Chapter 19: Being There
"Breakfast!" Hawkins shouted from the kitchen of his family's spacious residence in London.
The large Victorian townhouse occupied the Notting Hill neighborhood in West London where most of the Shepard children had chosen to settle after having kids of their own. With the exception of the elder Shepards and Will and Hannah's families, nearly the entire brood called the area home.
"How much do you wanna bet he made a bunch of healthy garbage?" Kevin whispered to his brother Jayce as they both reluctantly descended the stairs to get a closer look at their father's cuisine.
"Come on, he might've actually made something good for once. Like pancakes, sausage, waffles, muffins-"
"Keep dreaming." Kevin cut in before yawning as they both approached the kitchen after reaching the bottom of the steps.
"It's about time you bums got up." Hawkins cheerfully greeted as his sons entered the kitchen. "I got a good spread today. Porridge, whole grain toast, some yogurt and a little assortment of fresh fruit from the market. There's bananas, apples, a couple of papayas-"
"Yeah, that uh, sounds great Dad but we um, promised that we'd have breakfast at Uncle David's today." Kevin quickly lied before discreetly elbowing his brother.
"Uh, yeah! Can't break a promise, that's what you always say. So, we'll see you later." Jayce awkwardly added before both boys bolted for the front door and grabbed their jackets from the coat hanger by the entrance.
"Ungrateful little…always running across the street whenever I cook." Hawkins muttered before taking a seat at the kitchen table and somberly staring at his feast. "Well, I guess I'll dig in by myself."
After preparing himself a bowl of porridge and grabbing a couple of pieces of toast, he was soon greeted by the quiet arrival of his third and youngest son who quickly joined him at the table.
"Morning Dad, is that papaya?" Keith eagerly inquired.
"You bet it is. I picked out a pair of good ones from Hank's stand this morning after my jog. You wanna split one, Sport?" Hawkins happily offered, slightly cheered up by the fact that at least one member of his family shared his tastes in food.
He immediately cut one of the fruits in half after Keith nodded his approval and fixed himself a bowl of porridge before grabbing a piece of toast and an apple. After pouring them both a glass of milk, Hawkins promptly joined his son in devouring their breakfast.
"I don't know what I'd do without you, Sport. No one else in this house appreciates the simple pleasures of nature's roughage." Hawkins said appreciatively after finishing a bite of toast.
Keith simply shrugged. "Maybe we're just weirdoes, Dad."
"Maybe." Hawkins laughed while ruffling his son's head.
"What about Mom?" Keith suddenly pondered.
"What about me?" Allie yawned after slowly entering the kitchen while still half asleep. She quickly kissed her husband and hugged Keith before noticing what Hawkins' had prepared for their morning meal. "Darryl…" she groaned in annoyance.
"Relax, I made sure to get your usual pick-me-up." Hawkins replied while shaking his head. Afterwards, he stood up and briefly made his way to the kitchen counter before returning with a brown paper bag that was covered in grease stains.
"You didn't!" Allie excitedly gasped while beaming before planting a flurry of kisses on his lips.
"What is that?" Keith asked in confusion.
"This happens to be one of your mommy's favorite guilty pleasures." Allie pleasantly replied while enthusiastically tearing her way through the bag and unwrapping its contents. "Oh, I've missed these so much." she added rapturously while holding the most artery-clogging culinary concoction that Keith had ever seen.
"That can't be what I think it is." he said in shock while eyeing the item in question.
"Yeah Sport, it is. Behold, a sausage patty, fried egg and cheese sandwiched between two glazed doughnuts. Yum." Hawkins replied sardonically.
Allie was too busy biting into the sandwich to pay any attention and a look of pure euphoria immediately appeared on her face after savoring the first morsel.
"Creepy, I've never seen her look like that." Keith said rather placidly.
"I see it all the time whenever we-" he immediately stopped himself after realizing who he was talking to. "Um, so you want a little honey for that porridge, Sport?" he quickly offered.
The family continued to enjoy breakfast and once everyone was full, Keith decided to ask the question that had been bugging him ever since their reunion on the Citadel. "How long are you guys gonna be home this time?"
"A few weeks at least." Hawkins assured him. "Your old man had a long talk with Admiral Hackett and a brief 'Screw you' to the Council, so I'll definitely be here for awhile."
"Darryl! You didn't really say that, did you?" Allie demanded.
"Not in those words exactly but I'm pretty sure I made the same point." Hawkins responded coolly. "And more crudely." he whispered before winking at Keith who couldn't help but smile. The fact that his father took every opportunity to flout authority always made him proud. It also made him feel like he wasn't such an oddball in the family.
"Darryl, if you keep this up Castlebrook will-"
"Will what? Revoke my SPECTRE status? Fat chance. I'm the best they've got other than you and Ethan and that jackass knows it. Who else is he gonna send to deal with situations like that mess in the Skyllian Verge or that disaster on Bekenstein a few years back?" Hawkins scoffed. "If I'd had any sense at all, I would've turned that one down though. Damn it." he quietly lamented.
"How's Gabe? Is he still blaming himself for what happened?" Allie gently asked.
"Of course he is. He may like to clown around and pretend that he doesn't take anything seriously but in reality he takes things to heart more than anyone. That crap almost destroyed him and then having to lose Christy on top of it. What a nightmare." Hawkins sadly explained. "He's actually planning to retire."
"Really?"
"Yeah, he's hoping to start a private security firm to help the little guys of the galaxy. I've already wished him the best. His leaving won't be easy for any of us. I'll have to find a new XO and his absence will make taking any future time off a lot harder. Still, I hope things work out for him and that Christy at least gives him a chance to make things right." Hawkins continued.
"Darryl, what happened down there…it wasn't your fault or his. It was Sarita's and in the end, she got what she deserved." Allie assured him before reaching across the table to caress his face.
"And had the last laugh." Hawkins bitterly added before abruptly changing the subject. "So, how's your schedule looking?"
"Margie can handle things while I'm gone, she always does. And I already explained the situation to Dad and informed the Council that I'd be preoccupied for awhile." Allie explained.
"Hopefully they won't all dump everything on Ethan now." Hawkins anxiously pondered.
"He said he doesn't mind picking up a little extra slack and he is in a better position to take on assignments than we are. With Leanne back at Grissom and Zoe leading the Second Valkyrie Division, he doesn't have anyone at home to neglect." Allie quietly responded before glancing at their son.
"You don't have to worry about me. I already promised that I wouldn't get into any more fights. Don't put your careers on hold for my sake." Keith defiantly urged.
"What career?" Hawkins asked incredulously. "Do you really think any of this garbage matters to me? Your Dad has been a pariah to those in power for as long as anyone can remember, just a useful one. They keep me on standby to deal with the really ugly dilemmas that no one else can handle. But make no mistake Sport, if I ever feel like I'm losing you, your brothers or your mother because of this damn job, I'll tell them all to fu-"
"What your dad means," Allie quickly interrupted, "Is that we'll both be here for you no matter what, jobs and careers be damned." she thoughtfully stated. The adamant looks on his parents faces actually made Keith feel slightly more at ease.
"Alright, let's start clearing up these dishes and planning how we'll all have fun today." Hawkins announced while standing. Being home always brightened his mood and the effect was contagious.
An unexpected downpour unfortunately waylaid any plans for amusement that involved the outdoors and caused everyone to bemoan the fact that Earth's government hadn't approved the use of the Weather Comm for use on humanity's homeworld yet. Despite being trapped inside, the Hawkins family amused themselves well enough by watching movies, playing games and basically enjoying the fact that they were all together for the first time in a long while. Having both of their parents home indefinitely caused all three boys to be considerably more cheerful and when Allie announced that she'd be the one cooking dinner, their elation only increased to Hawkins' chagrin. Everyone chuckled while watching their patriarch stomp off to his den while Allie accepted suggestions for the meal she was about to prepare. After his brothers bombarded her with their usual requests, Keith quietly made his way into the kitchen and gave his mother a quick hug before sprinting away to find his father. It was a small act but lifted her spirits enough to cause her eyes to water after she observed him leave the kitchen.
"Okay, you were right Ethan. But for once, I'm glad." she happily whispered before resuming her dinner preparations.
After wandering into Hawkins' den on the ground floor, Keith casually sank into a large, cushy black couch that lined the wall adjacent to all of his father's exercise equipment. To most, a den served as a private study or even an office but for Darryl Hawkins it was simply a spare room for him to work out in and amuse himself. The solitary desk that occupied the rear of the area existed purely for decoration and to serve the functional purpose of holding any spare items that were too cumbersome to leave lying on the floor. The top was littered with boxing gloves, weights, pictures of the family and surprisingly, a hamster cage whose occupant had lived far longer than any ordinary member of his species. Keith took a moment to smile at the sleeping space hamster known as Pickles while his father punched a heavy bag in the corner of the room. As he sank deeper into the couch, he took note of the trophy cabinet on the other side of the room and all of the awards that his older brother Kevin had won. A separate display held the various medals and commendations that his father had been awarded over the years. It was a sharp reminder that in spite of all his flaws, Darryl Hawkins was nonetheless an accomplished soldier and a respected one.
After hearing his son release a sigh, Hawkins ceased his routine and made his way over before taking a seat next to the boy. "Something bothering you?"
"Dad, what's it like being a SPECTRE?"
"Dangerous, annoying and completely unrewarding. Most of the time it's a thankless job that involves dealing with the most treacherous scum in the galaxy and the criminals they end up sending me after." he joked.
"So why do it?"
"Because someone has to and I'm one of the few people who can. Back when I was a kid, I just wanted to be an ordinary soldier. To grow up, enlist and do what I could to repay Admiral Hackett and the Alliance for saving me. And maybe help a few people along the way." Hawkins explained.
"It looks like you got your wish and more." Keith replied while contemplating his father's career. "It sounds rough, Dad. No offense, but you don't seem like the kind of person who'd take on something like this. When it comes to Mom, Granddad, Grandma and Uncle Ethan-they just make sense."
"Gee, thanks." Hawkins sarcastically responded before wrapping an arm around his son and tickling him. After the laughter subsided he decided to offer his explanation. "When I first decided to take the job, I had a lot of reasons. Protecting your mother and sister were at the top of that list. Since then, my reasons haven't really changed. I still do what I can to take missions that I don't want your mother or uncle going near and handle the occasional incident that might cause problems for Angelica and her unit down the line."
"Dangerous missions…" Keith mused "You mean like that Bekenstein thing that you and Mom mentioned earlier. What exactly happened out there?
"You're too young to understand and that story isn't for kids." Hawkins replied sternly. Keith sank his head a little and Hawkins finally relented. "I'll give you the abridged version approved for children but don't tell your mother."
"No problem." Keith eagerly replied while readying himself for another war story.
"You know about Bekenstein, right? It's a colony full of rich people who don't know the meaning of the word 'excess' and plenty of the elite who live there haven't earned their fortunes legitimately. One day, your dad and his crew got a request from Councilor Castlebrook to investigate one of the more questionable residents of the planet. Her name was Sarita Avvari and she was an Ex-Alliance soldier who'd retired and grown wealthy from taking over and expanding a manufacturing conglomerate that specialized in producing high quality binoculars. My superiors had reason to believe that her company was just a front and that she was actually selling military secrets and weapons to Batarian Raiders. The problem was that she rarely left the planet and lived in a massive, well fortified fortress full of well trained, heavily armed guards. She was also smart, really smart. She had a history of utilizing shrewd and unconventional tactics that earned her a lot of victories during the war against the Trio. I was worried and I wanted to gather more intel before my people made a move but the Councilor was already growing impatient and your granddad wanted me to act before any more military secrets could get leaked. He also wasn't keen on letting your mother or uncle get wind of the situation. The truth is, I wasn't either. Even though I was uneasy, I still wanted to resolve things before either of them could discover what was going on and try to move in themselves." Hawkins explained.
"So you went in anyway?"
"Yeah, I went in anyway." Hawkins sighed. "My team and I decided to pose as potential buyers for her hardware and to sneak into a party that she was hosting. The plan was simple. Gather all of the evidence we could find, discover exactly what she'd sold and to who, put an end to her shady business and arrest her. Gabe, a friend of mine and the best infiltrator we had, volunteered to sneak into her inner sanctuary and recover everything he could unearth despite my protests. We argued but eventually I gave in and agreed to his plan. Once he left, the rest of the team headed for her armory to shut down the weapons shipping operation. But unfortunately for us, it was all a trap. The party was a sham and the guests were all working for her. A lot of things happened after that, Sport. Things I can't tell you about but in the end, we managed to bring her down and put an end to her enterprise. But it cost us. Gabe managed to turn the tables on her after he convinced her that he was a traitor himself. They got close and after he gained her trust, she revealed the full extent of her dealings with the Batarians. She hadn't restricted her trading to just weapons and intelligence, she'd also been selling people. She had a warehouse full of colonists who'd been abducted, mostly lost refugees from the war. Once she discovered Gabe's deception and it became clear that she'd lost, she decided to detonate…the point is, a lot of innocent people died that day." Hawkins solemnly continued.
"Dad, that sounds terrible."
"It was Sport. I let those people down and I'll never forget that. I should've waited, gotten more reconnaissance information, gathered more intel but I didn't and thanks to me those people died in one of the most brutal ways possible" Hawkins remorsefully stated.
"Is that why your friend feels guilty too?"
"Yeah, but there's also the fact that he had to do certain things during the mission in order to save our lives. Things that involved him getting, um, more intimate with our target, things that we all heard over the comm line, the comm line that his ex-wife at the time was managing." Hawkins carefully explained.
"Oh."
Keith wasn't entirely sure what sort of 'things' his father was referring to but he had a vague idea and suddenly felt a little ill.
"Officially, the assignment was deemed a success but none of us felt like celebrating. Not long after that my best engineer left the team and the ship to work R&D and Gabe almost fell apart." Hawkins finally finished. "That damned mission, I never wanted to take it in the first place but better me than your mother or uncle."
"Dad, I don't think I'll ever want to be an Alliance soldier or a SPECTRE. You guys give so much and get so little in return. If I'm gonna fight for a living, I'd rather do it for myself and the people important to me and not be leashed to some heartless bureaucrats." Keith finally announced after several minutes of silence.
"Good, because the truth is I'd prefer it if none of you followed in our footsteps." Hawkins confessed. "I won't stand in your way if you do but I'd be happy enough to have all of my boys doing something else for a living, anything. If Jayce is serious about joining the Alliance, I won't argue with him but I will worry. I already do enough of it with Angelica being out there on the frontlines. Kev wanting to join the Urban Combat Championship League is actually a relief. And you, you do whatever makes you happy, Sport. Assuming it's nothing illegal and within reason, I'll support you and smooth things over with your mother. Don't ever feel like you have to be someone that you aren't, okay?"
"Thanks, Dad. I mean it. You're the absolute best." Keith replied in appreciation while burying his face in his father's chest.
"I wouldn't say that. I'm just trying to be better than awful." Hawkins joked. "Now, why don't you tell me about everything else that's been happening recently? You know, the stuff that didn't involve you punching people."
After lifting his head and laughing, Keith filled him in on all the misadventures he'd had with his cousin Noah, how much they both missed Leanne whenever she returned to Grissom and how they were all looking forward to the celebration on Tuchanka that would be coming up in a year.
"…and Layla will be there too. We hardly ever get to see each other in person these days-"
"Hang on, who?" Hawkins asked in confusion.
"You know, the older twin from the Hunter family." Keith elaborated.
Hawkins stared at him for a moment in utter disbelief before suddenly laughing as a smile spread across his face. His outburst quickly escalated and culminated in him shooting to his feet and hoisting his son over his shoulder before joyfully strolling out of his den.
"Allie! You're never gonna believe this!" he shouted while approaching the kitchen. He was looking forward to seeing a certain mercenary king in a year and rubbing his face in a rather delicious revelation.