LEGEND OF ZELDA TIME LOOPS: In Which Things Happen
Disclaimer: As has been stated, things happen in this chapter. The characters these things happen to, and places where they are happening, are not owned by me, I'm just telling you about them.
22.1 (Evilhumour)
There was a stomp of hooves that entered Twilight Sparkle's library, causing her to look up. First entering was very familiar looking colt glaring in complete anger as a tall black alicorn who followed him in. The colt was well groomed, mane perfectly washed and cut. He looked perfectly presentable in public but why did he look so familiar...?
Then Twilight looked at the cutie mark and did a double take. "Lemon?"
The colt could only roll his eyes as an answer.
"What happened, who is tha-"
Then she realized who it was in front of her. It was the Dark Lord Ganondorf, from Hyrule. She noticed his cutie mark resembled that of the Tri-force, the top part was a bit brighter, and his face resembled his previous time here. Twilight's eyes darted from the young colt's perfectly groomed mane to the brush still in Ganondorf's telekinetic grasp. Then she burst out laughing as she put the dots together.
Nyx poked her head out of her room, stared at her boyfriend before falling over and joining her mother in laughter, rolling on her back with Lemon only grumbling under his breath as she started to squeak.
"It took me several dozen scissors, a couple lakes, Equestria's entire supply of rope to hold him steady, an unfathomable amount of combs and brushes but I finally got him looking presentable." Curry Comb, his pony name this Loop, chuckled. "It seemed that miss Fluttershy was right; it would take a herculean effort to get him all tidied up."
Lemon Rush only sighed, the Little Mother had been taken to the hospital as she could not stop laughing after seeing him. Suddenly there was flash of lights as cameras went off, with many pictures being taken of him.
"The things I do for love."
22.2 (Awesomedude17)
Another day, another loop for Zelda.
This loop was particularly strange, considering that Link was whistling this tune that she could have sworn came from another loop, but she had trouble where it came from.
Ganondorf came around the corner, perking up as he heard the tune.
"When did you learn of the Harlem Globetrotters?"
"A hub loop. You're a fan?"
"No, I merely kept hearing those blasted commercials."
"Wait, that's why that tune was familiar."
The two turned towards the princess.
"You watched one of their games?"
"Until someone got pantsed."
Link laughed.
"Oh, grow up, Link." Ganondorf said.
"As much as I hate to say it, I agree with Ganon, grow up."
"You are both not fun." Link walked away, whistling the tune again.
"What's the appeal anyway?" Zelda asked.
"I assume it's a shallow parody of basketball."
"Oh, like Space Jam."
"Exactly!"
22.3 (Zerorock41)
Link sat across the bar from the resident anchor, Kazuma Kenzaki.
"So. How long do your loops tend to last?", asked the Hylian-somewhat-anchor.
The currently human Kenzaki took a shot of his drink and replied, "Depends. Sometimes it only goes as far as my becoming the second Joker. If we're doing a fused/tandem run with the other Riders, we go up to the Heisei vs. Showa War, though we may be getting an expansion on that soon. Lastly, there's this one Variant that lasts upwards of 2 centuries."
"So... get comfortable?"
"Yeah pretty much," Kenzaki smiled and took another drink. "I gotta ask though. What loop did you pick this drink from? It's great."
Link smirked. "Picked it up from the Robot from the Star Wars Loops, though he got it from the ponies apparently."
22.4
Squidward yawned, then groaned, as he awoke to yet another Loop in Bikini Bottom. Oh, how he longed for those glorious Loops where he was somewhere, anywhere else. Even Eiken was a...ok, Eiken really wasn't an improvement, given that it usually featured female versions of...
WHAM! Squidward promptly pulled out a massive hammer labeled 'Brain Bleach' and performed some percussive memory maintenance before whatever thought he was thinking could finish. He had long ago trained his subconscious to recognize moments he wouldn't want to think about, and apply some good old-fashioned kinetic reboots to stop those thoughts flat.
Sighing as he dragged himself out of bed, Squidward marched into the kitchen and mentally began debating on what hobby he would try and perfect this Loop, while inevitably being interrupted by the yellow and pink menaces. 'Not an instrument, I've gone through the orchestra over the last few Loops. Maybe scrapbooking? Added catharsis of being able to dice pictures of Spongebob and Patrick into tiny pieces...yes, that sounds like a plan.'
"Morning Daddy."
Squidward froze, his mind locking up at the unfamiliar voice. His head slowly turned to face the table, where a young female squid was currently munching on a bowl of cereal. She (thankfully) hadn't inherited his large nose, but otherwise was every inch obviously his daughter. For a brief moment he had been panicked that he would be forced to spend a Loop being father to Pearl, but that didn't seem to be the case. At least it wasn't...
A stray thought caused ice to congeal in Squidward's chest, and he quickly dashed forward, grabbing his apparent daughter by the tentacles. "What is your opinion of Spongebob Squarepants?"
The girl blinked, twice, before raising an eyebrow. "The yellow sponge you work with? He's kind of weird..." The rest of her answer was cut off as Squidward jumped up and did a bit of a jig. Several times before when he had been father to Pearl (and once to Sandy, bizarrely), they had ended up going to school with Spongebob, and having ridiculous crushes on the brat. It had been horrible.
"Though, I guess he is kind of cute..." There was a crashing sound as Squidward's hopes came crashing down, before spontaneously combusting and then collapsing into a void of darkness. His spiral of despair was cut apart by some giggling laughter.
With a graceful twirl, his daughter-for-a-Loop spun out of her chair and alighted next to him, smiling brightly. "I'm joking. I've heard how crazy he and your Loop is from several others."
Squidward let out a massive sigh of relief. "Thank goodness."
His daughter then bowed. "Well, I guess this is hello. My name is Ruto, a Zora from the Land of Hyrule."
Squidward blinked. "I think I've been there before. You are those surface-dwelling fish people."
Ruto nodded. "Yep. Princess Zelda was the one who told me about you and your Loop. Something about you starting a crazy Happy Dance craze among the Zora during your Loop."
Squidward chuckled awkwardly. He tended to go a bit nuts when he had time away from the insanity of Bikini Bottom.
Ruto then started wiggling her tentacles. "Having all these limbs feels odd. It is kind of like the times I have spent as a Parella." She did a quick spin, then got a wicked looking grin on her face. "I'm actually in the middle of a Prank War between me, a fairy, and a ninja in my own Loop. Do you want to help me practice some of the pranks on Spongebob?"
Squidward blinked, then grinned as scrapbooking was firmly scrapped as a hobby, and pranking took its place. Maybe this Loop might be fun after all.
22.5
UUWOOOAAAHHH!
The eldritch fusion of an Unawake Ganondorf and the Mask of Majora roared as they twisted and fused into an Avatar of Majora. Black tendrils twisted through the air, a rushing howl filling this bizarre space within the moon.
Zelda tightened up her grip on her bow. Link had asked to do a baseline run, as he wanted to pick up another version of the Fierce Deity Mask for some of his experiments. He was relying on a Loophole that often existed, where the Skull Kid lookalikes (who all looked like mini-Ganondorfs this time) would accept any masks, so long as 24 of them were given. Link had given some of his massive collection of Stalkid masks (they made very good targets for the Song of Healing), and had picked up the mask.
Zelda leapt back as several of the tendrils lashed forward. Ganondorf was now bending over on four legs, and looked rather like a cross between a gorilla and an octopus. Zelda quickly began summoning and firing light arrows, severing some of the tendrils, and piercing through several of his limbs. Still, it didn't do much more than irritate him, and he let out a black howl of energy, which Zelda deflected with a Mirror Shield. Behind her, Link sat with the mask on, but not transforming.
Navi had apparently asked the question of what deity, exactly, the mask was made from. Link hadn't been entirely sure (he knew of a couple of variants, but they were most certainly not baseline). He had decided to try to use a version of Psychometry he had picked up from Mario, who had learned it from Shiroe, who had probably invented it. The technique allowed the user to relive portions of the history of the object, and when he tried it on some of his masks, he had been able to relive the lives of those that made the masks.
The problem came with the fact that his copies of the Fierce Deity Mask all had his history mixed in with them. He had worn each of them so many times that his own history blurred into the mask. So, he needed a fresh mask to try it out on.
Zelda shivered as she blocked another lashing tendril, and returned fire with several arrows and a Din's Fire. She still wasn't clear on Link's reasoning for why he had to do it now, rather than, say, next Loop, but it gave a chance for a workout. Then again, now that Zelda thought about it, this might not be the best Loop to try this, as Ganondorf showing up here may have skewed things. Oh well, she could always laugh at Link's face when she pointed that out.
Zelda felt the hair on the back of her neck stand on end, and she quickly threw herself to the floor, barely avoiding a massive crescent of energy that flashed past her and smashed into Majoradorf, embedding it into the far wall. She quickly spun, and her admonishment died on her lips.
Link was standing in Fierce Deity Form, but everything about his stance and demeanor screamed "WRONG" to Zelda. His lips were twisted into a nasty sneer, and he was idly swinging the Helix Sword back and forth.
"Huhuhuhuhu. So, ickle Majora thought to use my prison to spread destruction. And using Demise's errand boy to do it. Naughty, naughty. Huhuhu. I really don't like thieves." He chuckled, before flexing one of his arms. "Though, I suppose that may be...hypocritical of me. After all, I do intend to take this body," he then snapped out his arm, and a copy of the Biggoron Sword appeared in it, "and all the knowledge and power it brings with it."
A grave chill ran up Zelda's spine. This...was not good.
22.6 (Awesomedude17)
"Ganondorf."
"Yes, Link?"
"Why do you own a Chicken and Waffle restaurant?"
Ganondorf shrugged.
"I don't know. Want some chicken and waffles? Vaati makes some good chicken and waffles."
Link shrugged. "Why not?"
22.7 (Awesomedude17)
Ganondorf and Zelda were politely talking about the boring old news of politics when Malon walked up to the duo.
"Guys, you'll never guess what I found!"
"Sanity?" Ganondorf replied, clearly not liking today already.
"Moderation?" Zelda asked, her voice full of hope.
"Nope." Malon took out a really fat Cucco.
"The fattest Cucco!"
Looking at the fat Cucco in awe, Zelda leaned in towards Ganondorf.
"You know, all things considered, this is the least dangerous thing Malon has done in a while."
"Weirdly enough, you're right."
"Still, I'm worried."
"A bunch of fat Cuccos killing you instead of lean ones, probably more embarrassing."
"By the way, have you heard of Link recently?"
"Nope. Who fires a gun at a Cucco? Those things are indestructible."
"I dunno, but he's not going to be walking for a while."
"So fat." Malon muttered to herself, ignoring the others.
22.8 (Tincanman125)
"I must admit Link, you are every bit as brave and powerful as I was led to believe." Lazarus said, with the hero in green standing over him.
"Well you didn't make it easy for me, it took me awhile to figure out that you had hidden the items I needed OUTSIDE of the dungeons." Link said.
"Yes," Lazarus said, "then you had to ruin everything by just pulling them out of your subspace pocket," he frowned, "that was surprisingly unsporting of you."
"Well it was getting kind of boring after the hundredth dungeon, and four out of five of them were red-herrings." Link responded.
"Enough of this, I'm just going to activate the castle's new self-destruct system." Lazarus said.
"Please, like that will stop me." Link scoffed.
"I think it will," Lazarus responded, a wolfish grin on his face, "as you may have heard, my world has a form of highly mutagenic ooze which makes living creatures it comes in contact with stronger, tougher, and much more aggressive. What do you think happens when it floods the countryside and comes in contact with the flock of Cuccos at Lon-Lon Ranch?"
"You wouldn't." Link said, horrified.
"I'm Lawful Evil kid," Lazarus said, "try me."
22.9
Link blinked as he watched Malon rolling her fat Cucco pet around the yard of her ranch.
"What are you doing?"
Malon looked up with a brilliant smile. "Cuccotari Damacy!"
Link nodded woodenly as he watched her roll the Cucco over a couple of jars, which vanished into its feathers, leaving the Cucco slightly larger than before. He then pulled a magic railgun out of his Pocket, loaded an Ender Pearl into it, and took aim at the Moon that was barely visible lowering to the horizon. So much nope.
The Most Round Pudgiest watched, beady eyes glimmering, as the Tall Green One vanished. It thought to escape. That was an affront that could not be allowed, the Pudgiest mused as it accepted several stones into itself. None could escape, all would become one with the Pudge.
The dark, amused laughter echoed in the mind of the Pudgiest, matched by the cheerful giggles of its servant as she offered up a field of flowers to its rotund might.
22.10 (wildrook)
"No," Link said, cutting Malon off.
"But..." Malon tried to say before getting interrupted.
"No, you are NOT creating a hybrid of Cucco and Chocobo, Malon." This was met by a look of shock from Cloud. "Yes, she was going to pull that off. If I had a choice between a cross between the Cucco and the Chocobo or a Ford Pinto, the Pinto is the safer option!"
That prompted a look of disbelief from the two.
"Don't Pintos go up in flames when misused?" Cloud asked him.
"Yeah, but it's either being set on fire or being pecked to death by an influx of parked mounts."
Cloud flinched. "Point taken," he said. "No, I'm not donating my Chocobo to the Lon Lon Ranch."
Malon groaned as she stalked off.
22.11 (Awesomedude17)
Rarity decided to change her hairstyle this loop, and went to a particularly amazing barber that recently moved into Ponyville.
As she went in, the stallion inside looked up at the mare and smiled.
"Ah, Rarity, another one of my favorite customers. What do you want today?"
"Surprise me." Rarity said.
Ganondorf's smile slightly faltered at those words.
"Very well, are you sure?"
"Of course, you're one of the most talented, well respected..."
"I LOVE THIS!"
Ganondorf smirked. It was difficult, but a wavy hair style with light blue highlights for contrast definitely proved that he had earned his license for cosmetology.
22.12 (Dr. Tempo)
Link sighed. Yet another Ocarina of Time Loop. He was used to these for ages now, but there was a new thing occurring this time; namely, an apprentice of Impa was asked to join him in his quest. He couldn't tell who it was, or if it was a Looper, as this apprentice was wearing standard ninja gear.
But, as he walked off after meeting Darunia to pay a visit to Saria, said companion removed an ocarina, and played a familiar tune, which sent Darunia into his dance. That meant...
"Saria?" Removing her mask, Link's guess was proven right, and the Ping she sent out confirmed it.
"Saria...you're here...But I saw you in Kokiri Forest, and Impa said you'd been training with her for months. So how..."
Saria chuckled. "I used a clone jutsu."
Link facepalmed. "Naruto Loop, huh?"
Saria smiled. "Uh-huh. I was Saria Senju there."
Link knew that name. "That means..."
Saria summoned a large tree. "Yep. A good fit to me being the Forest Sage. Had the bad luck to have Ganondorf as my sensei. He was a harsh teacher, but my skills improved quickly. So, I believe we have a cavern to clear out?"
Link nodded. "We do. Hope you can keep up."
Saria cracked her knuckles. "After what I had to deal with, this will be easy!"
22.5 cont.
'The one good thing about this is that it probably can't put on another mask,' Zelda mused to herself as she sidestepped a massive fireball. The Fierce Deity laughed, as more flame spilled out from the Fire Rod in his hands, before twisting into a large dragon's head of flame. The fire raced around Zelda, forming a tight spiral, which she quickly broke with a burst of Naryu's Love.
"Hahaha! Still you cling to my 'sisters' skirts. Are you not strong enough to stand on your own, Zelda?! Or is it Hylia? Tetra? Do you even know?" The Fierce Deity laughed, pulling out a harp that Zelda recognized as the Harp of Ages. Quickly whispering an apology to Link, Zelda pulled in the light magic she possessed and shaped it into the Abolish spell she had learned as a Planeswalker. In a flash, the harp shattered in the Fierce Deity's hand.
"Hoo, you recognize the power. Trapped in these Loops, and you simply going along with it. You could break free, crush your enemies under your heels, and you play along like good little dogs. Huhuhuhu, it is so...pathetic." He crooned out the last word, followed with a wave of his hands. Plumes of smoke flashed out in front of him, and a horde of Cuccos swarmed out, diving towards Zelda with murder in their eyes.
Zelda leapt back, flinging out a wave of Magic Powder from her Pocket, and the Cuccos let out loud squawks as they burned up. Firming up, Zelda set her stance, and let loose.
Dark purple Phantom Armor formed around her, encasing her in its depths, while behind her, bright white wings flared into incandescent existence from her time as Castiel. In her left hand, the Sol Blade shifted into existence, while in her left, Poseidon's trident appeared, given as a gift at the end of one Loop in Camp Half-Blood. The Fierce Deity barely had time to blink before Zelda appeared in front of him and attacked.
In Clock Town, the citizens ran, screaming, as above their heads, the Moon twisted and bucked. Then, the face shifted, almost like a scream, before a large flare of light blasted out of the side. Streams of golden fire and azure waters crisscrossed from out of the hole, tracking onto a single figure.
High above Termina, The Fierce Deity swung his blade to disrupt the elemental attacks Zelda was sending towards him. "Yes, yes! Come at me with your hatred, I will show you despair! Let me grind you down and show you just how futile your resistance is!"
In a flare of light, Zelda was in front of him, a shining blade clutched in her hands. Bring it around in a wide swing, Zelda shouted it's name to the heavens.
"EXCALIBUR!"
The Fierce Deity met the arc with a swing of his own, bringing the Helix Blade and one of Link's many inanimate Master Swords around in an large X shape, flinging out a pair of brilliant lights. The two attacks met...and then Zelda's wiped the Fierce Deity's away. The Deity barely had time to scream before white light engulfed him.
Zelda panted. It was as she suspected. The Fierce Deity wasn't as strong as Link should be. It had its power, certainly, but Link should have been able to stalemate Excalibur, or at least would have thought to use an Ender Pearl to dodge. The Fierce Deity was likely battling Link for control, which meant if she could hit him hard enough, she could break whatever hold it had on Link.
She hoped…
22.1 - In Which Ganondorf is a Barber
22.2 - In Which Nothing of Import Happens At All
22.3 - In Which Drink Ideas Are Exchanged
22.4 - In Which Ruto Has a (Reluctant) Father
22.5 - In Which A Deity Breaks Free
22.6 - In Which Ganondorf is a Restaurant Owner
22.7 - In Which a Cucco is Fat
22.8 - In Which An Overlord Make Threats
22.9 - In Which a Fat Cucco Is Dangerous
22.10 - In Which Link Puts His Foot Down
22.11 - In Which Ganondorf is Still A Barber
22.12 - In Which Saria proves her Ninja Skills
22.5 cont. - In Which Zelda Fights a Deity