Chapter 22

Hope had been thrilled on Saturday when Ciara had got back and told her about fun which she had had with her dad that day. As scared as she was that Bo was going to leave again and that Ciara was going to get hurt, she had to say she had forgotten that her daughter had that smile – it was a very specific one and only her dad could put it on her face. It lit up her eyes and Hope had always thought it made her look even more adorable. She had smiled that smile the first time when she had been just a few months old.

Seeing that expression on her daughters face could not but melt some of the ice in her heart which she felt for Bo. Which was why she didn't feel the same powerful anger she had that day when he had first turned up at the police station when she went into the pub.

And it melted even further when she saw he was with his two sisters. She had been a member of their family for so long that his sisters were hers.

To see them clearly emotional one another's company filled her up with a strange feeling.

She wasn't sure what to call it… so she decided to try not to name it.

"Hey, what are all the tears about?" she asked as she approached their table.

"Oh Hope," said Kim with a smile. "Bo and Kayla here have just been having a bit of a chat," she beamed.

"Yeah?" she asked as she turned to her ex-husband.

"Yeah. Been filling a little of my free time with some sign language classes," he said as he pressed a kiss to Kayla's head.

"That – that sounds like a great idea!" Hope smiled.

"It is," Kim agreed.

"Do you want a drink?" Caroline asked from behind the bar, having noticed Hope come in.

She had not been planning on staying for one. However, now it was harder to leave than she had thought it was going to be.

"Yeah – yeah, can I have a soda?"

Shane, who had been chatting with his mother in law, came and sat down with the Brady siblings and between the five of them they managed to pass a very pleasant lunch. In fact by the time that the three house hunters were back on pounding the pavements, Hope felt decidedly relaxed.

"So I am guessing what you came here for today was Ciara's sweater?" Bo asked.

"Yes – a catch up with the gang was just a happy coincidence," she said as the two of them came more and more aware that they were suddenly all alone.

"Kay seems well on the mend… and happy, in spite of everything."

She had been more aware than ever that lunch that she was yet to figure out what had happened to her…

She was going to have to try again.

"Yeah I think having the kids and Steve about is helping her out."

"And Kimmie too…"

Hope nodded. "And you. You're helping Kay and you helped Ciara too. Did you have a good chat on Saturday? She seemed a lot calmer when she got back. Calmer than she has been in a long time."

Bo sighed deeply as he tried to think how to answer. "She had a lot of tough questions for me and I tried to answer her the best I can."

"Well – you made a good start," she admitted as she drained her glass of lemonade.

Then she looked at him. "Where were you Brady?"

His eyes rose to meet hers and he knew the tough questions were a long way from being done. There were still plenty left to answer.

"Europe," he replied. It was a lot more sensible an answer than the one he had given her before.

She nodded.

"Why don't I go and get the sweater?" Bo asked. He did not want them to go on any further than they already had done. No arguments…

Not that day, he thought.

She nodded. That sounded like a good idea.

X x x

'Has Stephanie gone?' asked Kayla as she got back to the flat.

She had said goodbye to her daughter that morning before she had left for the house hunt.

Though she knew Steph was not going to be gone for very long this time, she still felt a sadness when Steve nodded.

"Yeah, I got a text to say she had got the plane ok.' he said as he signed back. 'I have got some dinner on, you hungry?'

She nodded. 'What are you doing?'

'Something that will take all your troubles away,' he teased.

She remembered another time he had told her that. It had worked that night. She only hoped it was going to work this night too.

X x x

That week passed slowly, but not painfully so.

Kayla spent the week between settling back in at home, going out with Kim in the day time and trying not to admit to herself that she hated going to bed separately from Steve in the evenings.

Only once did she give into temptation and go out into the living room to watch him sleep.

When he had his eyes shut and was unaware… he still looked so like the man she had always known and loved. She had always thought he looked at his most innocent, most truthful when he slept.

She was struck also by the way that the black wife beater shirt he wore as a pyjama top still looked good on him – even after all these years. She remembered him wearing them when they were newlyweds in 1988. And though he was a little leaner than he had been in the past, he hadn't aged a day. Not too her.

Before she had been able to stop herself, she had leaned over to brush a piece of his hair off his forehead and when she had done that she had pressed her lips to the exposed skin.

Only then had she been able to pull herself away from him and go back to bed.

It had been when he was sure she was out the room that he had opened his eye and let a tear of longing fall on to the pillow. He didn't sleep a wink that night, wondering what Kayla had been trying to say with that kiss…

He was sure there were about a million things… but just the headlines would have done him.

As for Steve he spent the week performing his duties as a… house husband, he guessed for lack of a better term. That seemed to be his increasing role.

He ran Joey back and too from school and he ran Kayla to and from the hospital for check-ups and the physio therapy which she needed. He cooked and he cleaned and did the laundry. Kayla had tried once or twice but the weight was still too much for her.

It was going to be a while before she would be shifting around heavy baskets of laundry and she had to accept that.

He had also spent some time with Marcus who had got a chance to go into university hospital earlier in the week and confirm what he had already believed - the best course of treatment was the one which they had taken before, it had worked then and there was no reason he could find to think it was not going to work this time. It was going to be a little while until she was ready for it, but when she was she could have it.

Asides from that, the week was quiet. With Stephanie not due back until the following Monday there was no chance to hang out with her. But for the first time in many years he actually got to sit down with his son and watch a football game. It was such a normal thing to do and yet it felt to Steve like some kind of blessing.

The only social engagement which he had was dinner with the rest of the Johnsons on Friday and then a catch up with Homey the day Steph got back.

Life was easy and sweet and he had to admit to enjoying it.

In the end as it turned out thought, it was not just a case of him eating the food being the extent of his involvement in the meal. Both he and Jack were the ones who went out to bye it too when Adrienne woke up on Friday feeling a little under the weather.

"Do you think she is going to get us to cook it for her too?" Jack asked, as they came out of the store with bags of groceries.

"If she does not perk up by tonight, little brother, I should say there is a fair chance of that." neither of them minded. Not really. It did not matter who was cooking the food.

What mattered was at the end of the day they were all going to be about the same table and eating together. It was another kind of small blessing and one which Steve was not going to be taking for granted in a while.

It was not time for all that yet though.

And so instead of heading right back to the house they stopped off to have a coffee together in the Horton Town Square.

They did not have to fill every minute with a conversation. Somewhere down the line they had got to the point where they could handle contented silences.

Even as he sat there though, Steve found his mind was turning to Kayla and to what she was doing.

Kim would be with her but he could not shake the feeling it should be him, especially when he thought about the way she had kissed him just a few nights ago. It had meant the world to him.

It was a nice day to sit out with his brother and yet all he wanted to do was be with his sweetness. In order to try and drive out such thoughts he turned his thoughts to his brother's relationship.

"Jen and Abby are coming tonight, aren't they?"

Jack nodded. He had asked them and they had both said yes fast.

Jack did not think things had been as good as they were then between him and Jen as they were then in a long time and not just because he had been out of town for such a long time. When he had last been in Salem he had had to fight for every moment which he had with her but it was not like that now. Jen and he were texting all the time and it was as if they were… they were as they had always been in the old days.

"Yeah, they are."

"Any chance of a sign of JJ?"

"No."

It was one of the only cards which he was holding back from Steve.

Talking about the rape was not ever easy. Not between them and the chances were Steve knew the truth, he would agree with JJ.

It was as he wondered on that point that, for the first time since he had been back in Salem, he set eyes upon his son in the flesh.

X x x

If the truth was known it was getting to the point where JJ could not wait for summer, even though it was only just beginning, to come to a close.

Ever since he had got back boarding school, he did not think his life could be called easy but nor did he think it had ever been as hard as it had been over the past months. Some of that was his own fault…. He knew he had to stand up and be held accountable for that. But other parts of the summer were not his fault at all.

Part of him had begun to think he was just not going to get a chance to put it right with Paige. Yet it seemed to him as if he was the only member of the family his dad was not getting a chance to put everything right with. Which he had to say he just did not get. He had done something awful and yet his father had done something much, much worse.

Abby said their dad was a very different man compared to the one who their Aunt Kayla had been married too… but he had no idea how she knew that when she had not even been alive when they had been married.

So she and their mom were off to a dinner with his dad and the rest of them family that night and for the life of him he still just did not know to feel about it all and it was frustrating him beyond words and reason…..

He had decided it just about time for a break from it all, so he was heading over to Salem University. That was where he was going to go to school in the fall and if he could make an early start on his reading for the semester than he knew that had to be a good thing.

But what he had not banked on was seeing his dad as he walked across the town square. He did not know why he had not though of this as a possibility. They lived in the same town. It was always going to happen.

But it happened all at once.

It became real to him that his dad was alive.

Once upon a time he had prayed for this… for another chance.

Now he had his chance and, at last, he got his mum and Abby. He totally got them. Because all he wanted to do was run to him and tell him how glad he was to see him walking and talking and alive...

And then he looked at Steve and he saw his aunts' face and he remembered what he did and his dad was on his feet.

He was talking to him.

"Son – it is go good to see you," Jack said as he tried to find the words. He had one chance here and he did not want to blow it.

If he had had more time to find them, to prepare for this, then he could have them on the tip of his tongue…. But as it was he didn't.

"I want to tell you what happened. JJ - I know this is not going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination," Jack begun, but instead of staying and trying to take in what his father was trying to tell him, JJ listened to what every instinct in his body was telling him to do and he turned and he ran.

He did not stop for a long time.

X x x

Later that afternoon, Steve could not help but be glad when Jen got to the apartment. The meeting with JJ and his reaction to him was clearly hard for Jack and he did not quite know where to begin trying to make it a little better for his brother.

Steve had a sinking feeling to that he knew why his nephew was throwing up the wall that he was… and in that case he was not sure if he could blame him at all.

He nodded to his sister in law and vacated the apartment. Adrienne as still in bed and still not feeling so well.

That left Jennifer alone with Jack.

She sat down on the couch next to him and put a hand on the back of his neck in order to try and do the impossible… offer a little comfort.

She pressed her lips to his cheek, hoping the imprint of her love would scare of some of his demons. She wanted to make him he was her good man, show him he was not and had not been for many years,who JJ believed him to be.

To no avail.

"He hates me." Jennifer had never heard him sound more broken.

"He loves you. He just does not know how to deal with all the things which he is feeling right now. When he has had some time to settle the two of you can talk."

"He could not look at me, let alone talk to me."

"He needs you. He just needs to get to the point where he can admit that first," she reassured him. But Jen could see he did not believe that. The look in his own son's eyes told him that was wrong.

X x x

Steve spent the next half an hour in Kayla's apartment. On his return from across the hall, she had been curled up on the sofa with a book and he was careful to come in to her line of vision quickly so he knew she was back.

'You got the food in?'

'Yeah – dinner is going to be about seven, but looks as if Jack and I are cooking.'

As he signed his brothers named, Kayla noticed his face seem to fall a little.

"Is everything ok?' she checked.

'Um…. Yeah. It is just we saw JJ and in the square he did not give Jack that much of a warm welcome."

Kayla could have predicted that.

She sighed. Personally, for Abby and Jen she had been glad when she had learned Jack was still alive. She hadn't understood how at first given the way he had died but if there was one thing being a Johnson had told her it was to not questions things.

Sometimes you just had to roll with the blessings which life gave you.

But she had known JJ was going to struggle with it from the first and she wished there was more she could do to help him right then.

Abby had found out about the past in a gentle controlled way and yet they had all dropped the ball with JJ. She had been told at the time that none of it was her own fault but he was her nephew. He had been young and venerable and so, of course, she had felt as if she had not protected him enough.

And maybe if she hadn't they would not be where they were right then with him.

But – but then she wasn't sure she could him just then, as much as she wanted too. It had been a long time since she felt as if she had had so much buzzing round in her head.

And most of the time she just did not want to think about most it at all.

She certainly did not that day.

"He is going to come round.'

'I hope so sweetness,' he signed as he grimaced.

He did not know what his brother was going to do if not.

When he returned across the way half an hour later he found the mood in the flat was still noticeable sedate.

Jennifer had got Jack up and they were pealing the vegetables for that night together but the smile which she shot his way told him that his brother was still feeling the effects of that's afternoon, which was no surprised..

Steve did not like to think of the way it would feel if Joey tried to freeze him out like that.

Realising there was not a lot he could do for his little brother, he turned to his sister who was at last out of bed, sitting on the couch.

"Hey, how are you doing?" he asked as he placed a kiss to her forehead.

"Not too bad – better now than I was," she said as he looked her over. She didn't look pale or seem to hot… perhaps it had been just a little bug.

"You feeling hungry?"

She seemed to think about it for a while and then nodded. She had been so nauseous earlier that the thought of food had been horrific but it was not any more.

"Good."

"Steve, we're are going to need your help over here in a minute," called Jen as she opened the bottle of wine. After all dinner for eleven was no easy task.

Maybe they should just be ordering in… but it was too late for that.

They had enough food to feed the five thousand it felt like. They had to get it cooked.

Adrienne did in the end help with the cooking but not for very long. As soon as Will, Sonny and Ari turned up it was quite clear she was going into grandma mode and it was going to take a lot for her to get out of it. And so they left her too it.

It was only as they were prepping the meal Steve realised he should have asked Kim or Bo to come as well so Kayla had someone else there she could talk too. On their arrival, Joey had stayed with his mom for a bit but then he had got caught up in a conversation with Abby and she was on her own but as he looked at Kayla, he came to the conclusion she was not as worried as he was about it.

She seemed so calm and content to just be there with them which went doubly so when Marcus turned up. Though he was unable to sign, he had soon picked up a note pad as Steve, Jen and Jack chopped and cooked, the two of the passed notes think and fast, back and forth.

Steve did not know if it was wrong to think such a thought but as he stood there he was sure he could feel his world right itself just a little more.

Thus by the time he was serving up dinner he was in a relatively good mood.

"Come and get it you guys," he called as they dished up and Joey finished laying the table.

Everyone seemed to move at once with Marcus alerting Kayla to what was going on.

Abby was first to the table with Joe. Will and Sonny were there pretty fast to which left Kayla, Marcus and Adrienne bringing up the rear.

And in hind sight, Steve was very grateful for that as it meant when Adrienne nearly feel down Marcus was there to catch her.

At first he was not sure if she had tripped, but then he saw how pale she was all of a sudden.

"Baby…" he said as he and Jack moved at the same time to get to their sister.

Marcus did not have to cross the room though…. He was there and he was the one to stop her hitting the floor.

"I got you," he said comfortingly as he aided her in her stagger over to the sofa.

As soon as he knew she was not in any physical danger, he changed from her friend in to her doctor. He looked over but knew they were not really going to know what was up till they got her to the hospital.

As soon as they were at her side, her brothers were doing all they could to stay calm but Marcus could feel the panic they were both experiencing radiating off them.

Jack was standing over her nervously and Steve was clasping her hand.

"What is up with her homey?" Steve begged to know.

Marcus' eyes met Kayla.

If only she was able to talk they may have been about to work that one out together. As it was he began to understand just how hard all of this was on her, the frustration which she had to be feeling.

Steve's voice called him back and he was reminded that all of this right then was about Adrienne., whose son was now also at her side.

"What's happening?" the patient herself asked weakly as she came round to find she was surrounded by the men in her life. Jack brushed the hair out of her face.

"You know what, I am not too sure. We had better get you to the hospital to find out."

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