Part Thirteen: Sugar Ending

I resumed my duties as the princess, and time seemed to pass in a flurry of activity. One day—

"Princess."

"Huh?" I raised my head in surprise at Gile's voice.

"This is today's schedule. Are you listening?"

"Ahh—I'm sorry." (I didn't hear a word he said.) I focused once more on listening to what he had to say, and when he was done I quietly stood up. My breakfast on the table was virtually untouched. "I'm sorry. I just don't have much of an appetite." Giles frowned a little, but said nothing. I could feel his gaze on me, but I avoided looking at him as I left the dining hall.

On my way back to my room, I glanced out the window. It was a beautiful, clear day outside, yet I couldn't bring myself to care. Giles was keeping me updated, but the investigation into Lord Aubin was still ongoing. There were only a few members of the Crawford family remaining now, but Giles told me that Alyn would be doing his best to take care of them. (Ahh—) At that moment, one of the palace bureaucrats passed me by. He had a white flower pinned to his lapel to signify the mourning of someone's passing. I suddenly felt dizzy, and I stopped and put my hand against the wall. I remembered yet again the conversation I'd had with Sid. I stopped and slowly looked around me. Many of the people walking past me had white flowers on their lapels. (But I—) Right then someone called my name from behind, and I turned to look again. I turned to find Giles coming towards me.

"Princess, have you forgotten what time it is?"

"Ahh—I'm sorry." (That's right—today's the day I'll be dining with the bureaucrats.) Flustered, I turned and hurried back to my chamber.

Giles watched as Maya hurried off down the hall, and then Sid appeared behind him.

"You're not gonna wear a flower?" Giles frowned at Sid's words. Unlike most of the palace staff, Giles was not wearing the white flower that signified mourning.

"I can hardly wear a flower when the princess herself doesn't accept that he's dead. Besides—" Giles glanced back and met Sid's gaze. "I don't know why, but I don't believe he's dead either." Sid scowled a little, his expression confused. He watched silently as Giles walked off down the corridor.

"Crazy, the lot of 'em."

After I finished my duties for the day, I returned to my chamber. I opened my window and leaned against the windowsill. Then I closed my eyes, letting the breeze cool my cheeks. (I have so many duties to fulfill as the princess. Not the least of which is finding a prince consort.) I knew in my heart that it would be a wise course of action. Finding a prince consort to rule at my side would go a long way towards stabilizing the nation. (But I just can't think straight right now.) It was frustrating to know what I needed to do, yet be unable to make myself do it. (What should I do? How can I move forward?) As I stared out the window, I noticed movement in the garden below. I looked down and realized it was someone I knew.

"Alyn—" I hesitated a moment before I hurried out of my room.

I hurried down to the courtyard to find Alyn.

"Alyn?" Alyn was sitting on the edge of the fountain. He raised his head slowly at my voice. I wasn't surprised to see that he wasn't wearing a white flower. "Alyn— Are you okay?"

"What does that even mean?" Alyn gave a small smile, then dropped his gaze to the ground. I sat down next to him, and silence fell between us. The only sound was the rustling of the leaves in the trees. "There's people asking what should become of the Crawford line now." Alyn spoke hesitantly, and I leaned my head towards him. "But I'm just protecting what I want to protect." He gave a small sigh, and then stood up slowly.

"I know." Alyn's expression seemed to relax a little at my response. He glanced down at me and gave me a sudden smile. Then he turned and walked away without looking back. I watched him leave, and then I gazed upwards. The sky above me was clear and filled with twinkling stars. (There are still people like Giles and Alyn who still believe Leo is alive. I want to believe it too.) I whispered softly to the starry sky as I stared up at it. "After all, I said that I'll keep believing no matter how many times I'm betrayed, right?" I stood up and headed back to my chamber. I didn't sleep well that night, but I hadn't slept well in some time. I was starting to get used to surviving with no sleep.

The next morning— I raised my voice in surprise.

"What?!" Giles gave me a moment to process his words as he gazed down at me with a calm, collected expression. "A-A ball?"

"Yes, I know how you feel, but I really think you should focus on finding a prince consort soon." I stalled back the words of protest I wanted to say. (I know he's right—I can't wait forever on some slim hope.) Eventually I nodded my head and spoke quietly.

"Okay." (Eventually I'm going to have to choose someone else—someone other than Leo.)

The same evening that Giles told me about the ball, I visited Leo's office once again. I pulled a book down from the bookcase, and then sat on the sofa and leafed slowly through it. Ever since Leo had disappeared, I'd been going through his books, looking for clues. I hadn't had any luck yet, but I refused to give up. I glanced up, and the empty bird cage caught my eye. I'd made sure the window was always left open, but I hadn't seen Sebastian in some time. (Now even Sebastian's gone missing.) I stood up and walked across the room to open the bird cage door. It made a screeching sound that echoed harshly in the quiet room. (I wonder if he went looking for Leo?) I sighed softly and closed my eyes. (I wish I could go looking for Leo too.) The curtains in the window swayed slightly, but it was nothing more than the breeze from outside.

After that, the days seemed to pass by in a blur. I tried to move on, I really did—but it was easier said than done.

Before I knew it, the day of the ball had arrived. I finished my preparations alone in my room. Then I slumped down on the sofa with a sigh. (I know I'm meant to smile and be charming. But how can I dance with anyone when I feel like this?) As I sat there moping, suddenly—)

"Ahh!" There was a flurry of tapping at the window and I raised my gaze in shock. I could see Sebastian sitting on the windowsill outside.

"I'm here, I'm here, Sebastian!" I opened the window, and Sebastian flew into the room in a rush.

"What's wrong?!" Sebastian flew to the writing desk I'd received from Leo and perched on top of it. He spread his wings wide as he stared at me.

"Leo!"

"What?" For a moment I couldn't believe what I'd heard.

"Leo, Leo!" Sebastian just kept repeating Leo's name over and over. My pulse was suddenly racing and my hands felt clammy.

"You can't mean—you found Leo?"

"Found, found!" My heart leapt in my chest, and for a moment my mind was completely blank.

"Really?" But although I tried asking him more, Sebastian just kept repeating Leo's name. I clutched my elbows tightly, hugging myself, and squeezed my eyes shut, retreating into the darkness behind my eyelids. (I know, I know—I'm the princess. I should be going to the ball. I should be finding a prince consort and doing my best for my country.) A gust of wind blew in my window, messing up my hair, and I began to tremble helplessly. (But I—)I clenched my shaking hands into fists and raised my head. "Sebastian, I—"

"Princess, I'm coming in—" Giles opened the door, and then frowned as he looked slowly around the room. There was no one there, and the only movement was the curtains, flitting int he breeze from the open window. Giles stepped silently into the room, casting his gaze around. Eventually he noticed a letter sitting on top of the desk. He stared down at it, his expression only a little startled. Then he muttered thoughtfully under his breath. "So she went after him, did she?" He sighed softly as he turned around and walked out of the room again, closing the door quietly behind him as he left.

Side story next, then the rest of the Sugar Ending!