Garfield's Creed IV Gaslight Chronicles pt 3: Somebody Got Murdered
It was evening filled with the scent of love as Garfield and Evie Frye dinned in his private dining room in the Assassin train hideout.
"Garfield I do not know yet if I am ready for this great duty." Said Evie Frye with much concerns.
"My sweet ladyfinger, speak your mind of bedtime woes." Beckoned Garfield with welcoming tone.
"I have spent so much of life needing to be perfect that I am not sure if I can pleasure true legend like yourself." Admitted Evie Frye with much insecurity.
Hearing this Garfield only chuckled. "Evie Frye you silly rabbit perfection is in the eye of the beholder. How can you be sure how good you are at loving if you never try?" Said Garfield with wise advice as he poured himself a glass of lasagna wine.
"Yes Garfield you are right!" Evie Frye smiled with lovings in her eyes as she got ready to unbutton her shirt.
"My lovestick will be the eraser to all your insecurities." Purred Garfield with seduction as he came alive with a manly bulge.
But before Garfield and Evie Frye could begin action of romantics Jacob Frye kicked down the door. Jacob Frye was very drunk and angry and he had a battle of rum in hand. With flailing baby cry he thew the bottle at Garfield.
"What is the meaning of this impudence?" Said Garfield with repugnance as he skillfully flicked back the bottle into Jacob Fryes crotch.
"I am angry that everyone does nothing but bullies me! Especially on today when it is my birthday!" Whined Jacob Frye like crybaby as he gripped his tater tots in pain.
"That is because you are nothing but stupid brash hothead." Retorted Evie Frye with a very clever putdown.
"But you are nothing but frigid perfectionist ice queen!" Replied Jacob Frye as he rolled around crying on the floor while slamming his fists ove and over on it.
"Stop this tomfoolery right now!" Said Garfield as he stamped down his foot with the force of subsonic earthquakes before unleashing upon them hailfire of valuable life lessons. "You are family you should be treating each other better than this!"
"But why Garfield my brother has been nagging thorn in my buttocks for my entire life!" Evie Frye told Garfield with much truth.
"Because friends and foes may come and go, but family is forever. As sure as the lasagna is to be baked tomorrow." Said Garfield with abstract but meaningful philosophy.
"Wow Garfield you may be right but I do not know if how we are to get along for we are polar opposites." Said Evie Frye with magnetic physics.
"Then perhaps it is time you two tried to get more intimate with each other?" Said Garfield with a wink.
"Normally this would be disgusting but since they are twins it is okay." Garfield said reading aloud from the Philosophy in the Bedroom the extended Lucasfilm edition.
Garfield then directed Jacob and Evie Frye to a king-sized bed where they hopped onto it like bunny rabbits in the blooming fields of spring and began to undress like butterflies emerging from cocoons.
"Young punks, it's time to show me some Victorian opera." Said Garfield as he took out his video camera and put on a romantic rock ballad by Queen.
At Garfield's finger snap Jacob and Evie Frye first began cuddling and wrapping around each other like an anaconda squeezing an alligator.
"Happy birthday Jacob Frye this is your surprise gift." Said Evie Frye as she got onto her knees and with all her mouth sucking gave Jacob Frye his present of astonishing delights.
"You suck like a true pro now let me show you what I am made of sister." Said Jacob Frye as he tackled his sister down onto her back like star quarterback and began to rub her watermelons like coffee being stirred.
"Hee hee you talk like man but you are still small fry." Taunted Evie Frye with sensualness as she ran her tongue across Jacob Frye from top to bottom like a cone of soft serve ice cream being eaten.
"Haha stop that tickles I must cane you now!" Jacob Frye laughed as he spanked his sister with great vigority as they rolled around under the sheets.
"This is much better time than going to the movies." Said Garfield with a laugh as he drank scotch and lasagna on the rocks and watched as Evie Frye proceeded to grasp Jacob Fryes blood sausage with her toes and soles and rubbed it like pizza man kneads the dough.
"Oh Jacob Frye put your cane away and show me your hidden blade!" Begged Evie Frye with unlimited delights as Jacob Frye lied down on her and weighed her down like the world on Atlas shoulders.
At Evie Fryes Command Jacob Frye revved up his Choo-Choo train and entered her trainstop and began to move car-by-car of his engine into her busy port.
"Garfield you were right! Until this day we have been nothing but bickerers but now we finally see that we are all that we got in this cold cruel world! Tonight we make light that will never go out!" Both Jacob and Evie Frye panted to Garfield with gratitude as they both began to energetically switch between like and opposite ends of magnetic pleasure to sway back and forth like a playground swing.
"Less talking more loving." Ordered Garfield with pleasure and at his command both Jacob and Evie Frye put tongues in mouth and began to explore like Mars Rovers.
"Isn't it a joy to reunite a happy family?" Asked Garfield with pride as he left the camera running as he left the room as the Frye twins began to go for the moonlight mile of love to refill on scotch.
Later Garfield, Henry Green, and the Frye twins were at the conference table to begin planning. Jacob and Evie Frye were both in bathrobes wearing nothing underneath and giggling as they played footsies.
"Wow what an amazing day this is." Said Henry Green with astonishment. "Garfield has not only freed London from evil to spread the grandeur of lasagna to all but he has also made Jacob and Evie Frye true team players."
"I am a miracle worker in both the bedroom and the battlefield." Said Garfield with much bravado as he flexed his stunning arm muscles.
"Oh brother I can't wait to be stabbed by your hidden blade again." Said Evie Frye with beggings.
"You will soon sister but it will be a different kind of hidden blade!" Said Jacob Fryes voice coming from a different person in the room.
"What is this?" Said everyone with shock as a time traveller appeared from out of nowhere! The time traveller ripped off his hood to reveal that he was none other Jacob Frye in heavy makeup and long hair wig with fake balloons as breasts wearing Evie Fryes clothes.
Before anyone could do anything the other Jacob Frye lifted his arm which was robotic and fired a superlong hidden spear from it and hit Evie Frye in the throat.
"Ghkfhaapth!" Gurgled Evie Frye as she choked on her blood and ded.
"Nooooo Evie my sweet sister I will avenge you by killing me!" Said Jacob Frye as he leapt at himself with vengeances.
"HAHA I THINK NOT." Said the other Jacob Frye as he caught Jacob Frye by the neck and then ripped off his head before kicking it into the wastebasket.
"Goal!" Said Jacob Frye with soccers as he turned to Henry Green and Garfield.
"Stand back Garfield I will hold back this monstrosity! YOGA FIRE!" Said Henry Green as he leapt at Jacob Frye unleashing flames from his mouth.
"Your paltry flames have no effect on the servants of hellfire!" Said Jacob Frye with evil laugh as he shrugged off the yoga fire before he punched through Henry Green's chest with his fists.
"Now I'm in the mood for some brown sugar!" Declared Jacob Frye with vampirism as he bit into Henry Greens neck and drained him of all his vital fluids before tossing his corpse aside. Now that only they were left Garfield and Jacob Frye faced off.
"How could you do this, Jacob Frye? Kill your own sister! I thought you had become a man but you are nothing more than a hyena." Garfield said sadly as he took out his Desert Eagles, getting ready for executions.
"You thought you could undo my timeline by making friends out of me and my sister! Too late, Garfield, for my alliance with Satan makes me immune to time erasures!" Jacob Frye explained with wormholes and paradoxes. "Now, my enemy, call me none other than Jack the Ripper!"
"I should've seen this coming." Garfield said darkly as he fired his Desert Eagles.
"I knew that the only reason no one liked me as much as Evie Frye was because she was girl and I was not! Now I am the only Queen in this family and the world is mine to destroy!" Jack the Ripper laughed with psychological issues as he ripped out Henry Greens spine and proceeded to use it to carve out his M&Ms into endless abyss of faux womanhood.
"For preventing me from plucking the apple from the Garden of Evie… I shall put you down!" Roared Garfield with vengeance emanating from every fiber of his being as he leapt after Jack the Ripper in pursuit as Jack the Ripper leapt out of window in hooting laugh.
"Hoohoohoo eat my dust Garfield!" Bragged Jack the Ripper as he hijacked a carriage and sped down the street.
"Time to grill me some roadkill." Said Garfield as he hopped onto his custom modified rocket-powered carriage and raced after Jack the Ripper while playing an Ozzy album for adrenaline pumping.
"Give up Garfield you will never catch me!" Jack the Ripper laughed like madman as he ran over scores of innocents like bowling pins in chase.
"I have let this silliness go on for too long. This calls for the ultimate attack." Said Garfield as he pulled out his Lasagna-brand BFG One Million which fires mini black holes powered by blue shells and blasted the finishing shot of justice.
"Aaaaagh!" Screamed Jack the Ripper as the black hole began to swallow up all of London, destroying his momentum and speed.
"Now to end this! Jack the Ripper, I brought along my chainsaw bullets just for you." Garfield said as he loaded his special ammunition into his Desert Eagle and fired.
"Noooooo!" Jack the Ripper screamed as Garfield's bullets destroyed his carriage, reducing it to little pine shreds.
Garfield and Jack the Ripper then landed in Buckingham Palace which still stood in the middle of the swirling vortex that was swallowing everything.
"Aaagh get away from me someone gimme shelter!" Cried Jack the Ripper as he tried to run away but the Palace Guard blocked his escape with seriousness.
"There is no shelter for the Garfield-category storm." Quipped Garfield as he advanced on Jack the Ripper.
"I will still best you, for I was Jacob Frye the king of thE art of fighting!" Swore Jack the Ripper with martial arts as he unleashed his attack. "Garfield, taste my KOUKEN! And my KOHO!" Jack the Ripper shouted as he threw out a fireball and then charged at Garfield with poser dragon punch .
"You are no street fighter, you are just hopeless wannabe to the end." Sighed Garfield with disappointment at Jack the Ripper's knock-off moves and counteracted the kouken with a hadouken before countering with his ultimate move of...
"SHORYUKEN!" Said Garfield as he unleashed his mighty dragon punch, setting Jack the Ripper ablaze before dunking him into the fountain for max humiliations.
"No how could this happen I was to be king of all existence!" Cried Jack the Ripper with horror.
"Because you were nothing more than gutter trash." Said Garfield with put-down as he sniffed a delicate palace red rose, before tossing it at Jack the Ripper. The thorn hit Jack the Ripper in the eye, blowing him up as it did.
"GARFIELD!" Cried Jack the Ripper's spirit as he started to run to hell. "In the circles of the damned I shall complete my evil transformation and I'll be back for you!"
"Like hell you will." Garfield said as he ripped out his proton pack that he had hid the whole time for surprises and as he smoked a lasagna cigar he pulled Jack the Ripper towards his ghost trap.
"NOOOOOO" Jack the Ripper screamed but it was too late and Garfield succeeded in undoing his and Shaun Hastings evil plan.
"You're busted, ghost." Garfield said as Jack the Ripper was sucked into the trap before kicking it into the black hole to be obliterated into eternities. As the palace guards cheered on his victory with seriousness London returned to normal from out of the black hole.
Garfield was about to head back to modern day to finish the fight with Shaun Hastings when he heard a concerned female voice. It was Florence Nightingale!
"Garfield Shaun Hastings will no longer be unstoppable but he will still be very dangerous are you sure you will be rushing in there?" Asked Florence Nightingale with female worries.
"Well now that you mention it I guess I need a check-up down here." Said Garfield with a wink.
"You have saved all of Britain! You must be needing a great reward!" Added Queen Victoria as she walked up very dignifiedly.
"Come to think of it I got a big sword in my pants you can knight me with." Said Garfield with clever allegory.
"Would you like Fryes with that?" Said a familiar voice and Garfield's heart filled with fiery hopes of passion as he turned his head around to see that it was Evie Frye resurrected and turned into a cyborg by Alexander Graham Bell!
"Better make them Chili Cheese Lasagna Fryes. Hot and dirty, just the way I like it." Garfield said as he took Evie Frye by the hands and kissed her while everyone else applauded them with tears of joy coming from their eyes.
"Garfield my pleasuring hardware is all up to date for your maximum enjoyment." Announced Evie Frye with patches as she moved smooth hands over Garfield with pleasuring touches in his lower extremities.
"Hitsville UK, here I come." Garfield said as he walked off towards the Buckingham Palace bedrooms with Evie Frye, Queen Victoria, and Florence Nightingale in his arms while somewhere in the other part of the city Jacob Fryes corpse was eaten by hungry orphans.
As they plopped down onto Queen Victorias empire sized bed, the three women quickly removed their clothes for they knew that satisfying their sweet prince was of the urgent essence while Garfield put on some arousing Rolling Stones records in the record player while throwing away Prince Alberts sissy music which was The Beatles.
"Oh Garfield we never knew what freedom and royalty were before we met you!" Said all three women with astonishment as they took turns wiping Garfields royal scepter clean to make this evening encounter fit for a king.
"Sweet cakes, it's time to be frosted." Garfield winked as he took his time spreading his special icing all over their nimble bodies.
"Let me inject love into your life." Said Garfield as he first kissed Florence Nightingale while shooting her full of the passions of a million flaming mongooses as Evie Frye and Queen Victoria licked her cheeks like cats cleaning themselves.
"King me and I shall make you Queen of Lasagna and eat you like you've never been eaten before." Garfield whispered seductively into Queen Victorias ear as he put his head in between her legs and lapped her like Jesse Owens winning Olympics while Evie Frye and Florence Nightingale tickled them with brushes of pleasure like master chefs forming lasagna noodles.
"You wild horse I will make you my sexy beast of burden." Garfield said to Evie Frye as he spanked her to the chorus of her agonized delights and as he turned all three of them over Garfield made many hours of sweet sexual romantic relations that lasted all the night into the morning.
To be concluded…