think that excuses what you let happen? You're an embarrassment, boy. A damn embarrassment! Look at you. Crying like a girl. You ain't no son of mine! I didn't raise no son to cry like a woman, or be a whore!"

"I'm sorry, dad," Hotch whispered as the tears built up in his eyes. "I'm…so sorry." He bit his lower lip. Hotch tried to recall both the assault, and who was responsible, but couldn't. He had no idea what happened. It was like a giant eraser had entered his mind, and wiped away all memory of what happened after he and Darryl had met at the Serendipity. But that was what Rohypnol did. It caused amnesia. Hotch didn't agree if that was a good or bad thing. All he did understand were three things. One, somebody violated him in the worst possible way. Two, he had let it happen as his father stated. And three, his best friend had lied to him. He squeezed his eyes shut again and when he opened them, the image was gone and he was alone again.

"I'm…sorry…dad," he kept his voice low. "I'm…sorry…to be such…a dis…appointment."

Rossi and Moeller faced the doctor once they were a safe distance from Hotch's room. Rossi could tell that Caswell truly was sorry for misspeaking. But his apologetic expression did little to appease his anger, and he had no problem letting the doctor know it.

"Agent Rossi, I can't tell you again how sorry I am about letting that information slip out."

"Yeah, well, that may be, doctor," Rossi replied, his eyes hard, his voice cold. "But it doesn't change the fact that Aaron now knows what happened to him. I didn't want him to find out this way. He wasn't ready to deal with that knowledge."

Caswell nodded grimly. "I promise it won't happen again."

"No it won't," Rossi assured him. "Because I want you to remove yourself from Aaron's care after you select another doctor to replace you. After that, I don't want you within spitting distance of Aaron. Do I make myself clear?"

Caswell's eyes narrowed. "I will not remove myself…"

"You can and you will, doctor. If you refuse or don't, I will have you removed myself. And believe me when I say I have the contacts to make it happen. You should consider yourself lucky I don't have you fired. So, do we understand each other?"

Caswell swallowed hard and smirked. The doctor stared at this man in front of him. Something in his eyes told him Rossi scared him. With a deep sigh and shoulders sagged, he nodded.

"I understand," he said, defeated. "Before the day is over, Agent Hotchner will have a different physician. Will that be soon enough for you?"

Rossi considered it. A slow smile crossed his face. "It does. Just make sure it happens. Now, I suggest you get out of my sight."

The doctor nodded to both Rossi and Moeller, then turned quickly on his heels and walked away leaving the two men watching his receding back. Once Caswell was out of sight, Moeller glanced at Rossi.

"Remind me never to get on your bad side," the detective grinned.

Rossi chuckled. "Don't worry, detective. I promise I'll give you advance notice before I go off on you." He let out a deep breath and gazed at the closed door of Hotch's room. "I just have no idea what's going through Aaron's mind right now. But if we push him after this, he might close down totally." He looked at Moeller. "I suggest we give him space right now. Perhaps come back this evening and question him."

Moeller sighed and glanced at the closed door himself for a few seconds before turning back to Rossi. "I think you might be right. We need answers. But we should give him a little time to process from this information." He stuffed his hands in his pants pockets. "So what do we do until then?"

Rossi let out a deep breath. "Before the roof caved in on Hotch, he did give me a name. Darryl Wheaton. Said he was an old college friend of his. Called him and asked him to meet him at the Serendipity. Our tech analyst tried to find something on Wheaton, but we didn't have a last name until now. All she found is that he used a burn phone when he called Hotch. Now that we have a last name, I'll have her run a check on this Darryl Wheaton."

Moeller wrapped his arms around himself. "You think he might be responsible for what happened to Agent Hotchner?"

"I'm not sure. But I am sure he might be able to shed light on a few things." Rossi looked at his watch to check the time. "I have to leave. Can I drop you somewhere?"

"Yeah. You can drop me at the station. Hopefully your Agent Morgan is making headway with Yardley. I can update you if he finds out anything. And I'll check if our lab has processed those swabs the hospital sent."

"Thanks. I appreciate it," Rossi told him. The two men proceeded to walk down the hall to the elevators.

Aaron Hotchner was still staring blankly at the far wall when the door of his room opened. He didn't turn to find out who it was who entered. He didn't care.

"Whoever you are, go away," Hotch ordered his voice void of emotion. He didn't want to see or speak with anybody. How can anybody even stand to look at me after what I allowed to happen? Don't they understand? I'm damaged goods. I'm weak. I'm not worth anybody's compassion or sympathy. I'm worthless.

"Aaron?" a female voice called out to him. Hotch didn't turn around and take notice of who had spoken even though he recognized the voice.

"Jessica, please…go away. I don't want…to speak anybody…right now. Please."

"Aaron, I need you to look at me. I ran into Agent Rossi as he was leaving with a Detective Moeller. He told me you didn't want to talk to anybody. I…I hope that doesn't include me."

Hotch let out a deep breath, but kept his head turned away from his ex-sister-in-law. "Where's Jack? Why aren't…you…with him? You didn't…bring him…here…did you?"

"No. Jack's with my next-door neighbor, Bethany. After Agent Rossi told me you were in the hospital, I had Bethany come by and stay with Jack while I came here. He's fine, but worried about his daddy. He wants to see you."

Hotch's chest tightened. He recalled having met Bethany Jamison once when dropping his son at Jessica's, and liked her very much. She was a single mother of two little girls a year older than Jack. She often watched Jack when Jess wasn't able to, and Jack enjoyed playing with her daughters, Cassie and Delilah. He knew his son was safe with Bethany and need not worry. But right now he wanted to see his son. But his father's voice took over again. No son would want to see a weakling like you. How do you think he's going to feel knowing what you let happen? He's going to hate you for allowing it, for being so damned weak. He's better off not seeing you. His lower lip trembled.

"Go…home…Jess…please," he begged. "Tell Jack…tell him…I can't…see him. Hate…me…"

Jessica was appalled. "What are you talking about, Aaron? Jack loves you. He could never hate you." She paused a few seconds. "Aaron, I want to help you get over what happened. So does Jack. He misses his daddy."

Hotch closed his eyes at those words. Rossi told her about the rape. I know he did. How could he? She doesn't care. She's just acting like she does. I don't want or need her pity. I don't need anybody's pity. He opened his eyes and saw the image again with the twisted sneer on his face. "She thinks you're weak as well. Just imagine what that little brat of yours is going to think. Especially when he finds out his daddy let a guy poke him in the ass."

"Jack is…not…a brat," Hotch declared adamantly to no-one.

"What?" asked Jessica, mystified at Hotch's choice of words. "I never said…"

"Just get…out," Hotch repeated, hoping he sounded more authoritative.

"Aaron, please…" Jessica begged him, her voice trembling as tears built in her eyes. "Talk to me." She had no idea why Hotch was acting like this. All Rossi had told her was that Aaron had been attacked. But something else had happened that had changed him. She only wished he would talk to her. Sadly, she had no idea what to do for him. Or how to help him.

Hotch refused to answer her. He hoped his silence would make her leave before he said something he might regret. After a few minutes of listening to Jessica's sniffling, he closed his eyes hoping to let himself fall asleep. He failed.

"I'm going to leave now, Aaron, but I'll come back later to visit you. Just remember that Jack and I love you. I'm also sure Haley is looking down from heaven, and is worried sick about you and what happened. She wouldn't want you to push away the people who love and care about you. You just remember that." Hotch heard the sound of a door close and realized Jessica had walked out. The image had left as well. He was now alone as he should be.

Why can't he remember the attack? Despite the Rohypnol, why can't he remember something…anything? And where was Darryl? Why wasn't he here visiting him? Had something happened to him? Did whoever attacked him done the same or worse to Darryl? If he can just remember everything after he arrived at the bar until he woke up in a hospital.

He wracked his brain hoping that despite the Rohypnol, he could force his brain to remember what happened. He wanted to, no, needed to know what happened. It was important to him that he find out, For his own piece of mind he needed to find out.

You're a weak, little bastard, his father's voice exploded in his mind causing his lower lip to quiver. You disgust me! You let yourself be used like a whore! I'm embarrassed you even share my last name. I didn't raise a damn whore for a son. That's what you are. A damn whore! A damn, worthless whore who calls himself a man, much less my son. You are an embarrassment to me!

"Why does he hate me so much?" Hotch asked himself. "Why does he blame me for something that wasn't my fault? I was drugged." He muffled a sob as tears blinded him. "But I am to blame. I let it happen. Jack will never understand that his father let another man treat him like a whore. He'll hate me. I hate me. I let it happen. It's my fault." The tears fell from the corners of his eyes.

"I'm so…sorry…" he sobbed. "Dad…I'm sorry. Didn't...mean to…disappoint…you. I'm…sorry."

But the voice of Daniel Hotchner was relentless. "It's too late for I'm sorry, boy."

"I'll…do better. I…promise…"

Daniel Hotchner laughed. "You're just a worthless little piece of shit. You're not even worth my time. You're not even worth anybody's pity. You're useless except for satisfying another man."

"I'll…do better. You'll see." The only response Hotch got was laughter. He closed his eyes and allowed exhaustion to overtake him.