Ianto - Chapter Four

A month later and his relationship—yes, Ianto could admit to himself it was now an official relationship—was still remarkably easy and comfortable, a fact which continued to amaze Ianto every day. He had honestly thought it would be years before he would be ready to date again, and though he sometimes felt like he was betraying Lisa's memory, he also recognized that he was the one who had survived, who had to carry on with his life. He hoped she would be happy to know that he was doing exactly that. He had also thought that dating a member of the same sex would bring far more confusion and complications than it actually did. No one at work except Owen, Martha, and Tosh knew about them, which helped keep the gossip in check, and they were fortunate enough to escape much of the discrimination he'd expected when out together in public. Oh, there had been occasional whispers, but they'd never been turned away, outright insulted, or attacked. All in all, it seemed a ridiculous thing to Ianto that so many people regarded same sex couples with hatred and disgust. What business of theirs was it who he dated, who he slept with, who he fell in love with?

Ianto's thoughts stuttered to a halt, and he almost dropped the plates he was helping one of the new servers set out. Quickly gathering his wits about him before Emma noticed, he continued toward the bussing station, thinking about the word that had crossed his mind. Love? Was he starting to fall in love with Jack? They were dating, they were sleeping together—hell, they spent more time together than a lot of married couples. Ianto truly enjoyed every minute of it, even when Jack drove him mad with his flirting or stories or general spontaneity and extroverted personality. Because all those things, so different than Ianto, were things he had come to cherish about Jack. To love.

Yes, he might be falling in love. And that scared him. It was one thing to sleep with a man, to date a man, but falling in love with a man—with anyone new— was so much more. He suddenly felt that same sense of exhilarating terror that he'd felt when he and Jack had first kissed, and he stopped in his place, trying to regain his composure.

This time Emma noticed as she took the plates from him and stacked them nearby. When she was finished, she stopped and gave him a hesitant smile. "Is everything all right?" she asked.

Ianto shook off the blank stare he'd been perfecting and smiled back. "I'm fine. Just gathering wool."

She glanced away before turning back to him. "Were you…" She stopped, then seemed to gain confidence. "Were you thinking about anyone in particular?"

"Sorry, what?" asked Ianto. She smiled.

"That look on your face. Like you were thinking of someone special."

He'd been thinking of Jack, who was certainly someone special, more than anyone else in his life. "I suppose," Ianto replied, still confused at the direction of the conversation.

"Are you seeing anyone?" she asked. Rather boldly, Ianto thought. Although the restaurant was definitely no different than any other in terms of gossip, he liked to think he had remained untouched by it. Perhaps not. Perhaps it was because Emma was still new, having been at the Hub for less than two months.

"Er…I…" Ianto stuttered, not sure what to say. Yes, of course he was, but it was the executive chef and they'd agreed to keep it quiet. So he said the first thing that came to his mind. "I was thinking of my mum. It's her birthday this week."

His off-the-cuff answer seemed to satisfy Emma. She smiled broadly; she was quite pretty, intelligent and friendly, and when she stepped closer to him and laid a hand on his arm, he thought he knew what was going on.

"That's wonderful. Will you see her?" she asked.

"Of course," Ianto replied. Emma's fingers danced lightly across his arm.

"Would you have time to have a drink with me this week?" she asked softly, raising her eyes to Ianto's face. He saw her nerves then, touched with fear and hope, and could only stare as his brain tried to come up with a gentle way of letting her down. He started by taking her hand from her arm and holding it between his own. He smiled and took a deep breath and knew he had to be honest.

"If I wasn't dating someone I really care about, I would love to have a drink with you," he said. And he meant it. Emma was a lovely girl, and he was flattered by her attention; if he wasn't dating Jack—if he hadn't realized only five minutes earlier that he was quite possibly in love with Jack—then he would have accepted the date with Emma and had a wonderful time.

She smiled bravely, nodding as she squeezed his hand before pulling it away. "Of course you're seeing someone," she murmured, then shook her head. "Although no one I talked to seemed to know about it."

"You asked around?" Ianto tried to keep his voice from cracking, but it did anyway. Fortunately, it seemed to diffuse the situation.

"Of course I did," Emma replied with a nervous laugh. "I don't usually ask out men who are already taken."

Ianto smiled back. "Sorry, I'm a private person."

"And she's a lucky girl," said Emma. Ianto wasn't sure whether or not to correct her, if telling her he was dating a man would make it easier or worse for her. "I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable," she said, gazing in concern at the look on Ianto's face, and Ianto couldn't help but lay his hand on her arm just as she had done.

"Not at all," he said. "It's always nice to feel wanted, even if I do feel bad for saying no."

"Don't feel bad," she said, then pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. "But do let me know if the situation changes." She managed a smile before turning away, and Ianto let his head fall for a moment, trying to decide whether or not he had handled the situation correctly. What was done, was done, however, and he only hoped it wasn't awkward between them now.

When he glanced up, he saw Jack on the other side of the dining room. Jack's face was stormy, and before Ianto had a chance to do anything more than frown in confusion, Jack stalked away. Ianto heard the back door to the kitchen slam shut and a muffled exclamation from Martha. Without thinking, Ianto dashed after Jack, ignoring another shout from the sous chef.

Jack was pacing in the alley, kicking at stones and grumbling to himself. Ianto watched him for a moment, feeling himself getting annoyed. He could guess what was bothering Jack. He had shown his possessive side when John Hart had come by the restaurant, but it was nothing like this: angry and sullen.

"Jack, what's wrong?" Ianto asked quietly. Although he was upset about Jack's unusual reaction, he knew he had to remain calm or it would only get worse.

Jack glanced up at him and frowned, as if surprised to see him there. "Nothing."

"That's not true," said Ianto. "Why are you so angry at me?"

He stopped pacing and faced Ianto, hands on his hips. "Who says I'm mad at you? Maybe I'm mad at her."

"Who?" asked Ianto. When Jack didn't answer, he continued. "At Emma?" A curt nod confirmed it. "Jack, there's no need—" he started, but Jack cut him off.

"No, it's fine, really," he said, waving his hand in the air as he started pacing. "I get it, I do. You're straight, you were just experimenting with something new, time to go back to heteronormativity and your regularly scheduled life." He sighed, suddenly deflated. "God, I'll miss you, though."

"Jack, what are you talking about?" Ianto demanded. "Do you have any idea what's going on here, because I certainly don't!"

"She asked you out, didn't she?" demanded Jack. "She's been talking about you for days. Do you know how hard it was for me to not say anything? To know she wanted to ask my boyfriend out on a date?"

"She didn't know," Ianto said, and Jack shook his head.

"Not the point."

"Then why didn't you say something?" asked Ianto, arms crossed over his chest as he waited for Jack's answer.

"Like what? We agreed to keep this quiet," Jack pointed out. "What was I supposed to say? 'Sorry, don't try to pull Ianto, folks, he's all mine!'"

Ianto wasn't sure whether to get angry or burst into laughter at Jack's dramatics. He tried to stay calm and neutral until his mind decided which way it wanted to go. "You might have just mentioned that I was seeing someone."

"Is that what you said?" Jack asked.

"It's exactly what I said," Ianto replied, waiting for Jack's contrite apology. Instead, he got more challenges.

"Why?"

"Why what?" Ianto exclaimed. "Jack, what are you talking about?"

"Why did you say no? Why did you tell her you were seeing someone?"

"Because I am," Ianto snapped, finally letting his irritation show. "Why would I go on a date with someone else when I'm dating you?"

Jack was silent for a moment, kicking at the stones again. "We never said we wouldn't," he pointed out sullenly, watching Ianto's face closely. Ianto stepped back, his heart suddenly in his throat.

"We didn't," he said, too confused to keep his voice steady. "But I assumed we were…that you wanted…oh…" He didn't know what to say; he felt like the rug had been pulled out from under him. The thought that Jack was seeing other people was almost too much to bear; it wasn't who Ianto was to be a part of an open relationship like that. He wanted commitment and exclusivity in a relationship; he wanted the mythical happy ending, the partner and kids and family and future someday. Slumped against the wall, Ianto stared up at the sky as he tried to sort it all out before speaking again.

"Are you?" he finally asked, his voice cracking. He saw Jack whirl around from the corner of eye. "Going on dates with other people, that is?"

"No," said Jack. "No, I'm not. Why would I go on a date with someone else?"

"Because we never said we wouldn't," Ianto parroted back in barely a whisper.

"I don't want to," said Jack, his voice caught between sharp and sad and sounding more petulant than anything.

"Well neither do I," Ianto retorted. "So don't assume that I am." They stared at one another for a long moment before a smile started pulling at Jack's lips. Ianto couldn't help but mirror it with one of his own.

"Glad that's sorted, then," he murmured. "Even if you are a daft sod."

"Me too," Jack replied, moving closer. "And yes, I am. It's just that…" He sighed. "Sometimes I'm scared."

"Of what?" asked Ianto, curious as to what could possibly frighten Jack Harkness. From the first time they'd met, the chef had struck Ianto as one of the most strong, confident men he knew. Jack had gone through some difficult times and come out of it a stronger person. Though Ianto had come to know Jack on a personal level and recognized the depths he hid from others, Ianto had not sensed such insecurity about their relationship.

"Of losing you."

"You won't," Ianto said. He reached out for Jack's hand, glanced around, and pulled Jack closer. "Please don't think like that."

"I can't help it," Jack laughed lightly, running a hand along Ianto's jaw. "You've only been with women until me. What if I'm just an experiment? A one-off, a bit of fun on the side? What if you want something I can't give you someday, like—"

Ianto stopped him with a kiss, which Jack returned, though with only half the passion Ianto had come to know. He pulled back quickly. "Ianto," he started, but Ianto shook his head.

"Jack, stop," he said, then paused to gather his thoughts. It was funny how he had been thinking about this before his encounter with Emma. Now seemed as good a time as any to say something, in spite of his earlier apprehension; it seemed Jack had fears of his own that might be put to rest.

"You are not an experiment, and not a one-off, and you are way more than a bit of fun on the side." Jack's lips threatened to pull into a smile. Ianto continued. "I don't think there is anything I want that you can't give me, today or tomorrow, next week or next year. I just want you."

Jack stared at him, his eyes bright. "Why?" he whispered.

Ianto took a deep breath. "Because I think I'm falling in love with you."

He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it wasn't Jack dropping his hand and stepping away in shock. "Don't. You can't. You—" He turned around, walked away, then stalked back. With a low growl he pinned Ianto to the wall, kissing him so fiercely that Ianto almost saw stars.

"You shouldn't," he murmured as he nipped at Ianto's earlobe. "I'm not a good man. I proved it just now."

Ianto's eyes slipped closed under the onslaught of Jack's lips and tongue. "You're a good man, Jack. You didn't prove anything."

"I'm jealous and possessive," Jack replied. He took Ianto's face in his hands and gazed intently into Ianto's eyes. "Because I'm so in love with you that the thought of you leaving me when you change your mind is terrifying. I never dreamed you'd feel this way about me."

This time when they kissed it was slow but passionate and full of feeling. Ianto wrapped his arms around Jack and pulled them flush together, thinking about the first time they had kissed, right there in the alley against the wall. It was all he could do to keep from laughing as he thought about them standing there once more, declaring something far deeper than lust and attraction. He smiled happily against Jack's lips.

"What are you grinning about?" Jack murmured in his ear. He wrapped his arms around Ianto's waist, letting his hands slide down to Ianto's arse.

"Nothing," Ianto returned, fingers playing with the buttons on Jack's chef jacket as Jack kissed his jaw, his neck, his collarbone. "Just remembering—" He was interrupted by a surprised exclamation from the door.

"Oh god!"

It was Gwen. Like a scene from a movie, Jack and Ianto turned to look at her, frozen in place, hands roaming across one another's bodies. She was staring at them with wide eyes, one hand held to her mouth in shock.

"I'm sorry," she babbled, her hand now failing to cover a giggle. "I didn't realize…" She waved her hand at them in a vague sort of manner. Ianto cleared his throat and stepped back, hands falling into his pockets.

"Doesn't matter," he mumbled.

"I wouldn't have come out if I'd known," she continued. "I thought something had happened when you both rushed out."

"Not yet," Jack replied, winking at Ianto, who couldn't help but roll his eyes, especially at the surprised look on Gwen's face.

"Right, sorry. I'll just leave you to…whatever it was you were…discussing…" Ianto couldn't recall having seen her so flustered before, and actually felt somewhat bad for her.

"It's fine," he said, straightening his jacket and fixing his hair. "We've sorted it."

Gwen glanced back and forth between them, then quite obviously at their trousers. "You sure about that?" she asked, apparently regaining some confidence, and Jack laughed.

"We'll have to sort the rest later," he replied with a wag of his eyebrows. "Work to do."

"Right," said Ianto. "Er…Gwen…would you mind…" He caught Jack watching him from the corner of his eye and instinctively knew what Jack was thinking. The secret was out; there was no way Gwen would keep what she had seen to herself, and Ianto sensed that asking her to keep it secret right there in front of Jack would only ruin what had been a very intense moment for them minutes earlier. They had exchanged words Ianto had never expected to feel or hear, and to keep it secret seemed pointless. In fact, a part of Ianto wanted to shout it from the rooftops.

"Never mind," he said, smiling at Jack. He reached out and squeezed Jack's hand, and the look of relief and adoration on Jack's face was worth all the gossip bound to fly through the Hub that night.

Gwen glanced back and forth between them, a curious look on her face. "How long have you been…you know?"

"Several months," said Ianto, grinning at the flash of surprise in her eyes.

"Is it a secret?" she asked. Ianto inclined his head toward Jack to answer.

"Not anymore," he said, and Ianto nodded in agreement. Gwen looked puzzled, but took a deep breath, released it and smiled as she stepped forward to embrace both of them. And for once, Ianto didn't mind. He was in love with Jack, Jack loved him, and that was all that mattered.

Author's Note:

That is the end of Part Two! I could stop there, but there is a bit more. I've tried to stick to weekly updates, but the next one will be a bit longer as I'm going out of town and then back to the classroom. So once that settles down, we'll finish it up. The third part is Jack and Ianto, and will feature a few more twists on TW canon that I hope you enjoy! Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate the reviews, they make me smile and squee and keep me going!