Chapter 31 - "Pre-Ceremony"
(Dec. 16, 2017, 5:19am)
Shego's car appeared in the middle of the road.
"Ahh...here we are!" Ubel Drakken proclaimed, "The year 2017! The year of the Drakken shall reign supre..."
He was then yanked back into the car by Shego.
"What was that for?" Drakken snapped.
"Do you really want 'The Man' to be on us?" Shego snarled, "You have to zip your mouth in order for us not to get caught!"
"Fine..." Drakken sneered. "How far are we from our target?"
Shego looked at the GPS on her computer and said, "We're about...9 hours away from our target, not counting any stops."
Drakken moaned, "This will be one long ride ahead of us."
"Exactly!" Shego replied. "I got disguises in the back. We'll avoid capture that way."
"Very well!" Drakken said. He reached out the back to try and get to the disguises but his foot accidentally pressed a button that opened the missile bays of the car. The only lucky thing was that he didn't press the fire button. Shego saw this and retracted the bays.
"And also, Mr. D, don't touch anything in my car!" Shego demanded.
She then turned to the Killer B's, sitting in the two other rows of seats. "Get your disguises on as well!"
KB One agreed, "No problem, Shego! We'll..."
"...get the disguises!" KB Four added.
"Finishing each other's sentences really creeps me out!" Shego said.
All seven occupants in the vehicle donned disguises. Shego continued to drive the vehicle towards its intended destination.
(current timeline, December 16, 2017, noon)
Kim and Ron were at the Middleton Park playing with their two kids, 5-year old Justin and 2-year old Alexa. Ron was in a grownup version of his normal outfit and he was still with his soul patch, or "patch-mate" as he perfered to call it. Kim was wearing Ron's high-school football jersey. She tied it up to form a makeshift crop-top. THe only piece of jewelry she wore aside from the wedding band was a nice necklace. She was wearing baggy denim overalls with the left strap hooked and right strap undone and was wearing tennis shoes. Rufus was still Rufus.
"So, finally, Bon-Bon has decided that tonight would be the night for the ceremony!" Ron said while walking with his family. He was holding Justin's hand.
"I still do not get why Sharper would give his Queen the keys to the site of this years' Fannies!" Kim grunted while holding Alexa's hand, "She's been delaying the date for months and months. Said something about coordinating and planning everything to be perfect to her standards!"
"That's so Bon-Bon for you! And she'd better have the all-you-can eat Naco bar ready, or else I'm going to sue her!" Ron exclaimed.
"Will Santy Claws get me any presents this year?" Justin asked his dad.
"Of course he will, if you've been a good boy all year!" Ron replied, "There was that one time where he gave me a lump of coal at age 6."
"All because you burped the alphabet in front of his reindeer and made the other children cry!" Kim chuckled.
"Hey, Kim, you'd be surprised how fun a lump of coal would be!" Ron countered.
"You and that imagination of yours!" Kim laughed, before getting a message on her Kimmunicator 5.0.
She gasped, "It's a signal from HQ! The team needs us!"
"Looks like trouble!" Ron exclaimed.
"Daddy, does it mean that you have to go to work?" Justin asked.
"Sorry, lil' sport. But Daddy and Mommy have to take this very important call!" Ron replied.
Kim then answered the call, "Wade, what's the sitch?"
Alexa squealed when she heard those words from her mom.
"There's been some recent intel about three hours ago that the Worldwide Evil Empire, led by Sheldon Director and the mysterious Number One, may try to disrupt the cermony!" Wade explained.
"Has Dr. Director been informed?" Kim asked.
"She is." Wade said, "She is going to set up extra security checkpoints around the entrances to Bonnie's mansion to make sure no unwanted guests come in!"
"Okay, Wade. Keep me informed on any updates." Kim insisted.
"Over and out!" Wade replied, ending the transmission.
"With beefed-up security like that, not even an ant can get through!" Ron beamed confidently.
"I wouldn't be so sure, Ron. Villains always have a crafty way of getting through the back door!" Kim retorted before turning to the other topic at hand. "I'll get with Mon to organzie my outfit. Meanwhile, you'll get your outfit ready. And this time...no man jewelry and ESPECIALLY no baggy khakis!"
"Aww...rats!" Ron complained, "I always wanted to wear my 24k bling giant R to the ceremony!"
"Especially not that piece either! Even though the dress code has been loosened a little, it does not mean you can show your undergarments off to the public!" Kim continued. "Let's get back to the house so that I can call up Mon over here."
"What 'bout the kids?" Ron asked.
"I'll just ask Tara to babysit them while we're gone." Kim smiled.
"Mommy...Daddy...can we go?" Justin asked.
"Sorry, Justin!" Kim sighed, "Only mommies and daddies attend affairs like this. Maybe when you're a bit older, you can attend them!"
"I don't wanna wear a suit and tie! They make me itchy!" he complained.
"Ahhh...kids. You never know what they're going to say!" Ron grinned.
_
(2:00 pm, 4 hours before the Ceremony)
"So Monique, which of the Country CB overalls that I own would suit me best?" Kim asked, looking at the two expensive $400 overalls that she had. Both of them were similar in dark denim. The buckles and buttons were made of gold and had diamonds on the back pockets and with cargo pockets on the side, enough room for Rufus to be comfortable in.
Monique, with her fashion eye, replied "The one on the right has much less wear and tear than the pair on the left. And, baby girl, you have more ways to dress the nicer pair up."
"Then that's going to be the pair that I will wear!" Kim said in making her decision, "A nice button-down, bell-bottomed sleeve blouse and high-heel black boots would go along with it! Plus, I'm hooking both straps this time and not look like a rejected 90s pop star!"
"Oh and Kim, girl, don't forget about glam bangles and the gold chain necklaces!" Monique added. "I'm going with the black leather CCB overalls angle and wear 'em the same way you are!"
"That too! Should I be aware of anything else?" Kim asked.
Monique took out her tablet, "Accordin' to the weatherman, it's gonna brew up a real storm later tonight?"
"Like, how bad?" Kim asked.
"Thundering and lightning, but nothing of the severe zone, girlfriend!" Monique replied. "It's going to hit Bon-Bon's mansion sometime around midnight."
"The Fannies ceremony will be over by that point, barring any take-over-the-world scheme by some crazy villain." Kim assured her longtime best friend. "The extra security measures are just something of a precaution
"What about the hubby?" Monique wondered, her fashion senses tingling, "What would he wear now that Sharper has altered the threads of the ceremony?"
"Since it's nearly Christmas time, he'll probably have something holiday-related in store." Kim replied. "As long as he keeps it tasty, I'll go for it."
(1 hour later)
"Ron...you are totally not serious about wearing that to Bonnie's house!" Kim exclaimed.
"I know that Sharpie lowered the dress code, but this is Code Black for any fashionista!" Monique gasped in sheer horror.
Ron was in a lumberjack tartan three-piece suit, complete with a normal white button-down shirt. It looked extremely tacky, especially to Monique's usually high fashion standards.
"I'm totally being serious here, KS!" he grinned, "This lumberjack suit just called out my name and it said 'Wear me'!"
"It's totally the voices inside your head, Ron!" Kim groaned.
"Come on, Kim. How many other guys at the Fannies are going to wear ugly Christmas suits to Bonnie's place?" Ron replied on his point, "Heck, Sharpie may possibly wear one to the ceremony himself!"
"Ehhm...point taken." Kim admitted. "Lumberjack suit definitely beats hip-hop threads."
Monique was in complete shock, "Kim?! What are you doin', girl! You're really off the deep end this time!"
"Monique, I can trust my husband to look dapper, even though he kinda looks like a lead singer for that lumberjack-themed boy band." Kim countered back. She had seen that video before. "Then again, me, and probably most of my former squad mates, are going to be in fancy jumpsuits, overalls and bling."
The longtime fashion expert took a deep breath, and sighed with a smile, "Very well,girl. You win. But you and your hubby still owe me a trip to Bueno Nacho afterwards!"
"I'll keep that bet in mind!" Kim exclaimed.
Ron exclaimed, "Ohhh, boo-yah! Baby!"
Rufus waved a pennant, saying the 12th Annual KP Fannies!
_
(30 more minutes later)
Kim was now ready for the ceremony. She was in the dark denim Country CB flare overalls with the large pocket on the side with a button-down top with bell-bottom sleeves. She further accessorized it with fancy black high-heeled boots with gold zippers on the back. Kim also put on her gold dangling topaz earrings, four of her best and finest bracelets that she had on her left hand and her gold $300 watch on her right hand. She also had five rings on her fingers, including the wedding ring.
Her makeup, mascara, eyeliner, eye-shadow, and her hair were all done up as she had in past Fannies ceremonies...only that it was odd to be doing it wearing something equivalent to what a farmer would wear. And she had suffered comments like that from Bonnie in the past.
Ron was still in his lumberjack suit while Rufus had a bow tie around his neck. He also was playing around with a fidget spinner
"Ready, Rufus, ol' boy?" Ron proclaimed while spinning the spinner around.
"Mmmm-hmmm" Rufus hummed.
Kim was, meanwile, on her cell phone with Joss, whom was now 21 at this point. She had her trenchcoat on over her very nice outfit.
"Joss...I don't mind if you're wearing CCB overalls, because I'm wearing them too. But if you wear them with one strap off, the whole Possible family would become the laughingstock of Middleton! So please, keep both straps hooked! Thanks, cousin! Bye!"
"Are you being a little too hard on Joss?" Ron questioned, "She's an adult now!"
"So aware of that, Ron, but it's her dressing up as someone who's dirt-poor to Bonnie's mansion that I am critically worried about." Kim explained. "And would you put away that spinner?"
"Again, you have a point, KS." Ron admitted, putting away the spinner in his pants pocket.
"Thank you. Now, let's get to the Fannies ceremony!" Kim said while grabbing her black clutch.
"Yes!" Rufus cheered.
"Tara dropped off both Justin and Alexa at her house, so they'll be in good hands for a few hours!" Kim said after receiving a text from her blonde friend.
"Are you planning to take the upgraded Sloth to Bonnie so that she can be filled with envy?" Ron wondered, eager to show off a little.
"How far do you think her jaw will drop to the floor?" Kim asked with a sly smirk.
"Loud enough that the Tri-City area can hear!" Ron laughed as the duo went into the garage.
But when they got there, they were in for a complete shock. The Sloth still wasn't there. KIm and Ron's normal cars were there which were a normal sedan, a restored 1960s station wagon, and an SUV. Unfortunately, the garage doors on those two cars were malfunctioning as of late.
The only car whose garage door worked was the dreaded four-door 1972 Sloth Special Edition, or as Kim preferred to call it...the Rustbucket. It was the ugliest runt of the cars the Stoppables owned. The color of the car was a boring beige...before the rust. The left headlight was busted and, as it was appropriately named, rust was on the hood, trunk, on its fenders, and on the top. Its trim was missing as well. Smarty-mart brand duct tape was holding the bumpers together. The windshield suffered through cracks as well. The hubcaps on all four wheels were missing. It was covered in dents. There were rips on the back seat as well. What Kim hated the most about the car was three things. One was that the car had really bad shock absorbers so that it would bounce up and down. The second reason was that it burned a lot of oil, since this Sloth suffered from very poor gas mileage, about 8.2 miles to the gallon. This left a trail of smoke in its wake that could be seen for miles. And the final reason why she despised the vehicle was that it made a shotgun-sounding backfire when it was turned off.
Now, combine the fact that they were going to Bonnie's house for the ceremony in that thing plus Ron's outfit.
"It is so a disaster waiting to happen." Kim whined, "Humiliation Nation has once again come upon the Stoppable family."
"KS...remember what we said during our vows. We'll be there for each other, for better or for worse, right!"
Kim sighed, "Right, Ron. You have your GJ ID badge for when we get in, right?"
"Yeah I do." Ron said, pointing to his ID on his beltloop. Kim clipped her ID onto her trenchcoat.
"And I have the invites right here. Very vital that we need them!" Kim said, waving the invites in her hand. It had a barcode on it.
"Remember, if any mission erupts during the ceremony, our GJ uniforms are in the back just in case." Kim reminded him.
"I gotcha, my bon-diggety wife!" Ron replied with a wink in his eye.
"Now..." Kim said, taking a deep breath, the keys to the Sloth twirling in her fingers, "Let's get this show on the road.
She unlocked the door and opened, which was a creaky sound so ear piercing that Ron was forced to cover his ears. Rufus had tiny earplugs so that he would be spared the horror of the car's sounds.
"We'll put some oil on the thing, KS!" Ron replied as he opened the door to the passenger seat which didn't creak at all.
The two of them closed the doors. Kim turned on the ignition in the car, which was sputtering to life. The tailpipe emitted a stream of white smoke.
"The first stop is going to be the Possible abode." Kim explained, "We'll meet with the 'rents and..." She then shuddered, "...the Tweebs! We'll meet with the rest of our GJ gang at Bonnie's place!"
"You know...this used to be my dad's car when he took Mom out for dates. He never has used it since college!" Ron explained a little backstory on the monstrosity of the vehicle.
"Gee...wonder why it's in the condition it's now in..." Kim moaned. She put the car in reverse and she could feel the body of the car bouncing a little as it pulled out the driveway.
The battered car now was on the street, bouncing fully up and down, emitting a trail of smoke right behind it.
(20 more minutes later)
The car finally reached the Possible household, which has been completely rebuilt, and insured, since the alien invasion. It was all decorated for the holidays.
James and Ann Possible were standing there, ready to go. Ann was wearing a nice button-down top and a long dress with a slit that reached up to her thigh in her right leg with 3 inch black high heels. . James was wearing a reindeer three-piece suit. Ann was in her mid 50s and already a retired brain surgeon while James, also in his mid 50s, was still working at the Space Center.
"See, KS?" Ron beamed with pride, "I'm not the only one wearing an ugly Christmas suit in the family!"
Kim turned off the ignition, bracing for the worst part of the car.
"Wait for it..." she uttered before the car produced a back-fire that sounded like a shotgun.
James and Ann covered their ears to protect their hearing.
"Hey, Mom and Dad!" Kim said, waving nervously at them as she got out the car, making the creaky sound again.
"Hi, Kimmie-cub! How's the Stoppable family doing?" James asked while covering his ears.
"The kids are doing good. Tara's babysitting them right now!" Kim replied.
"And Ronald?"
"He's just...well...Ron!" Kim giggled as Ron got out of the car.
"Jocelyn is coming to meet us at the hotel." Ann said to Kim. "We're going to drive from there immediately to Bonnie's mansion...wherever it is."
"Spankin', Mom!" Kim grinned nervously. And she has to dress properly for me to avoid Bon-Bon's barbs.
"Hey, MrDrP! You out-ugly Christmas suitted me!" Ron shouted back.
"Nice lumberjack theme you got there, Ronald!" James chuckled.
Ann then began to sing. "Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop away at my heart!"
James continued that grin, "And your mother has a thing for lumberjack boy bands!" Kim, meanwhile moaned at her mom's attempt at being cool.
"Where are the Tweebs, Mom?" Kim asked, wanting to know, "I want to give them a piece of my mind on what's taking so long on the updates to the Sloth."
"They're in the back, getting ready for the ceremony." Ann said before looking behind her. "Ah, here they come now!"
Jim and Tim, now 25 years of age, came downstairs. They were both in tuxedos in their respective colors: Tim in a red tux and Jim in a green tux.
"Hey, big sis! How are..." Jim began and Tim finished, "...you doing?"
"Other than looking like a fool of myself driving a vehicle that should be in a junkyard, I'm doing fine and dandy." Kim sarcastically replied.
"We're almost done with the Sloth." Jim said on the progress report of the Sloth.
"But there are some bugs we need to get fixed." Tim added.
Jim then looked at the Sloth SE Kim was driving and added. "We'd be more than happy to fix Ron's car."
But Tim also added, "However, the parts don't exist anymore."
"Here's the address to Bonnie's mansion." Kim said while giving both her dad and the Tweebs the directions to Bonnie's house. "You should not be able to miss the tan lady's 100-ft tall gold statue that rotates all the time!"
"All that Au gone to complete waste." Ron sighed.
"That's so what happens when she has an inflated ego." Kim agreed.
Ron and James' stomachs were growling a lot.
"My stomach says that we really need to get going to the Rockwaller place. It's really getting impatient." Ron said.
"Mine too..." Kim agreed, looking down at her rumbling stomach.
"Do all of you have your invites ready?" she then added.
"We all do! And Jocelyn should have hears as well!" Ann added.
"Then let's go!" Kim insisted. "We have a tradition to keep!"
_
(One two-hour drive later, 5:45pm)
The Possible parents SUV led the family caravan, followed closely by the Tweebs' compact car, Joss's pickup truck, and, lastly, the Sloth SE, which was leaving a trail of smoke in its wake and its body contantly wobbling up and down. The sun began to set in the west and it was roughly around 65 degrees outside and unusually humid. Clouds were beginning to develop from the northeast. All of this was associated with a strong cold front that would bring storms.
The Possibles and Stoppables came upon the security checkpoint that led the way into the mansion. Bonnie's security guards were present, armed with lasers as they worked in tandem with Global Justice agents.
"May I see your invitations please?" the Bonnie mansion guard asked to James.
"Here are mine and my wife's invites!" James replied, giving the invitations to the guard. He scanned them with a barcode scanner.
"Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Possible, you can come on through." the guard replied. "Follow the other servants and they will lead you to the parking area."
He did the same thing with the Tweebs and Joss, allowing them through. When he got to Kim and Ron in the dilapidated Sloth SE, he put on his gas mask.
"Invites please?" he insisted to the Stoppable couple.
"Right here." Kim replied as she gave her and Ron's invites.
The guard scanned them both and added, "Since you are a part of Global Justice, there is an additional checkpoint down the road with 'reserved parking'. He'll ring in your Global Justice ID badges and you'll be with the rest of your invited party."
"Thanks!" Kim replied. She and Ron went through the checkpoint without any issue
"No problem, Mrs. Stoppable! Just doing my duty!" the guard grunted without enthusiasm. He then activated a hidden communicator.
"Your Majesty, the Stoppables have entered the building. I repeat, the Stoppables have entered the building."
From her master bedroom, the Queen grinned when she heard the news of the Stoppables' arrival.
"Excellent! They are falling directly right into my plan!"
_
The Sloth SE finally parked into the reserved parking lot right next to Sharper's car.
Betty Director, Wade, and Electronique came up to them. Betty was in a purple top and long dress with a slit in the left leg going up her thigh and was wearing black 3 1/2 inch high heels. Wade, like Ron and James, was in a Christmas-themed suit and Electronique was wearing a off-the-shoulder denim jumpsuit with brown high-heeled boots. This fulfilled Global Justice's policy of no uniforms inside important ceremonies.
"At attention, agents!" Betty proclaimed.
Kim and Ron, as usual, saluted to their superior, "Yes, ma'am!"
"At ease!" Betty replied as the salutes went down.
"Dr. Director, I suggest to cover your ears." Kim advised her superior.
Betty, lookingat the crappy state of the car, covered her ears as the car made the backfiring sound again.
Agent Trepid and Slam, meanwhile, was coordinating security response when the backfiring sound went off.
"Did you hear something?" Agent Trepid asked.
"Probably some tacos you ate!" Slam chuckled as he was looking through some binoculars for any suspicious sign.
"Hah, very funny, Agent Slam. Very funny!" Agent Trepid sarcastically replied.
_
"The dinner is going to begin shortly. I suggest you agents better have your stomachs ready." Betty added.
"The all-you can eat Naco bar has to be there for the Ronster to enjoy!" Ron insisted. "I'll say this once and I'll say it again as a lifetime Bueno Nacho fan! As with Rufus!"
"Don't worry, Ron. Sharper'll keep his word." Kim replied with utmost confidence.
_
Team Possible followed the directions to the very large banquet hall capable of hosting 1,000 people. It was as elegant as the other dining rooms of Bonnie's mansion. It had expensive chandeliers, gold statues of past Rockwallers and, of course, of the Queen. There were also expensive paintings of these same Rockwaller relatives as well. It was also lushly carpeted and it had fine sterling silver candleabras on every one of the tables. The linen was made of the finest threads.
At the center of the banquet hall were several buffet tables. It was filled with the foods that were native to Sharper's state. On the first main entree table, there was fried catfish, fried chicken, fried shrimp deer meet, barbecue with a variety of sauces including the famous comeback sauce, slugburgers, and tamales. On the other main entree table, they were foods native to Cajunbear's area. It was primarily gumbo, jambalaya, shrimp etoufee, cracklins, boudin, and the other half of the table was a po'boy table.
On the appetizer table, there was cornbread, collared greens, blackeyed peas, coleslaw, hushpuppies, fried okra, and biscuits with sausage gravy.
And finally, on the dessert end, it was banana cream pie, caramel cookie crumb pie, cookies, ice cream, and, lastly, Mississippi mud pie.
To drink, there was the usual water, coffee, tea in mason jars, lemonade, and sodas. On the alcohol front, there was the assortment of beers and wines and also some heavy liquors including the famous mint julep.
And, just as promised to Ron, Sharper had a Naco bar installed, courtesy of the Bueno Nacho corporation.
"Wow...look at all that food!" Electronique gasped.
"I'm going to blow my diet out of the water!" Kim uttered, rubbing her stomach.
Ron, meanwhile, was as excited as a child on Christmas day.
"Yes! An all you can eat Naco bar! Complete with packets of Diablo Sauce..."
"Cheese!" Rufus shouted.
"It is totally the meaning of life, Rufus, ol' pal! The meaning of life!" Ron smiled.
Once the blessing of the food was said, the guests, about 300 in number, began to eat their food. This included the people from the show, the KP fanartists, fanfiction writers, roleplayers, and just loyal general fans of the show.
_
Kim was at the table with Ron and Rufus. She had a few pieces of catfish followed by black-eyed peas, hushpuppies and tartar sauce. Ron, of course, had the grande-sized Naco and Rufus had the burrito swimming with extra cheese.
Unfortunately, Global Justice policy prevents its employees from consuming alcohol while on the line of duty. So Kim had sweet tea from a mason jar while Ron had a soda.
She took another bit of the catfish when she saw Bonnie served with the finest of food from Italy and France. Servants and the press were all around her.
Kim made a growling sound and continued on with her catfish.
"It seems Miss Rockwaller has been silent since we put the extra surveillance on her, Ron. It's like as if she's planning something right under our noses." she snarled.
"You can't suspect everything, KS." Ron quipped. "Maybe all she's going to do is to sit on her royal throne for four hours!"
_
(15 minutes later)
Sharper, in the meantime, was sitting at the KP Fannie Committee table on a platform, alongside with Sarah, Sentinel, Cajunbear, Jimmy, and RufusPrime. He was chowin' down on the catfish with his beer.
"You think it's time, Sharper?" Rufusprime asked.
"I believe it is the perfect time to begin the ceremonies, Rufus!" Sharper grinned.
"Oooh! This is going to be totally fun!" Sarah exclaimed.
Sharper tapped his beer glass with a fork.
"Everyone, please, pay attention!" he shouted. Everyone, including Bonnie, paid attention to him.
"As y'all know, the ceremony at Her Majesty's opera house is going to begin in an hour. Limousines are parked outside the banquet hall and they should take you to your assigned seats listed on your invites."
Kim looked at her invite and it said B-19. Ron's invite said B-20. The couple were now full from eating.
"Ohh...guess we'd better head to the limos." she said, grabbing her clutch.
"You may need a wheelbarrow to carry me..." Ron groaned, feeling his stomach, "The Naco really filled me good."
"Exaggerating much, Ron?" Kim smirked. "Now come on. Let's get to Miss Tans-A-Lot's opera house!"
_