Deeks woke up to the sound of thunder and blinked twice to concentrate on his blurry surroundings. He was still at Kensi's home, but when did he fall asleep?

He tried to raise his hand so that he could see the time on his watch, but he felt something pressing on it. Or was it someone?

He was on laying on his back on Kensi's couch, and she was soundly sleeping next him using his left hand as a pillow. At least he thought she was sleeping as she wasn't moving at all and her head was facing the TV so he couldn't see her face.

What was he thinking? His plan was to pay her a friendly visit, talk to her and help her come back to work as soon as possible. Not fall asleep in each other arms. He covered his eyes with his right hand and let out a deep sigh of frustration.

"Damn it," he muttered.

Unfortunately though, Kensi wasn't asleep and she heard him. Actually, she felt him first. She felt his heart rate increase its tempo the moment he woke up. She felt him catch his breath in panic the moment his realized she was by his side.

"Just go," she whispered as she stood up and rubbed her eyes.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," he reached his hand to stop her but she was quickly out of his reach.

She stopped a few feet away from him and turned around to face him. "I never intended to bring you here, and I surely never intended to take a nap with you. I won't lie to you, it felt good talking to someone who knows the real me, but I can't ask you to give me something you are not willing to give."

"Wait, you misunderstood me." He got up and moved closer to her "I don't regret coming here, and I certainly don't regret spending valuable time with you. Despite all, you are still my partner. My partner, whom I hadn't seen in five months. My partner, who I had missed more than anyone in my life. I won't lie to you either. I am scared! I am scared because I care about you too much to lose you."

"I don't understand you!" she took a step backwards and started walking nervously up and down her living room. "First you want nothing to do with me, you disappear for three weeks, and then all of a sudden you appear on my front door. What is it exactly that you want from me? Yes, you told me all these things about my character, but you still haven't explained to me my relationship to you. What am I to you? I need to know!"

Deeks swallowed hard and stared at the floor. What was she really to him?

His partner?

His friend?

His girl?

All of the above?

You never say what you mean!

These words still haunted his mind but it was time for him to speak the truth. No riddles, no metaphors, no hidden innuendos. Just the bare truth.

"You are the person I care about the most in this whole word," he picked up his gaze and his eyes finally met hers.

She let out a deep breath and shook her head "When you care about someone, you don't leave them when they need you. Please, answer me. Why were you so determined to give up on me? What did I ever do to you?"

Her eyes were teary, her voice slowly cracking. He hated seeing her like that. So vulnerable, so broken. He wasn't used to this sight.

"Please sit down," he prompted her.

"I don't want to sit," she firmly refused "I want answers."

"Trust me! This is going to take a while, so please sit."

She waited until he sat on the couch, but chose to keep a safe distance from him and chose preferred the armchair instead. "I am listening."

Where should he even start?

The beginning! The beginning is always a good start.

"When I first joined NCIS, I was simply supposed to be your liaison. Quite frankly, I didn't expect to stay with you guys for more than a year. But, what was supposed to be my job, turned out to be my home. And the people who were supposed to be my colleagues, soon became my family. As I've already said, we two got off to a rocky start."

"What do you mean?"

"You hated my guts," he smiled. "Well, hate is a strong word, maybe you didn't actually hate me, although now that I think about it Sam could use that term. Not to now though, cause you see after the Sidor…."

"You are mumbling and I am losing you," she interrupted him in an attempt to keep him focused.

"Mumbling….right…I do that when I am nervous…..so where was I?" he fidgeted with his hair. "Oh yes, our first days as partners. You were too absorbed in your trust issues to let me in. It took me some time but I finally gained your trust and soon, we were unstoppable. But, like all partnerships between a man and woman, things got complicated."

"What do you mean complicated?" Kensi squinted her eyes.

"When you work with someone side by side every day for years, that someone becomes your world. I fell for you….hard!"

Even though Kensi expected it, hearing it out loud didn't make it any less surprising. "Did I….share the same feelings? Or, did I break your heart so that is why you wanted to stay away from me?"

Deeks gave her a sad smile. "You didn't break my heart. We were just always…somewhere else. We thought we wanted different things in life and both tried to keep those feeling buried deep inside us. But, they soon consumed us and things turned….messy."

"What do you mean messy?" Kensi frowned her eyebrows.

"We kept circling each other and it became an issue. Those suppressed feelings messed with our minds, our jobs….our lives. I couldn't take it anymore, so one day during a case…" he paused for a moment and licked his lips "I kissed you!"

Kensi opened her mouth slightly and gazed at those blue eyes in shock She didn't say anything yet, she couldn't help but wonder what his kiss tasted like. Was that they ever shared? Just a kiss? Or was there more? As she was unconsciously staring at his lips she felt a huge wave of lust and desire running through her whole body.

Every inch of her body was urging her to move close to him. She wanted to feel his arms around her. She wanted to feel his breath on her neck. She wanted to smell his scent. She wanted to feel safe.

Kensi Blye had never been the type of woman who needed a man in her life. But for reasons she couldn't explain, she needed the presence of this particular man. He had this effortless soothing affect over her.

But she said nothing. She only stood still just waiting for him to go on while not taking her eyes off of him.

"I kissed you," he continued "but after that all Hell broke loose."

'Why? What happened?"

Deeks lowered his eyes as awful memories of that dark period emerged.

"Sam and I were held captive and…" he paused for moment "it was bad."

Even though he avoided any kind of eye contact she could clearly see the pain and hurt written all over his face.

"I am sorry," she whispered "wasn't I there to protect you? Have your back?"

Deeks picked up his gaze from the floor.

"It wasn't your fault," he reassured her.

"I am supposed to be your partner. It is my job to keep you safe," she stated firmly.

For the first time in a while Deeks gave her an honest smile.

"Why are you smiling?" she looked at him confused.

"Actually, you've said that exact line before."

"What line?"

"That you are supposed to keep me safe."

"Well, it's true. That's what partners are for, to have each other's back. But I obviously failed you!" the disappointment and hurt was evident in her voice.

"Listen to me," he moved close to her and held her hands in his softly caressing them with his thumbs. "You didn't fail me. You weren't even my partner during that case."

"I don't understand!"

"Hetty and Callen decided that we should switch partners. I was partnered up with Sam, and you with Callen. Anyway, long story…the guy we used as an ally betrayed us. There was nothing you could have done, you hear me? For all that is worth, you are the reason I made it out alive from that place."

"Because of the rescue mission?" she asked trying to hold back her tears.

"No!" he shook his head "you were the only person I kept thinking while I was being tortured. Your memory was what kept me sane. I stayed alive because I wanted to come home to you!"

She reacted the exact same way she reacted when he first made this statement. Her features softened and her whole body relaxed.

"So, what happened next?" she sighed.

Deeks released her hands and laid back on the couch. "Next, I thought everything would make sense…but it didn't. I felt…exposed, defeated and torn. Being a cop stopped fulfilling me. Becoming an agent…..it stopped being my goal. Being with you…being with you lost its meaning. I thought I could go through that by myself, so I shut you out and didn't contact you in two months.I couldn't sleep, I found it impossible to focus on simple tasks…I thought I was losing my mind. I felt like an empty shell."

Kensi held her head trying to process all this new information. "Didn't I try to help you? Didn't I call you? Didn't I come over to your apartment and knock you door down?"

"Believe me, you did all that. You reached out to help me. You called thousands of times. You came knocking on my door every single day during the first month. You flew to New York just to get me my favorite desert. You did everything within your power. Anyway, after a long talk with Nate I realized that what I needed, was you!"

She was speechless. She couldn't find the words to respond to this heartfelt confession. Actually, she couldn't remember having this kind of effect on any other man in her life – as far as she remembered of course. And she certainly couldn't remember being drawn to a man so powerfully before.

"I reached rock bottom," Deeks went on "and you pulled me back to the surface. I came back, but not back to work. I came back to you! For two months all that I could see was darkness, but I finally stepped into the light. I had to take the risk. I had to prove to you that my feelings hadn't changed. So, one night I kinda took you out on a date."

"Kinda?" Kensi smiled.

"Ok, I may not have used the actual words would you go out on a date with me, but there was a fancy restaurant involved."

"And….?" Kensi asked fearing yet hoping to get the answered she wished.

Their eyes locked and Deeks gave her his kinkiest smile.

"Oh," she exclaimed and her cheeks turned red in shame.

Deeks could go on teasing her like that all day but her reaction caused him to break into hysterical laughs.

"Don't worry Fern, we didn't go that far."

"How far did we go and why do you keep calling me fern?"

"Well, there was kissing and touching, a lot of inappropriate touching actually," he pretend to relive the moment in his mind but this resulted to another punch from Kensi.

"Stop doing that!" she yelled at him.

"Well, you asked!"

"I didn't ask for details. Just….anyway just stop. What about fern?"

"Fern is one of your nicknames. Along with princess, Kensalina, sugarbear, sunshine, sweetcheeks…"

"I hate nicknames," she stopped him.

"Oh come on. You love my nicknames and you know it."

"And how do I call you?" she crossed her arms.

"Nothing, just Deeks," he shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't believe you. There has to be something," she squinted her eyes but Deeks lips were sealed.

"Oh come on shaggy spit it out!"

At the sound of that word Deeks eyes widened in surprise.

"Oh my God! That's it! Shaggy!" Kensi started laughing hysterically. That weird awkward laugh he had missed so much.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" he fidgeted with his hair.

"Ok, I am done," she took three deep breaths to restrain herself from bursting into laughs again "So, we almost spent a night together…then what?"

"I never said we didn't spend the night together."

"Wait, what?" she looked at him confused "You just said nothing happened."

"The fact that we didn't go to third base…."

"You're gross," she snapped.

"As I was saying," he tried to prevent himself from laughing "the fact that we didn't…have sex, doesn't mean that we didn't spend the night together."

"What did we do?"

"Nothing! We simply fell asleep but not before we made a deal."

"What deal?"

"You ask a lot of questions you know. "

"Amnesia you know, so answer!"

He smiled.

"We made vow, to never to let our personal feelings interfere with our job. But I broke that vow the very next day and I paid for it," he rubbed his jaw where she had hit him that day.

"So what? Did we agree to end this before it even begun?"

"On the contrary, we learnt from our mistakes, and we were determined to make it work. Unfortunately, before we had time to re-evaluate our thing, you got re-assigned to Afghanistan," he looked at her sadly.

"I see! So we never actually talked about it. About us."

"Like always, I was here waiting for you, but you were somewhere else. For a short period of time I didn't even know where you were. Classified mission and all."

"Why did they choose me for that mission?"

"Honestly? I thought it was Hetty's way of punishing us for crossing the line. I thought you were sent there because of me and I blame myself every single day for that. When I thought you were dead, I wished I had been the one to die. I couldn't bring myself to consider a life without you!"

Once again Kensi was speechless. The love in his eyes was pure and real. He meant ever single word he said and it broke her heart into millions of pieces.

"You mentioned your brother. What happened between you two?" she asked, but part of her feared she was stepping into unwanted territories.

Deeks face stiffened and he bit his lip not sure if he should answer that question. Was she ready for such a revelation? Was he ready to talk about it?

He knew that at some point he would have to unleash that burden, but he wasn't sure if this was the right time to start.

"If you are not ready to talk about it, I understand," Kensi said seeing the hesitance in his eyes.

"The question is not whether I am ready or not. The question is whether or not you are ready," he looked at her.

"I don't know," she swallowed hard "but the sooner I learn the truth, the better."

"Ok," Deeks leaned forward and crossed his fingers "Your mission in Afghanistan was to kill a terrorist. A Western man who was aiding the Taliban. You spent five months trying to track him down but with no luck. One day, your base got ambushed by him and his men and he took you hostage."

"I Know that part, but why did he take me?"

Deeks let out a deep breath "While you were being ambused, you thought you were going to die, so…you called me."

So, the end was near yet her last thought was of this man. She tilted her head a bit and stared at the deep blue ocean of his eyes. It must had been extremely hard for him to listen to her in distress and not being able to help her.

"I am sorry," she whispered.

"For what?"

"I shouldn't have called you."

"Listen to me," he took her hands in his gently stroking her knuckles with his thumb "I am glad you called. Yes, it was unbearable listening to you fight for your life, but I was thankful I got to hear your voice one last time. It may sound selfish, but part of me was even happy that I was your last thought."

"Why didn't he just kill me like the rest of the team? Why hold me hostage?" she begged for answers.

"He was about to kill you, but then he saw a photo on your phone."

"What photo?"

"Mine! That man, that terrorist, that killer….was my brother."

A knot rose in her throat and then he felt her untangle their fingers removing her hands away from him.

"I didn't know he was there," he tried to justify himself while desperately searching for her eyes.

He told her everything he had kept secret for all these years. He spoke about his abusive father, his troubled brother, the truth behind the Max Gentry alias, his crappy childhood, Ray…everything.

And since there was no turning back, he also told her about the whole White Ghost operation and how he ended up killing his own brother.

She couldn't bring herself to say anything. She just listened to him with tears in her eyes as he opened up his heart.

"I am sorry," a sob caught in her throat as a tear streamed down her cheek.

"There is nothing to be sorry about," he cupped her face and wiped the tear with his thumb "I should be the one apologizing. My brother nearly killed you. If anything had happened to you, if I had lost you because of him…I would have killed him anyway."

"No!" she shook her head and hot tears spilled from the corner of her eyes "that is why you didn't want to see me. Because I am the reason why your brother is dead."

"No, no, no!" he pulled her close and run his fingertips across her cheek "you did nothing wrong you hear me?"

"Why did you choose me?" her voice was shaking.

"Look at me," he brushed a strand of her from her face and lifted her chin forcing her to make eye contact "that man wasn't my brother. He was just a terrorist. A man who betrayed his country and nearly killed you. You've seen the scars on your body. You can imagine what he did to you. I regret nothing you hear me? I will always choose you!"

Without realizing it she wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled him tight resting her head on his shoulder. He could feel her shaking under his touch. He placed both hand on her back and started rubbing soft circles.

"Shhh," he whispered in her ear.

She closed her eyes and held on to his t-shirt savoring the soothing sensation of his palm on her back. She was so lost in the moment that she didn't even realize Deeks pulling her on the couch with him.

Soon, they both fell asleep right there, in each other's arms.