LEGEND OF ZELDA TIME LOOPS: Cuccos and Watchers and Gags, Oh My!
Disclaimer: I solemnly swear, that I am...oh wait, wrong fandom. I don't own the Legend of Zelda, or any of the other characters that are referenced within this chapter or story. However, it is a very good game series, and you should all go out and buy the games. Yes.
Ok, so it has been awhile. That is my bad, there have been plenty of snippets piling up, I just haven't been very good at getting them out. But, I finally got off my lazy butt and did something about it. There are going to be four chapters uploaded in this batch. The final three aren't quite ready yet, so I am going to put out this chapter to tide you over, and then you can anticipate the next three showing up sometime in the next couple of days, or so.
Without further ado, let's get on with the show! (Oh, and a special shout-out goes to cipher100, who wrote many of the snippets in this chapter!)
18.1 (cipher100)
Eustace was starting to doubt himself. For the past few hours weird things have been happening on the farm. The power would flicker and die out. Strange noises could be heard every now and then like foot steps being heard when no one was around or clanging of pots pans. At first he would pass it off as the windmill needed fixed or it was just the wind. But now something was happening that was really setting him on edge.
He was hearing voices. He started hearing it when he went out to check on the barn. It was just a whisper, barely loud enough to here.
"Eustace...Eustace." The voice had a strange tone, as if it was beckoning him to come near. Eustace was doing everything he could think of to resist, but he still found himself going to where the sound originated from. Which, is where he was now standing outside the closed barn door with a flashlight in hand. Trying to lower his heart rate and shaky breathing, he reached out with a sweaty hand and slowly opened the door. And shined the light inside.
"Booga Booga Booga!" bellowed the owner of the voice. A strange portly creature with copper brown coloring and almost seemed to be of rock stood in the barn, waving its arms wildly.
Screaming in fear and dropping the flashlight. Eustace ran back to the house as if the very demons of hell were on his heels.
Watching the old man flee from the barn, the strange creature known as a Goron began to chuckle, which then devolved into a full belly laugh. Calming down the Goron reached to the sides of it's head and began to pull, resulting in a white light that encompassed the individual. Once the light died down where the Goron used to be was now a small anthropomorphic dog that resembled a wolf.
"That was satisfying," Link said with sigh. He knew it was not the greatest thing to do, but that man had been getting on his nerves ever since he looped into this world.
Placing the Goron mask back into his Subspace Pocket, Link began walking out of the barn to undo what he did to the power, and to switch spots with the decoy he made using the song he learned from the undead King of Ikana.
Outside the barn Link stopped and looked into a bucket with water in it. Looking back was a Dark grey dog with almost white grey streaks in its' fur. On its' forehead were three triangles that came together to form a larger triangle.
"Courage." Link mused. Pondering the name that his loop memories say was given to him.
"I don't know if that is a divine joke, but it is fitting."
18.2 (cipher100)
Link coughed as he regained consciousness, sitting up he looked around east Termina field taking note of the large crater nearby and the scorched area around it.
"How did that many of those bomb rats get into Clock Town in the first place?" He asked the air around him. Apparently, Termina this loop had an incredibly large abundance of real Bombchus. Bombchus that had found their way into the water channels and into the town proper. Luckily, he had a pied piper loop sometime back, and he still remembered the melody. If he hadn't then Clock Town probably wouldn't be standing.
18.3 (cipher100)
Becoming a guard for Hyrule's Castle is considered an honorable duty to the citizens of the kingdom. Only the best of the best of the military are even considered for the role of a guardsman, and each are hand picked by the king himself. Each of them have a sworn duty to lay down their for the protection of the royal family. They all know this and they will all gladly follow through to carry it out. However, there is thing that each and everyone of them despise that unfortunately comes with the job.
Boredom.
"Hey" One guard, Al, calls over to his companion for the current shift of watching the front gate into the castle.
"Hmm, what?" The other guard, Bob, asks back to the other.
"You ever wonder why we're here?" Al asks.
"It's one of life's mysteries, isn't it. I mean, are we some part of a Cosmic Coincidence, or are there really Goddesses watching over us. I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night." Bob responds with a look of thoughtful contemplation. Al stays quiet, looking back at him with a blank expression.
"What? I mean, what are we doing out here guarding the front gate? " Al says with mild disbelief.
"Uhh, because it's our duty as guards of the castle to follow orders, and one of them was to guard the gate for the shift." Bob replied indignantly.
"Oh, right." Al says, chastised. "When does it end anyway?"
"About two more hours." Bob checks the sun's position to determine the time. After that declaration, the two guards return to watching the road.
"Have you seen the new girl working at the Bombchu Gallery?" Al asks, suddenly.
"No, who is it?"
Al paused, thoughtful. "What was her name? Mary, Mallory? Mal-something, anyway."
"The daughter of the Ranch owner? Why would she be working there?" Bob replies.
"When I asked, she said 'I need rupees to fund my Cucoo Artificial Evolution Project', what ever that means." Al informed him.
18.4 (Pinklestia)
Malon hugged the little orange pegasus filly. "Oh my gosh! You were the most adorable Cucco Queen ever!"
"I... I don't like to talk about that loop." Scootaloo said uncomfortably and tried to get away, unfortunately she was weak against the power of a fangirl.
"But, but... hearing about you helped me to have so many ideas, and you completely derailed the loop without crashing it!"
"Yes, but that was only until the next loop. Zelda hadn't warned me that you guys could have loops that were sequels. It turns out that while the future caused by me being the Cucco Queen was peaceful, Demise got revived as a cat. Guess who had to keep hiding and running away from cat monsters for the rest of that loop?"
18.5 (cipher100)
"I just want to say, thank you for showing up to see what I have today." Malon said happily to her guests. Link and Zelda nodded graciously. They had decided to show up for basically two reasons. One, because despite her mad scientist tendencies, Malon was a friend to both of them, and two, because it made it easier to help contain anything dangerous she made before it could escape.
"We are glad to be here Malon. But what is it you are showing us? Your invitation didn't say." Zelda asked with Link nodding along with the question.
"You'll see." Malon said with a smile, which did not put either of them at ease. Turning around, she began to lead the two over to a corner of the ranch. In the corner was a medium sized box that Link and Zelda assumed was a cage with a cloth cover draped over it.
"Now I have been having trouble splicing this little guy's DNA for awhile. But I am almost certain that I've finally gotten it correct, I just needed some genetic from a few of the creatures from around Hyrule." Malon informed them while placing a hand on the cloth and giving it an affectionate pat.
Giving each other a discrete glance, Link discretely readied himself to pull a sword and shield from his Pocket and Zelda readied a couple of contingency spells. Looking over to them, Malon smiled again and grabbed onto the cloth and pulled it off revealing...
A normal Cucoo standing in the cage.
"Isn't he amazing?" Malon said with pride while taking the Cucoo out of its' confines for display.
"It's just a Cucoo," Link tried to inform her nonchalantly, not quite able to keep the apprehension out of his voice, while discreetly pulling a Lens of Truth from his pocket to scan the bird. Regular Cucoos were bad enough, but if Malon made some sort of Ultra Mega Cucoo Link wasn't sure what he would do.
"It's not just a regular Cucoo." Malon said with some irritation, before her cheerful smile returned.
"It's a hypoallergenic Cucoo. I made them so that Anju in Kakariko would be able to handle them."
"Oh and their down is 17.6% softer than regular Cucoo's as well." Malon added, stroking the bird and cooing over it gently. Link and Zelda stared at Malon in surprise before looking at the avian creature she was currently holding. Out of all the things their resident mad scientist could have created, this was definitely not what they expected.
18.6 (cipher100)
Malon could not help herself; it was either laugh at what she was seeing, or pick it up in her arms and cuddle it. She decided laughing was the most appropriate response in this situation.
"Hahahahahahha!" she let it out, doubling over. Meanwhile, the reason for her amusement was currently giving her the most vicious glare he could manage, which unfortunately was not much.
"Hehe…What happened. Did you decide to try on a new mask and got it stuck to your head?" Malon asked while lowering her laughter down to giggles.
"…"
"Hey don't look at me like that, I did not do this. I don't experiment on people." Malon said indignantly.
"…"
"Well at least your clothes fit. And you do look rather adorable like that." Malon said with a smile.
Link, for all of his tools, experience, and skills, could only say one thing.
"Bakawk."
Pursing her lips, Malon adopted a thoughtful pose. "I wonder if you would summon a swarm of green-hatted Cucco's if you were attacked…"
Link froze, as an unholy gleam rose in his eye. In a distant castle, Ganondorf felt a chill run down his spine.
18.7 (cipher100)
Kakariko village was largely the same both before and after Ganondorf had conquered Hyrule with the Tri-force of Power. Sure, there were a few more buildings and few more people, but in general, the village stayed the same.
Link lay back on the roof he was currently relaxing on, looking up at the volcano called Death Mountain. He had decided when he Awoke this loop to follow the baseline. Since he was the only one Awake, if the feeling through the Triforce and lack of answers from the ping were anything to go by, Link felt like taking a break before tackling the Fire Temple, which was why he was relaxing on the roof. 'Now, how should I go about taking down Volva-'.
"Chickens." Link jolted upright when he heard the shout. He was reaching for his sword but stopped himself when saw what was happening below. A teenage boy with yellow skin wearing a green jacket and blue jeans had gotten into Anju's Cucoo pen.
The boy, Ed if Link remembered correctly, was holding all of the Cucoos in a death grip while attempting pet them all simultaneously. Link watched on in horror as Ed hugged the Cucoos tightly while saying "Pet the chicken" over and over again. Finally breaking free of his terror induced daze, Link proceeded to turn on his heel, leap off the rood, and hightail it out of the village. He did not want to be there when the wrath of the Cucoo's descended upon the area.
18.8
"Why?! For the love of Naryu, why?!" Link raced across Hyrule Field, Pegasus Boots pounding, while behind him, the replacement for Epona this Loop charged along.
"He just wants some carrots." Malon shouted from her perch on a nearby fence. "And maybe a steak."
"Well excu~u~use me for not stopping to buy the fire-breathing horse dinner." Link rolled to swiftly change direction, avoiding a jet of flame in the process. "What inspired this, anyway?"
Malon adopted a thoughtful position. "Well, you told me a while ago you wanted more firepower..."
"That's an expression, and you know it!" Link dodged a bite from a mouthful of sharp teeth, before kicking off a tree to flip over the monstrosity and book it the other way. "And the three heads?"
Malon shrugged. "Cerberi already have fire breath, so the splicing was easier, plus," she winked as he raced by, "I've always wanted to make a Tri-Horse."
Link face palmed at the pun, which is an ill-advised action when one is running at high speeds. Luckily, he did make it out of traction before the end of the Loop.
18.9 (Pinklestia)
Malon patted the small orange Pegasus pony, small in this case being just about the size of Malon's head.
" Aren't you the cutest little pony ever? What are you supposed to be this loop, Scootaloo?" For some reason, Scootaloo tended to loop into Hyrule more than most other ponies.
Scootaloo opened her mouth, then closed it, and gave Malon an annoyed glare.
"Uh... is really that bad?" Malon looked at the tiny pony confused
Scootaloo continued glaring, before a vicious smile slid onto her face. Still smiling, she opened her mouth and started to talk "Hello hero, my name is Scootaloo and I will be your guide in this wondrous adventure. First of all, are you a boy or a girl?"
"What?" Was the filly playing a joke on her?
"Oh, so you are a boy? Are you sure?"
Malon's eyes widened as her body suddenly changed to be the opposite gender.
"No, I am a girl dammit!" Malon's body changed back.
"Are you sure that you are a girl?"
"Yes." Malon groaned, she just knew this was payback for creating those Cucco pegasi hybrids the last loop they shared together.
"So, your name is Payback?"
"No, my name is Malon!" Yes, this was revenge alright.
18.10 (Pinklestia)
Super Speed Test 1: Start
Link smiled, it had cost a great deal of money and time, but after that RPG like fused loop where he could merge items, he had got the Golden Pegasus Boots after fusing 108 regular Pegasus Boots. Link put the boots on, set the stopwatch and radar gun set up on a nearby stump, and prepared to dash. The stopwatch beeped and he took off, the landscape blurring around him. He heard a boom as he broke the sound barrier... then a second boom as he crashed into a mountain.
Conclusion: Experiment inconclusive. Please remember that faster running speed doesn't mean faster reaction time.
Super Speed Test 2:
Link equipped Epona with the items he had made in his last loop in Equestria: The Rainbow Pegasus Horseshoes (Made using using a lot of Pegasus Boots and some solidified rainbow), then fed her a handful of oats with Pegasus Seeds mixed in.
Epona promptly turned into a Pegasus and took off, breaking the sound barrier a moment later.
Conclusion: Experiment inconclusive. Remember to be riding Epona before equipping the items. Do not let Malon get samples from Pegasus Epona, we don't want a repeat of the Pegasi/Cucco hybrid incident. Or anything/Cucco hybrids...Work on creating a revised version of the Accords.
18.11 (cipher100)
The Silent Realm was currently... silent. The Guardians were standing still, waiting until they received the signal to go after the hero. The Watchers, patrolling the area, made no noise as they swept their lights over the land.
One watcher in particular was currently on the return path of his route, watching and waiting for the chosen Hero to pass through his sight.
And then a green blur streaked by underneath him.
Startled, the Watcher looked around in confusion, but there was no hero in sight. It looked around one last time, but nothing was out of the ordinary. It was probably nothing to worry about, it decided, and continued on its path.
On a grassy outcropping overlooking the area, the green blur solidified into Link, with both the Pegasus Boots and the Bunny Hood equipped. He looked around the area for a second before darting off again. In a few seconds he was back at the portal, the last Tear in hand.
Outside of the Silent Realm, Fi observed the portal. All of the sudden, the magic circle flared with light. When it died down, it revealed Link, standing there with a proud smile on his face.
"I calculated a time of four minutes and seven seconds for your current attempt." Fi informed him. " This is an improvement of 15 seconds from your previous record. "
Link frowned. "I thought it was shorter than that."
18.12 (cipher100)
Link always enjoyed being in a loop when Skyloft was present, being able to soar above the clouds on a Loftwing. He also enjoyed seeing what the land was like before Hyrule was established. So far, everything had followed the baseline for the era, Link already visited the Isle of Songs, and was now entering the first Silent Realm trial.
As he was stepping in to begin the trial, Link took a look around only to freeze in horror at the sight before him. All of the silent realm guardians have been replaced by Tingles. Most of them were standing on the ground, holding weapons that were twice their size without any visible effort. There were other Tingles floating around with their balloons, holding lanterns acting as searchlights.
"Mr. Hero." Link looked at a tingle floating above him. When link had froze, he had not realized he had stepped out of the safe zone and right into its' search path. With his mouth working before his brain, he dumbly replied, "Yes."
"Are you here to complete the trial of the Goddesses?" The floating Tingle questioned with the usual happiness that all Tingles seemed to possess. Not knowing what else to say, Link could only nod in reply.
"Well, if that is true, then you must first SURVIVE!" The Tingle then pulled out one of the weapons Link saw the others holding. Raising the sword above his head, Tingle used it to pop his balloons, causing him to fall straight towards Link's position.
"KOOLOO LIMPAH."
18.13 (cipher100)
"Well, at least I know what happened to Groose this loop." Link said to himself as he looked out at the valley before him.
In the valley, set between a pair of mountain ranges was a city. A city of Groose. Statues of Groose could be seen in every plaza. The buildings were shaped like Groose's head. There were even mosaics of Groose's visage in the walkways.
But worst of all, in Link's opinion, were the people inhabiting the city. All of them, every last one, were Groose. Even the women looked like a gender swapped Groose.
"Hey shrimp, I know Grooseland is awesome but you're blocking the road."
Hearing this Link turned to the person addressing him. The person turned out to be large muscular woman with red hair and a beak like nose.
"Look pal, if you're here to sightsee then you should stop at the welcome center slash gift shop right after the gate." Said the woman as she was walking passed Link, who just stared dumbly after her.
Shaking himself, Link looked in the direction she had indicated and spotted the building she told him about. Although the only way he could tell the difference from all of the other Groose-shaped buildings was the sign positioned by the building.
'Welcome to Grooseland's
Tourism Center.'
Link wasn't sure whether to laugh or find a dark hole to hide in.
18.14 (cipher100)
"Hi there Link, I'm glad you are here. I've been doing some research and I think I discovered something." Malon said when she noticed Link had stepped into her Laboratory. Now if Malon had told Link that before he had entered the room, he would have probably turned around to come back later. While Malon was nowhere near as bad as Sakura, the farm girl did get carried away at times.
But this did not seem to be one of those times. Instead of the large amount of equipment for genetic experiments that usually filled her lab, Malon only had stacks of books and papers. Upon closer inspection, all of the pages were about things from the Hub Loops. Deciding to sate his curiosity, both for what she had discovered and for the absence of the usual clutter in the room, and because he wasn't sure if he could run away fast enough, Link asked "What have you discovered?"
"I think I know the meaning of life." Malon said simply, a wide smile on her face.
"Uh…okay. What is the meaning and why were you researching it?" Link asked while slowly backing away, for some reason all of his instincts were screaming at him to run. Silently, he prayed the meaning of life wasn't Cuccos.
Malon's smile widened as she raised her hand and showed him what she was holding.
"Candy." She answered with an almost manic energy, her smile growing to a size that really ought to be painful.
"Candy?" Link asked. Something was wrong, Malon never smiled like that, and now his instincts were telling to curl up in the darkest hole as far away as he could.
"Yes." Malon practically screamed, nodding vigorously, "Yes candy. All kinds of candy, jelly candy, sweet candy, sour candy, juicy candy. Candy, candy, CANDY." Abruptly turning around, Malon skipped over to a lever in the wall Link had not noticed before. Wearing the same manic smile, Malon pulled the lever, causing several unseen hatches to open at the top of the room and along the walls. Out the hatches came torrents of candy at the speed of water breaking through a dam, rushing out in an inescapable tide.
Trapped in the sea of delicious sweets, Link tried to swim over to Malon, who was now standing up on a raised platform looking down at the scene. Noticing him, she grinned wider and started to giggle. Her giggle soon turned into a laugh, which then increase into a mad cackle. Link, for his part, continued trying to make his way over to the platform, but moving through the candy that was now up to his chest was like wading through wet sand.
Her laughter dying away, Malon moved to the side revealing another lever. Before pulling the lever down, she looked over to Link and said, brightly, "Sorry about this but you are just so sweet." The second lever seemed to have opened up a hatch in the center of the floor, causing the candy to fall through it like water through a drain. Given the amount already in the room, Link was swept up with the flow and pulled closer and closer to the drain. Starting to scream as he found himself in the sugary vortex, Link had just enough time to see Malon give him a farewell wave as he was pulled down into the darkness.
Link woke up with a gasp, looking around to see where he was, only finding the camp he had set up a few hours a go to rest for the night. Sitting up from his slouched position, Link looked at the pouch he had in his hand. In all of the loops he had never once tried eating the particular items in this pouch before now.
'Never again.' He thought to himself. Pulling out a piece of paper, he wrote DO NOT EAT in bold letters and attached the paper to the pouch. Placing it back where it came from, Link decided he wasn't going to get any more sleep tonight. Getting up and putting his equipment away, he put out the fire to continue on his journey, all while keeping his newly learned lesson in the back of his mind.
They're called "Magic Beans" for a reason.
18.12 cont.
Link allowed himself to calm down as he watched the Tingle searchlight dissipate into white smoke. Tensing up, he readied himself to deal with the rest of the guardians, before he suddenly stopped. Why should he have to fight them off to try to get to the tears, when he had a proven method to avoid them?
Grinning, Link reached into his Pocket and pulled out the Stone Mask. After ensuring that the Tingle Guardians could not find him with their searchlights, Link casually strode around the realm, collecting the tears and anything else that interested him. When finished with his task, Link made his way back to the starting point. Just as he was about to step into the circle he removed the Stone Mask and placed it back into his Pocket. The next trials were going to be no trouble at all.
18.15 (cipher100, with editing by generiguy)
Link was certain the rupees on the ledge were mocking him.
He didn't really need them, actually, but it was it was the principle of the matter.
He could see them up there just out of reach. They were too angled to run up the wall, too close to the back to use the Hookshot, and too shiny to ignore. Staring over at the ledge, Link contemplated how to reach it. One easy way was to use the Scarecrow's song, then hookshot up to that. But no, Link decided on something else.
Pulling out the Gale Boomerang, Link pulled his arm back to swing. Pouring magic into it, Link released the boomerang, causing a mini tornado just at the right spot. Running towards the direction of the tornado, Link equipped the Deku leaf, and jumped up into the air with it. Using the Deku Leaf, Link shot up through the vortex and glided down onto the ledge. Perfect.
You got the Rupees!
With his objective finished, Link turned around and jumped down the ledge.
All two feet of it.
"Really?" asked Navi. "Instead of jumping up the small ledge, you did something ridiculously convoluted that took far longer? For twenty rupees?"
Link smiled and nodded.
18.16 (cipher100, with editing by generiguy)
Link was really hoping the Silent Realm was baseline this time. Even the thought of the Tingles that inhabited it last time still sent shivers down his spine. It was probably a good idea, Link decided, to see if anything was different this time.
He looked around. Nothing really seemed different. Great! Link ran forward to the nearest Tear, but was interrupted by a Watcher raising its arm. Instead of its usual lantern, however, it had a ring on one of its hand. And it was chanting.
"In darkest day, in silent night.
No Chosen Hero shall escape my sight.
Let those who face the trials, fear might.
Behold my power, the Goddess' Light!"
Link's only thought as he fled the Silent Realm was "Nope".
18.17 (stonebrow)
Link had to admit, this was a weird loop. Slicing the head off the last gray putty-man-thing, he suddenly saw a vision of Malon wearing an ugly hat and using a large staff to do... something. Cackling, she shot energy out of the staff, down from outer space, and into a cucco sitting on a nearby box.
"Oh- oh no. This is bad," Link stammered, trying not to panic, as he finally recognized her outfit and the putty things he was fighting.
"Arise my minion! Attack Hyrule, Cuc-zilla!"
The cucco grew at an enormous rate; 10 feet high, 20 feet, 50 feet! Still it grew into the sky, tilting its head back and forth, unsure of what to make of this development.
"It's a good thing Malon isn't Awake, this definitely breaks the Kakariko accords. Well, what do I have that can counter that? Bombs? No, to much collateral damage. Giant mask? No, not giant enough. Fierce deity? Maybe? No, still not big enough…"
As Link went over his options, the giant cockerel decided it was hungry, and started scratching for worms, tearing through streets and kicking pavement through storefronts. Panicked pedestrians started running, catching the eye of the fearsome beast, and it started pecking.
"OK, so if big won't do, maybe tiny will work, not like I have much time to strategize…"
Link whipped out the Gust Bellows and the Deku Leaf, straddling the former while catching it's wind with the latter, rocketing himself towards the over-sized McNugget. Unfortunately, he caught the eye of his ancient foe, and the cucco pecked!
Using every ounce of skill in Quidditch he had gained from that one loop, he pulled a Kreneigel Slide, barely missing the titanic beak. Banishing the bellows to his pouch, Link drifted down onto the bird's head. Rolling across, he shrank himself down to Picori size.
"This is going to be one fantastic voyage," Link mumbled to himself as he slipped into the bird's hearing canal. "ECHO! Echo! Echo. Echo." The bird's head twisted and shook, but he made his way in.
Finally he reached the bird's gray matter. "Well, I'll just get to carving up the holiday bird! With a spin-slash here, and a spin-slash there…"
A few minutes later, Link was getting dizzy. "Ok, new plan. Off with the old tunic, on with the Magic Armor… And, normal size, this is gonna cost some money…"
It was Link's turn to grow, as he went from less than 2 inches high to over 60! The cucco's head split open in a disgusting show of force as the invincible Link grew too big for the Cuc-zilla's skull to contain.
The massive bird dropped, and Link floated the ground, once more in his green tunic.
"Alright, who likes dark meat, and who likes light?"
18.18 (Gamerex27)
"Please tell me that's not what I think it is," Chikorita asked, staring at Squirtle as if he had grown a second head (and she was pretty sure that was not involved in Blastoise's Mega Evolution).
"Relax," the former human said, tapping the staff against the ground. "I reprogrammed it, and it won't work on Pokemon anymore. Unless I flick this switch, anyways."
"I really hope you're right," Charmander grumbled, pre-emptively taking a step back. "I remember the last time we ran into that thing. I was sore for weeks afterwards from all that dancing."
"I figured I'd give the new model a test," Squirtle continued, "and see if Shulk and Isabeau's modifications worked. If they didn't, well, we'd just get a bit of exercise from it."
"Who're you going to use it on?" Charmander asked, as they continued walking down the cave they had Woken up in. "I mean, I can't really tell what Loop we're in."
The unmistakable sound of an explosion sounded, followed by a familiar man in a green tunic and iconic hat walking into the room. He scanned the room, looking to and fro tor traps and monsters, the crystal hearts on his belt jangling as he turned side to side.. When he saw Team Go-Getters, he raised an eyebrow, but continued walking towards the other side of the cavern.
"Well, that answers that question," Chikorita commented. "So, if we're going to do that prank, should we wait until after he rescues Zelda? Just to make sure no one gets hurt?"
"I don't think we have to worry about that," the Anchor replied. "Did you see how many Heart Containers he had? He'll be fine."
A chorus of demonic hisses sounded from all around the cavern, as over a dozen Moblins, Wizzrobes, and other assorted minions of Ganon sprung out from behind the stalagmites littered across the cave, to ambush the Hero of Time.
"This seems like a good a time as any!" Ignoring his friends plugging their ears/ear canals behind him, Squirtle flicked the on switch of the Dancing Pokébaton.
Instantly, Link and the monsters froze. Then, looking horribly confused, they walked towards one another, assembling into a box formation of lines and symmetry. As a beat sounded from the baton, Link and the monsters moved in unison, stepping and then jerking their heads to the side in a passable impression of that one dancer from the Hub.
They jumped in the air, their arms swinging up and down. And then, the music started.
"Deru deru, zeruda no densetsu! Deru deru deru deru tsui ni deru! Gojasu! Kondo no bouken!"
A massive bird cage lowered from the cavern ceiling, containing an equally baffled Princess Zelda. She swayed from side to side in time to the music, looking just as bemused as everyone else at what she was doing.
"Please tell me you're recording this. This is the best thing ever!" Squirtle declared, waving the baton in time to the foreign rap music.
"Uh, I think so...feed's a bit low quality..." Charmander said, awkwardly holding a camcorder in his claws.
"Riaru, kimi mo sugu ni taiken! Nikui de yansu ne, konchikushou! Kougashitsu nazodoki akushon!"
Swaying along with the music, Link and the monsters suddenly snapped back upwards, holding their hands to their heads. Making a motion like they were trying to snap their own necks, they spun around, then turned in a circle with the Japanese rapper.
"Tomadou koto mo naku, nomerikomou! Mochinoron, Suupaa Famicom!"
The monsters finally came to their senses. One of the Lizalfos swung his ball and chain in preparation for an attack, as another of his compatriots roared in fury.
"Abunai! Deta!" Zelda screamed, looking confused (she clearly had no idea what she just said).
One of the Wizzrobes flung a fireball at Link, but he was ready. Still in time to the music, he unleashed a Spin Attack, cutting a great deal of monsters to shreds and reflecting the fireball in the process.
"Ike! Rinku!" the baton sang.
Link's sword clanged against the cage as it lowered to the ground, breaking the door open.
"Shirazu shirazu no shinken shoubu! Koyoi mo zeruda wa saikouchou!" the voice sang as the Triforce Bearers embraced. An ear-piercing roar brought them to their senses, as the King of Darkness himself loomed over the carven, in all of his hammy (figurative and literal) glory.
And yet, the music was still not done. The volume suddenly became louder, and every non-Pokemon in the cave, Ganon included, fell back into its thrall.
"Suupaa Famicom zeruda no densetsu! Deru deru deru deru tsui ni deru!" the singer proclaimed, as Hylians and monsters alike fell back into the box dance, moving once again in time to the music.
"Do...any of you guys speak Japanese?" Charmander asked, trying to make himself heard over the loud music and Squirtle's mad laughter.
"I...think it's a commercial," Chikorita said, tilting her head in confusion. "For one of those Yggdrasil backups-like the Pokemon games in the Hub."
Unfortunately, the Hylians took this time to see the strange creatures watching from a distance, one of them holding the baton tormenting them so.
"Uh...run!" Charmander screamed, grabbing Squirtle with a use of Strength and hauling tail in the opposite direction.
"When this is over," Chikorita muttered as she followed her team away from the pursuing, disgruntled dancers, "I'm going to bury him in roots for the rest of the Loop."
The Pocket Monsters fled across the black cavern, and the dancing fiends followed.
18.19 (Leviticus Wilkes)
A smokey table under a green light. Cards and cigars. Beer and milk. In the back a pool table, billiards clicking against one another. The front bar, a rich mahogany plank, is spotless. The bartender was cleaning a glass. A piano played in the background. It was a brilliant little cliche, only broken by it's occupants.
The bartender was an apple red pony with a green apple mark on his flank, named Mac. The duo playing pool was Darth Vader and Corvo Atano, and Vader was winning. And the poker table was populated by dogs.
Link plucked out two cards and flipped them over for display. "Pair of queens."
Amaterasu flipped her own cards out. *Woof* -Pair of kings.-
Dog threw down his cards. "I'm out."
Cat grumbled something from under the table. "Of course you're out."
Spike smiled and flipped out three cards. "Triple Aces."
Leah growled something profane and threw her cards down, along with Courage.
Balto cocked an eyebrow in confusion. "Uh... Three twos? Does that trump three aces."
Spike reclined himself. "Nope. I get the pot boys and girls."
The assembled canines/former canines drew new hands. Leah looked up at Mac, who had stopped wiping his glass to stare. "Take a photo. It'll last longer."
18.1 - A hero, by any other name...
18.2 - Mousetraps proved...less...than ideal.
18.3 - A gentle reminder that even Unawake people still have lives. Boring ones, but lives nonetheless.
18.4 - Scoots can get uncomfortable with Malon's manias...
18.5 - When they discovered the self-destruct button on the feet, everything made much more sense.
18.6 - So, would a horde of Links be called a flock, a swarm, or a chain?
18.7 - Oh Ed. Stick to sucking on jawbreakers.
18.8 - Naturally, Ganondorf commissioned a Tri-Horse for his own steed.
18.9 - ...but Scoots can definitely get payback if she needs to.
18.10 - Link has acceleration covered, now he just needs to work on cornering.
18.11 - However fast he is, it is plenty fast enough to outrace his enemies.
18.12 - Tingle is watching...always watching.
18.13 - As it turns out, Grooseland actually makes some very well done bobbleheads.
18.14 - Magic Beans: Not FDA Approved.
18.15 - Link stands by his principles. Principle one: GET THE RUPEES!
18.16 - Watcher Lanturns: They will show you the light, then beat you down with it.
18.17 - Go Go Power Hyrule!
18.18 - *Crossposted with Pokemon*...I don't even know.
18.19 - *Crossposted with MLP* They all had a barking good time.