Admitting it

"Are you ok?" AJ asked, walking into her and Punk's bedroom after she had just put Keala down in her crib in her nursery. Both of them were still in shock after what had exploded earlier on at Dean's, and she didn't quite know what to say to him at this point.

"Yeah, I'm ok." Punk nodded as she sat down on the bed beside him, "Just trying to drill it into my head that he didn't mean any of it." He nodded as AJ rubbed his arm softly, "Maybe it is my fault-"

"No, hey… you're not doing this." AJ shook her head, "You've done nothing but protect him and put him before yourself. And he knows that fine well, he's just… he's hit a bump, we all do, we all did. If you think about it, he never really gave himself the chance to take a second and recover from what you guys went through. Him almost losing you, that was probably one of the most traumatic things he's ever been through, and he kept it together so well during and after it… and now it's finally hit him, and he just wants someone to blame." She said as he sighed, "Give him some time." AJ nodded, rubbing his back softly and kissing his shoulder.

"Trying to think about what I could have done differently." Punk said to himself.

"Nothing." AJ said. She didn't want him to feel guilty for anything, "You've done everything you could for him since your mom died, and you ending up on death row wasn't your fault, you were the victim in all of it actually-"

"Don't say that word." Punk sighed, "I hate that word."

"Well then you were a target." AJ said, "And you didn't ask for any of it. Deep down Dean knows that, he's just going through his own stuff right now and he wants someone to blame, and you're the closest thing to him." She said as Punk sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"He needs help with drinking." Punk said, "But God forbid I bring it up again and he explodes like he did tonight." He said, "I just wanna help him."

"He knows that. But you two are pretty similar that way. You both like to handle your things in your own way, without help."

"I don't wanna see him get beyond the stage of help." Punk said, "He could lose his job, he could lose Anna, his apartment… and then what?" Punk sighed, starting to worry himself.

"Well then we try and help him as quick as we can, without offending him or hurting him. I mean, do you really think he wants to admit that he has a slight problem, and that he might be going through a rough time?" AJ said, "I'd give him a few days, maybe him getting all of that out might have helped him. We'll go and see him in a few days and we'll talk, when he's a little more sober and accepting of advice and help." She nodded as Punk sighed.

"Here I was thinking that looking after my brother would have been a breeze compared to a baby." He shook his head, "At least Keala can't say any mean shit to us right now." He said as AJ smiled.

"All in good time." AJ smiled to him as he nodded, "Are you ok?" She asked him again, tucking a little strand of her hair around his ear, his slicked hair having fallen out of its place a little.

"Yeah, I'm alright." He nodded to her, "We've had fights before." He said, trying to look on the bright side, even though fights in their past never seemed as destructive as this one.

"You'll work it out. You always do." She nodded, leaning up and kissing his cheek as he smiled, "I'm gonna go make a coffee." She said, standing up and flicking his chin playfully as he smiled and nodded.

"I'll be right down." He told her as she nodded and left the room to go downstairs as he sat, running his hands through his hair and sighing to himself. He didn't really know how to go about this.

"Hey." Anna said softly, walking into Dean's bedroom where he was sat on the edge of the bed, "Are you ok?" She asked him, walking further into the room and sitting down beside him on the bed.

"No, I don't think so." Dean admitted truthfully as he sighed, "I can't stop it." Dean shook his head.

"Stop what?" Anna asked.

"Drinking." He turned to her, "And I lost my job." He said as Anna sighed.

"Dean." She sighed sadly, taking his hand in hers, "I don't think you've given yourself the proper… the proper time to rehab yourself after everything that happened with your brother. I can't imagine how traumatic it was for you to… to think you were gonna lose him." She said, "And it's like you've just carried on and not given yourself a chance to heal… and now it's built up to this." She said.

"I thought I was fine." Dean said, "And the drinking helps it." He nodded to her.

"Yeah, I bet." Anna nodded, "But it's not good for you. The last thing you want is an addiction." She said as he sighed.

"Well I think I've already got it." Dean sighed.

"And you'll get help." She said, "I'll help you… your brother and AJ, they'll help you." She nodded.

"I doubt it after what I said to them tonight." Dean shook his head.

"They know you were upset and not yourself. Your brother loves you, and so does AJ. They don't wanna see you like this." She said, "It's ok not to feel ok. I think your brother and AJ could be the first ones to tell you that. Do you think Phil had it easy after getting out of death row?" She asked him.

"He had night terrors for months." Dean said, "I didn't know he had them for so long." He admitted truthfully.

"So you're not the only one who has gone through something." Anna nodded, "And you'll get help. Take each day as it comes." She said as he sighed to himself, "You'll find a new job, and we'll do this together. Ok, I'm here for you." She said, "I love you." She nodded as he turned to her. For a split second he'd almost forgot that he did have people in his life who loved him and cared about him, and right now, he really did need their help, because he wasn't himself, and he felt so lost in amongst so much.

"I love you too." Dean nodded as she leaned forward, pressing her lips against his softly. She didn't want him to feel alone, or like he had no one to turn to. He'd been through a lot and it was like he just couldn't keep it together anymore. She just wanted him to know she was here for him, to help him and understand him.

Dean deepened the kiss, feeling somewhat not alone for the first time which really helped, feeling like there was a tiny bit of light in all of this, collapsing back on the bed with her, pulling her on top of him as he hoped to drown his sorrows in something else other than alcohol.

The next morning, Punk woke up first when he started to hear Keala waking from the nursery next door. He got out of bed from a pretty sleepless night anyway, and walked on into her nursery.

Her nursery was like a zoo, there seemed to be every kind of stuffed animal known to man, and one of her walls had a rainforest wallpaper on it with lots of different animals on it. AJ just wasn't settling for pink.

"Hey, sweetness." Punk smiled, looking over the crib where Keala was laying, spotting him with her beady little eyes, making soft little baby noises with her mouth. She seemed to make everything ok. She was like a little ray of sunshine, "Did you sleep well?" Punk asked her, lifting her up from her crib and into his arms, "Well at least one of us did." He said, making his way over to the changing table, which Dean had bought for them, constantly reminded by the brother he still vowed to protect.

He lay Keala down and changed her diaper, putting her in a fresh onesie, having got quite the hang of the whole process now. By the time he'd gotten her changed, AJ had woken up and made her way into the nursery.

"Morning." Punk smiled.

"Morning." AJ hummed, walking over to them, kissing her daughter on the head as the baby girl rested into her father's chest, still so tiny and newborn like, "You were restless last night." AJ said, looking up at him.

"Sorry, I just… I couldn't sleep." He shook his head as AJ nodded.

"Yeah, me neither." AJ said, "You wanna go for a shower? I'll take her down and feed her." AJ said as Punk nodded, passing Keala over to her mother, "I'll start breakfast." She said as he nodded.

AJ headed off downstairs with Keala to give her a feed and start breakfast. Obviously her and Punk still had last night fresh in their minds. It was hard not to think about it. They were worried about Dean. He seemed so out of character, so lost and hurt, and that hurt both of them. They weren't taking anything he had said to them seriously, because they knew he didn't mean any of it. She just wished he would accept their help.

She was in the middle of feeding Keala, sitting at the kitchen table, smiling as she watched her take her bottle hungrily as always, looking up when she heard a knock at their front door.

She got up and wandered down the hallway, unlocking the door and opening it up as she saw Dean standing with a brown paper bag and three coffee cups in a holder. She sighed with almost relief.

"Uh… usual." Dean said as AJ nodded, smiling softly.

"Come in." She told him, opening up the door wider and letting him in as he walked through to the kitchen, "Phil is in the shower." She told him as Dean nodded.

"Well I got you guys the usual. Phil's waffles. Your pancakes. Coffee." He pointed out whilst unpacking the paper bag as AJ sat back down at the kitchen table, continuing to feed Keala.

"Thank you." AJ nodded as Dean looked over at her, "I hope that's not guilt breakfast, though." AJ smiled to him.

"Well it is." Dean said, "I uh… I said a lot last night." He said, "A lot that I didn't mean. The last people I've ever wanted to hurt is you guys." He said, "I've not been myself lately, that's been obvious." He said, "I think everything has just… caught up with me, sort of hit me at once." He said as AJ nodded.

"Why don't you get some plates out? Wait for Phil." She suggested as Dean nodded.

By the time it took him to get some plates out and sit the breakfast items he'd gotten on the table, Punk had come downstairs, pausing at the kitchen door when he saw Dean.

"Hey, man." Dean nodded.

"Hey." Punk said suspiciously, "What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I brought some breakfast." Dean said as Punk looked over to the table, "And I wanna apologise to you both." He said as Punk stood over where AJ was sitting, "Recently… things have just felt really… really heavy, like nothing is that good." He said, "And drinking has made it… not that way." He told them as Punk folded his arms, "I lost my job." He told them as they both sighed, "I lost my job and it was my own fault. But it only gave me more time to drink, and I know there's a problem, I don't need anyone to tell me that." He said.

"Why didn't you say?" Punk asked.

"You guys just had Keala, and AJ didn't have it easy the first few weeks… I didn't want to add anything else onto your plate." Dean said, "I don't think I gave myself the proper rehab from what actually happened. When you were on death row I just… I kept it together because I felt like I had to… and then after it, I don't know many it's like some form of PTSD." He shrugged, "But I don't think I realised how much it actually affected me." He said, "What I'm trying to say is… I'm sorry for what I said last night, I meant none of it and…" He took a deep breath, scratching the back of his neck as he felt a lump in his throat, "I'm just… I'm a little bit of a mess right now." He said, his voice cracking as Punk's chest tightened. He could count on one hand the amount of times he'd saw his brother upset or shed a tear, "And I know I need help, I promise I'll get it… but I don't want you guys to hate me-"

"Dean, c'mon." Punk sighed, "We don't hate you. We knew you didn't mean any of it. I'm your brother, I know when someone is wrong with you, that's why I wanted to talk to you about it." He said, "We've all gone through our shit with this. If roles were reversed and it was you on death row, and I thought I was gonna have to live here without you around anymore, I'd be feeling the same." Punk said as Dean sighed, rubbing his hands over his eyes so to clear the tears, "Come here." Punk shook his head, walking over to him as Dean walked forward, falling into him as Punk wrapped his arms around him tightly, "We're gonna help you, alright?" Punk sighed. It broke his heart to see his brother like this. But he would never turn his back on him. Ever.

"You don't have to apologise." AJ shook her head, watching as Punk and Dean broke apart from the embrace, "We're here for you." She nodded as Dean nodded along with her. It was hard for him to admit that his headspace wasn't right. He'd lost his job and an alcohol problem had taken over him. He knew he needed help, but most importantly, he needed his family, he couldn't ever push them away.

A/N: Let me know what you think!