Garfield's Creed IV Gaslight Chronicles part 2 – London Calling
100 + 1 precent historically accurate!
It was the year 18XX and Victorian London had been transformered by the Industrial Revolution. Giant clockwork mechs roamed the streets while giant zeppelins patrolled the skies. And throughout the city punk carriage gangs ran over starving orphans in the name of anarchy in the UK.
"Oh boy I am looking forward to another wild night in the big city." Said Jacob Frye as he relaxed in the Assassins train hideout's hot tub taking a bubble bath.
"Jacob Frye how can you think of partying when the evil Templars control the city and withhold its great lasagna stores from the people?" Said Jacob Frye's boss Henry Green with disgust.
"Hey, curry-breath, the Templars could rule the whole world for all I care if it means I can still do the partying every night!" Said Jacob Frye with irresponsibilities.
"You are disgrace to the Assassin name! I feel ashameds to call you my brother!" Said Evie Frye with serous businesses as she walked into the room.
"Haha you are just jealous because you are woman and that makes you the inferior to me naturally in everything." Said Jacob Frye with chauvinist disregards as he played around with his rubber ducky.
"Jacob Frye you little punk you will never be true Assassin like me." Said Evie Frye with eyerolling.
"You may be master Assassin on the streets but I am the master Assassin under the sheets." Said Jacob Frye with womanizing challenge.
"Is that a challenge I hear? I will show you that as liberated independent female I am your equal in all!" Said Evie Frye with feminism as she ripped off her clothes and hopped into the bath with Jacob Frye.
At that moment, Garfield walked in through the door, coated in the blood of all of Londons Templars who he had killed in between chapters.
"What is this? This is a private affair!" Protested Jacob Frye with insecurities in the presence of a real man as he and Evie Frye splashed each other in the tub.
"By the stars! It is the legendary Garfield!" Said both Henry Green and Evie Frye as they recognized the orange Hercules in front of them. "But you have not been seen since the American Revolution!"
"Wait who is Garfield?" Said Jacob Frye with confusion because he was too lazy to study his Assassin history.
"Who am I?" Said Garfield with badass stoicism as he cracked his muscles. "Only the manliest man in all the known universes. Now, Jacob and Evie Frye, come with me and help me make Jack the Ripper Jack the RIPped "
"No Garfield I don't want to help you hurt my ego with your superiority!" Whined Jacob Frye with poutiness.
"I'm sorry Garfield but Assassins are too busy freeing London to give you our helps!" Said Henry Green with much sorrow.
"You lazy bums. I singlehandedly killed all your Templars to make room on your schedule for more important tasks: mine." Said Garfield with his majestic lasagna superiority.
"Oh no Garfield I want to help you but my Twitter shows that London is still under control by evil forces!" Said Evie Frye as she checked her Lasagna iPhone.
"This must mean that the Templars were but a front for the true evil controlling all of London!" Said Henry Green with horror. "And this evil continues to withhold lasagna from the people?"
"Whaaaat? That is criminal!" Said Garfield as his eyes lit up with righteous outrage. "No British person should be condemned to eat British food! Jack the Ripper can wait. I will find this Lasagna Abuser and make them redder than the finest tomato sauces."
"Lead the way Garfield! May the Assassin's Creed be with you!" Said Henry Green with praises.
"This is the only Creed I'll ever need." Said Garfield with awesome delivery as he pointed at his biceps with his thumbs. He then lit a lasagna cigarette and smoked it, before putting on his black shades of coolness.
"Wait I am the boss here! I am the protagonists of this story!" Said Jacob Frye with much protests at his upstaging.
"Oh shut up Jacob you little dog this here is a real man!" Said Evie Frye with starstruck admiration as she followed Garfield out of the train hideout to begin liberation adventure.
"Grrrr I will not forget this insults to my dignities!" Said Jacob Frye with suspicious glare as he stomped out like crying little boy spanked too hard by his mommy.
Walking through the streets of London Garfield and the Frye Twins soon arrived at a big ominous looking factory with the sign Property of the Lasagna Slaver on it.
"This must be where the true evil overlord must be." Said Garfield with fact.
"Wow Garfield you are such a smart detective! You must teach me how to be as good as you!" Said Evie Frye with awestruck awe.
"Baby, when this is all done, I've got a private seminar waiting for you in my pants." Said Garfield with a wink.
"I bet that whatever Garfield can do I can do even better!" Said Jacob Frye loudly but no one heard him because he was just an insignificant little whiner.
"How will we get in? My Eagle Vision shows me that the inside is filled with every single London gangsters working for the Lasagna Slaver!" Said Evie Frye with tactical preparation.
"Haha easy!" Said Jacob Frye as he pulled out his cheap knockoff Spaghetti-brand phone. "I will ring up some of my Rook homies and we'll storm in and kill everyone!"
"Jacob Frye you fool that is near suicidal and foolhardy. We must use stealths and infiltrates the factory with quietness." Said Evie Frye with smart plan.
"No shut up Evie Frye I am sick of you bossing me around!" Said Jacob Frye as he started to flail around on the ground in tantrum.
"Jacob Frye I suggest you trying using your head some more." Said Garfield with advice as he grabbed Jacob Frye by the legs and threw him threw the door like a spear.
"Aaaaaaa!" Said Jacob Frye with bedwetting crying as he flew through the corridors of the factory impaling several gangsters by the hundreds with his head before hitting a wall and being knocked unconcious.
"Sleep tight, little baby." Said Garfield with wise scorn.
"Wow Garfield I had never thought of doing that before." Said Evie Frye with clapping praise.
"It's nothing but true blue American mastery." Said Garfield as he walked through the smoke like a badass and rolled up his sleeves for fighting as the remaining gangsters swarmed on him.
"Oh how I wish I could be a sexually liberated all-American girl instead of a repressed British tart so Garfield would notice me even more." Said Evie Frye with hearts for eyes as she cheered on Garfield as he began to battle the gangsters.
"Hey look it is Garfield I bet we will become like kings if we kill him!" Said one of the gangsters with stupidity.
"The only kings you'll be are kings of the trashcan." Said Garfield as he leapt like a jaguar pouncing and ripped off a gangsters arm.
"They don't call me the sultan of swing for nothing." Said Garfield as he used the gangsters arm like a baseball bat to decapitate another gangster.
"You can't beat us all Garfield! We are street smart martial artists!" Said two more gangsters as they jumped at him twirling nunchuks.
"Looks like you trained in vain." Said Garfield with true black belt mastery as he countered their blows and responded with a hurricane of punches that reduced them to dust.
"You evil-doers may have tried to paint London black but I am painting you red." Quipped Garfield as he twirled out his Desert Eagles and pumped fifty more gangsters full of lead.
Garfield then looked and he saw a female gangster in alluring and unbuttoned red coat approaching him.
"Oooh Garfield you wouldn't hurt a girl now would you?" Said the female gangster with sirenic seduction.
"The only force greater than my desire for love is my desire for justice!" Said Garfield with a powerful roar as he kicked the female gangster back into a furnace. "The only place you'll light my fire is in hell. Sayonara, lassie." Garfield added as he watched the female gangster scream and burn to ashes.
"Now where is their despicable roach of a leader?" Asked Garfield as he and Evie Frye looked around the empty factory.
"Look Garfield my Eagle Vision detects a secret switch!" Said Evie Frye as she hit a secret button which was hiding in thin air in plain sight out of nowhere.
At the press of the button a wall moved up revealing a secret room. It was full of enslaved and malnourished orphan children being whipped as they made lasagna on an assembly line.
"Who is responsible for this buffoonery?" Said Garfield with disgust at the child abuse for he was a friend and hero to children everywhere.
"I'm glad you asked!" Said a mysterious cloaked figure who was none other than the Lasagna Slaver as he came out of the shadows. "For far too long I have let you uncultured American pig police and ruin the world, Garfield. But no longer, for now with the power of my stolen lasagna I shall at last prove to you the superiority of communism!"
The Lasagna Slaver then ripped off his cloak to reveal that he was really Karl Marx!
"I should've known. The cold, inhuman disregard for children's life. The selfish stealing of lasagnas. All the trademarks of communism, my least favorite un-American thing!" Said Garfield with angered vengeance brewing. "I was only going to kill you quickly but now I am going to kill you slow and enjoy it like a glass of lasagna wine."
"You'll first have to get through my ultimate weapon!" Said Karl Marx with sub-boss fight as he pushed a button opening a test tube. "The next step in evolution, Steampunk Darwin!"
"Rawwrroo!" Said Steampunk Darwin as he stumbled out of his test tube. Steampunk Darwin was a mindless giant mutant beast outfitted with clockwork parts, powered by Karl Marx's stolen lasagna and gas.
"It shames me to dispose of what was once a great scientist mind and a culinary masterpiece, but I must do what must be done for the greater lasagna good!" Said Garfield as he fired his Desert Eagles at Steampunk Darwin.
"Haha Garfield you have become weak link and antiquations!" Taunted Karl Marx as the bullets bounced harmlessly off of Steampunk Darwin's hide.
"Smirk all you want. I will not rest until you have been served a knuckle sandwich with flaming hot justice sauce." Said Garfield undeterred as he charged his inner chi like a bubbling volcano and like a nuclear bomb explosion he sprung at Steampunk Darwin with his fist powered with supernovas. Like Stinger missiles Garfield's mighty fist easily cracked through Steampunk Darwin's chest.
"Nothing is more fit to survive than my man muscles!" Said Garfield with a victory roar as he ripped out Steampunk Darwin's heart and crushed it so hard it was literally atomized from existence.
"Now, Karl Marx, say your prayers. The curtain is falling and so will you." Garfield said as he loaded more bullets into his Desert Eagles, getting ready to end his battle with communism, only to see that Karl Marx had made cowards escape in hot air balloon while Garfield was fighting Steampunk Darwin.
"Haha Garfield where is your American spirit now in the face of communism's true might?" Said Karl Marx as he leapt out from his hot air balloon and pressed a button, which activated a radio beam that transformed Big Ben into a giant mech.
"Where it has always been." Said Garfield with stone cold delivery. "In the hearts and minds of the free people, burning forever as lights of hope in the dark shadow of communist evil."
"Then it's time to blow you out like a candle in the wind!" Sneered Karl Marx from behind the control panel of Big Ben as the clock struck the hour and a big death-ray cuckoo popped out and blasted annihilator beam down at the factory.
"Aieeee save us Garfield!" Shouted Evie Frye and all the orphans.
"Don't worry, children! I won't let you down! For I'm not just a super man… I'm an ultra man!" Said Garfield with heroism as he leapt into the way of the annihilator beam and barechestedly resisted it with nothing but his determination.
"How long can you hold out before the annihilator overcomes you all?" Karl Marx laughed as he upped the power flow to 11.
"Aaaaagh." Said Garfield as he absorbed the full force of the death beam but he remained vigilant to protect the orphans in the name of American heroism.
All hope seemed to be running low as Garfield stood all alone in the face of death until he heard the sound of bugles. Then suddenly the air was filled with the sound of bugles. It was the US Cavalry, led by American hero presidents Abraham Lincoln and Ulysses S. Grant!
"Our forebear George Washington created this elite squad in case Garfield needed America's aid once more!" Said Abraham Lincoln with explanations as he led American Pegasus squad in divebomb attack on Big Ben.
"Here Garfield take the secret weapon of America!" Said Ulysses S. Grant as he threw Garfield a special trigger with a big red white and blue button before the US Cavalry flew away to continue administering world policing.
At Garfield's push the button activated the White House and it flew up from its foundations and sped across the sea and transformed into Garfield's own personal mech, powered by rock and roll guitar.
"Looks like it's time for a giant-robo beatdown." Said Garfield with juicy anticipation as he began to shred away at the guitar playing DIO and Iron Maiden.
The White House and Big Ben battled for hours across the skies of London exchanging missiles and lasers until the battle went into space.
"Time's up, Karl Marx. Your judgment is at hand." Said Garfield with attacks as he pummelled Big Ben into a meteor field.
"This won't be the end! COMMUNISM WILL RULE THE WORLD!" Said Karl Marx with delusions even as Garfield ripped off Big Bens arms and punched in the clocks face.
"You may not be the dictator man but at least you'll be a rocket man." Quipped Garfield as he fired the White House mechs missile hands, and blew up Big Ben.
"Noooooooo" Screamed Karl Marx with defeat as Garfield ejected from the White House mech and began to pummel Karl Marx as they free-fell through the atmosphere like shooting stars of doom
"Now, Karl Marx… Welcome to oblivion." Said Garfield with finishing punch as he spiked Karl Marx's crisp black skeleton into the ocean.
"Yaaaaaay Garfield! Our savior!" Cheered all the orphans as Garfield returned to Earth without a parachute like a true man.
"Remember, that it was an American who saved you and not a British king." Said Garfield with wise advice as he signed autographs for the orphans.
"Now that we have freed London, what now?" Asked Evie Frye as she came up with her useless brother slung on her shoulder.
"Tomorrow, we find Jack the Ripper." Said Garfield as he brushed himself of astro dust. "But first…"
"What is it, you wise master?" Said Evie Frye with big doe eyes.
"How about a ride on my night train, babe?" Said Garfield with a wink as he and Evie Frye walked off into the sunset.
To be continued...