It Starts, It Ends

Chapter 2

Here's the second chapter. I'm not as angry now, but I'm still gonna write depressing stuff.

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~I can't believe I said it.

I want to take it back.

It makes me feel terrible:

My verbal attack.~

To this day, I wish I had never told Nii-san to die. Yes, I was mad, and I missed Father so much. I did blame Nii-san a little because Father died while trying to protect him and Nii-san had said something hurtful. Honestly, though, he didn't know what would happen if he said it. Additionally, he was already hurting. Even if you forget about his life until that day, finding out Satan is your father is obviously a huge shock. It makes it even worse that he found out that we had all known and he was the only one left in the dark. I don't think that excuses saying something hurtful, but no one can help saying things they don't mean after having their entire life completely change in a matter of moments.

~My very own brother,

I told him to die.

I gave him all the blame.

Acted like he didn't cry.~

The reason I became an exorcist in the first place was to protect Nii-san. I love him so much. Now that Father is dead, he's my only family. After working so hard to protect him, how could I have been the one to hurt him? He acted like he was fine afterward, but I heard him crying when he thought I wasn't around. He sounded so broken… And it was all my fault.

~I was mourning.

I regret what I said.

If I was thinking clearly,

I'd never wish my brother dead.~

Now that everyone knows Nii-san is a demon, I hear him crying more and more. I don't think he knows I can hear him, and I never let him know. I wish I could comfort him, but he always acts like he always has every time I try. Besides, I don't think he'd listen to comfort from someone who hurt him so much.

~ Now I'm full of regret.

I drove him to feel this way.

I made my brother wish

That he would fade away.~

I hoped that his new friends would make him stop crying. I hoped that they would be able to protect him even if I can't. Clearly, though, they can't help him either. I understand their fear if Satan, but I wish they noticed how these things affected him as well. He has to deal with the isolation of childhood, having Satan as a father, what I said to him, and now, he has to deal with being abandoned by his friends.

I'm outside our dorm room right now. He's crying again. This, however, isn't why I just felt as if my heart stopped. The reason my heart is now beating faster and faster… is what I just heard him say:

"I wish I could die…"

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So? What'd you all think? I'm honestly basing this off of the things I thought while watching Blue Exorcist, just like I did with I Hide it, They Don't see it. Hopefully, these first two chapters don't just sound like me repeating my previous fic. Next chapter, we will move out of the twin's thoughts, though.