A/T: I hope all of you guys are enjoying Labor Day! Here is a new chapter.
Once again, a huge thank you to all of you who read and review. I really appreciate your support! Can't wait to read your thoughts on this one!
Three weeks had gone by, during which time Deeks refused to talk to anyone. Not even Kensi. Of course he thought her every single minute of the day, but he was determined to stay away from her.
He couldn't deny it. It was hard. If her five months absence was unbearable to him, this situation was simply killing him. He wanted to call her, listen to her voice, reassure himself that she was surviving without him, but he never found the courage to pick up the phone.
He couldn't even drive by her house, because he knew he wouldn't be able to restrain himself from knocking that door.
God, every fiber of his body missed her.
She never talked to him after landing in LA and avoided any kind of eye or physical contact with him. Had she heard him? Or was she simply hurt by his lack of interest? Either way, he had reached his goal. She got into the car without looking back, without saying goodbye.
That was what he wanted, but he'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt. He hated seeing her broken, sad, angry. It had always been his duty to wash away such feelings and now, he was the cause of them.
Three weeks of isolation. Three weeks of closed drapes and restless sleep. No! He couldn't go back to that state. Next step was insomnia and he was not ready to experience that again.
He had to go back to work or else Hetty might jump out of the curtains any time now. That was another person he was avoiding, Hetty!
Yes, he blamed her for everything and he expected an apology out from her when he got back to work. Sometimes Hetty reminded him of his own mother, Deeks father had scarred her soul so deeply that she became overprotective, keeping him safe under her wings. No girl was ever good enough for her beloved son, and she was the one wanted Deeks to become a lawyer in the first place. He joined law school only to keep her pleased. His mother never realized though that even though she wanted the best for him, she was holding him back from actually living. She never let him fly on his own. She had lost Max, but she was determined to save Deeks.
He loved his mother more than anyone, but only after her death did he truly feel free. Free to seek romance in the arms of all the wrong women. Free to quit his job as a district attorney and follow his own dream to become a cop. Free to live on his own. Free to live!
That was exactly what Hetty was doing. There was no doubt that Hetty's knowledge surpassed anyone else's. But when it came to matters of the heart, she couldn't handle her emotions.
Deeks often wondered if she had ever fallen in love. Had someone broken her heart? Maybe that was the reason why she was so negative towards office romances. Could that someone be Granger?
Deeks shivered at the thought of that. Oh, now nightmares of Granger and Hetty in bed would haunt his dreams for eternity. That was worse than the flying monkeys.
It was 7a.m. Monday morning and he was still in his bed. He had to go to work. Three weeks was long enough, the team needed him. Kensi needed him, and this was Kensi's first day as well.
He rubbed his eyes and forced his body to get up from the bed and walked into the shower before getting dressed. Should he get her some coffee first? No! He had disappeared for three weeks. If he handed her a coffee right now, most likely she would spill it on him. Her memory may be gone, but her temper may still remain.
He parked his car and remained still for a few minutes before walking out. Kensi's car was nowhere to be seen. Maybe she was running late. Maybe she had Sam or Callen drive her here. There was only one way to find out. Walk through those doors.
He took a deep breath a pushed the door open taking small subtle steps. Absolute quiet surrounded the building. He stopped a few feet away from their desks and carefully picked hunching his back to see if anyone was seated.
"She is not here," Callen's voice startled him and forced him to stand up straight.
"I wasn't…. I was just checking…." there was no point lying about it so he sighed in defeat "Fine, I was just checking is she has arrived."
"She hasn't, and she won't," Callen sat on his desk.
"What? What do you mean? I thought she was coming back today," Deeks removed the bag from his shoulder and collapsed in his chair a bit disappointed.
"Well, she sent a message saying she needed more time."
"A message? Have you tried calling her?"
"Yes, and she didn't pick up. Have you?"
Deeks stared at his desk ashamed "No, I thought she needed some space."
"She needed you Deeks. "
"So you did talk to her," he looked back at Callen.
"I told you I didn't but I am not blind. During that flight she was waiting for you to reach for her. She was counting on you to help her."
"Why should I be the one to help her? Come one guys, you know her just as well as I do."
"Because you are her partner Deeks. You know aspects of her life and character that she has never shown to us."
Just then, Sam walked in still sweaty from his work out at the gym.
"Well, look who decided to join us finally. Welcome back," he gave Deeks a warm hug.
"Thank you," he sat back down "what have I missed?"
"Nothing really. Hetty is in DC, the director called her in, and Nell and Eric are as weird as usual."
"That's good. I wouldn't be able to handle a dead marine on my first day," he forced a smile.
Callen and Sam shared a look clearly reading Deeks mind. Why was he so stubborn? Why was it so hard for him to just ask straight?
Sam wanted to have a serious talk with Deeks but obviously this wasn't the right time. He was angry at him for not picking up the phone, for not contacting Kensi, for disappearing without any sign. Though, seeing him so…lost, forced him to reschedule that talk for another, more appropriate time.
"Did you tell him?" Sam addressed Callen.
"Yeap."
"Then why does he keep peeking at her desk as if she is going to magically pop up?"
"You guys I am right here you know," Deeks picked his gaze from his laptop and raised his hands pointing at himself.
"Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you doing this to her?" Sam approached him and placed his hand on his shoulder.
"Because our…relationship has caused nothing but trouble," he sighed in defeat "we can't have it all. You know it, Callen knows it, Hetty knows it. How many agents in this building are happily married or even involved in an honest relationship? I can't go out on a date without lying about my identity. I can't drink my favorite coffee every morning because I have to change my route to work every single day. I can't go to bed at night without my gun placed on the nightstand. I can't have any children because I fear they will grow up without a father. I can drop dead any day in this job. Let's face it guys. We are our job. There is no room for family."
"I have a family," Sam interrupted him "I have a wife and a kid, and I have found the balance between my job and my family. The people I love define who I am, not what I do."
Deeks shook his head "Yes, but Michelle isn't your partner. She had to sacrifice a part of herself in order to be with you. I can't ask that from Kensi and I can't go back to LAPD. I don't trust anyone to protect her and have her back. I can't give her what she wants, but I can keep her safe."
"I am sorry to disappoint you Deeks, but she can handle herself." Callen snapped at him "She doesn't need any man during the day. She needs a man to come home to at night."
"Maybe that man isn't me, "he run his hands through his hair "maybe it was never me."
"You don't believe that anymore than I do," Sam shook his head "stop following the rules and start being the exception of the rule. If anyone can make this work, it's you two guys. They say love is about wanting to be a better person. In your case, love is about accepting the other with his flaws. She never tried to change you, and you never tried to change her. You complete each other in mysterious ways. You are simply each other's half."
Deeks swallowed hard as Sam's words hit their target. He was right after all. In each one of his previous relationships he had to pretend, compromise, change. When he was with Kensi though, he was free to be himself. And the same goes for her as well. He loved her for who she was. Not for who he was hoping she'd be.
Before he knew it a sincere smile escaped his lips "Do you guys have any idea how cheesy you sound?"
"Well apparently cheesy works on you," Callen laughed "So, are you going to find her?"
Deeks let out a deep breath "What about Hetty? She sent her to Afghanistan for simply spending the night together. What will she do when she finds this out?"
Callen frowned "I don't think Kensi's reassignment had anything to do with your personal relationship. Once she gets back from DC, you and her should talk."
If Afghanistan wasn't meant as a punishment, then what was it? Hetty never denied it. What was her plan anyway?
No! He couldn't think of that right now. His mind was set on Kensi and only Kensi. He quickly stood up and crossed his bag across his shoulder. He started walking towards the door but suddenly he stopped and turned around.
"Should I buy her flowers or something? Perhaps a box of chocolates?" he asked panicked "What if she won't open the door. What if she doesn't want to see me?"
Sam approached him and placed both hands on his shoulders "Just calm down Deeks! Once you get in that car you'll know what to do."
"You are right," Deeks nodded "I have to go."
Callen and Sam watched him storm out of the building filled with excitement and panic with a huge smile across their faces.
"Do you think she'll let him in?" Sam asked Callen.
"I think she never truly locked him out!"