Hello! THANK YOU for all of your support and kind words about my last chapter! You all deserve a medal for sticking with this, I'm so sorry this is so late! Literally I've been writing every day for the last month! This chapter (16,410 words) is now longer than my uni dissertation (7500 words)! Thank you so much to James the vet who chose the name of Ziva's nurse! :) Also, if I get any medical information in this wrong, please let me know. All of my information has come from the internet and asking others. Also, I apologise to you all in advance. As you guys know, I've been offered a teaching job and I started on 1st Sept. I can't guarantee how much time I will have to write this FF but there is no way that I will not finish this story! APOLOGIES: I will update the follows/faves list to add below and reply to your reviews tonight/tomorrow! I just wanted to post this for you guys ASAP! :)

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Thursday 26th May 2016, Parisian Apartment, France, 11am

"I would like to know everything that has happened over the last three years. Everything, Ziva. I think you owe me that much."

"Yes. Well then, I shall start at the beginning. From when you found me in Israel…"

(June 2013)

- [Ziva]: Sorry I missed you.

"You didn't miss me. I'm right here!"

- [Tony]: Where are you?

- [Ziva]: On a bus to Tel Aviv.

"So much for a face-to-face."

- [Tony]: Tel Aviv? Exploring your roots?

- [Ziva]: Something like that. Reconnecting. Thinking.

"Thinking? That's dangerous!"

- [Tony]: Thinking about…?

- [Ziva]: At the moment, you.

- [Ziva]: You and a million other things. I heard about Secnav.

- [Tony]: They haven't called us in.

- [Tony]: Want some company?

- [Ziva]: Yes. :-)

- [Tony]: Count to a million. On my way.

"This is good."

(October 2013)

"After the events of that past year, what with losing my father, us being chased by Bodnar and Gibbs taking the fall for us all in Parsons' investigation… I needed some time away from America. I needed to go back to Israel; reconnect with my blood family. I was planning on visiting all of these places that were important to me and my family. And after everything that you had done for me and with our post-elevator promise to tell each other things about things, all I wanted was to share my family with you. To open up a little bit more."

"So you reached out. Tried to call me in the middle of the night. After missing me the first time, you messaged me instead. Told me that you wanted some company."

"I know. And I did. I really did want you there, Tony." Ziva explained whilst looking deeply into his glistening green eyes, trying to convey just how much she had wanted him there. Tony nodded his head ever so slightly. He had received her message, loud and clear. And he could see that she was telling the truth.

Ziva gave him the smallest of smiles before she sighed and looked down at her hands which were now clasped together. "While I was waiting for you to join me, I went back to a few little places. And as I said before, it started off as a good thing. But then we were being chased by Parsa..."

After Tony had informed her that someone had come after him and tried to shoot him in his own apartment, he warned Ziva and told her to be careful. So she had gone to one of her father's old safe houses. Covered her tracks. Tried to lay low.

But they found her anyway.

Staring at the three men now lying dead on the floor in front of her, Ziva could feel herself shaking and breathing heavily, still coming down from her adrenaline high. This was yet another almost brush with death that could be added to her collection. She felt claustrophobic all of a sudden. She needed to get out of there. Go. Run. Before anyone else came for her. She needed to warn Tony; tell him about this; tell him to stay in DC; ask him to warn the team. No… she couldn't do that. Someone was clearly following their electronic trail. Alerting Tony would only cause the bad guys to hide. Or act sooner. Someone was hunting them down. But what for?

This fight she may have won, but she could tell that this battle was far from being over.

Quickly moving back towards the bathroom, Ziva grabbed the medical kit from the cupboard and worked to stop the bleeding from the wound on her leg. Once it had slowed considerably, she bandaged her leg and limped towards the bedroom. After trying to change her blood-stained clothes with an injured leg, Ziva finally succeeded, packed as quickly as she could, grabbed her trusty go-bag and moved to leave the building. But just as she reached the door, Ziva realised something. She knew that Tony would find out about this, and if Somalia was a good indication, there was no way that he would rest until he knew that she was alive. She needed to let him know somehow… but how? Ziva brought her right hand to her neck, fiddling with her Star of David as she thought, just twisting it around her fingers. Wait a second…

Perfect.

"I would sooner die than take this necklace off." Her words from years ago floated into her head as she reached for the clasp. But while she didn't want to be parted from her old friend, this was the best way to get her message to Tony.

Ziva quickly took off her necklace and looked for the perfect spot in the room before she noticed the photo frame containing the picture of herself and her father from when she was a child. After kissing the necklace and saying a quick prayer, Ziva stroked her thumb over the photo frame one last time and then limped towards the door, not looking back…

"While you were on the run, Vance confronted Tom Morrow. Demanded a straight answer. While Morrow claimed not to be involved, he did know that you were the next target. Told Vance that because Eli knew too much they thought that you did too. We tried to get in contact with you through various channels, but we knew that you'd more than likely gone underground. You had no choice about that."

"They still found me. And I knew that they would not stop there. I wanted to go deeper underground. But as I had been injured…"

"You went to see your old friend, Deena…"

"Ziva, how are you feeling?" Deena asked as her friend came out from the bedroom, still limping slightly.

"Better, now. My leg has stopped hurting as much. Thank you for helping me." Ziva ended her sentence with a slight wince as she sat at the other end of the couch to Deena, placing her injured leg up onto the foot-rest in front of her.

"You know… I cannot remember the last time that I was here." Ziva could still feel the effects of the pain meds. While they had made her sleepy beforehand, they were loosening her tongue now. "I always loved coming here as a child. The atmosphere was so different to my apartment across the hall. I miss those days, when the four of us would spend time together. You, me, Tali and Ari."

She laughed as she reminisced. "Do you remember when we used to climb up on the roof of the apartment building? It was our place to escape and talk, normally always about dancing and boys! And Ari would always bring a football up there or try to place a joke on us!"

"Ziva... please stop." If Ziva carried on talking about Ari, Deena wouldn't be able to hold in her secret any longer. And Ziva couldn't know about that.

Seemingly oblivious to her friends' discomfort, Ziva continued. "Or the times that Tali, you and me would put on these dance and music shows for your parents, my mother and Ari right here in your living room? Tali would always perform an operatic piece so beautifully while we would do a ballet duet? We used to insist on wearing our leotards and tutus! And Ari would always film every performance. He was a good big brother."

"And yet you worked with his killer every day for eight years?!"

"What?" Ziva asked, snapping out of her daze.

Deena couldn't hold in her anger any longer. "One thing that I never understood, Ziva, was how you could work with Agent Gibbs? He murdered your brother and yet you chose to work with him?! And your new co-workers were celebrating your brother's death! How could you work with them?" She asked incredulously.

"It was a little more complicated than that…"

"Complicated?!" Deena cried as she leapt out of her seat, waving her arms frantically. "I know you, Ziva. You would have wanted revenge for your brother's murder; instead you befriended his killer?! What are you not telling me?"

"It does not matter now. That was 8 years ago!"

"So?! It still matters! Why, Ziva? Why can you not tell me?"

"Deena, please, just drop it!"

"TELL ME!"

Please, Deena, just stop!"

"NO ZIVA. WHY WILL YOU NOT TELL ME?!"

"BECAUSE GIBBS DIDN'T KILL HIM!"

Silence…

…

…

"What?!"

Ziva looked like a deer caught in the headlights. She too had leapt up during their conversation; now she slowly sank back down to her seat in shock. The pain in her leg was the last thing on her mind at this moment. 'Oh my God, oh no, why did I just say that? What am I going to do…? There is only one option: tell her the truth. Deena is a good friend, she will understand, right?'

"Deena… I am so sorry… but I cannot lie to you anymore." She took a deep breath, pausing for a moment to collect herself; preparing herself for Deena's reaction. "I killed Ari."

…

…

"Excuse me?!"

Ziva just sat there, nervously watching her old friend. She couldn't bring herself to repeat that again. "Deena, I –"

"YOU?!" She spat venomously.

"Deena, I can explain –" Ziva babbled, holding her hands up.

"HOW COULD YOU MURDER YOUR OWN BROTHER!"

"I had no choice, I had to protect him!"

"Oh so you decided that you would KILL YOUR OWN BROTHER?! THAT'S SOME PROTECTION!"

Ziva sprang back up; she needed to get through to Deena. "There was nothing that I could have done! He was hurting good people; innocent people! Ari made his choice, he could not be saved."

"NO! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HIM! YOU TOLD ME; PROMISED ME THAT YOU WOULD KEEP HIM SAFE! THAT YOU WOULD GET HIM UNDERGROUND; OUT OF ISRAEL, OUT OF AMERICA! WHEN HE REALLY NEEDED SAVING FROM YOU!"

"He had changed, Deena. He was not the same person! He murdered an NCIS agent in cold-blood, just to hurt Gibbs. Ari needed saving from himself!"

"So you wanted to be the hero? Try to save him? Well, while you were off saving the world… I WAS HERE FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR BROTHER!"

Ziva's mouth fell wide open. "What?!"

Deena smiled sadly. "We were in love. He was going to propose to me… when you killed him. You took him from me. You stole our chance of being a family!"

"Deena, please, you don't understand –"

"Ari was hurt; broken! And whose fault was that?! His own father, your father! He was the real monster! Eli broke Ari; his own son! Sent him to Scotland; trained him to kill; murdered Ari's mother! The Ari I fell in love with was the smiling boy from across the hall; the good boy. The boy who helped your mother to bring you and Tali up when your own father chose Mossad and another woman over his own family! The man who wanted to have a family with me."

Ziva was now doubting her past actions, visibly shaking while she was trying extremely hard not to burst into tears. How could she stop her brother and her best friend from being happy and in love together? Who was she to dictate that?

Deena got right up in Ziva's face, pointing her finger at her. "You took the man I love away. And yet, you yourself have fallen in love. With an American."

What? Ziva hadn't expected that comment, which was reflected by the look of confusion on her face. What did she mean? Who did she mean?

"Do not look at me like that. He was all that you could talk about at your father's funeral. All about your amazing Tony. How he had tracked you down to the synagogue, or how he had brought Shmeil to DC, or how he had come to the airport to say goodbye. Tony this, Tony that. It is not hard to see that you are in love with him."

Ziva blushed a deep shade of red. Did she really talk about Tony that much? Was it really that clear to people that she lo-. Oh my God! She loved him! Ziva David was in love with Tony DiNozzo! Why was she only just admitting this to herself! Wait… was it clear to everyone else that she loved Tony? Did he know…?!

She was soon ripped from her happy place and back into reality. "Why should you have the man that you love when you took mine from me?"

"Deena…"

"Get. Out."

"No, please, I –"

"I said, GET OUT!"

"Deena, no! Please forgive me, I –"

"FORGIVE YOU?! YOU MURDERED THE MAN I LOVE! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT! THE CENTER OF ALL OF THIS PAIN IS YOU! LEAVE! I DO NOT EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"

To say that Ziva was devastated was an understatement. Tears streamed down her face. She looked as if her whole world had been ripped apart. Her brother was dead. Her old friend wanted her dead. And this was all her fault. Deena was right. Ziva David was the center of all this pain…

"After speaking with Deena… things… changed. I saw the person that I had become. I was finally forced to take a look at myself again, just like I had done while I was held in Somalia, and once again I did not like who I was."

Tony began to feel afraid. It scared him when she spoke like this three years ago, but he could see that she still clearly held onto the belief that she was simply a murderer and nothing else. Ziva was speaking quietly; monotone; staring straight ahead almost as if she wasn't quite there with him. God, she was still so broken. But she spoke again before he could say anything.

"Deena was right. My life is defined by killings and death. I had lost too many people and taken many lives from this world. Killed people who had families; loved ones. Their blood will always stain my hands. I can never repay those sins."

He couldn't take this anymore. He wanted to shake her; wake her up from this self-pity nonsense. Why couldn't she see the good that she had done in her life? Tony stood up and moved so that he was kneeling down in front of her. But still she looked through him.

"Ziva… Ari was going to end up dead, anyway. He had gone rogue; was hunting down and killing everyone important to Gibbs. He had to be stopped. Someone was going to kill him sooner or later. Would you have preferred that he died at your hand, someone who loved and cared for him rather than the FBI? Homeland? NCIS? And what would you have done in that situation? Hunted down those responsible for his death? You would have been dead then too."

"Maybe I should be…"

Tony was beyond appalled and looked more than ready to punch the wall. "Are you freaking kidding me?! You do realise that if that had happened, then our little girl over there would not exist?!" He exclaimed, pointing towards their toddler in question.

That did the trick. Ziva finally looked at him, the shock sinking in about what she had just said. "I… I am sorry, Tony. I really did not mean that… I… I love Tali, and…" She was breaking down again. This was not good.

Tony sighed deeply. He felt like the voice of reason but he had to get through to her. "I know. I know you didn't mean it like that. But you have to think about it like that."

Needing to feel closer to their daughter, Ziva stood and sat herself next to Tali, who remained oblivious to the conversation as she continued to play with her stuffed animals. "I bet that she would have loved Burt the farting hippo…", Ziva thought as she startled to tussle Tali's curls. The little girl glanced up at her Ima and smiled, letting out a beautiful giggly sound before reaching out to try and tussle Ziva's hair back. "I was just going to tussle your hair. Sometimes it makes you smile." Ziva's eyes filled with tears and she kissed Tali's head before the toddler went back to playing with her toys.

Continuing to stroke the little girl's curls, Ziva drew her gaze back to Tony. "Deena blamed me. She showed me that I had failed to save and protect my brother. She showed me that my only achievements in life were the number of people that I had killed and the number of lives that I had destroyed. That since Tali's death, killing and getting revenge had consumed my life. How Ari and I both chose to react and live our lives after Tali's death… there were… similarities. We both threw ourselves into our training; pushed ourselves to our limits. But then he was sent to Edinburgh to become a doctor and I was sent to Cairo for a mission."

"And that's when you first met Jenny?" Ziva nodded, smiling a little again.

"Yes. She saw that I was destroying myself after Tali's death. Throwing myself into training and missions. But I had nothing left: my mother and sister were dead; my brother was half-way around the world and my father was using us as pawns in his game. Jen was the first person to actually care about me as a person since I had lost Tali."

"She looked at you like a daughter. That was pretty clear to see. Especially in the beginning. Bringing you to NCIS, she saved your life."

Ziva was trying so hard to stop herself from crying, but she wasn't sure how much longer she would last. "She did. And I will always be grateful to her for that. That I was able to meet all of you on the team. Especially you, Tony."

Tony had now moved so that he was sitting opposite mother and daughter. He couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face at the sight in front of him. "I'll always be grateful for that too, Zi."

As Ziva became fixated with brushing Tali's hair with her fingers, Tony knew that they were going way off on a tangent now. And while it had helped to stop Ziva from replaying that conversation between herself and Deena, they were only at the start of their first year apart. They still had a lot left to talk about.

"What happened next? After you left Deena's place?"

Ziva visibly winced, placing her hands back in her lap. She wanted to stop reliving this, but she knew that even after three years, she hadn't put that behind her. She needed to get past this, and she owed it to Tony to tell him the truth. "I went to another one of my father's safe houses. I needed some time to heal my leg and to think about what to do next. But I knew that I needed to continue to go back to all of these places. I wanted to prove Deena wrong. I wanted to prove to myself that I had changed; that I was not a monster or a ruthless, soulless killer anymore. But each stop just made it clearer that she was right. The center of all of that pain was me."

"Ziva… all your trip proved was that you had been through so many horrible things in your life. Losing your mother… is painful enough. Believe me, I would know. But to lose both of your parents, your grand-parents and both of your siblings… not to mention friends that you have lost… witnessing and experiencing so many unimaginable things… Honestly, you are the strongest person I know." Ziva tried to argue with that but Tony wouldn't let her. "Yes, even now."

She knew that arguing this against Tony was pointless. It was better to drop it and carry on with her story. "And of course, you know exactly where I went after that…"

"I tracked you down to Amman, where your mother was killed. And then your grandparents' graves in Meron. The opera house in Cairo where you took Tali. And finally, I found you here, of course. The house where you were born."

"When you found me, Tony… I was not in a very good place."

"Yeah, I remember… I also remember that you didn't want me there initially."

"That was not true."

"Sure felt that way to me."

"It was not that I did not want you there… it was just…"

Four months. That's how long Tony DiNozzo had spent tracking down Ziva David; following her all over the world. And after all that, they'd ended up back in Israel. He'd just spoken with another one of Ziva's contacts, Nava Adi, who'd informed him that she'd seen Ziva a few days before. Her last known location was this farmhouse. Of course. The house where she was born.

With his go-bag flung over his shoulder, he trudged his way up to the front door. He could feel himself getting closer and closer to Ziva's location, and this time he had a really good feeling that she was still here. That she hadn't packed up and moved on yet. He could feel the butterflies tingling in his stomach; his heart was pounded against his chest, feeling like it could explode from his body at any given moment. His gut told him that she was inside, but he needed proof. He needed to see her.

Knocking on the wood standing in his way, he called out to her. Praying that she was inside.

"Ziva?" Knock, knock, knock. "Ziva!" Knock, knock, knock. "ZIVA! Answer your door!" Knock, knock –

But just as he reached to knock the front door down once more, the green wood was quickly swung open. On the other side, stood the most amazing sight Tony had ever seen. He was speechless. She was here!

"Tony?!" Ziva was shocked. How had he found her?

"Zi…" Tony was shocked. He'd finally found her.

Tony took her face in his hands, brushing his thumbs gently over her soft cheeks. She was here, she was really here! God, she was beautiful! A sight for sore eyes. Ziva gasped as she saw that look in his eyes. The look that told her that he was as in love with her as she was with him. He shouldn't be here; she was bad for him. He needed to live his own life. But he was so handsome. She just couldn't resist him…

He couldn't take it any longer. Suddenly, Tony rushed towards her. Instantly, his lips were on hers. They'd kissed before, but it was never anything like this. This was explosive. Just pure electricity was coursing through their veins. Tony was running his hands madly through her wild curls, while Ziva ran her hands up and down his body underneath his shirt. This was it; they were tired of pretending. Tired of having their lives dictated by Rule 12. Tired of denying their feelings for one another. Still locked together in an unbreakable kiss, they stumbled towards the bedroom…

"Ziva."

Oh my God, he'd made her jump! She'd almost sprung up off of the floor! "What?" Ziva questioned, jumping back to the present. He had startled her out of her daydream.

Tony smirked at her knowingly. "You were remembering us in Israel, weren't you!"

Ziva blushed, her face turning a deep shade of red. "Well I almost got there...!" She cheekily remarked under her breath, keeping her eyes down to the ground.

He chuckled heartily, loving the fact that he could still have this effect on his little ninja. But then he remembered what had transpired next and his face fell. "I tried so hard to convince you to come home with me. I had shown you with words, with actions, just how much I loved you. I was devastated when you chose to stay."

Reaching over, Ziva took his hands into her own, brushing her thumbs gently over his knuckles. "Standing there with you, in that orchard… those spectacular few days, and our last evening together… that was the best time of my life. You made me feel so special. So loved. No one has ever made me feel like that. It was the perfect way to say goodbye to you, Tony. You so very nearly convinced me to go back to DC with you, to go home with you, but I knew deep down that I could not. I was broken and no good for you like that. I needed to start over, and in order to do so, I needed to let go of everything."

"I know, it's just… that was so tough for me to understand three years ago. All I wanted was to help you; show you that you had changed; show you just how caring and wonderful you really were. But I just felt like you kept pushing me away. That maybe you didn't want me as much as I wanted you."

Ziva shook her head adamantly. "I am so sorry, Tony, believe me, I wanted you there more than anything else. My heart wanted you so much but my head needed to start over. I had to stay there. I left NCIS and DC because I had hurt all of you enough. I could not do that anymore. I thought that if I stayed away from you all, you would no longer be hurt by my past and my mistakes. That made me no different to my brother. I believed myself to be a monster." Ziva sighed, rubbing her left arm slightly. "But I see now that I was simply running away and not running towards anything. That I hurt all of you even more by leaving and by not saying goodbye to the others. But I… I just could not. It was just too hard. But it was a mistake not to do so."

Noticing her guilty expression, Tony moved his hands so that they were now covering hers, reversing their actions. "Zi… look, as I much as I really didn't want you to leave… I understood why. You needed to start over; a fresh start. You wanted to be free and to walk away from your father's world. And you did, Ziva. That takes so much strength; so much courage to do something like that. You wiped the slate clean, started a new chapter and brought a new life into the world. And Tali… she's just so perfect; you've raised her so well."

"I should have told you about her sooner. You deserved to know the truth…" Ziva felt overcome with guilt and almost looked away from Tony in shame. But she had to stay strong and face him.

"Yes you should have. I would have been a part of her life from day one. And yes, I'm not happy at all that you didn't tell me about her… and I'm not sure if I will ever be okay with that. But, the fact that you took a huge leap of faith, you let go of the badge and started your life again… I couldn't be prouder of you for that, sweetcheeks."

That was it. Ziva was off. The tears welled up in her eyes and as hard as she tried, she just couldn't stop them from escaping. Why was he complimenting her? She didn't deserve his praise.

Tony noticed the myriad of emotions spreading across her face. That certainly matched the mixed and countless number of emotions that he was feeling. "You know, you may have given up the badge, but you'll always be a very sneaky ninja!"

At her somewhat confused expression, Tony elaborated. "You managed to somehow sneak your necklace into my pocket! It wasn't until I was on the plane that I noticed it." That made Ziva smile through her tears. "Don't worry. It's been well looked after these past few years and now it has a very special new home." He indicated towards their daughter.

Ziva looked down at the little girl sat in front of her, still confused. She watched Tali for a few moments as she now sat upright, acting out a scene where Kelev was trying to chase Shimpânza's tail! However, after brushing Tali's hair back, she could see that something was hanging around her neck, now hiding under her shirt. As Ziva moved her hands to reveal the jewellery, she gasped loudly, throwing her hands over her mouth. Oh my goodness! "Is… is that…?" She managed to choke out.

"For a long time, I kept your necklace on me at all times: in my wallet; in my pocket; and finally it was given its very own place in my desk draw. After we were told that you had… I started carrying it around in my pocket again. But then I realised that if Tali wasn't going to get to grow up with her Ima in her life anymore, then she should at least have a part of you with her at all times. And I told her that it belonged to her Ima, although I'm pretty sure she knew that already! She hasn't taken off that necklace since."

Tali looked up at her mother who was utterly floored by Tony's beautiful gesture. Placing her toys down on the floor beside her, the toddler reached up to hold the star on the necklace now while staring up at Ziva. "Ima."

Ziva's mouth fell open as she became completely chocked up. She knew; Tali knew that the necklace had belonged to and had been an important piece of her Ima's life. That it represented her mother.

"Ima! Ima! Ima!" Tali chanted. Ziva nodded at her, the water works streaming down her face. Tony beamed at his girls in front of him while Ziva kissed the top of Tali's head like she was the most precious person in the whole world.

However, it all became too much for her. Quickly standing up, Ziva moved like lightning into the bedroom. She couldn't let their daughter see her break-down like this. And she couldn't prevent herself from breaking down. Ziva was hysterical now; in endless floods of tears, sobbing into her hands which were covered over her eyes. Even after everything, Tony had still given her necklace to their daughter. So that she'd always have her Ima close to her. Tony was truly an amazing, selfless person.

"How is everyone?"

Once she had calmed down enough, Ziva had found Tony and Tali in the kitchen as Tony was preparing some cheesy pasta for lunch. She had proceeded to softly kiss Tali's forehead before she gently lifted up the necklace in her right hand. Stroking her thumb over the star, she pressed a kiss to it before standing and moving over to Tony. He soon found himself enveloped in a bear hug, which after his initial shock, he had returned. "Thank you, Tony. That means the world to me." She had whispered into his ear.

"Good, yeah they're good. Things have changed a little, but they're still as wacky as ever!" Ziva chuckled quietly as she took a seat at the kitchen counter opposite Tali's high-chair, watching Tony drain off the pasta. "After you left… things were really different. The team… they took it hard. Honestly… we all thought that you would come back."

Resting her palms on the counter, Ziva started to play with her fingernails. "Did you tell Abby for me?"

"Tell her that I am… honoring Gibbs."

"Gibbs?"

"Stop this for him."

"Of course… Gibbs."

"I want to make him proud. He taught me to follow my heart and I know that I have to… I have to do this, alone. I need to let go of everything, or I will be… pulled back to where I started. Tell Abby that for me; she'll understand."

"I did."

"Thank you, Tony. And I am sorry for forcing you to be the one to tell the team. Instead of facing them, I ducked out of it."

"Chickened, Ziva! You chickened out of it!"

"See you agree!" Ziva exclaimed as she waved her arms around. Tony sighed, rolling his eyes as he dished up their lunch on the counter. But he couldn't disagree with her.

"I cannot imagine how hard that was for you to do. That was not fair of me to ask you to do so. I am so sorry for that, Tony. I should have told them all myself. That much I owed you all."

"Yeah… I'll admit… it certainly wasn't the best conversation we'd ever had as a team. Not something I'd ever like to repeat, thank you very much. And even though I could quote Rule Number 6 at you, I do appreciate your apology, Ziva."

There was an awkward silence hanging in the air between them after that as they slowly started to eat their way through their lunch. Which was seriously good by the way! Ziva had missed how amazing Tony's pasta dishes were.

Tony, sitting in between Ziva and Tali, continued to go between eating his lunch and feeding their little girl. Who took great pleasure in giggling at his silly facial expressions. He looked so at ease with Tali; a natural father. "What did you do, for those first few weeks after I'd left?"

Twirling her lunch around her fork, Ziva stared off to one side. "Honestly… I do not really remember. Leaving all of you… not being with you… that was the hardest thing that I have ever done. I was on self-destruct mode. After calling Gibbs, I pretty much just shut down."

Tony furrowed his eyebrows, feeling more than a little concerned. "What, you can't remember anything?" That's wasn't like Ziva.

She shook her head. "The first few days are still a blur to me. I do not think that I left the couch very much. The first thing that I can really remember is speaking with Nettie."

"Yeah, Nettie told me that you guys spoke on the phone every week?"

Ziva nodded. "Orli called her. Nettie was worried when I went off the grid, so Orli called her often to give her an update. They knew that you had flown to Israel and then spent months following me around the world; trying to track me down. When you ended up back in Israel and then you flew back to DC soon afterwards… they knew that your search was over. That you had found me in one form or another. And Nettie being Nettie, she had to find out for herself what had happened. She was not going to stop until she saw me with her own eyes."

He had to laugh at that. Stubborn as hell, he wondered where Ziva got that from…! "I'm guessing she demanded Orli to tell her where you were?!"

It was Ziva's turn to laugh now. "Orli informed my aunt that you had visited our old family farmhouse before returning to America. And of course, Nettie drove out to that house straight away. She pretty much just told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and to get over myself! And she refused to leave until she had given me a new phone. So that I had no excuse not to answer her calls which she would make once a week!"

Oh yeah, he would have loved to have a fly on the wall during that conversation! "Haha, I knew I always liked your aunt!"

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Well, you certainly made an unforgettable first impression! I will never forget the first time that you spoke to her on the phone!"

"Listen, dirtbag. This is Ziva's husband. I have your phone number now. I can find your address. If you ever try to contact her again, I will reach down your throat, grab your intestines, rip them out and drive over your head! Lose this number or lose your life!"

"I still can't believe that that was how I introduced myself to your aunt!" He remarked, his face starting to turn bright red.

"Actually she found the whole thing very funny! Said she was glad that someone was looking out for me… and that she hadn't laughed that much in years! She also really appreciated those beautiful flowers and your card that you sent her."

"Well, it was the least I could do." He knew that he shouldn't ask, but he was dying to know. "Zi, I don't mean to pry, but you mentioned your call to Gibbs?" She tensed immediately.

"Look, I know that your call to Gibbs was… interesting. I know that things were a little bit… strained; awkward between you two; certainly from Gibbs' reactions. But he never revealed what you guys spoke about on the phone."

Ziva tried to calm her breathing as she thought back…

"Hey Ziver."

"Gibbs." She sniffed. God, how was she going to get through this?!

Hell. "You okay?" He'd known all along, but he'd prayed his gut would be wrong. No chance.

She considered her typical 'fine', but he'd know she was lying. "No… not yet."

He rubbed at his face, starting to feel his age. "DiNozzo find you alright?"

Tony hadn't said much on the phone, but Gibbs knew. He had known that Tony lied to him when they had spoken via webcam days before.

"He did."

"And yet he's on a plane right now, without you?" He knew, but he needed to hear it from her.

"Gibbs… I am not coming back. I cannot." The first tears trailed down her cheeks.

"I know." His heart broke. His little girl had left.

"I am so, so sorry. I just… I need to start over."

He remained silent. "I have caused so much pain to you all. You have been hurt because of me. Because I have brought Bodnar, Ari, Rivkin, Saleem… into your lives… I cannot carry on like that. I need to stay here. You will be safer without me around." Gibbs could just hear the resignation in her voice. Her self-loathing. God, what had happened to her?

Ziva had long given up wiping the tears away. "You have done so much for me and I am so grateful to you all. You saved me from Mossad, rescued me from Somalia, fought to help me become an agent and a citizen. You gave me a family, a home. I felt the strength of the love from you all, and I love you all just as much also. I will never forget that."

"So that's it? You're not gonna say goodbye in person? You just gonna run away? "You were here for 8 years. Become part of our family. Ziva, you're like a daughter to me! You don't think that we deserve to see you in person?"

She choked on her tears, failing to get any words out. "I know… you are right… but… I cannot… I'm so sorry!" She managed to ramble out. Wow, since when had she become a coward? Ziva had never felt so ashamed. They deserved to see her, instead she hid from them all. Now they would all hate her; now her father figure was disappointed. When she wanted him to be proud.

Gibbs sighed, twisting the bottle in his hand. He was angry, but that was getting him nowhere with her. This new Ziva. She was scaring him. "Ziver… be careful. I know you want to change, you want to feel like a better you, but you'll always have a home here. Take care of yourself. Please." Oh how those four words from years before hurt.

"I love you, kid."

That she hadn't expected. Her lips trembled and she couldn't help but let out a loud sob.

"I love you, dad."

Dad. His heart hurt. He hadn't been called that in so long. Tears of his own began to fall.

"Goodbye, Gibbs."

"Shalom, Ziver."

He hung up. She switched the screen off. He took a swig of beer. She threw her phone across the room, shattering it. Both dissolved into tears…

Tony was shocked. He always imagined that phone call, wondered what they must have discussed, but never thought it would have been like that. He knew that she wouldn't want to talk about that further.

"When I got back, Gibbs gave me a few days off. Knew I was a mess. But I don't think that it really sank in for me at first that you weren't coming back. Not until I came into work one morning a week after you'd left to find Murray, one of the computer tech guys, sitting at your desk and erasing your hard drive. That was when things were starting to feel more permanent… and that you weren't just going to come out of the elevator at any second."

"Hey Murray, what are you doing at Ziva's desk?"

"Officially not her desk anymore, Agent DiNozzo. Is Gibbs going to replace her?"

"I don't know; it's only been a week. He hasn't really discussed it with me. I repeat, Murray: what are you doing?"

"S.O.P. Just scrubbing her hard drive… (he notices something attached to the monitor). Hey! This kind of looks like you."

"It is."

"How close were you two?"

"Give me that!"

"I still can't believe you left my boarding school picture on your monitor! Did I really mean that much to you that you would leave me behind?" He was half joking, half serious and 100% curious.

Ziva went quiet for a moment. "I left that photo there for two reasons. One, so that you would remain a part of NCIS, and two… to remind me to return to my desk… and to NCIS…" She answered quietly, finding a seemingly interesting spot to look at down on the counter.

Oh…

That he did not see coming. Tony could feel his jaw dropping. Maybe he was starting to see that Ziva really did care for him… even if she didn't always take the best approach to a situation. It still amazed Tony how much Ziva had changed between the time that they resigned from NCIS and her seeing Deena again. But then again, had this just been a ticking time bomb waiting to happen? After all, Ziva had been very good at hiding her past and pretending that she was fine. Maybe her talk with Deena was just the catalyst to Ziva's meltdown?

Reaching across the table, Tony gently tucked a loose curl behind Ziva's ear, causing her to look into his eyes. "I'm glad that you did that. Cos in a weird way, it kind of felt like you were still there. Like your presence was floating around the building. And that was just the start. It became pretty clear pretty quickly to us that you were there with us, and we really wanted to keep you there with us…"

"What's this?"

"It's… Ziva's scarf."

"Oh yeah! I remember this! She wore it her first day at NCIS…"

"Yeah, and then after we became friends, I complimented her on it, and she just gave it to me. And I wore it today and it just made me feel better."

Ziva's outward smile made Tony smile internally. "She let McGee wear it for the rest of the day to cheer him up."

"I remember that scarf well…" She reminisced.

"Yeah, me too. You certainly made an impression with that scarf!" He cheekily replied, taking his last mouthful of pasta.

Gathering up and placing the empty dishes into the sink, Ziva covered Tali's ears before leaning over to whisper in Tony's ear. "Well, I had to do something to pull you away from all that phone sex that you so clearly did not want to be involved in!"

Tony very nearly choked on his food, while Tali found his misgivings hilarious. Once he'd recovered, Tony glared jokingly at Ziva while she held a big smirk on her face, trying very hard not to laugh as she quickly washed up.

"I never knew that you gave that to Abby."

She smiled at him sadly as she returned to her seat. "That scarf… it was very special to me. The reason that I wore it on my first day at NCIS was for good luck. I know that might sound really silly!"

"No, no it doesn't. It sounds like it meant a lot to you."

Ziva nodded. "It was a present for my 16th birthday. From Tali. She had convinced Ari to take her to the market after he had collected her from school one day. And the two things that she bought for me, well technically Ari bought but she chose, were that scarf and my original Star of David necklace." Ziva scoffed. "How fitting that one of those is safe while the other is lost forever…"

It was a touchy, tough subject. Her little sister had meant the world to Ziva. Tony could see the pain clearly written on her face, but he'd never be able to get rid of that pain for her. "You never get over: you only get through."

"After we became friends, Abby told me how much she loved my scarf. And even though I'd only known her a few months, I had a good feeling about her. I gave that scarf to Abby because I saw in her a lot of what I saw in Tali. Bubbly; fun; caring; creative; explosive! In many ways they are quite alike; I am sure that they would have been very good friends."

"I'm sure they would have." Tony was feeling brave, but he still anxiously rubbed his neck. "You know, they tried to text you. We all did. And call. But you never responded."

She could feel her palms beginning to sweat. This was not easy. "At that time, I needed to start over, and having that phone in my hand made it all too easy to speak to all of you and be persuaded to go back to DC. So I locked my phone away; kept it in a safe in case of an absolute emergency. It would have been destroyed in the fire now."

Tony reached over to take her right hand in his left, making her look straight up at him. "That fire may have taken a lot, but the two most important things survived."

Ziva's mouth slowly opened; tears coming to both of their eyes. Beside them, Tali had started yawning audibly as her little eyelids were fluttering, threatening to close. Both adults turned to face their precious baby girl, both reaching out to stroke her wild hair. There was still so much more to discuss between them. But for now, it was someone's nap-time…

"You remember how we wouldn't let you sit at that desk when you first joined because it had been Kate's desk?" Ziva nodded. "Well it was much worse this time."

She tilted her head a little as she frowned. "There were a few people who tried to sit at your desk and fill your position, even if it was only temporary. We had Mike Franks' last partner, Vera her name was; Susan Grady, you remember her, the freaky polygraph lady who had a thing for McGeek; even Delilah sat there once. Do you remember her? Yeah he's still going out with her. But Tim and I were very protective of that desk. And about anyone else filling your position."

"We don't need anyone else, boss, and we don't want anyone else either."

"It wasn't just us, either. You could feel it all throughout the building. People were shocked. No one saw this coming. And it was like, everywhere we went, there was always some sort of reminder of you. Or any case that we worked on, there was someone else who was telling us how surprised and how sorry they were..."

"It's good to see the team hasn't changed too much, Gibbs. I was sorry to hear about David. I'm sure leaving couldn't have been an easy decision for her, and we've all been there."

Ziva was looking overwhelmed, but Tony knew that he had to carry on. Otherwise, he would never tell her. "After we thought that you had died when the Damocles went down… I was a wreck, but I could fight to avenge you. But when you chose to stay in Israel… I completely shut down… I kept getting distracted and was putting the team in danger. I spoke with Ducky, told him how I felt like I was going crazy and that I wasn't sleeping at all. Still, I was messing up on cases, walking around like a zombie; in the end Gibbs had to tell me to pull it together…"

"You followed your gut."

"That hasn't really been working out… so well… for me lately. Oh I don't know. Maybe it's day number four without sleep, but I can't rely on my instincts any longer."

"I was wrong to trust Anton. Maybe I was wrong about a lot of people."

"Are we still talking about the case?"

"It's so interesting. No one will say her name. Have you noticed? It's like she's dead. Every time I look at her desk, every time I close my eyes, I just feel like I made a mistake, like I made the wrong decision. Only it wasn't me who decided."

(November 2013)

"One month on… I still wasn't dealing with you leaving very well. You had been a part of my life, a very important part of my life, for 8 years and then all of sudden, you weren't there sitting opposite my desk, helping me prank McGee, hanging out with me on Friday nights anymore. And I needed to talk to someone about that. Someone who could remain impartial; someone who hasn't afraid to say your name. So I did. And then a few weeks later, Tim found out…"

"Tony, what's going on? Do you have a drinking problem?"

"No! No, I just… I joined this men's support group. Meets in the church hall two nights a week."

"You serious?!"

"Uh huh. I know – it doesn't sound like me. But, with the past year I just wanted to shake things up a little bit. Meet some new people. This guy at the gym told me about the group and I thought it sounded like a good idea. And it is. It's fun. The Rev drove me to Quantico the other morning. Interesting guy. He's helping me be less judgemental."

"You know… on the morning that I was late to a crime scene… I had been to see the rev from the support group. I hadn't slept the night before. Couldn't. Just keep thinking about you. What you were doing. If you were safe; happy. It was the first time in years that we weren't planning something for that day. It was a good job that we'd celebrated your 30th the year before!"

"What are you talking about, Tony?"

"That day just so happened to be… Tuesday November 12th."

"… Tony…"

"I was just such a mess that I needed to talk to someone. I went with the intention of asking for his advice, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I had no idea where to start or even what to say. And I just felt like I'd missed my chance to talk about it. So, after I'd pretty much screamed and finished destroying the place, I got a call telling me that I needed to get to a crime scene. I wasn't in a fit state to drive and the rev saw that, so he offered to take me there..."

The car ride was silent. Tony was alternating between looking down at his hands and staring out of the window. The Rev drove, patiently waiting for the man sitting next to him to speak. He would talk when he was ready. He had only known Tony for a few weeks now, but it was clear that this was a man in a lot of pain. Who was struggling to come to terms with the woman that he loves leaving the country. With no wat to contact her. Poor kid.

"Yes, this is about Ziva." Tony began, as if he was reading the older man's mind.

"I know, son."

Tony smiled. "It's her birthday today. 31 she is. I keep forgetting just how young she is; she's been through so much in her life. This is the first time that I haven't been able to celebrate today with her."

"You miss her." Statement, not a question.

Tony nodded, sighing deeply. "I miss her. A lot. She was a part of my life for 8 whole years… we were so close. I just… can't stop thinking about her. All I want is for to be here with me." He tailed off. 'I just want you to come home with me.'

"Well… maybe you do need to think about her today. Maybe, instead of spending the whole day berating yourself for thinking of her, you do something instead? Something that she loved to do? Maybe you could go somewhere… to honor her?"

Lightbulb! "I think I have the perfect thing…"

"So for your birthday, I chose to go to a ballet. I know what you're thinking: Anthony D. DiNozzo, at a ballet! But I remembered your 'I Will' list. How you'd wanted to be a ballerina as a kid. And I'd never been to see a ballet before. I wanted to see why you loved it so much."

Ziva was totally floored. That was a really beautiful gesture, one that she was sure that she didn't deserve. "Where did you go?"

"To see Sleeping Beauty. At the Kennedy Center in DC. It was Matthew Bourne's company. No relation to Jason Bourne, though! Although Identity did have that killer car scene in a Mini through the streets of Paris, I can imagine you doing that!"

Ziva giggled out-loud. She knew the film: it had been the first thing they'd watched on one of their Friday movie nights after he'd found out that she drove a Mini. How was it that he just knew exactly how to make her laugh? God she'd missed him so much!

"Watching those dancers… I could just imagine you, up on that stage with them. Seeing them twirling and spinning… it was so beautiful and graceful. I've seen you dance, but never ballet. Your Shakira 'Hip's Don't Lie' being a personal favourite!" She blushed deeply. "But I was really drawn into the show. I wish I could have seen you dance ballet."

"Maybe I can show you one day…"

Tony smiled. "I'd like that. So… is our little ninja going to grow up to be a ballerina?" He remarked cheekily.

"She will grow up to be anything that she wants to be." She replied wistfully.

He nodded enthusiastically in agreement. Tali would be able to choose her own career and life. "How did you spend your birthday?"

That pulled Ziva back into reality. "I had no intention to celebrate that day. But by that point, Nettie and Orli had become increasingly frustrated with me. So they took it upon themselves that day to try to bring some of the light back in. They decided that we would go back to Haifa. Where I would spend my summers with my family when I was little."

"We spent the day at The Bahá'í Gardens and then at Dado Beach. I'd forgotten just how beautiful Haifa is. We walked along the beach, ate some food, went along the promenade. It was amazing to be back there. Afterwards, we went back to Nettie's place and spent the evening watching old films and tapes of us from when we were growing up. She had some old tapes at her house but she had also found some boxes in the farmhouse with old photos, drawings and tapes. There were tapes amongst them that I had never seen before."

"Did it help?" He asked softly.

"Yes… I think that it helped to get away from the farmhouse. To remember all of the happy times and good things that have happened in my life. Obviously it did not solve everything, but it gave me back a little bit of confidence." Ziva took a breath, preparing for a topic that she wanted to know more about. "I think that it also helped me about one week later, when Orli informed me that you had found a new agent for the team. Bishop, right?"

"Yeah…" Tony felt a little awkward about discussing Ellie with Ziva. She was clearly very interested in learning about the new team member.

Ziva almost laughed; she knew exactly what he was thinking. "Tony… if you think that I would dislike her because she now has my old desk and job… I really do not. I am actually happy that she has been there for all of you over the past 3 years. That is something that she has succeeded at where I have failed. I am not jealous or angry with her or with any of you. As Gibbs rightly said, I wanted you to move on and you did. Besides, I remember what it was like when I joined NCIS and the team. You had just lost Kate, who was a teammate and very close friend to all of you. I remember feeling like I constantly had to prove myself, but that every time you all looked at that desk, you would wish that she had still been sitting there instead. I know how hard it is to fit in when the people there still miss the person who sat there before. And being in a new city, new neighbours, friends, places. It is tough. And you feel like you are constantly being compared to your predecessor."

"Maybe you guys could meet one day? I'm sure that she'd love to meet you!"

"Yeah… maybe… one day. I would like to meet her too, and thank her for looking after you all."

(December 2013)

"When did you find out that you were pregnant? I got the brief notes version from Orli, but I'd like to hear it from you. When did you suspect that you were pregnant?"

She thought back. "A few weeks after we had parted, I started to feel unwell. I found that I could not run for as long as I usually could; I was constantly nauseous; I was falling asleep during the day quite a lot. I was worried but I did not want to panic my aunt, so I went to the doctor's to see what was wrong. They took some blood and sent it to a lab to be tested. They called me three days later; told me that they had the results and asked me to come in to see them later that day…"

"Well, Miss David. As you know, your blood test results have come back and I have them here for you."

Ziva sat there opposite him, showing a composed exterior but panicking on the inside. What if something was really wrong with her? Surely it must be something if she had been called back to the doctor's?

"I have some news for you. Congratulations, you are pregnant!"

She was what?! "I… I'm… what?!" She stuttered out. There was no way; surely she'd heard him wrong. After all they'd used… oh! They'd forgotten to use protection!

"Yes, you are 10 weeks pregnant."

Ziva sat there dumbfounded. No, she could not be pregnant. Definitely not. And yet she was. She felt lightheaded all of a sudden; her ears were ringing, threatening to drown out the doctor's voice. Oh God, oh God, oh God. What was she going to do? She was pregnant, all alone, with no support network around her. And all she wanted in that moment was someone sitting beside her; comforting her, telling her that everything would be alright, that they would always be there for her and their baby. And yet the one person that she needed the most was the one person that she had pushed away. Tony… should she tell him?

"Now, what I would like to do today is run an ultrasound…"

"The rest of the appointment was all a bit of a blur. I remember him telling me about antenatal screening tests, vitamin supplements, asking me questions about my health, if I'd been pregnant before. It was just so overwhelming. I just felt like I wanted to run but I was so shocked that I could not move. The next thing that I remember was that I had somehow made my way back to the farmhouse and Nettie was there in front of me all of a sudden…"

"Ziva… Zivaleh. Motek, what is wrong?"

Ziva wanted to reply, but she was still trapped in her own little world by her shock. Instead she sat there frozen, shaking slightly.

Nettie noticed that her niece was holding two photos in her hands. So she gently took Ziva's left hand and eased the first photograph from her grasp, which was surprisingly easy as Ziva did not put up a fight.

Peering down, she smiled. It was a photograph of her niece sitting on a motorbike with a handsome looking man sat in front of her. Nettie knew that this man was special, ever since he had posed as Ziva's husband and told her over the phone to lose Ziva's number, thinking that she was some guy who would not leave her niece alone! And after that she had received a very sincere apology card with the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers! She had heard nothing but good things about him since.

Swapping her attention, Nettie now gently pried the photograph from Ziva's right hand and turned this over to see what had shocked the woman sat in front of her. She certainly did not expect to see what this picture had revealed.

An ultrasound.

Showing a baby.

Ziva.

Pregnant.

Her niece was pregnant!

Nettie gasped. "Oh my dear." Ziva was rocking backwards and forwards, clenching and unclenching her hands from the seat of the couch beneath her. Tears were streaming from her eyes as she broke down. "Come here little one, come here motek." Nettie sat beside her and slowly pulled her into her arms, embracing her in a hug. To her surprise, this jolted Ziva out of her headspace and her niece clung to her tightly, desperately as she completely dissolved into sobs.

They sat like this for almost an hour, with Nettie stroking her hair and offering comforting words. When Ziva finally went quiet against her, the older woman thought that maybe she had fallen asleep. But after composing herself, Ziva pulled away and wiped at her eyes with her sleeve.

"How do you feel?"

"I… I… do not know. It all feels like a dream."

"And… Anthony?"

"Yes, Tony is the father. For definite. There was nobody else. There was never anybody else."

Nettie smiled and nodded. She knew that. She knew just how much her niece loved that man. "What are you going to do?"

"I do not know. What do I know about being a mother?"

"Ziva –"

"I AM A MONSTER! I HAVE KILLED AND TAKEN SO MANY LIVES! HOW CAN I RAISE A CHILD? I DO NOT DESERVE TO HAVE A CHILD. I DO NOT DESERVE IT."

Ziva continued to repeat this over and over again. By this point, she had curled up into a ball on the couch, burying her head into her knees and began to rock backwards and forwards again.

I cannot do this. I cannot do this. I cannot do this. I cannot –

That was it. Nettie took Ziva's face into her hands. "That is enough of this self-pity, my child. Now, you have two choices here. You can either keep your baby or you do not. That is your choice."

The voice of reason; that was exactly what Ziva needed right now. Her aunt's words really hit home and struck a chord with her. She could keep the baby: but she was not fit to be a mother, she had no idea what to do. But if she chose not to keep the baby… NO. All Ziva could see in her mind was her child; a little girl running across a field, holding a little toy dog in her hands; her curly brown hair wild around her; piercing green eyes so clear to see. Her father's eyes… Tony… She could never do that to him.

"I am going to have a baby." And for the first time that day, Ziva was confident; positive. She would have a baby; their baby…

"I knew that I wanted to keep our baby. I could never take away something that was a piece of you. She just looks and is so much like you, Tony. She is a part of you, which makes her special. Irreplaceable." Ziva quickly placed her hands on his face, rubbing his cheeks lovingly before removing them just as quickly. "Nettie stayed for the whole evening. We talked about her moving in to help with the baby and sorting out doctor's appointments. Then she went home the next morning to get some of her things."

"And that's when Orli showed up." She nodded.

"I knew as soon as I saw her that she knew that something was going on. It was clear that she had been spying on me for those last 2 months that I had decided to stay in Israel."

"Ziva, how are you?"

"What are you doing here, Orli?" She snapped, folding her arms.

Orli could see that she would have a fight on her hands today. "I wanted to check up on you; see how you are."

Ziva scoffed loudly at that. "You are here because you know that I went to the doctor's yesterday. You know that my aunt stayed the night and you want to know what is going on. You know, it is amazing how you conveniently turn up just after she leaves!"

"What do you want me to say?"

"The truth. Why are you following me?"

"Ziva –"

"WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?"

"Ziva, I am –"

"WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!" Ziva crumpled to the ground. She sobbed into the wooden floor.

Orli could see then just how broken she really was. She knew that Ziva would be different now to how she was a few months ago when they last saw each other, but this version of Ziva simply scared her. She had never seen Ziva like this.

Closing the front door behind her, Orli bent down to Ziva's level. "When Agent DiNozzo first began his search for you, he asked me a similar question. He wanted to know why I was also looking for you. I told him that it was because your father would have wanted to make sure that you were safe. Nothing more, nothing less. And I believed that this was my only reason for doing so. Or at least that is what I was trying to convince myself of."

She took a breath before she continued. "But after a while, I realised that I did not simply want to know, but I needed to know. I needed to know that you were safe. I do not have any family left. I have no one in my life. And while we may not have always seen eye-to-eye… I have always felt protective of you. I see a lot of myself in you. And I do not want you to feel alone like I have done."

Ziva sniffed quietly before she looked up at Orli. "I am not alone anymore."

Orli frowned. "What do you mean."

"I am… pregnant."

"I do not think that I have ever seen her so shocked! She really did not expect that! But she was not too surprised at how we spent those few days together."

"I guess I was right. Maybe some things really are inevitable…" They smiled, remembering that conversation in autopsy over a glass of well-needed alcohol. Ziva was happy that her past-self had been wrong about that.

"She waited with me until Nettie came back. And it was VERY interesting when they were in the same room together, considering that my father had an affair with Orli while he was married to my mother, Nettie's sister! But even so, we discussed my pregnancy care. Orli had a close friend, Anna, who was a doctor. She asked her if she would oversee my pregnancy; run blood tests, ultrasound scans, help to answer some of our questions. We quickly set up a routine and before we knew it, it was a new year. Tali was a new start for me…" She trailed off quietly as Tony's eyesight moved to the floor. This was making things awkward again between the pair again. "What about you? Did 2014 bring anything new for you?"

(January 2014)

"Um… yeah a few new things. But the start of 2014 certainly brought back some old faces."

"Like who?"

"Do you remember when we worked with Hollis Mann?"

"Hollis Mann! Wow, how could I forget?! She certainly left an impression on Gibbs! She was back? I thought that she moved to Hawaii?"

"Well, she did for a while. But then she wanted to go back to work and ended up marrying a surgeon at Walter Reed!"

"NO! I can only imagine how awkward that was for Gibbs! I wonder what Jen would have thought about that!"

"Oh yeah, I never thought about that! Although it was interesting having to explain Hollis to Vance!"

Tony and Ziva laughed together, almost holding onto their sides. They had congregated back to the living room couch and while they were still sat at opposite ends, both of them had their feet up and resting on the foot-stall in front of them. It was nice to have their partner and best friend back. To be able to laugh like they hadn't been able to in three years.

"So why was she there?"

"We were investigating the death of a Petty Officer who had been shot by a US Navy Surveillance Drone. And it turned out that the DOD were investigating the company who made those drones. Hollis was the DOD investigator sent to work with us!"

"Oh no, did they fight over jurisdiction again?!" That made him chuckle again. "I remember that it always surprised you and Tim that Gibbs and Hollis never got married."

"Yeah I know! She was the one that got away… Oh! We showed Bishop the PowerPoint presentation we made about Gibbs' wives!"

"Oh my goodness, you two still have that?! Wow, I remember the day, or rather the evenings, that we all sat down and put that together! Have you been keeping it up-to-date like McGee does with his Jet Packs presentation?!"

"Oh God, if I had to sit through that jet pack presentation one more time!" The pair laughed again, the sound filling the air around the apartment.

However, Tony soon sobered as he remembered what had happened next. "McGee was lucky. Well, in a sense anyways."

His change in mood made Ziva straighten up as well. "What do you mean?"

Tony paused momentarily, twiddling his thumbs slightly. "Did you hear about the drone strike during a Conrad Institute gala?"

She nodded. "Orli informed me that there had been a drone strike, courtesy of Parsa, but she did not reveal more of the particulars."

"Well, Tim's girlfriend Delilah was receiving an award. The Conrad Fellowship. It was a big black-tie event and she had asked McGee to go with her as her plus-one… That event was the target of the drone strike."

"WHAT?!" Ziva yelled, jumping up from the couch. "Are they alright? Were they in the building? Were they hurt?"

Tony had looked straight up at her as she as she had jumped. Her wild, panicked eyes stared into his. He could see just how worried she was; how much she still saw Tim as a big brother. "McGee wasn't in the building at the time. I called his cell and he couldn't hear me so he went outside. He saw the drone hit the building but he wasn't hurt."

"And Delilah?"

"Delilah was injured. She ended up in a wheelchair; paralysed."

"Oh my God." Her hands covered her face as she sank back down to the couch. Why? What did Parsa achieve from that? More innocent lives taken; damaged. Why could none of them ever catch a break? Oh my… how was Delilah? Tim? How did they get through that? Why had she not been there for them? Her head pounded with the noise; her heart ached unbearably with the guilt.

"And now? How are they?" She managed to rasp out.

"Okay, yeah. It took them a while to deal with everything but they really pulled together. Delilah's amazing, she didn't let anything stop her from going back to work and living a normal life. McGee found it really hard to begin with. He was devastated that she had got hurt; tried to throw himself back into work. But he really stepped up; supported her, went above and beyond. He was her rock. He still is." He thought back to some of his and Tim's last talks regarding buying an engagement ring.

"There was another familiar face that was around to help out. Do you remember Dr Rachel Cranston?"

"The-the-the thing that puzzles me, with all this change of allegiance to country, of the type of men you're drawn to, what is it that you're looking for? What is it that you want?"

"I want… something… permanent. Something that can't be taken away. Is that too much to ask?"

Ziva would never forget that conversation. She'd lost a lot then and even more since. But she was a different person now to who she was back then. Now she was a mother to the most amazing little girl. Ziva finally had her something permanent. She had strengthened her relationship with Nettie and talked things through with Orli. Now she needed to repair things with her NCIS family. And most importantly, Tony.

"She was doing crisis counselling for the victims and their families. She spoke to Tim in the hospital waiting room. And she also came to the bullpen to speak with him. That's where she ended up talking to Bishop while she was waiting…"

"In case you haven't heard, that's a really good desk."

"Oh… Yeah… I-I know. I mean, I heard… Did you know the agent who sat here before?"

"I knew both of them."

"Well you don't have to tell me. It's pretty clear I'm looking at some gigantic shoes. Unfillable."

"True… But I think both women who sat there would say the same thing. When it comes to growing, there's no better place for a desk than next to those three."

"She was not wrong about that. Being around the three of you… you definitely learn so much. Things that you would never expect to. And I guess that is because… you always feel safe. The three of you always had my back, whether I knew it or not at certain points. You pushed me to be a better person. And you are all very caring people who look out for those around you. That environment is so rare. I do not think I ever told you all how much I appreciated what you did for me."

Tony blushed, nodding his gratitude at her comments. "The feeling was mutual. We all knew that you cared for all of us and you made us complete. I don't know if we always appreciated you as much as we should have."

(February 2014)

His words left Ziva feeling mixed. She felt that they all had appreciated her, but it was Tony's use of the past tense that hurt. She needed to change the subject. "So… how did you find Parsa in the end?" She knew. Of course she did. They would never rest until Parsa had been found.

"Parsa's parents were killed in a drone strike in 2005 and he wanted revenge. It turned out that Bishop had been on the Parsa case with the NSA but they pulled her from it when they saw that she was getting too close. But she and Gibbs took him down in a raid in Pakistan where he was shot in the arm and so he was transferred to The U.S.S. Wilmington. But he demanded to speak to Bishop alone and he ended up sealing off the exit before trying to kill her and then commit suicide. Gibbs got in and shot him twice, dead, before that could happen."

Ziva appeared a little overwhelmed by all of this. "I am glad that Bishop and all of you are alright." She replied sincerely. It was hard to explain how she felt. Relieved that Parsa couldn't hurt anyone else. Guilty for feeling relief that someone was dead. Confused by it all. Her head hurt.

"Thanks… yeah we were just glad it was all over. It's so weird now to think how that was all going on while you were growing a life…"

"I know… When my baby bump first became visible, I just cried. Happy tears. Because I could see our child. I could see so clearly that I was carrying a little piece of you. Of us both. It was… the most amazing feeling."

(March 2014)

"Did Orli's friend look after you both?"

"Yes. Because I was a high-risk pregnancy because of… Somalia… and as this was my first time being pregnant, I had regular check-ups from Anna."

"Did you find out the gender before the birth?"

The freezing cold gel was smeared over her stomach. It made Ziva jump slightly every time! But it was completely worth it, to be able to see her baby inside her tummy. She was so grateful that she could keep sonogram photos after each scan.

"There we are, here is your baby!" Anna announced. The most amazing sight in the entire world. Ziva could hear her baby's heartbeat echoing around the room. Her favourite sound ever. She seriously loved having ultrasounds!

"Ziva? Would you like to know the gender of your baby?" She had been thinking about this for a while now. Weighing up the pros and cons. But her gut had told her from the start her decision about this and she was going to stick to it.

"No, thank you. I would like that to be a surprise." She smiled, placing her hand on the side of her baby bump…

Tony was actually quite surprised about that. He would have thought that Ziva would have wanted to know. But he felt the same as she had done; he would have wanted it to be a surprise too.

"It truly did not matter to me about whether we had a baby boy or girl. All that I was concerned about was the health of our baby. I just wanted everything to be okay with our child." She felt nervous all of a sudden. She didn't want to worry Tony, but they'd promised to tell each other everything. Tony watched as Ziva started fidgeting. He realised what was coming next and how tough that must be to relive. Ziva exhaled. "However, towards the end of my fifth month, I had a bit of a scare with my pregnancy…"

Ziva and Nettie had been hard at work for the past few hours. Sorting through old childhood boxes; old papers of Eli's; important national security secret files. Well, they were Orli's problem now. And Ziva felt exhausted. Not to mention she had a raging headache that had been going on for the last two hours.

As they finished another box, all she could think about was how unbearably hot it had become in the room all of a sudden. She felt as if she was suffocating; being chocked by the muggy temperature. And yet she had grown up in this desert climate! Why was it so hot in that room?

"I am going to the orchard, to get some fresh air."

Ziva stood up quickly, feeling the need to get out of the room. She really needed to feel some fresh air, now.

As she stood, the room began to spin around her, but she put that down to her having jumped up so abruptly after she'd been sitting down in the same chair for the past few hours. However, she soon found it increasingly more difficult to walk; instead she found herself stumbling towards the door. Reaching the exit of the room, Ziva suddenly grabbed onto the wooden door. Her dizziness had peaked now.

"Ziva?!" Nettie quickly moved over towards her niece.

Ziva's eyes rolled back in their sockets and she collapsed to the ground, nearing hitting her head on the door as she went down. The last thing that she heard was someone screaming out her name as her world faded to black…

…

…

…

The darkness surrounded her. That was all that she knew. Until the buzzing and the ringing started sounding in her ears. Ugh, why could someone not turn that incessant noise off!

"Ziva? ZIVA! Ziva, can you open your eyes for me?"

Someone was lightly tapping her face; trying to bring the light back into her world. Cool fingers were gently placed against her neck, checking out her racing pulse. What was going on?

"Ziva, it is Anna. Can you hear me?"

Ziva let out a small moan. Her eyes slowly fluttered open. However, the bright white light was hurting her eyes and she quickly snapped them shut again, slowly moving her left arm over her eyes.

"That's it, Ziva. Come on, open your eyes again for us." The voice tried to reason with her. Someone else shut some of the curtains in the room, getting rid of some of that annoying white light.

While she was quite happy to go back to sleep, Ziva felt quite anxious that she didn't know what was going on. So she willed her eyes to open and stay open this time. Things were blurry around her for a few moments; she could see rough outlines of someone above her. More than one person? She blinked a few times, which helped to clear things up a bit. Soon she could recognise three faces hovering above her: Nettie, Anna and Orli. Ziva wanted the ground to swallow her up.

"Wha… what happened?" She mumbled quietly, not quite able to gain her bearings just yet. Did she slur that?

"You passed out."

Oh.

Ziva tried to pull herself into a sitting position, but she did not get very far before she was gently pushed back down to the ground by the older women. They certainly did not want a repeat performance of that, thank you very much!

"What is wrong with her? Why did she collapse?" Nettie questioned as she took her niece's hand.

"I am not too sure just yet. Ziva, I need to ask you a few questions. Is that okay?"

Ziva nodded slightly as she moved her hand instinctively moved to cover her bump protectively. Ugh, why did she feel so awful? When had Anna and Orli arrived? How long had she been out? Her mind was spinning.

"We were on our way to you for your next check-up. Nettie called us. You were out for 3 minutes." Oh, that explained a few things, she had almost forgotten about her check-up in all of the chaos.

"Ziva, have you been experiencing any headaches recently?" Anna questioned gently. Ziva nodded. "Any nausea?" Nod. "Abdominal pain?" No.

"Okay, I would like to check your blood pressure." Anna rummaged through her bag, pulling out her sphygmomanometer. Ziva pulled a displeased face as Orli and Nettie helped her to sit up. She hated this thing. It always made your arm tingle and it was making her feel more nauseous right now.

The device beeped. Anna let out a low whistle.

"What is it? What is wrong?" Ziva felt even more panicked now. Something was wrong. Was her baby alright?!

"Your blood pressure is 144/94."

"What does that mean?" Nettie questioned. She was beyond worried now and clasped hold of Ziva's hand tighter. The two women clung onto each other, both looked incredibly scared.

"That is much too high." Anna trailed off, planning her next course of action quickly in her mind. "Ziva, I want to be safe rather than sorry. I want to take a urine sample so that I can check and rule some things out. I will also do another ultrasound scan. That way we can find out what is going on…"

"Anna later told us that my high blood pressure and protein found in my urine sample indicated that I had pre-ecclampsia. I was put on a strict bed-rest after that; something that Nettie, Orli and Anna were all very strict about."

"That must have been tough."

"While I was confined to bed-rest, I had a lot of time to think about names for our baby. And obviously, because I did not know then whether we were having a boy or a girl, I thought about different names for each gender. When I joined Mossad, I did not expect to live long enough to ever have children of my own. But after I became an NCIS agent, I allowed myself to think about having kids. Right away, I knew that if I ever had a little girl, I would name her Tali. I wanted to be able to honour my little sister in some way and I wanted her legacy to live on. So when it came to choosing a middle name for her, I knew that I wanted to include you in some way. And so I thought about the team and also your family. When I remembered that your mother's name was Elizabeth, I just knew that it was the perfect name. Talia Elizabeth."

Tony felt overwhelmed by emotions and tried hard not to cry. "I am honoured that you would choose my mother's name as our daughter's middle name. To have a piece of my family… my mom… honoured that way… I really love it. Thank you."

Suddenly, something she had said made him think. "Just out of curiosity, what would you have named our child if you had a baby boy?"

She smirked. "Well, you know what they say, Tony. Curiosity killed the cow."

Some things never change! But he was glad about that. "Cat, Ziva. It's cat. Just humour me? Please?"

Ziva leaned across and whispered the name into his ear. Tony just beamed: that was the perfect name for their baby boy…

Thursday 26th May 2016, Parisian Apartment, France, 3pm

Tali had managed to sleep for 2 hours before her parents heard shuffling in the bedroom, alerting them that she was awake. After waving her fingers in the air, Ziva knew that Tali wanted to paint. But as getting art supplies would mean travelling further out and with a fussy toddler on their hands, Ziva came up with an idea. Tony covered one of the round coffee tables with a washable mat as Ziva returned from the bathroom. So now the three of them sat around the table, laughing away as they were squirting a tube of toothpaste each onto the mat before writing in the toothpaste mess. And little Tali and Tony were learning how to write Hebrew letters.

Tony continued with his next story. "After Parsa, things calmed down for a bit. But then my father was back in town; said he was there to share some news with me. That he had starting dating this woman. Linda. And they had been seeing each other for a while… and then my father proposed to her."

Ziva's mouth opened slightly and she carefully stared at Tony, trying to gage how he felt about the engagement. "Congratulations to them both." He was trying to look indifferent but Ziva could easily see the underlying guilt in his eyes. It screamed out to her so clearly, which confused her. Why would he feel guilty? "How did you take the news?"

"Well, it's wasn't like he hadn't been down this road before. Only it was a little more complicated than that this time. You see… Linda was my mother's best friend. And my Godmother."

Ding! "Oh… wow!" Now his reaction made sense.

"I didn't know what to think. I'd known Linda when I was a kid, and I'd always liked her. But I felt like I was betraying my mom. Turns out, he was feeling the same way. Needed to get my approval of their relationship. And once I'd got over how weird I thought it was initially, I realised that my mom would actually have been really happy for the both of them. She would have wanted them to be happy."

"I know mom would approve."

"That's what I needed to hear."

Ziva leaned across the table and took his hands in her own, neither caring about the toothpaste over themselves as they locked onto each other's' eyes. No words were needed; Ziva and Tony were masters at reading each other, at non-verbal communication. And Tony could see that Ziva recognised just how hard that was for him and how proud she was.

"However, while all of this was going on, Palmer and Breena were getting ready to adopt a baby. They had been chosen by a pregnant woman to become adoptive parents. And by mid-March, she had gone into labour. They were so excited to be parents: Palmer was practising how to change diapers and use the car-seat at work, with Abby, Ducky and Bishop helping him out. But after she had given birth… she changed her mind and decided that she wanted to keep her baby."

"Oh… my goodness. Jimmy… Breena… I am so sorry for them. Just…" What could she say? Nothing could change that or make it better. "How did they take that?"

"They were just… devastated. Heartbroken. Palmer came back to work and told Abby, but he just broke down in tears. Breena couldn't look at all of the baby items that were laying around their house. She asked Jimmy to take them all out so he brought them to NCIS. Gibbs had a word with him: told him to keep on fighting for his family."

She was stunned by disbelief. Completely. Things were supposed to be better for them now she had left! They did not deserve this to happen to them.

(April 2014)

"And then there was McGee and Delilah. They were doing well; they had been going out for about a year. They're good together, they really are. Complementary. And McGee wanted to take the next step. Give her a key to his apartment. But then, we ended up working on a case with her when she pulled me to one side. Told me that there was a great job offer going that she wanted to go for but she was hadn't told McGee. And Tim was worried that she was trying to lose her job at the D.O.D. when in fact she was trying to move up and do more."

"What was the catch?"

Tony smiled sadly. Of course there was a catch. "The job was in Dubai."

"Oh…"

"I couldn't keep that from him, so I went to McGee. He had to know what was going on and how she was feeling. And well, they had a little talk and he told her to follow her dreams."

"I think that you should go for that job in Dubai. Tony told me about it. And if it's what you want, then I want it for you."

"Did she take it?"

"Yeah… but she made the McSqueeze agree to one condition!" Ziva frowned, confused. "She would only take the job if they agreed to make a long-distance relationship between them work. So Tim finally gave her the key to his apartment, for when she got back home."

"Now that is wonderful! He is so ready to settle down. I am so happy for him; for both of them." She beamed from ear to ear, like the proud little sister that she felt like to her McBigBrother.

(May 2014)

Tony shared that same proud smile as he smudged a bit of toothpaste onto Tali's cheek, making her pause and then giggle. "And then things were starting to look up. Breena sent Jimmy two pictures one day during work. One of a bun, the second of an oven."

Her eyes instantly lit up as she gasped. "WOW! Aww… Jimmy is a father! After everything that happened, that is so wonderful for them both! Orli told me about this, but that is still amazing!" That brought Ziva back to the case where she had to go undercover as a pregnant woman, where she wore that yellow "Bun in the oven" shirt.

"I remember that case! That's the pregnancy pact!"

"You looked good in that."

"I still would."

"Poor kid had no idea what Breena's message meant, so I had to tell him, it was so funny! Unfortunately, about a week later, Gibbs got called into Vance's office. He'd had a call. About Jackson." Tony cleared his throat; it was not easy to relive this. "He was in the store… when he had a stroke. And he never recovered from that. He passed away."

She could not believe that the majestic, kind-hearted man was no longer alive. The sweet, wise man who she had first met and spoken with so easily in Stillwater. Who had made those amazing Christmas cookies. Made toys for the children with his son. Gave the most amazing hugs. This had to be a dream. A terrible dream.

"There was this young man who worked there. Frazier, Cal Frazier. Jackson helped him out; stopped him from mixing with the wrong people; got him out of trouble. Taught him about how to work in and run a store. And Cal loved it there so he stayed on. He was there when… on the day that Jackson… passed away. He was devastated that he couldn't save him. So when Gibbs went there to sort things out, Cal tried to give his own keys to the store back to Gibbs; thinking that he would want to sell the place. But Gibbs told him that Jackson would have wanted him to run the store."

Ziva had tears running down her face again. She was so glad about the shop, but how could he be gone? "Jackson was… such a lovely man. A real gentle soul. If I would have known, I would have…"

"You would have what, Ziva? Sent a card; flowers; come back to the states?" He knew that came out harsh.

"I don't know. I mean… I would certainly have wanted to go."

"Ha, I would like to have seen that discussion!"

She frowned. "What?"

"Weren't you put on bed rest? And you would have been, what… 7 months pregnant at the time?"

Oh. He was right. There was no way that Nettie, Anna and Orli would have let her go.

(June 2014)

Tony then realised something. She was 7 months pregnant in May. 8 months in June. Tali was born premature. "Can you tell me about Tali's birth please?"

"I was 8 months pregnant by mid-June 2014. And I did not know why at the time, but I just felt so uncomfortable all day. My back was hurting but that was a pretty normal occurrence throughout my pregnancy. I was having these weird twinges and I just felt so tired but I had not done much at all. I just put it down to a combination of the pre-eclampsia and Braxton Hicks. After all, I was not due for another few weeks. "So I tried to get some sleep and see if I felt any better afterwards…"

"Ziva, you need to try to rest." Nettie told her. She was starting to worry about her niece's recent restlessness.

"I am going to sit outside for a few minutes."

As she moved towards the door, Ziva cried out and clutched onto the side of the kitchen counter.

"Ziva! Ziva, what is wrong?"

"Ahh!" She whimpered, feeling something run down her legs.

Nettie gasped. "Your water has broken!"

Ziva's face went white. She was absolutely terrified. She couldn't do this. Oh, this hurt so much already! "I am calling Orli and Anna!"

(Hours later…)

"Congratulations, Ziva! You have a beautiful little girl!" Ziva collapsed back as she heard her new baby cry out. She was a mother!

Anna cleaned the baby before wrapping her in a soft blanket. "Here is your baby, Ziva. Well done!"

Ziva stared lovingly into her child's eyes before she gasped. "Oh…!"

"Ziva?" Anna questioned, alarmed.

"Green eyes! She has green eyes! Our little girl has her father's eyes, oh Tony!"

Nettie and Orli smiled at each other. "What are you going to name her, my child?" Nettie asked.

Ziva smiled up at her. "I always promised myself, that if I ever had a child, I wanted to give her an honourable name. And I want her to always have a piece of her father with her too."

"And…? What is her name?"

"Talia Elizabeth DiNozzo."

"As soon as I saw her… it was just love at first sight. Her green eyes I loved from the start. So peaceful. It reminded me of something that Leyla has said to me… 'I want that peace to remain in her eyes forever.' I knew what she had felt. She was perfect from the start."

Both glanced at their daughter, covered in toothpaste but so full of joy. Their toddler, so oblivious to the bad in the world. To the tough memories her parents were reliving. The first year was sorted, but there were still two to go. They were emotionally drained already. But it would only get harder, especially looking at what happened next. When Tony moved on…

A/N: Woah… one down, two to go! So now Tony and Ziva have told each other what happened during their first year, it's onto year two/season 12. Also, sorry for not revealing what Ziva had chosen as a baby name for if she'd had a baby boy! You will find out, probably not for quite some time though… I've got the name sorted but I'm really interested to hear your ideas on the names! In regards to Bishop, I'm not going to bash her in this fic. While personally I may not be a fan of the character (although I like EW), I just don't think that Ziva would dislike her. I think she would feel slightly weird about someone else sitting at her desk but she'd be pretty grateful to her for being there for her team. THANK YOU for reading! :)