LEGEND OF ZELDA TIME LOOPS: Strange Happenings in Hyrule
Disclaimer: This chapter is a bit shorter, but also a bit stranger, and I don't own anything except for the bits that I do. Confused? Gooood...
26.1 - (wildrook)
Link was flabbergasted.
"Tyranids?" he yelled. "She tried to crossbreed...TYRANIDS with Cuccos?"
After a few minutes of stuttering, he then sat down and took a deep breath.
"We're still new here," the Sorceress, or rather Lana in control of the body, said. "What's a Tyranid?"
Link cringed. "Basically a hive mind of the more savage species in the Dark Millennium. I've only heard it from word of mouth, so I don't know the full story, but it involves making sure they weren't completely activated as a Looper or else we'd all be overrun by now."
Cia, however, cringed. "And they called ME insane," she muttered. "What are you going to do about that?"
"Next time we're all Awake, we're staging an Intervention. ALL of us."
26.2 - Zerorock41
It was just another day on Outset Island. Ganon was Awake and promised to give Link a break this time around, leaving the currently-prepubescent pseudo-Anchor to simply enjoy his childhood.
At the moment, he was getting some water for his Grandma, when Aryll suddenly appeared, shouting "Hi, Big Brother!"
"Gah!" Link dropped the pot he was holding, causing it to break and revealing a blue rupee.
Aryll looked sad when she realized she made a mistake, "Sorry, Big Bro."
Link sighed, "At least there was five rupees in that. Don't spook me like that Sis."
Aryll smiled and promised not to scare him again. As she began to walk away, Link double-taked and looked again, seeing something that wasn't there normally.
"Hey Aryll. Where did you get that ribbon?"
Aryll froze, a bead of sweat sliding down the side of her face. "Oh, I forgot. Sorry Big Bro, gotta go-"
"Aryll," Link tapped his foot.
"Sorry Big Brother. I know you and Grandma said not to go to the fairy forest but I saw something weird and just had to know."
Link quirked an eyebrow, "Weird?"
"Yeah. I saw a weird yellow light and thought it was a fairy, so I snuck into the forest to try and catch them. But when I got inside, I got lost and these weird monsters with pig snouts attacked me. But then, this girl with blond hair like you and me, and weird looking clothes used a banging stick to scare them off."
"Banging stick?"
"Yeah, she pointed up with it, did something, and it made a big bang sound. She was really nice and after she took me to the exit, she gave me this nice looking ribbon."
"Well that was nice of her. What was her name?"
Aryll looked sad, "She said she didn't know. All she said was that neither of us belonged there, and that she was happy someone had seen her."
Link closed his eyes in thought. He then said, "Well, I'll just have to find some way to thank her. You, on the other hand, are gonna march straight to Grandma and tell her what you did wrong."
"I know. I'm sorry."
As Aryll walked back home, Link looked at the mountaintop and smiled.
"Thanks for saving my sister, Mami-san."
26.3 - (Edvarius)
Link Awoke in an unusual position for him. He was bound completely immobile by strong ropes. 'Am I replacing Zelda this loop? But that wouldn't explain why I feel so sticky. At least I hope it doesn't explain why I feel so sticky. No, no, I feel gritty too.'
"Alright boy," a man bellowed, and Link looked up to see a man in a dirty robe towering over him, "I'm going to make a hero out of you even if it kills you. Now you just sit tight, and maybe you'll learn something by osmosis." The man then pulled out a tattered looking manuscript and stared at it dumbfounded. "At least I think that might be how this works."
"What are…" Link started to question before the man suddenly grabbed him by the collar and hefted him into the air. Link struggled against his bounds, but the man apparently knew what he was doing there at least. "Let me go! When I get out of this I-aaahhhh!" The man let Link go alright, right into a deep pit. The impacted with the ground rattled Link's teeth, but he was otherwise unharmed. 'OK, first get out of these ropes, then check my loop memories to find out just what is… that sound?' It was a sound Link had heard before many times, but it never seemed as ominous before as it did echoing in this deep pit. It was the sound of cuccos. Dozens of them. And Link realized to his horror what the sticky and gritty feeling was. He had been pasted head to toe with birdseed.
Link's screams rang out through the woods as the ravenous cucco swarm fell upon him.
26.4
"Ok, so, Ganondorf is a no-brainer, I mean, let's be honest, you have been the epitome of mindless anger."
Ganondorf frowned. "No offense meant, of course."
Link shrugged. "Maybe a tiny bit of offense." He dodged the incoming fireball, and turned to face Zelda. "And given your royal heritage, you can fit right in with disgust."
Zelda raised her eyebrow. "Because politicians are disgusting?"
"I was going to say for your impeccable fashion sense."
"Nice save." Vaati snorted from where he was moping on the floor.
"Thanks." Link threw his purple-sleeved arms in the air. "But I don't understand why I'm Fear! I'm the bearer of the Triforce of Courage, for Farore's sake!"
"Bwakak!"
"AHHH!" Link jumped in the air, drawing out a comically short sword out of his pouch and waving it wildly as he dove behind the couch. After a couple of moments, he stuck his head back out, glaring at Ganondorf, who had imitated a Cucco's cry. "I hold that that is the Loop's fault."
Vaati moaned louder from his place on the tile. "And of course, I'm stuck in the fish princess's head with you lot for the foreseeable future. Joy."
"Present!" Malon popped up from behind the couch next to Link, who flailed away in a panic.
26.5 - (Leviticus Wilkes)
Seven years after the loop had begun, Link longingly gazed at the shoreline that his merchant vessel was approaching. At the beginning, Link had gotten the signal that both Zelda and Ganondorf were awake, and that Ganondorf didn't intend to bring ruin and desolation to Hyrule this loop. So, seeing as he had a few years to kill, Link had embraced his inner sailor, taken a non-sentient copy of the red king from his pocket, and journeyed to the far seas, charting their blue waters. It was a journey fraught with perils, beauties, wonders, and mayhem. He had loved every moment of his time at sea, even considering the pirate kidnappings, the very nearly dodged marriage, and his time in the far away Akaver Desert. Now, with only a few weeks to go in the loop, it was time for Link to come home.
As the Red King drifted into the deep blue bay, the first sights that Link saw sent his previously soaring spirits into a death spiral. Plastered along the walls of the still distant buildings were posters, decrying "Queen Zelda" and her anarchist, capitalist ways. People ran too and fro, in drab browns and dark grays, as smoke belched from the stained factories and dyed the sky a murky white. It was only the sight of a massive, familiar bulk that eased Link's mind, even if it was only by a degree. Obviously, Ganondorf had decided to wait at the dock for him. It would have been a kind gesture... if he hadn't been wielding a hammer and sickle.
Link came into the dock and tied down the Red King, Ganondorf helpfully pulling from the dock. Glancing around, Link shook his head in disapproval. "So this is what you decided to do. Instead of... conquering the world, you just kicked off a Cold War with yourself playing Russia."
Ganondorf smiled. "Well, it was Zelda's idea after all. Who would win? A conformist, communist state, or a capitalist state with objectivism as a primary tenet?"
"Please tell me you kept the human rights violations to a minimum."
"Uh..."
Flashback:
"For your insolence and rebellion, you are hereby sentence to five days continuous tickling," Ganondorf decreed.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Navi screamed.
End Flashback.
"I think I did."
"Oh boy."
26.6 - Zerorock41
"Why..."
The young Twili known only as Zant ran angrily to the top of Castle of Twilight. In his mind, the young boy was throwing quite the temper tantrum.
"What makes her so special? I'm just as strong. I would make a great leader for our tribe. Damn it all!"
As he ran out onto the balcony, Zant froze as he saw a small... thing standing there. It was an odd little thing. Skin that seemingly held color, hair that shined like gold, and bizarre clothes that the seamstresses of the tribe could only dream of imitating.
The thing spoke, "What a sad looking world."
"Huh?" Zant looked out with her (the voice made him think it was a her), and he saw the same as he always had: a world cast in eternal dusk, dreary colors all around, and such little activity. It was maddening.
"I know isn't it?" said Zant, "My people were cast here long ago for standing against the gods. It is time those damn Hylians know what we had to endure."
"Must humans suffer for your own people's mistake?"
"Of course. But my damnable king refuses to understand. Doesn't he realize? We have been cast out long enough. It is time we left this tiny wasteland and returned to the world that scorned us!"
The blond thing closed her eyes, "Is it revenge you seek? Or do you seek escape? Freedom?"
"With our freedom, we Twili will seek revenge!"
"To what end? Would it not be enough to see the world once more?"
Zant was silent, caught off guard.
She continued, "Freedom is a wonderful thing. It is not something to be abused. Would you not want to feel the sun shining on your faces? Wouldn't it be nice to see the great world out there? To see its sights, hear its sounds, feel its wind? The way I see it, freedom like that is a power unto itself."
Zant was speechless. What was this thing? How could it simply think that a small breeze is enough to make someone happy? How could it think of freedom as power? Shouldn't it be the other way around? What good would the warmth of the sun be? The smiling faces of his fellow Twili. The freedom to explore, research, learn and become strong on his own...
It was all so enticing! He had been going about it all wrong! He needed to free his fellow Twili! Conquest? Bah, Hylians were so needy, always praying to their silent gods. It would be a pain to manage them. If he could convince the king that their people needed freedom...
"Thank you. You kept me from going down a dark path," said Zant after a short while.
The girl smiled, "You're quite welcome sir."
"Just one question. Who are you?"
The girl kept smiling, despite the tears that appeared on her face, "I want to know that myself."
She disappeared.
26.7 - (Awesomedude17)
Link blew some bubble-gum from his mouth as he tapped the floor with a wooden baseball bat.
"You honestly think that that little thing can knock the moon away?" The Skull Kid asked.
"Yes."
"... Wow."
As the moon approached, the Skull Kid shook his head, and began to laugh.
Link began to ready himself.
Soon, the moon was but mere meters away.
Link swung the bat...
*crack!*
...and the moon was sent flying back into space...
*ding* GAME!
...too far.
Majora promptly imploded, releasing the Skull Kid, who fell to the ground.
Link, meanwhile, cursed himself.
"Dang it, too much swing power. Maybe next time I'll do it without being a southpaw."
(Many Loops Later)
"And that's how the Great Flood happened this loop? You batted the moon out of orbit?" Zelda, in the form of Tetra, said in the most deadpan manner she could muster.
"Sorry." Link muttered.
The princess turned pirate captain facepalmed. What compelled Link to always go for overkill?
26.8
Link clambered into the saddle, then leaned forward to pat Epona on the neck. "Ok, girl, we're getting used to this, so just keep going, regardless of what happens."
Epona snorted, and Link leaned back, pulling up on the reins. With a gentle kick, he nudged Epona into action, and then they quickly began to pick up speed.
Instantly, strains of music began to sound out of nowhere. It started with a sharp jolt, and filled in with what Link recognized as electric guitar and steady drum beats. An intermixed version of the Hyrulian Anthem started up within it shortly thereafter.
Dah, dundun dah, dahda dunda dah, dun dahda dah!
Epona jolted slightly at the sounds, but kept up the pace, while Link simply sighed. It had been somewhat cool at first, but now he really wished that whatever force was giving him accompanying theme music this Loop would knock it off. He was not looking forward to trying to sneak into Ganon's Lair with whatever music it picked for that occasion.
26.9 - (Crossoverpairinglover)
Sitting at a bar, a hunched over Koopa and a Gerudo King were taking long gulps of the offered liquid.
All around them, the bar was filled with various characters of a 'evil' persuasion, though they were the only two loopers there. Lysandre was laughing about something with Archie, DJ Octavio and Mother Brain were discussing something about jars, Doctors Wily and Eggman were trying to make themselves sound cooler than they actually were, and Porky was shouting something bratty at Bowser Jr, who seemed to be the mature one in the conversation.
"So, any luck finding that missing sword of yours?" Bowser asked Ganondorf, who scowled his way.
"Did you remember not to put self destruct buttons near your bridges?"
Bowser growled, ready to start a bar fight with the King of Darkness, before the bar doors (Old Wild West Saloon style) were slammed open, as a militaristic boot sound began echoing through the bar.
The room went silent, with everyone looking the guy's way, from Giovanni (who had been looking over some reports), to Hades (who had put a fork through Blinky and was about to eat the Ghost).
The being who entered, an anthropomorphic wolf, drew a pistol from his side and pointed it into the room.
WOLF HOWLS!
Bowser and Ganondorf exchanged 'oh, it's that kind of loop' looks at the announcement from nowhere, their imminent brawl forgotten.
A huge form began to rise from the back of the room, a form that quickly drew a Blunderbuss and fired it at Wolf.
The space wolf barrel rolled out of the blast, which shattered chair after chair and sent the entire Villains bar into a panic.
As a brawl the likes one would only see in Magnolia's Wizard Guild began, the Blunderbuss's owner was revealed to be a rather obese green, anthropomorphic Crocodile with a crown on his head.
KING K. ROOL GOES BANANAS!
The two promptly began a one-on-one melee amidst the bigger overall brawl.
Bowser and Ganondorf, however, ignored the fight.
"So, the Wolf's back and they let him in?" Bowser complained as he lazily rose his hand into the air to grab his son, who had been knocked out of his Clown Car and was thrown his way.
Setting his KO'd form next to him in the bar, Bowser turned to Ganondorf in a manner that requested an answer.
Ganondorf sensed that Ridley was being thrown his way, and knocked him out of the way with a back handed Warlock Punch without even looking.
"Well, they did invite the Dog."
26.10 - (Zerorock41)
Zelda was feeling rather stupid. Here she was, minding her own business, when suddenly Agahnim shows up and captures her. Not helping matters was that her Pocket and Out-of-Loop abilities weren't working. So now she was waiting in a stuffy cell sending out a psychic distress call to Link for help.
Her calls were answered as she heard a gunshot and saw the Armor Knight guarding her... fall...
Gunshot?
Appearing in front of Zelda was a girl in clothes that were most certainly not Hylian.
The girl spoke, "Are you the one calling for help?"
"Yes I am. Who are you?"
The girl shook her head, "I'm sorry, but I can't answer that right now. This place is dangerous. If you can guide me, I shall lead you to safety."
Zelda was hesitant. Still, worst case scenario, she would get captured again. It's not like Aghanihm would allow her to die.
As Zelda walked through the doorway into the Sanctuary, she was surprised at the majestic horse waiting for her.
"Aha! Gotcha!" screamed Epona.
Before Zelda could say anything, a flash of what looked like lightning and pixels flew from Epona into the blond girl, who Zelda noticed was starting to fade away.
"What..."
The blond girl disappeared, and Epona wiped some sweat from her mane.
Zelda, having finally found her voice, spoke with an appropriate tone, "What the hell just happened?!"
"Oh hi Zelda. Didn't notice you there. I'm assuming that Phantasm was why you weren't in your cell when Link arrived to save you?"
"I suppose... Wait. What do you mean Phantasm? Who was that girl and where did she go?"
Epona sighed, "That my dear, is one of the last remnants of Mitakihara. The home of Madoka Kaname."
"The Anchor who Ascended? That was her?"
"No Zelda. That was one of her friends. One of her former Loopers in fact. Her name was Mami."
Zelda immediately caught her words. "Was?"
"When Mitakihara was destroyed, the Loopers there somehow managed to survive as these Phantasms. They have locked themselves down to various Loops across Yggdrasil and can randomly manifest in those Loops. Mami is unique in that her Phantasm is present in two Loops, this being one of them."
"Well that's good to know. What did you hit her with before?"
"A tag that I can use to track her if needed. Don't worry. She should be harmless to your Loop. If her behavior here is any indication, she will most likely help where she can. Well, this was nice, but I have to get back to my terminal. Bye Zelda," Epona waved as her Avatar began to fade.
Zelda waved back, "Farewell."
Zelda looked at the empty Sanctuary. "Now what am I supposed to do?"
26.11 - (masterofgames)
Navi floated before the enormous crowd of monsters with her microphone. Below her, Link was doing his best to pretend everything was normal as he navigated the dungeon.
"Okay everybody! Our hero has just entered level two, the quiz stage!" Navi shouted, the audience cheering in reply. "The rules here are simple! Link enters a room! Each room has three doors leading onward, and three signs! Each sign has a fact about our world in some way, shape, or form! Link must use his wits here, because while one fact is true, another is a commonly believed mistake, while the third is made up entirely by your own Dark Lord! Link must decide which is which. If he is correct, the first door opens, and he gains treasure or a tool as a reward! If he mixes two of them up, the second door opens, with a trapped chest! He can either take the hit, or ignore it. But! If he gets all three wrong, the third door opens, and he must battle his way past a huge monster to move on!"
Link sighed as he wondered how it all came to this.
"Now, who's ready to play, 'Canon, Fanon, or Ganon'!?"
The crowd roared.
26.1 - A reaction to a day in Night Vale. And a small spoiler for the next chapter.
26.2 - A stranger battles for the innocent.
26.3 - Unfortunately, Link didn't pick up the Cuccoken.
26.4 - Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Brain
26.5 - You don't want to know what they did for treason.
26.6 - A stranger gives good advice.
26.7 - According to the rules, this still only counts as a single home run, so he can only circle the bases once.
26.8 - Theme Music: Not as awesome as you might think.
26.9 - It's time to Smash!
26.10 - A stranger is found and remembered.
26.11 - Navi has had a semi-lucrative career as a monster game show host.