The Legend of Zelda Time Loops: In Which Much Lunacy Occurs

Disclaimer: I don't own the Legend of Zelda. I most especially don't own the moon, so girls, don't ask me to lasso it for you.

15.1 (generiguy)

Link stared at the Lizalfos.

The Lizalfos stared back, trying the hardest it could to not to quake in fear. He had heard stories about the green swordsman. They said he could wreck a canyon with a single hand. Tales of an inhuman monster that sliced through the forces of the Tinglian army. And he had thought them wrong.

Until a monster that fit the story's exact description had stepped before him. There was no telling what it would do.

Something glimmered above the Lizalfos, causing his head to jerk up. He barely had the chance to widen his eyes before an energy blast slammed him to the ground, leaving a smoldering crater.

Link didn't relax. The energy blast hadn't come from him, wasn't the yellow of a Light Arrow, didn't dissolve into the pixelated squares of Twili magic, nor leave smoke trails of a bomb. Was this another enemy?

He looked up. There was nothing up but a cloudless sky and the moon.

That, and he was in an open field. There was nowhere where an archer could have sniped the Lizalfos from above. Where had the shot come from?

"HI! I CAN USE MAGIC TOO!" said a voice overhead.

Oh.

15.2 (LordCirce & generiguy)

Link stumbled briefly as he entered the Sanctuary where the Sword of the Goddesses was kept. It had been a rather long time since he had spent a Loop as a quadruped (outside of being a wolf), and he was still getting used to the ways his knees bent. He was currently a pegasus (this Loop was obviously some sort of fused loop with the Equestrian Loops) but so far he didn't sense anyone else being awake.

While having wings and four legs at the same time was unusual, the loop so far had been an interesting fusion between baselines. According to his loop memories, instead of Din, Nayru, and Farore creating Hyrule, it had been the Goddesses of the Sun, Moon, and Stars.

However, the Goddess of the Stars, Serafina, had been twisted by a dark force from deep beneath the Earth (obviously Demise or his replacement). She had attacked her sisters, calling the stars to fall to the earth in the form of the twisted Changelings, and taken the name Chrysalis. Eventually, her sisters, Celestia and Luna, had succeeded in sealing her away, but they had both exhausted their power doing so, and had vanished shortly thereafter.

He glanced up at the dais, and was only somewhat surprised to see two items waiting for him rather than one. It appeared that this Loop he would be wielding both a Sword and a Shield of the Goddesses. He wondered if they would both have spirits, or if there would only be a single spirit between them.

'Well, no time like the present to find out.' Link approached the sword first and examined it. Its hilt was a darker shade of blue than the Master sword and it had a lunar motif, marking it as the gift waiting for the hero from Luna. Gently, he reached out and nudged it with his hoof.

There was a flash, and something materialized out of the sword. Something round, gray, and grinning.

"HELLO, FRIEND!"

'Oh no. No, don't tell me that...' Link groaned as he took in the spirit floating in the air above the sword. The round spirit. The round, grinning spirit with a pointy nose.

"Of course," Link's voice was tired and flat. "Of course The Moon would be the spirit of the Lunar Blade. Why not?!" Link's hair and wings stuck out at slightly odd angles as he rolled onto his back, cracked up and started laughing.

The Moon looked around, its expression unchanging, before turning towards the newly materialized form of the sun spirit. "WILL HE BE OK, OTHER FRIEND?"

Sunset Shimmer, freshly Awakened, stared at Link for a few seconds, then shrugged. "Eh, he's a Hero. He'll probably pull through."

15.3 (generiguy)

"HI, FRIEND! DO YOU KNOW HOW TO BAKE A PIE?"

Link paused his dash through across Hyrule Field to equip a noise-cancelling item he called the Earplugs.

"WOW, ME NEITHER! WE'RE SO ALIKE!"

15.4 (OracleMask)

Nightmare Moon landed with a grunt and a puff of suddenly displaced moon dust. Glaring, she looked up just in time to see Equestria slide suddenly away - Celestia was pushing her moon out of the way of her precious sun, treating the orbiting body that belonged to HER as if it were refuse to be discarded. The Elements of Harmony (another thing to have betrayed Nightmare Moon this day) held her down on the lunar surface, and refused to let her put the moon back into it's rightful place.

This cage, however ironic, would not hold her forever. And when Nightmare Moon was free, she would take back her rightful place on the throne of Equestria -

Nightmare Moon lost her train of thought as the rocky outcropping she had landed on shuddered. It was a surprisingly large outcropping, come to think of it...

"OH! I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE FOR A SECOND!"

Nightmare Moon turned and looked behind her.

"HI!"

Celestia had prepared for Nightmare Moon's return for a thousand years.

What she hadn't prepared for, however, was a frazzled-looking Nightmare bringing along a 'friend'.

"HI! DO YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND TOO? MY FRIEND NIGHTMARE SAYS YOU'RE REALLY FUN TO SPEND TIME WITH!"

The Moon hovered next to Canterlot Castle, peeking in the windows and grinning.

"I will vow to never try and cast the land into eternal night ever again as long as I draw breath," Nightmare Moon said in a VERY tired voice, "All you have to do is trade me the sun for the moon."

15.5 (generiguy)

"Zelda? Why is the moon wearing a crown?"

"Haven't you heard? The coronation is tomorrow!"

15.6 (Masterweaver)

"I am the master sage," intoned the old man. "You, great hero, must find the seven spirit swords."

Link shook his head. Well... this is different.

15.7

"What did you say?" Ganondorf glared down at the Goron in front of him. It always gnawed at his pride when the various races of Hyrule defied him. It was a character flaw he should work on...but he really wouldn't.

"I can't give you the Spiritual Stone." Darunia grumbled out.

"And why, pray tell, can't you?" Ganondorf grinned evilly. "I am sure I can provide plenty of incentive."

Darunia rubbed his stomach. "Well, you see, a couple days ago, I got really hungry. It looked so good, and it tasted even better." Snapping out of a slightly dazed trance, Darunia sighed. "The stone still hasn't passed through me yet."

Ganondorf stared at him blankly for several moments. "I...never mind. You can keep it." Link could have that one. Yeeck.

15.8 (generiguy)

Link stared at the giant rock blocking the way to the Dodongo's Cavern.

And the hungry Goron devouring it.

Climbing its face, he bit a chunk off the left side. He gnawed on the top. He punched the rock, making a Goron fist-sized hole, and vacuumed up the rock fragments at a rate of 0.6 Kirbies. He took out a fork and knife and began cutting away sections of the rock, plopping them into his mouth.

Wait, what?

Link stared quizzically at the fork and knife, causing the Goron to momentarily pause his intense work. "Is something wrong, Brother?" it asked.

Link shook his head. "Does that knife cut through rock?"

"All knives do that. Do you not have one of your own?"

Link shook his head again, and the Goron jumped down from the rock. A few fragments of rock hurled their way down the mountainside on impact. He held out his hands.

"Here, brother. You can have mine! I have another set at home that I can use."

You got the Goron's Cutlery!

These utensils can cut through the thickest rocks! Too bad you can't eat them...

15.9 (Detective Ethan Redfield)

Luffy in the Great Sea, Conclusion

Ganondorf has had many unpleasant awakenings. Waking up just as Link set off his Cucco Bombs was one of the most unpleasant ones in recent history. Up to this point, waking up in Utero was the worst. However, this particular loop would be long remembered. Apparently he was currently locked in battle with someone, probably Link as evidenced by the sword in his hand. He was in the Great Sea loop as he recognized his surroundings. For the briefest second, he almost allowed himself to smile since this Link was the least likely to be awake, what with the Triforce of Courage buried under the ocean in pieces. This was his vacation loop...no Malon with her cucco horde, Zelda probably far away, and an entire ocean to sail away into the sun.

That was when he finally noticed the mountain of flesh an inch from his face, traveling at a ludicrous speed. As his jaw snapped under the impact and his body started flying away from his private pirate island, his loop memories caught up and his rage returned. Monkey D. Luffy, the captain of the Straw Hats Pirates and the only known looper who enjoyed fighting Bobobo, had replaced Link.

(one hour ago)

Tetra cursed as another cannon ball tore a chunk out of their railing. Their own cannons were targeted at a weak point in the fortress wall where a wooden block had been erected. The pirate's shots were true, however, as ball after ball landed right where Tetra pointed. Senza proved his worth as he steered the ship to avoid most return fire and any that made it through only hit non-essential areas.

Elsewhere, Luffy was having a grand old time as wave after wave of Moblins, Bokoblins and Miniblins rushed him. These days, his Haki could take out most non-loopers up to the vice-admiral's level. That these creatures didn't even notice meant he could cut loose a bit. As he bombarded the surrounding area with Gatling punches, soon the great ocean was raining Moblins in as far away areas as Dragon Roost Isle. Then, his pocket started vibrating. His hand dug into his pants and pulled out the pirate charm Tetra had given him. He hardly noticed the Miniblins swinging their tridents at him as he dodged using Kenbushoku Haki or Mantra which allowed him to predict his opponents movements before they made them.

Tetra's voice echoed from the stone, "Luffy, when I said undetected, what part did you fail to understand?"

Luffy replied without missing a beat, "All of it."

A scream echoed from the stone, "IDIOT! I'll deal with your stupidity later. Now, I need you to destroy those search lights. We're trying to get to you for a quick escape when the time comes, but those lights are pinning us down out here."

He nodded. His mouth curled into a delighted grin as he pocketed the charm again. His gaze landed on the surrounding Miniblins, which made them pause, "Sorry, everyone, but I can't play with you anymore. I'll do this quick."

His hand lashed out to his right, sending a wave of rubbery flesh up his arm then back down. His body started glowing red as he muttered, "Second...Gear..."

And like that, his hands blurred even faster than before as his gatling fists rained on the creatures without mercy. Within a second, nothing besides the future Pirate King stood on the landing. He bit his right thumb and muttered, "Third...Gear..."

Ganondorf was drawn from his private quarters as his fortress in the Sea shook violently. He ignored it first time, but by the third time his curiosity got the better of him. He made his way onto the balcony overlooking the fortress courtyard, only to see portions of his fortress gone where those searchlights had once been. His eyes were drawn to a familiar green outfit from ages long ago. His mouth curled into a grin, since the master sword could do no harm against him in his present state, what with two of the sages dead. Still, the seal was still in place, meaning his magic could not be used. However, his strength should be enough to deal with this one boy.

He leapt over the railing and landed soundlessly across from Luffy, "I commend you for making it this far. You have great skill, defeating my pirates and wreck my fortress. But this is where it ends. I will-"

His speech cut out as a fist impacted his nose, sending him careening into the nearest fortress wall and crushing it to dust. Luffy blinked, "Who was this guy again? Bowser? Nah, he keeps his speeches short. Giovanni?"

Moments later, the King of Darkness broke through the rubble and dusted away the broken pieces, "Your punches are strong, boy, but they cannot pierce the darkness that protects me!"

Luffy looked at his fist, then Ganondorf, "I see. So you're darkness then?"

Ganondorf laughed, "Yes I am. Your punches can never affect me."

Luffy gave a confident smile, "Then I shall be the light."

His hand flew backwards and was coated in Haki, "Gum Gum no-"

A second later, Ganondorf's laughter faded, "It's useless, boy, didn't you-"

He stopped, noticing the boy's hand had turned brilliant red, then white. Luffy finished, "RED...HAWKE!"

And Ganondorf went flying backwards. This time instead of hitting a wall, he crashed into the nest over the prison, shattering it to pieces. Luffy's hand retracted, then he blinked, "Oh yeah, I had to keep everyone distracted so they don't find Tetra and the others as they rescue the girls."

The stone in his pocket screamed, "Are you trying to get us killed, you fool!"

Behind her, the voices of her underlings could be heard faintly, "Miss Tetra, that stone's been in your family for generations, crushing it won't affect Luffy at all."

With an application of his rubber abilities, he was soon flying towards the nest, only for Ganondorf to appear out of the smoke hanging over the battlefield, sword extended and ready to slice. Luffy just grinned, "Hardening."

The sword bounced off Luffy's hands, sending him reeling backwards a bit as Luffy landed across from him. Ganondorf paused for a second to gaze at his opponent, "Who are you, boy?"

Luffy nodded, "Monkey D. Luffy."

Ganondorf returned the nod, "I will remember your name. Have you heard the legends of the land of Hyrule? I was there, trying to conquer it, and I was winning. But I was denied, denied bringing my people Hyrule and saving them when the ruling family flooded the country with their wish upon the triforce."

Luffy just stood there, erect and unmoving as he listened, "They destroyed Hyrule to prevent me from saving my people. Could you possibly understand this?"

The boy nodded, "I understand. I too would do anything for my comrades and friends. But I'm not here to fight for the Royal family."

His eyes were unflinching as they met the dark king's, "I'm here because you kidnapped girls and took them from their home. And you would not stop, no matter who you hurt on the way."

"I'm trying to find the last descendent of Zelda's line-"

Luffy gritted his teeth, then bit his thumb, "Gear...Third...!"

His hand became massive, the size of a giant, and then was hardened into steel as his hand flew backwards, "Gum Gum no-"

Ganondorf dashed forward with the skill of a seasoned swordsman. And with finality, the fist flew forward, "Elephant gun!"

An instant before the attack struck, Ganondorf's defenses dropped strangely, which caused the attack to be even more devastating as he was flung to the stars.

Tetra's pirates had taken the two girls back to their ship. They would certainly get a sizable bounty out of at least one since she was the daughter of the richest noble on Windfall Island. Tetra herself decided to see on Luffy and bailing him out of trouble if needed. She arrived shortly after Ganondorf acknowledged Luffy as a worthy opponent and listened as Luffy was doing this just to help those girls. Her mouth gaped at him. Did that mean he wouldn't ransom them back for money? What kind of a pirate was he? She felt her heart leap as the pirate king crushed Ganondorf and sent him on a one way trip around the world, "Incredible."

Luffy turned to her and gave her a V for victory, "Thanks."

Tetra blushed, "Y-You're still an idiot though."

There was an awkward silence for several seconds before she was able to face him, "W-what are you going to do now?"

Luffy flung his arms up and wide, "Go on an adventure! Find some comrades, start a pirate crew and reclaim my title here as King of the Pirates!"

Tetra shook her head and gave him a wink and and smirk, "Well, you want to travel with us until you find your comrades? We could always use someone to fight the tough battles."

Luffy tilted his head, "But I'm the captain of my crew. Wouldn't working under you mean I couldn't be King of the Pirates?"

She shrugged, "You can have the title of Pirate King, but I get all the money."

Luffy bellowed a huge laugh, "You remind me of Nami from home. Sounds like fun!"

Epilogue, several weeks later

Ganondorf, Pirate Warlord of the Seas, was happy once again. He had finally caught up to Tetra and her pirates, from which he discerned Luffy had joined her crew. Using his dark powers, he had commandeered the Bellum's Ghost Ship and subduing the creature of darkness to serve under him as first mate. He shouted between the two ships, "Captain Tetra, surrender your underling, Straw Hat Luffy, and I will spare the rest of your crew."

Tetra and her crew chuckled as Luffy climbed up to the starboard side of the ship, "You again? I've already played with you once, why should I deal with you again?"

Ganondorf grinned, "Because you're a guest in my home loop. Come over and we shall have a proper battle!"

Luffy's eyes went wide with mirth, "Ooohhh, a looper! That's different."

With that, the boy started rolling his arm wide as Tetra approached, "What's he talking about, Luffy?"

Luffy gave her a side grin, "I'm not just the King of the Pirates, I'm also a time traveler."

Ganondorf was able to hear and almost corrected him, but thought better, "Close enough."

With that, the Great Pirate War began between the forces of darkness and the Tetra Pirates. Generations later, they would talk about the Pirate King and her captain, how they battled back to back against the very shadows of the world itself.

15.10 (Detective Ethan Redfield)

"Malon, you need help," Link rubbed the side of his head.

Before them stood several 13 foot cuccos who were covered in red feathers scurried around in the heart of Death Mountain, clucking away as if they weren't in the heart of an active volcano just a few feet away from lava. Malon looked affronted, "But it was a great success! Now they're even fire resistant."

Link shouted, "Now there's no way to kill them if they ever became irritated. Any more monster Cuccos you want to make?"

Malon tapped her chin, "No, I've already succeeded in one of my final experiments."

Link's face turned pale, "What?"

The rancher gave a wink, "Those Red Cuccos also have DNA from Ysalamir from that Star Wars loop. They're flame resistant, and immune to force based attacks."

Link deadpanned, "Why didn't you just make them force sensitive while you're at it?"

Malon blinked, "Hey, that's not a bad idea!"

Link slapped his face in frustration. If it took a million loops, he was going to make Sakura pay for making Malon her apprentice.

15.1 - Gives a new meaning to "moonbeams".

15.2 - Gives a new meaning to "crescent edge".

15.3 - Gives a new meaning to "pie in the sky".

15.4 - Gives a new meaning to ENOUGH! WE DEMAND AN END TO THESE RIDICULOUS WITTICISMS! Ok, Ok, don't get your tail in a knot, Luna.

15.5 - So, would that make it a Moon-arch? *BZZAT* Ah! I'm sorry Luna, I'm sorry!

15.6 - Well, it looks like sword juggling will come in handy now.

15.7 - Link was puzzled why Ganondorf didn't want to shake his hand for several Loops afterwards.

15.8 - If it can cut, Link can weaponize it.

15.9 - And thus ends Luffy's sojourn on the Great Sea. Perhaps we will see some of his crew again...

15.10 - Hey, that's a great idea, chicken that can roast itself!

Oh, and just to be clear, the Moon is not a Looper...it just kind of pops up where you least expect.