Hello, sweethearts! :) Here's your brand new chapter. I had planned posting it earlier (the idea is posting weekly) but I'm on holidays and I don't know what day is it so I thought I had posted last week (which I hadn't). I hope the length compensates my forgetfulness… Enjoy! ;)
Disclaimer: Glee's not mine, guys. This would be a better world if fanfic writers owned TV series. Or at least for Gleeks.
She had been so intense that she didn't realize she had said too much of the truth. Her expression went blank, her face pale (maybe with a slight shade of green), and for the first time in her life, she did not know what the hell she was supposed to say right now.
– Rachel, are you ok? – He waved a hand in front of her face, making her startle a bit – What's going on? What scared you so much?
He was worried, but she thought he was still that naïve guy she knew, so she cleared her throat to bring herself back to reality, and pulled off her best acting skills.
– Nothing, I was just... daydreaming. – she started talking rather fast - I got scared because I thought I would fail my dancing test and, you know, I never fail tests and I didn't want that to stay in my resume, but Miss July was pretty mean, even when I practiced every day, and Santana helped me and-
– Um… You sure? You're suddenly talking too much – maybe even for you, he thought, but kept it inside – and you're even looking kinda sick...
She felt sick... She was word-vomiting when she felt like lunch-vomiting...
– Yes, yes, I just- I guess I ate too much of that vegan lasagna my Papa made me today.
– Ok, Rach, we agreed we needed to talk. You're a good actress… Hell, not just good; but you can't tell me that expression of yours was only because you were scared of dancing, or a teacher. You never get scared of a challenge. And, also, you can't lie to me. So, could you please tell me the truth?
He was still that naïve boy she knew so well, but there was the problem, he knew her that well too.
– No, I can't.
He thought he must have misheard, so he just asked.
– I'm sorry, what?
– I can't, I told you I can't, and I won't tell you.
So, stubborn!Rachel mode ON. He knew he hadn't misheard.
– What the...? Rachel, we were here to talk, are you aware of that?
– Yes, but I don't believe the subject of my scare is relevant to our conversation, Finn.
What the hell was she saying? It was relevant. It was scary relevant. But she couldn't tell him.
And he, knowing her so well, knew her stubbornness was stronger than his curiosity.
Unless...
– Ok, if you don't tell me, then I'll ask my brother. I'm sure he knows.
– You'd stay an only child if he dares to open that trout mouth of his.
– Are you threatening to kill my brother? – He looked at her in awe, his eyes wide, but she looked determined.
– He made a pact of silence. – She answered seriously, while she crossed her arms over her chest.
– Rachel, you are aware the more you hold this, the more I'll try to find out, right? And you can't make him make a pact of silent over me! Isn't that against the bros-before-chicks code?
– I don't think that code of yours applies to this kind of situations. And I'd be grateful if you didn't call me a 'chick'. But still, you won't find out. You'd have to trust me when I say it is not relevant.
– Then why'd you make so sure I wouldn't find out?
Speechless. Again.
He was more than satisfied. He was winning an argument to Rachel. But he still wanted to know, so he continued.
– Well, I guess I'll have to ask Santana. She won't care telling me. Or maybe I'll just assume you're pregnant and that's it. – He teased.
He stood up and crossed his arms over his chest, a victorious expression across his face. It was perfect. If she also had a pact of silent with Santana (which, on the other hand, he didn't believe would care to break), she would have to tell the truth just to deny his last crazy assumption. It was a brilliant plan, because, although Santana would spit the fact as if it was Rachel's vegan food, he wanted to make her talk. He was so proud of himself, he was almost beaming. But things didn't go the way he expected.
– What? – She squealed, standing up too.
– What? – He repeated, worried after her reaction.
– How'd you kno-
She lifted her right index but didn't allow herself to talk more.
– How'd I what, Rachel?
– How'd you dare… - she was talking slowly, her voice low, trying to find something to say.
Suddenly his face went pale, his eyes wide. He talked slowly too, interrupting her previous question.
– Rachel, are you… are you pregnant?
Her voice raised and she was talking quickly, in a high pitch (even more than normal).
– What? NO! How dare you? Don't be stupid, Finn! Don't you ever say that again! Okay!? No!
His heart was beating so hard he felt he'd a broken rib. Same for her. He didn't understand why she was overreacting this much. She was dramatic, but this was a bit too much, even for her. I mean, her face was still green.
– Rachel... You are overreacting, so, if you don't want me to make the wrong assumptions, or call Santana, or have a heart attack, please tell me the truth and we can just finish with this.
She opened her mouth only to close it again.
She couldn't. She couldn't tell him she had thought she was pregnant.
– Ok, that's it – he pulled his phone out of his pocket – I'm calling her.
– Wait! – He stopped thumbing his phone and looked up to her – put that phone back in your pocket Finn, please, don't call her.
He did as she asked, only because she looked as if she was going to keep talking.
– Ok, now, sit down and let me talk, ok? – He nodded, concern showing in his eyes and frown – I- I'm not pregnant, let's clear that out. – he could barely listen to her, she was speaking (almost whispering) while looking down to her hands, playing nervously with her ring – But I- for a some days I thought I… could be... – she swallowed noisily while Finn looked at her, shocked – And I...
She couldn't talk anymore. Her voice broke, and she couldn't help the tears from rolling down her cheeks. He stood up silently and hugged her. Rachel hid her face on his chest and tried to calm down. He lifted a hand from her back, indenting to caress her hair, or look at her and wipe her tears, but he didn't. He didn't want to go too far, afraid he wouldn't be able to stop himself from kissing her sad pout. He was afraid it wouldn't turn into a sweet smile after his kiss, like it used to do when they were together and things were easier.
He was also afraid of the obvious question. More specifically, about its answer. But he had to know, even if he didn't want to. He waited until she calmed down, and then he talked sweetly, almost whispering.
– Rach, who... I mean, was I... me?
She could hear how fast his heart was beating next to her ear. And she could feel her own beating just as fast in her chest.
– You… would have been... – she answered, looking at him.
They stayed just like that, looking into each other's eyes for a few seconds, until she buried her face in his chest again out of shame.
He couldn't help cupping her cheek sweetly to make her look at him again. Her eyes were red and full of tears, and his heart broke at what he was seeing. He had got to recognize all her kinds of crying, but this expression didn't fit in any of those. She looked frightened, and guilty... Hell, he was totally freaked the hell out too, but all he wanted was to see Rachel smile again. He didn't care now if he was being too forward. He didn't think she'd pull away now, so he put a soft kiss on her forehead, right on her bangs, before he talked in a quiet, husky voice.
– Honey, you could have called me. You know I- - he stopped before he could release those words that were burning inside his throat, trying to come out; this was not the moment, so he skipped the 'you know I love you', sighed and continued – I'd been there for you in a heartbeat, tell me you didn't doubt about that.
She couldn't help feeling the warmth that spread through her chest after his words.
– No, I- I know you would have, and that's why I didn't tell you, Finn. You were here, the glee club, college. You had finally found yourself, and believed in yourself, and I knew pregnancy tests aren't that accurate, and one pregnancy scare in your life is more than enough. I saw how hard you got it with Quinn, and I didn't want to make you feel that way again and-
She was sobbing again, each word less understandable than the last.
– Don't. Stop it. Listen to me, Rachel Berry. – He put both of his hands softly on both of her cheeks, while brushing away her tears with his thumbs, and looked deeply into her big brown eyes – I know we're not… I know this is strange and awkward, and we don't even know what we are. But you can always, always count on me. Whether it is to, I don't know, give you one of my mom's recipes or to talk when you're feeling sad. And mostly if you think you're pregnant and you think I'm the father and you need me to go to the doctor with you… And even… – she saw the hurt in his expression – even if I- if I wasn't… – he didn't want to finish the sentence, because he wasn't able to picture his Rachel having another guy's baby. He just couldn't – You know, you can count on me, as a friend, if you want to put a label. I still care about you, you know that. – He remained quiet a few seconds until he spoke again – And how did you find out you weren't…?
– I went to the doctor…
– You went alone? Rachel! Why didn't you just- I should be really pissed off with you for not telling me any of this, and not letting me help you, you know that? – he didn't say it in a pissed off tone though, he talked slowly and softly.
– I'm sorry… I didn't… I just… – she tried to put her thoughts in order before speaking – I didn't want you to feel the same way I knew you felt before… and the same way I was feeling. Don't be mad at me, please, I didn't know what else to do… And I wasn't alone; Santana found out and took me. She was actually trying to find something about Brody, because she felt he was weird, when she found the test…
– I said I should be mad, not that I was. – He smiled softly. She looked down for a few seconds and then to him again. – And I think I owe Auntie Tanna a lot for taking care of you. – he touched the tip of her nose on the last word, making her almost-smile – Lima Heights style, but still… – he tried to lighten the mood.
She looked down, but she was smiling now, to his relief. Without thinking, he put his hands over the sides of her face, and his lips over hers, and lingered for a few seconds, before pulling apart to see her reaction. He was torn between regretting or not what he had just done.
She just stared at him with wide eyes, smile faded away.
– Crap. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry…
– I- It's ok, I just… Wasn't expecting it… Ummm… – she dried her cheeks with her palms – I- I think we've… worked enough for today… I- I better be going…
He didn't agree… But he thought he may have pushed her too much for the day. At least they had talked all out about their past, maybe another day they could move on to their present… And future, if he was lucky enough. He hoped he was. But he knew his ways hadn't worked the last time, so now he would do everything in her way, and on her times and terms.
– Ok, let's go then– he answered. His face neutral, his voice low – Will you… – she stopped picking up her stuff to look at him – will you call me, if you need to talk?
– I'm fine. Don't worry about me. – She replied, avoiding the question, and smiled a bit.
He knew she wasn't fine. And of course he was worried. But he didn't insist.
A/N: Thank you so much for reading, and even more if you review! :)