The next thing I knew, it was the morning. I changed into school clothes, and checked my makeup. It was smeared but I fixed it up before heading downstairs. I was lucky that, it didn't smear enough to show my bruises yesterday at Alli and Jenna's. Today it was enough that I could see my bruises were a lot worse. I covered it up with a lot of foundation and fixed my hair. I glanced at the clock and saw the time. I froze right there. It showed school starting in thirty minutes. I ran to the window and didn't see Fitz or his car. I knew I was screwed.
Fitz would've been by about half an hour ago, and wouldn't have waited around for me. Great just what I needed. I thought about how to get to school, and didn't feel like riding my bike, so I headed for the bus stop. The bus stop for Degrassi wasn't too far away. I don't really know why the Lakehurst bus stop was really close to the Degrassi bus stop, but it was. I stood on the corner of the curb and saw my old friends from Lakehurst standing at theirs a few corners away. We haven't talked in months and I knew that they would probably never want to talk to me again. I knew they would never approve of Fitz, but I still missed them as friends. Degrassi was great, and I was glad that I was finally making friends again; but I knew that I would always miss them.
Kids started showing up and I noticed most of them were in my classes. They were mostly freshmen and juniors. I didn't see any of my own grade here or seniors, and figured the seniors would be driving. I didn't really know any of them to talk to them and just remained silent. The bus eventually came and I boarded it. I went first, so I could pick a seat by myself. We were the last stop, and no one seemed to mind my choice in seating. I sat by myself and stared out the window. I knew that Fitz would be angry and I knew that I would have to deal with it when I got to school. I figured he would be waiting for me, but if he was truly mad he would avoid me until this afternoon, where he would scream at me.
The bus dropped us off and I rushed to get off the bus first. I didn't want to be stuck behind everyone else. I started walking to the front door of the school, hoping that I would be able to get through the day quickly.
"Hey, Clare." I heard someone call. I turned towards the parking lot, where I heard the voice coming from, and met Eli's green eyes less than two feet away from me. He was getting out of his car, on the other side of the fence that separated us. "So I've considered your 'ignore the bully' theory and it's just so, unsatisfying. Not like say, oh I don't know; a punch in the face." Eli said as we walked. The fence ended and he started walking next to me.
"I thought violence wasn't your style. Or are the rumors true?" I asked.
"What are these supposed rumors?" Eli asked curiously, as he put his hand in his back pocket. His other hand was holding his backpack that was slung over his shoulder.
"I don't know. People say you are obsessed with death. Which might have something to do with the hearse?" I replied.
"People can say what they want. My style is not letting jerks get away with, being jerks." Eli stated.
"I just don't see the point in getting caught up in a cycle of violence." I was getting annoyed with this feud and didn't really want to deal Fitz's temper anymore.
"Turn the other cheek, right?" He asked coyly.
"Worked for Jesus." I was hoping he would buy it.
"Really. That's a matter of opinion." I guess he was stubborn.
"Do what you want. But you don't have to impress me, okay?" I said shrugging the conversation off jokingly.
"Hey. Who says, I am trying to impress you?" He grabbed my arm lightly, and I turned to face him. I stared him in the eye, to help him see my point, before he continued. "Fine. I'll call off the dogs. Smooth things over."
"I knew you were smart." I smiled. I was glad to know that the feud was going to end. Unfortunately, I was too caught up in the fact that the feud could end, that I didn't realize who was sitting by the steps.
"Eli." Fitz called, as he dragged his name out.
"Oh. Two syllables. Good. Good for you." Eli taunted. Ugh. I thought he said he would end the feud.
"You just can't keep your mouth shut can you?" Fitz asked.
"You broke my car. Just apologize, and we'll both go back to ignoring each other's existence." Eli stated, taking a step forward. I could tell Fitz was pissed at me. I could see it in his eyes, when he glanced in my direction.
"You're right. I'm sorry—" Fitz stated. Was he really going to agree to end the feud? "—about your nards."
"About my wha—" Eli was cut off because Fitz kneed him in the groin. I can't believe he would do something like that. Eli crumpled to the ground in pain.
"I apologized." Fitz stated to him. "Clare. Let's go." Fitz jerked his head in the direction of the parking lot.
"No." I stated, kneeling down beside Eli. "I'm done, Fitz."
"Fine." Fitz shrugged it off, like it was no big deal. He turned and left with his friends.
"What can I do?" I asked turning back to Eli.
"Don't. Touch. Anything." Eli stated. He was rolling back and forth, still in pain. "Still think that I shouldn't punch him?"
"I think it would only make things worse." I said. I really didn't see how it could get any worse for me, but at least he would get out of this.
I waited for Eli to gather himself, before we walked to English class. I spotted Alli and Jenna walking down the hallway and they were beaming at me. I wanted to tell them nothing was going on between me and Eli, but I knew it would be pointless. We walked into English and sat down. Adam was already sitting in his spot and was surprised to see us walking in together.
"What happened?" Adam asked.
"Fitz. I tried to talk to him, and it got personal. As in my personal area." Eli replied.
"You're locker?" Adam asked confused. "Help me out here."
"The guy kneed me. Low blow." Eli replied.
"Oh, dude. That's gotta hurt." Adam replied awkwardly.
I knew as of last night, that Adam was a transgender. It didn't bother me, but I could see the details that suggest he would be. Like not understanding getting kneed, like me. I remained silent throughout their conversation. I didn't want to be involved, so I took out my notebook. When the teacher came in, the class settled down, and quieted. Eli and Adam turned around in their seats and stopped talking too. We focused on the teacher, as she started class.
"I'm coming around to pick up your papers. Please have them out on your desk." Mrs. Dawes stated as she walked from desk to desk.
My phone buzzed, and I quickly shut it off. No one heard except Eli. He turned around in his seat, and stared at me. It was a message from Fitz. I didn't even bother opening the message, and shoved it back into my bag.
"Fitzy boy mad about you telling him off?" Eli joked.
"I didn't tell him off." I stated.
"Sounded like it to me. You told him you were done and didn't follow him." Eli said.
"Yeah. Guys don't take that well." Adam piped in.
I knew my face must have paled. I didn't look either of them in the eye, and they turned back around. The rest of the morning was even more of a blur than my first day. I thought things would get better after my first day. Apparently not. I knew that I should've checked the message, but I was too terrified. I didn't go to lunch either. I hid in the Media Immersion lab, at the corner computer. I couldn't think. I couldn't eat. I just wanted to go home and lock my doors. Fitz would be pissed. I know it. I doubted that he would even be the same level of mad as last time. He would be worse. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to stay here. I knew where ever I went to hide, Fitz would find me. I felt like I was falling deeper into this black hole I have been living in, because it was sucking me there and holding me in it. I eventually went back to class but I didn't converse. When last period came around, I put on my mask and pretended nothing was wrong. Alli would be sitting next to me and she would ask questions. And I didn't want questions that I couldn't answer.
"Hey. Where were you at lunch?" Alli asked, sitting down next to me. This was a question I could answer.
"I was in Media Immersion. I needed to work on a history assignment and I don't know if I have time to finish it tonight with all of my other work." I lied.
"Oh. Okay. You missed it. Eli and Adam told Fitz off again. There was almost a fight. It was awesome!" Alli gushed.
"What happened?" I asked. Trying to sound just plain interested, not anything out of the ordinary.
"Fitz did something to Eli this morning, and Eli didn't want to let it go. So when Fitz came over asking where you were, Eli started arguing with him and telling him off. It was pretty entertaining. I am pretty sure there would've been a fight, but Mr. Simpson just happened to be in the cafe at the time." Alli said. "See. This is what you miss at lunch."
"Sorry." I sighed.
Great Fitz would be even more aggravated when I did eventually talk to him. We ended up having a test the rest of the block, and I didn't get to ask her for more details. When the bell rang, I promised to call her later, and fled from the classroom. I avoided the front of the building and headed to the Media Immersion lab. I wanted to vent and cool off. I was so shaky, that I almost walked into the glass doors that lead into the lab. I wanted to write. Writing always helped me express my feelings and I needed to let them out. I walked into the lab and sat down at the same computer, I sat at during lunch. I started let my emotions flow and I just started writing. I didn't stop until I realized what time it was. It was nearly nine. I packed up my stuff, and decided to check my phone. I had three missed calls and two texts. All the calls and one text was from Fitz. The other text was from Eli. I decided to not call Fitz. I didn't want to listen to his voice right now. I was still really shaky, and would probably have breakdown right here in school. Looking at his text, my stomach did nervous back flips.
We are talking today. It doesn't matter if you try to get out of it. If you skip lunch or decide to stay out for awhile. You have to come home sometime, and I will definitely be waiting. Whether or not your parents and Jake get home first. I will wait for you. I don't care what time. We are talking TODAY!
-Fitz
My heart stopped. I couldn't go home. I knew I couldn't. Fitz would keep his word. He would be there all night. I couldn't go home. Where could I go? Alli and Jenna would ask questions. My family is out of the country. My old friends wouldn't talk to me. I didn't own a car, and I couldn't go home. I was alone and I was screwed. I decided to check Eli's message. I mean my day couldn't get any worse and I really didn't want to deal with anymore of Fitz. So if Eli could help take my mind off, I would definitely take a look at his message.
Are you okay? You missed lunch. Did something happen to you in English? You seemed different after your phone went off.
-Eli
I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to respond. I just didn't want to have to deal with any explanations. I stood up and put my phone back into my bag, while slinging it over my shoulder. I started walking out of the room. I hadn't seen anyone in a while, and thought for a brief moment to just stay here. But then I would be stuck in school tomorrow, and wearing the same clothes. I needed some air, and I couldn't stand to be in the school any longer. I didn't feel like taking the crowded bus, so I decided to walk home. The air felt good on my skin and I was able to relax a little. I sat down the bench next to the steps of the school and looked up at the sky.
I want to runaway to the moon. I want leave this place and never come back. I can't even begin to think about staying in this town, in this school, for another two years. I thought to myself bitterly.
I just didn't want to think about it. It was killing me inside. I hate being terrified about what Fitz is going to do next. I hate being super shy and not having any friends. I hate Fitz controlling me. I hate what my parents are forcing me through. I hate my life.
I heard some chatter, and decided to start walking. The voices were coming from inside the school, and I didn't want to have a run-in with anyone I knew. So I headed down the street. I didn't have any destination. But I didn't care. I continued walking down the road, and I spotted the Dot. I considered walking into get something to drink, but dismissed it when I realized that Fitz's friends might be there. I walked down the street, and turned the corner. I heard chatter in the Dot and knew that it was still open. I figured that it would be. It was usually open until ten. Unfortunately, the sidewalk ended, so I had to cross the street to the sidewalk that was still continuing. This meant I was on the side of street where the Dot was. People were walking back and forth down the road. Apparently Mondays were popular for Above the Dot and the Dot's service.
I bumped into a couple of people, while trying to avoid eye contact and hide my face. I didn't want to see anyone I knew. I just wanted to keep walking. When I was passing the Dot, I did however hear some banging and some shouts. I turned my head down the alleyway behind the Dot, as I passed. I noticed Fitz's friends, hanging out. It didn't surprise me. He never hung with the right people. He would always get into trouble. I just didn't realize how much trouble until I started at Degrassi. I stopped dead in my tracks, however, when I noticed Fitz. I figured he would truly be at my house all night.
Although, I was surprised when I saw him, I was shocked when I saw his arm around some other girl. And worst of all, she had his tongue down her throat. I had half a mind to go scream at him, but realized that he didn't deserve me telling him off. He wouldn't listen anyways. I started crying, as I stormed off towards my house. I knew that he wasn't there and I didn't have anything to worry about. I would lock my doors and he couldn't get in. I turned and ran all the way home. I didn't stop when I got there either. I ran inside, and slammed the door. Locking it behind me, and stumbled my way to my room. I crawled into bed and cried into my pillow. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to have to explain anything. I just fell asleep crying.