Just like I promised. Here's Chapter 10 in Eli's POV. I hope you guys like it. This one is longer, hopefully to make up for the two previous shorter chapters. I am already working on Chapter 11 and I think I figured out the rest of the story. I just need to put it in writing. Let me know what you guys think!
Also, I know a lot of you guys are anxious to know about Adam, Eli, and Clare's pasts. Don't worry everything will be out in the open eventually. It's just not time yet. I will answer all of the open questions that I have left. Don't worry! It will happen within the next few chapters!
Read and Review! Thanks!
Eli's POV
I waited anxiously for Adam's return. Clare was asleep beside me, and I couldn't relish in the fact that we were in close proximity, because I was too hung up on Adam. I was afraid of what condition he was going to be in when he returned. I knew, full well, the usual condition he usually showed up in. I also knew that if he showed up here like that, that he was going to make a scene loud enough to wake up Clare.
If he woke up Clare, I would have to end up explaining something that wasn't my secret to share. I really didn't want to have to explain because Adam should tell her when he's ready. Only I don't think he will get that chance. Sometime after Clare fell asleep, the door swung open. I jumped to my feet, and saw Adam thrown into the room.
I growled at the guards standing in the doorway, noticing Fitz wasn't among them. These guards were new, but were frequent to working with me and this room. So they were aware that I would fight if ticked off or even confronted. This meant that they fled in an instant.
"Pussies." I muttered under my breath, turning my attention back to Adam.
He was crawling towards his corner, and was freaking out already. I followed silently, waiting until he got there. He didn't seem to notice me either, until he made it there, and turned around. That was when he became hysterical. He completely freaked out, and there was nothing for me to do, but try to keep him from passing out.
I tried calming him by using soothing words and tone. I really didn't want him going into a panic attack. I was vaguely aware of Bianca and Imogen coming into the room, and the door shutting, but my main focus was on Adam. He was my priority at the moment. He was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably and I couldn't seem to do much about it.
Eventually, Adam leaned into me, defeated. By now, he was just crying and I patted his back. I glanced over at Clare, hoping she wasn't awake. Unfortunately, my hopes were crushed when I met her sparkling crystal blue eyes. She looked sad and confused, which was understandable considering she didn't know the whole story behind it. Which meant I would have to tell her now. Something I really didn't want to do at all; but what choice did I have?
A little while later, I noticed Adam had fallen asleep against me, and I laid him back in his corner. Then I slid over to where Clare was sitting, and sighed. I noticed Clare was on the verge of asking something, and I thought to myself "Here it comes. Might as well get it over with."
"Is he going to be okay?" She asked hesitantly.
"Eventually." I replied.
"What—What did they do to him?" She asked. I could tell that she was on the verge of changing the subject. She was scared about the placements. It was an understandable fear. One that I still sort of had, but didn't show to anyone. My emotions tend to be hidden now, and I couldn't help that even if I wanted to.
"Remember when I said that guys are never raped?" I began. Might as well get this over with. She nodded, and I started speaking again. "Well. That rule doesn't exactly apply to Adam."
"What? What are you talking about?" She shrieked. I could tell she was getting freaked out, and I didn't exactly know how to help her. I just thought I would continue, and answer her questions.
"Adam isn't exactly a guy. Physically." I explained. "He's transgender."
"How long has he been transgender?" She asked. I was taken aback by the normalcy she had in her voice. Somehow sounding as if I asked her a simple question, like I asked "What'syourfavoritecolor?"
"He says he knew since he was like seven or eight. But he mentioned that he has only been dressing as a guy since he was thirteen, fourteen." I replied, focusing on the conversation at hand.
"I am assuming that the guards found out. When?" She's intuitive. I usually liked that, but in this case, I didn't know if that was good or bad thing.
"A few beatings into his stay here. They shredded his clothes enough that they saw the ace bandage he uses to flatten his chest. They questioned him, to which he didn't have an answer. They practically tore the rest of his clothes off, only to find out that he was, physically at least, a girl. They beat him even more that we thought he was going to die. When he didn't, I was thankful. I couldn't lose another person to this fucking hell hole. They've only raped him since. Never really beating unless they get upset with him. But they know that raping gets to him. More so than any girl here. So they usually just stick to that." Rage started building up in me, along with sadness. She was listening intently, even as I choked back sobs as I spoke. Hoping that she didn't hear them in my voice, as I spoke.
My mind raced a mile a minute, as my vision flashed back to that time. Those days. Those days were the hardest for me. I had just lost everything important to me, and they had stripped the last thing I loved away from me. They couldn't take away Adam too. The couldn't. I was just starting to open up and feel again. My life didn't seem as hopeless with him around. He was my best friend already and at the time I had only known him a few weeks.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Clare scooting closer to me. This brought me jumping back and forth from the past and present. My mind racing with the thoughts of then and now. Comparing the two times. How they were similar and how they were different. I am glad that they have a lot of differences at the moment. I just hoped that my life wouldn't end up in the same way it did three years ago. I don't think I could take it.
Clare wrapped her arms around mine, and leaned her head on my shoulder. I was so numb that I could barely feel her presence, let alone her touch. I did take comfort in her proximity, and smiled as I closed my eyes. It was so nice to have someone care again. Someone other than Adam. Someone else that could be my rock when Adam couldn't be. Someone who could help me with the burden I, so heavily, carry when trying to keep Adam from passing out. It was something I desperately needed.
My mind continued to drift in and out of memories and watching Adam. I was vaguely aware that neither Clare or I have spoken during our time watching Adam. I was also aware that we haven't moved from our positions. She was still cuddled up against me, but I still couldn't move enough to show I knew she was there.
Two hours have passed since she moved next to me. Two hours of bliss in this despair of a room. I was now just waiting to see when the euphoria would fade and the reality would settle back into my mind. Adam would be waking up soon, I knew it. It wasn't a matter of if, it was a matter of when. Adam needed all the sleep he could get but something told me he wouldn't be getting much here.
I also had noticed that Clare was exceptionally strong. Not many of us have gone up against Asher, and went against him, and lived to tell about it. Those who have were probably beaten or raped as punishment. I knew that neither of those things happened, which only meant that Asher has taken a liking to her. Something that isn't good.
Between Asher and Fitz, I really didn't know which was the lesser of the two evils. Both were cruel to "their girls". Both were evil and vindictive. Both I wanted to keep Clare from. She wouldn't be as strong once they broke her. I don't think I could handle watching such a strong person be broken in this place. It would kill me to see that happen, to Clare no less.
I felt Clare move beside me, but didn't think anything of it. I was in the process of trying to rest my eyes, while I had the chance. Adam would be waking up soon. I heard someone moan in pain, and my eyes shot open. I was over to Adam in a flash. He was having one of his night terrors, and I knew that he would break down again once I woke him, but I had to. I had to. I couldn't leave him to the nightmares. I had a feeling it would be worse.
I tried to restrain his arms, so I could talk to him. To get him to wake up, but he was moving around too much. I couldn't do both. I was either going to get punched or he wasn't going to be able to hear me. This one was bad. Worse than the others. I needed help. Before I had a chance to dwell on the options, my mouth spoke for me.
"Clare." I whispered. It was a sad sigh that escaped my lips and I wasn't even sure if she heard me, but the next thing I knew she was beside me. She knelt beside me before I even blinked, turning to me.
"What do you want me to do?" She asked anxiously. I could tell she wanted to help. I could tell she cared about him. That's all he needed. Some one who cared.
"Talk to him. Try to get him to snap out of it." I thought about my words, before continuing. "Don't startle him though. He will freak." I stressed the last part because I don't think I could hold him back if she startled him. And I didn't want her to get hit.
I focused all of my self into holding Adam down. Holding him back, that I didn't even hear the words coming out of Clare's mouth. Just her tone. Her voice was soft and caring. It was like a lullaby or a quiet melody. Something I wanted to put on repeat to try to soothe me.
Clare continued her soothing until he finally opened his eyes. His eyes were watering up, and that was a good sign. It was better to be crying than to be angry and possibly lash out at us.
"Cl—Clare?" His voice cracked and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to help my best friend but wasn't sure how to.
"It's okay. We're here. It wasn't real." Clare continued. She knew what to do. Adam immediately clung to her, and started crying. He never diffused that quickly. He never broke down that fast. That didn't stop the words that tumbled out of his mouth afterwards though.
"Eli—Oh god! It was Fitz! It was Fitz this time, Eli! Oh god! It wasn't a client! I was tricked! Oh god!" Rage built up as I registered the words.
I no longer could see clearly and the only discernible thoughts, that I could make out in my jumbled mind, were ways to kill and torture Fitz. I wanted him dead. He needed to die. He needed to suffer. He needed to be taught a fucking lesson after all the fucking pain he has put Adam and I through. He was the one who discovered Adam secret in the first place. He was the first to rape him. And he will be the fucking last. He will be fucking shredded for this. Blood will be fucking splattered everywhere when I'm done. A quick fucking death won't be good enough for him. He needed to die. Slowly.
I felt like I was going to suffocate if I stayed in this dank cell room any longer. I needed to leave this room. Now.
"I'll be back." I growled.
The growl just enforced my need to leave this room. If not, someone was going to get hurt. I just knew it, and I didn't want Adam or Clare to become a casualty or witness my tirade. I ran towards the door, trying to get out as soon as possible. I didn't even bother locking the door after I left it. No one would dare leave that room. Not unless they wanted to die. They knew what happened three years ago. They wouldn't want to risk their lives for a hopeless cause.
I knew I couldn't go after Fitz. No matter how badly I wanted to, I couldn't. I would be beaten or tortured, and most likely killed for disobedience. I went to the bathroom for some space. I needed to cool down, and get away from everyone. I didn't want to have a meltdown. My rage needed to get under control.
I walked over to the sinks, propping my hands up on one of their edges. I closed my eyes, and tried to calm down. A few seconds later I heard the door open, and I looked over. Not wanting to deal with Fitz, but at the same time my rage was still boiling inside, and would rise at the sight of him. When I did look over, however, I saw Clare.
She looked worried and scared, and I wanted to look away from her because of the shame I felt for my rage. Instead, I found I couldn't because of her crystal blue eyes that entranced me, once again, in their depths.
"Thank god." She whispered, so low, I could barely hear her.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. I wanted to curse at the fact that my voice broke, but I was too defeated to.
"Making sure you're okay." She replied a little more confidently.
If she actually believed that I was tame enough to go here willingly, than she gave me too much credit. If she hoped I would be here, instead of beating up Fitz, than she was lucky. Any normal circumstances, I would be pounding Fitz into nothing. Instead, I am here, on the verge of breaking down, in a bathroom.
She walked over to me, but I closed my eyes to see anything else. I needed to calm down further before she tried to coax me back into that room. That fucking cramped box that we all shared. Eventually, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and she turned me to her. I expected her to begin her attempt to bring me back there, and if she asks, I would go too.
She was worried about Adam just as much as I was, and it was probably hard to leave him back there. I only left because I needed to calm down. Otherwise I wouldn't have left Adam and Clare alone again. Not like that last time with Drew. She made me meet her gaze, and I held it for a few seconds, waiting for her to continue.
Instead of speaking though, she just pulled me to her. It was sudden, but eventually I relaxed into it. It felt nice to be held by someone who was in the same boat as me. Someone who understood to an extent of the trauma that I go through. Clare wasn't here for my past but she was here for my present, and that is what I needed at the moment.
I realized that I liked being hugged, especially by her, and I shouldn't have pushed so many people away all my life. I only allowed four people into my heart, and one of them is dead. The other one is in that room, traumatized right now. Maybe I should let one more in. Just one. For now.
I decided to relish in this moment, and wrapped my arms around her tighter. I loved the feeling of someone close to me. I loved the feeling of her close to me. I nuzzled my face into her neck, breathing in her vanilla shampoo. It was relaxing and I calmed the rest of the way down. Anger was still evident in my mind, but I pushed it back. I couldn't do anything about it, but I could hate. I could want him dead. And that was good enough. For now.