What Came Before

"Where is AJ and Keala?" Dean asked after letting his brother into the apartment the next day.

"AJ's out with her mom friend." Punk said, "They met at a class when she was pregnant and they've kept in touch." Punk said as Dean nodded, "They were meeting for lunch, so I thought I'd come here and annoy you." He said as Dean nodded.

"Just like old times." Dean said, walking into the living room, "Well I hope you don't mind, Anna is coming around in a little while." He said.

"Of course I don't." Punk said, "In fact, I haven't saw her in a while."

"She's still under the impression you hate her." Dean admitted truthfully.

"Well I don't. I never hated her. I hated what she done, more so what her mom done." Punk said, "To be honest, I feel like she avoids me now." He admitted truthfully.

"Yeah, she does." Dean told him honestly, "She just thinks you don't wanna talk to her."

"Well that's not true." Punk said, "I found it hard just like you to accept what she did, but we talked about it, all of us, her mom had a bad grip on her and she was just doing what she told her to, we all saw how genuinely sorry that she was. I'm not some grudge holding monster."

"You do hold a grudge." Dean said.

"Yeah, for certain things. Not this." Punk said, "I don't want her to avoid me. She's still part of the family, and I know you love her, and she makes you happy." He said, "So I'm happy."

"It's between the both of you. You're both old enough to talk things out. It isn't high school anymore." Dean said.

"Yeah, clearly." Punk said.

"So how is it? Dad life? Would you recommend it?" He asked, taking a cigarette from his back pocket and lighting it up as Punk watched.

"I haven't saw you smoke one of them since a few years ago." Punk said.

"One hint of weakness." Dean said, "I'll get off them again, it's fine." He waved his hand, lighting the cigarette and puffing on it as Punk just nodded and let it go over his head, "Dad life? Good?" Dean asked.

"Yeah." Punk nodded, "I feel like a different person now. Like life has a whole different meaning." He said, "Like, there was nothing I would get out my bed for at 4am. You know that. But I do for her cause she's like this tiny little thing I need to give attention to." He said as Dean laughed, "And it's obvious I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I don't know what a dad does. Is he protective? What kind of jokes are acceptable?" He shrugged.

"She's just left AJ's womb. Give her a second before you hit her with any jokes." Dean laughed to himself, "You just learn as you go, right? It's probably best you don't really know what you're doing, no one really does, do they?" He said, "Look at mom, she was just a kid when she had us, she didn't have any support from anyone, we turned out alright." He said.

"Define alright." Punk laughed to himself, "She had dad for a little while."

"Oh, yeah he contributed to our upbringing a lot." Dean nodded sarcastically, "He wasn't even there when I was born." He said.

"They wanted me, they didn't want you." Punk teased as Dean nodded.

"They didn't want you either." Dean teased back, "You were the mistake and then I was the mistake to prove the first mistake wasn't actually a mistake." He said as Punk raised his eyebrows, "But it was all too much for poor dad." He said sarcastically, tapping his cigarette on the ash tray.

"Well like you said, we done just fine." Punk said, "But I'm gonna be there for Keala. It's nice, you know. Me and AJ have been through so much, and it's nice to watch her with Keala. We always said we wanted kids. Then we broke up and everything went to shit."

"Well you got there in the end." Dean nodded, "I think Keala's lucky to have a dad like you." He nodded, puffing on his cigarette, "You're the only dad I ever knew." He shrugged.

"Thanks, man." Punk nodded, "Ok, you want anything in?" He asked, standing up as Dean shook his head.

Punk headed into the kitchen, raiding the fridge and helping himself to some food, stepping on the trash can to put some rubbish in when he paused, looking into the trash where he saw glass bottle after glass bottle, not just of beers but strong stuff, spirits, whiskeys too. He put the lid down and sighed to himself. He was starting to get concerned.

"Do you honestly think I'm gonna let you see the boys when you're like this?" Vanessa spat, twenty years old, looking on at her children's father who sat at the kitchen table, drunk, with high demands to see his one and three year old sons.

"They're my sons too." Jack, or JC as he was known as said, looking over at Vanessa who shook her head.

"It was Phil's birthday last week. He's three by the way." Vanessa said, "You didn't show then. You didn't even buy him a present." She spat, "So don't tell me that you're desperate to see them. Your guilt is just weighing you down now and you feel it's our obligation to come and test my patience, like I'd actually let them near you." She said.

"I knew you wouldn't want me here on his birthday and I have no job. I'll buy him something to make up for it soon." He said.

"Well then why don't you get a job?" Vanessa asked him, "Instead of blaming everyone and everything around you for the situation you've found yourself in." Vanessa said, "We could have had something good here. You ruined that."

"We're kids, Ness." JC said, "What the hell do I know about babies? And we had two?" He said.

"Oh, good. You remember Dean exists." Vanessa nodded, "We could have learned together. We could have done this together." She said, "You quit on us. Not me."

"Because I didn't want this life for us." He said.

"So your solution was just to walk out. What would happen if we both did that? Where would our sons go? Huh?" She asked, "What do you want me to say? Let's just ditch them and go off and have a better life?" She laughed a little at how crazy it even sounded, "They're our children. Our age doesn't change that. And I'll be damned if my kids don't have the best life I can possibly give them." She said.

"You put too much on me." JC said.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I thought I could depend on you and lean on you for support. My fucking bad." Vanessa shook her head, "We're not doing this. I'm not giving you anymore chances." She said, "My kids aren't gonna grow up with parents who can't get along." She said, "If you can't handle this I'd rather you leave and never come back." She told him truthfully, "Because Phil is getting older now, he's recognising things, and I'm not letting you near either of them when you're drunk or high most of the time." She said, "Am I clear?"

"You're trying so hard to be… the perfect mom." JC laughed, "You're gonna crack at some point, and you're gonna wish you let me in their lives."

"Oh, shut the fuck up." Vanessa laughed, "Don't act like you've not had plenty of chances." She said, "Every chance I've gave you, you either don't show up or you show up drunk. The one time I left you with the boys on your own I came back and Phil had a fucking concussion and Dean's diaper hadn't been changed in hours." She said, " So don't act like I'm being unreasonable for not letting you see them."

"I don't know what I'm doing, Ness. It's just came easy to you, alright? I'm still a kid. We didn't even get to finish high school."

"You never went anyway." Vanessa said, "You don't know what you're doing because you never bothered to learn." Vanessa said, "If you stayed and if you were committed to us you would know what you were doing." She said, "You don't even love them-" She jumped as she watched him stand up quickly, tipping the table onto its side as the chair scraped back against the floor.

"Don't fucking go there with me." JC pointed at her, "Don't you fucking dare."

"Or what?" Vanessa laughed, "It only hurts because it's true. If you loved them, the way a dad is supposed to love their children, you wouldn't be wasting what little money you have on booze and cigarettes. You'd be here, helping me." She said, "You'd show at their birthdays, you'd be there at Christmas."

"What? For us just to fight and ruin it?" He asked.

"You mean for you to start a fight with me and for you to ruin it?" She asked as he looked across at her, "I have no one." She looked at him, "You have your friends, you have your cousins… I have nobody." She said, "I lost all my friends because I chose you over them, even when they warmed me how… how dangerous you were." She said, "I lost my mom because of you."

"Oh, yeah. Go on. Blame everything on me. It's the only thing you ever do." JC laughed, picking the table back up and sitting back down, "All those choices, you made. Not me. You chose me over your friends on your own. And your mom wanted rid of you anyway, let's face it, you were just filling the void of your little sister for her." JC shrugged as Vanessa glared across at him.

"You're pathetic." Vanessa shook her head, "And you don't deserve those boys. You really don't."

"You think you'll be able to prepare them for what's out there? On your own?" He asked.

"I already am." Vanessa said as JC laughed, "Just get out." She shook her head, "I… I'm fed up of this. We're not doing this anymore. Where you come to me and you pour your heart out, you tell me you wanna be a good dad, I let you back in and you just disappoint. And you know what, I've almost gotten used to you disappointing me, but you will not disappoint those boys." She shook her head, "I won't let you."

"So you have the final say on whether or not I get to see my sons or not?" He asked.

"Yeah, I do." Vanessa spat, "Unless you wanna take me to court, I'll go happily, I have plenty of stories about how fatherly you really are." She said as JC shook his head.

"One was fine." JC said, "It was difficult, but we dealt with it, I tried hard to be a good dad, but two kids in the space of two and a half years-"

"You tried hard?" Vanessa laughed hysterically, "Oh, you're delusional, I love it." She nodded, "You were never even here. Phil was just a few weeks old and you were off on five, six day benders. You missed his first steps, his first word, his first haircut-"

"I get it." JC said.

"No, I don't think you do." She hissed, "They are our responsibility. You don't get to choose when you want to be their dad, and I'm through with giving you anymore chances." She shook her head, "So you leave tonight and you never come back here." She warned him.

"You don't want to do this. Trust me." JC shook his head.

"I've already done it." Vanessa said, "Get out of my house and get out of my life." She spat as JC looked across at her coldly.

"Mom."

Vanessa and JC turned around where three-year-old Punk stood at the door rubbing his eyes tiredly and looking on at them.

"Hi, baby." Vanessa smiled, watching as JC went to stand up and walk towards him, she quickly cut in front and picked him up, "Can you not get back to sleep?" She asked him, lifting him up and playing with the back of his hair.

"No." Punk said, resting his chin on his mother's shoulder and looking on at his father behind.

"Ok, baby. Let's get you back upstairs." Vanessa smiled, kissing the side of his head, turning around to JC, "I want you gone when I come back down." She whispered as JC looked at her coldly.

She then walked off as Punk kept his eyes on him, waving to him whilst his mother carried him down the hallway and out of sight as JC sighed and rubbed his hands over his face.