As soon as the rest of her team had exited the room, Kensi got lost in Jack's embrace.
Over these last few hours she had felt like she was losing her mind, although finally a familiar loving face had come to make her feel like home again!
But something was wrong.
His hug somehow didn't feel comforting at all. His arms around her felt foreign and unwelcome. She was not supposed to feel this way around the man she loved.
She slowly pulled away from him swallowing hard, trying to understand this sudden change of emotions.
"Is something wrong?" Jack asked worried.
"I don't know," Kensi sighed "you tell me."
"I don't know what you mean."
She reached her hand and caressed his cheek trailing her thumb down to his mouth.
"I remember you, your face, your voice….But what I see now before my eyes, is not the man I used to know. You even look older." She said.
Up until now Jack was avoiding any kind of eye contact with her, but her piercing look finally forced him to pick up his gaze until his eyes met hers.
"I know you Jack. You are hiding something from me. Please, just tell me the truth. I can handle it," she begged him.
"Deeks made me promise I wouldn't tell you…."
"Tell me what?"
Should he tell her the truth?
Deeks is never going to forgive him for betraying his trust but he can't do this. Despite everything he had put Kensi through he still cared about her. And it is obvious that Deeks cares about her even more.
He is the one who should be here by her side. Not him.
No! He can't lie. He must give Deeks a chance to claim what he's lost.
"The truth is….we are not together anymore," Jack paused giving a second to Kensi to process his obviously disturbing words.
At the sound of that confession Kensi pulled her hand away from him.
"What do you mean? Are we like….divorced or something?" She asked.
Jack shook his head desperately trying to find the right words to describe their mess, but his mind was a blank. Lying never came easy to him. He had always been an honest person, especially to Kensi.
Even if that meant hurting her beyond repair.
"Deeks is either going to kill me or thank me for doing this," he mumbled.
"Doing what? Please just tell me what the hell is going on," Kensi was now beginning to lose her patience.
"There is no need to panic ok? Just listen to me. Nine years ago, after I came back from Afghanistan, I wasn't the same man. Something broke inside me while I was here. I had changed. Being here felt vivid and real. But coming home to you was like roughly hitting the ground."
Suddenly Kensi felt the strangest sense of déjà-vu consuming her, sending chills down her spine. She had heard those exact words before. She was sure about it.
"So what? We just broke up?" She asked.
Jack didn't want to go through all the details, but it seemed inevitable. Kensi needed some answers and after all, she ought to know the truth.
"It was worse than that!" Jack stated.
"How much worse?" Kensi asked with tears in her eyes. "What? Did we go to court or something? Do we have any kids and we fought over custody? What?"
"I need you to listen to me ok?" he tried to calm her down, gently caressing her cheek. "You did nothing wrong. I was a fool and an asshole who didn't handle things well."
"You left me didn't you?" Kensi declared with tears falling down her cheeks.
"Look, I am sorry but yes, I did. And believe when I say this, I am not proud of myself. I hurt you, and if I could turn back time I would do things differently," he pulls her close softly kissing her forehead.
"If you could turn back time, would you have stayed with me?" she bluntly asked.
Jack remained silent for a moment debating the answer.
Should he lie?
No!
He has never lied to Kensi, and was not willing to start now.
"No!" The hurtful truth escaped his lips and Kensi pushed him away from her forcing him off the bed.
"You may not remember this Kens, but we were both miserable. Even if we had got married, it wouldn't have ended well. Trust me."
"So what? You did me a favor?" Kensi wiped the tears off her eyes. "You just disappeared for nine whole years and never looked back? You said you loved me. You asked me to marry you , spend the rest of my life by your side, and you just threw all that away?"
"I saved you from myself. I saved you from a life of misery. "
"That's crap! You saved me from misery, really? Cause all I can hear now is my heart bleeding – possibly for the second time – over you."
"That's impossible," he calmly responded "because your heart seems to belong to another man right now."
She looked up at him, barely holding it together "What exactly does that mean?"
"You have found someone who can make you happy. I've only known him for a few days, but he seems like a decent man. After all, he did cross half the world to come and rescue you."
"What? Who…?" Kensi tried to put the pieces of the puzzle together but the harder she struggled, the more her head hurt.
"Don't tell me it's Callen!" Kensi exclaimed with a hint of irony in her voice.
"No, it's not Callen," Jack smiled.
"Well? Who is it?"
Jack shrugged his shoulders. "I guess you'll have to find out on your own. You may have lost your memory, but I doubt your feelings for him have just disappeared. The heart never forgets."
Kensi looked at him and she knew he was right.
As strange as it sounded, her heart beat for another man. Jack's presence didn't fill her with the same sense of security it used to. To be honest, she might say she even felt at bit angry at him. And now she knew why.
He left her. He abandoned her like most men in her life have.
How could he have done this to her?
He knew about the loss of her father. He knew she spent almost a year on the streets trying to survive on her own. He knew about all her previous relationships, but still he chose to act selfishly.
Should she yell at him? Should she be feeling heartbroken and sad?
Not really! No more tears streamed down her cheeks.
There was no anger consuming her. No sorrow breaking her heart. On the contrary, she felt a strange sense of closure.
The relief she felt was somehow not a surprise.
She picked up her gaze and looked at Jack with a sad smile on her lips. "So, this is it then. "
"This is it!" he agreed. "Look, like I said you did nothing wrong. You tried to help me, keep me grounded and sane. But I didn't want to be saved. A couple of years ago I tried to look for you but I got a call from your Operational Manager."
"Hetty?" she looked at him confused.
"Yes! I asked her if you had finally found the happiness you deserved."
"And? What did she say."
"She said no!"
"What?" Kensi asked shocked.
"She said no. You hadn't found happiness. Happiness had finally found you."
So, she was happy with someone else.
But who could this mysterious man be?
Who is the one who managed to capture her heart?
Who is this man that she loves more than the person she intended to marry?
Then, she remembered the awkward figure standing in the back of the hospital room avoiding any kind of physical or eye contact with her.
Marty Deeks!
Her jaw dropped as the realization hit her and Jack laughed at her jarred look.
"So, you do know who I am talking about."
"I…..I am not sure…."Kensi cleared her throat "are you sure it's him?"
Jack nodded. "I know you don't remember him, but give the man a chance. He deserves it."
Kensi bit her lip and nodded in approval.
To her Deeks was a stranger, but if he was indeed the man Jack said he was, then she was willing to give him the opportunity to prove it.
"I am sorry, but I have to go," Jack sadly smiled at her.
"I understand. Will I ever see you again?"
"Do you want to see me again?"
"Honestly, not really," Kensi shook her head and surprised herself with the answer.
He approached the bed and leaned forward to kiss her forehead.
"I am sorry for everything I put you through. All ever wanted for you, was to be happy," he whispered before walking away.
He meant every single word he had just uttered.
She knew he did and for that reason she felt at peace. It was strange really. It was as if she had waited for this apology for a long time and now she could finally move forward.
Despite the doctor's warnings she slowly got up – carefully, so as not to tear her IV line again- and searched for her belongings in the closet.
To her disappointment, there was nothing apart from her clothes. No cellphone, no wallet….nothing. Nothing that would indicate what her present life was like.
She sat back on the bed burying her aching head in her hands.
It felt like it was going to burst.
"I thought the doctor told you to stay in bed," Callen suddenly walked in and Kensi picked up her gaze from the floor.
"Yeah….I know…I just….I wanted to see if my phone was within my belongings," she laid back down on the bed.
"Your phone is missing. The guy that was holding you, probably ditched it somewhere in the desert. But we got you a new one," he handed her a brand new device.
He could see the disappointment in her eyes.
She was trying so hard to make sense out of all this situation. Trying to hold on to something. He wished he could help her, but he was afraid to share any kind of information with her.
How much did she actually remember?
How much could she handle?
A part of him though understood what she was going through. He knew what it's like not remembering your past. Not knowing who you are. Kensi is fortunate though. Her memory will come back sooner or later, but he is bound to live in mystery.
"Did Jack leave already?" he looked around the room.
"Come on Callen, you don't have to pretend anymore," she adjusted herself on the bed.
"I don't understand. What are you talking about?" deep down though he knew exactly what she was referring to.
"Jack! He told me the truth. Why did you feel the need to build this whole charade? Did you honestly think I'd never figure out?"
"So, he told you the truth huh?" Callen sat on a nearby chair.
"I am glad he did. You could have told me the truth. See….it didn't kill me."
"Deeks didn't want to break your heart. "
There it was again that name. Deeks!
"How are you handling this?" Callen continued.
"Better than I expected. But please promise me something. No more lies."
"Agreed! We brought you a pair of clean clothes," Callen got up and placed the bag he was holding in the closet "Granger arranged a plane for us in about 11 hours. We are finally going home."
"Who is Granger?" Kensi asked.
"Why am I not surprised you don't remember him?" Callen laughs "he is the Assistant Director. He had been working with you for these past five months."
"Oh, I see!" she let out a deep breath trying to find the right words to address the next topic.
"What about my partner. Marty Deeks? What is he like?"
Callen smirked. "He is a goofy, weird creature…..but he cares about you, a lot. And to be honest, right now he knows you more than you know yourself. If anyone can help you regain your memory, it's him."
So, Jack was telling the truth. This Marty Deeks person is her partner and friend. She didn't dare ask if there is more to their story though. Besides, Callen was not the appropriate person to be asking such questions of intimate nature.
"Is he still here?" she hesitantly asked.
"No, he went back to the base. Did you want to talk to him?" he raised his eyebrow.
"No…I just….I was just curious….and since he is supposed to be my partner…I thought I should get to know him…." She was fighting to hide her rising panic but Callen could see right through her.
"What did Jack tell you? Besides the fact that you two are not together anymore," Callen couldn't keep his face from smiling.
"Nothing…just that. Don't be mad at him. He didn't feel comfortable lying to me and trust me, he made the right call."
"Are you mad at us?"
Kensi smiles "No! I can't be mad at you guys for more than 2 minutes."
"Well I am glad, because you are stuck with me for the night."
"What…what do you mean?"
"I am staying with you for the night. First thing in the morning they are coming to pick us up, and head to the air base."
"Oh," she looked at her hands clearly disappointed "YOU are staying with me huh?"
"Why? Did you want someone else? Your partner perhaps?" he knew he was pushing her buttons here but he couldn't help himself.
"What?" her voice reached an awful high tone "Of course not. I was just wondering…nothing. Just…go back with them. I am fine by myself." She snapped.
"No way! I am staying here! I just need some coffee. I'll be back in a couple of minutes."
As Callen exited the room Kensi couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed.
How could she want the company of a man she didn't remember?
She had all these questions she needed to ask, all these blanks she had to fill, all these emotions she didn't know how to express, but she had to be patient. And based on Jack's words, Marty Deeks was the one with all the answers.