Garfield's Creed IV Gaslight Chronicles pt 4 Straight to Hell
Necro EX Shaun Hastings had rooted him into the Earths foundation and was spreading global pandemic of evil as he turned entire world into living hell. He was casting down stars from the sky, making pregnancies in little girls, wiping out entire ethnicities and worst of all making people listen to Phil Collins.
"No one gave me time of day when I was alive but now that I am undead demon king they will be bowing for their lives." Laughed Necro EX Shaun Hastings as he melted entire countries into charnel houses while playing the satanic melodies that was Sussudio on his iPod.
Necro EX Shaun Hastings then slithered to the White House to destroy the morale of the world by killing Obama the President.
"Come out and lick my tentacle tumor feet clean and I will spare your pathetic balding lives." Proclaimed Necro EX Shaun Hastings as he ripped off the roof othe White House with the cancer lump hand protruding from his mouth.
"No! As leader of the American people and the freest and greatest country of the world I shall not disgrace my nation by bowing before terrorists!" Said Obama the President as he crossed his arms with defiance while the foul acid breath of Necro EX Shaun Hastings melted away the White House.
"Then I will crush you like bug as I will crush America!" Said Necro EX Shaun Hastings as he lifted his giant fist but before he could bring it down he felt sudden sapping of power!
"Noooooo what is happening?" Necro EX Shaun Hastings asked as all his muscles popped like pimples and he shrunk back into normal Shaun Hastings.
"Looks like your plans have gone awry!" Everyone looked up as they saw Garfield descending from a time portal in the sky with freefall. AS he landed he created a shockwave that annihilated rampaging demons for galaxies around. "Just like your face soon will be." Garfield added as he cracked his knuckles readying to peel a limey for cocktails of beatdown.
"Superpowered by my ancestor or not you will know that I have become master street fighter and you shall now perish by my fistings!" Shaun Hastings yelled as he ripped off his shirt to reveal flabby chest without a single hair as he threw hadoukens taught to him by Dan at Garfield.
"Looks like failures run in the family." Garfield said with little interest as the power wave bounced harmlessly off of his radiant shining biceps.
"That's not all I have in my bag of tricks! Feel the wrath of my TATSUMAKI!" Shaun Hastings yelled as he charged at Garfield with harmless and wannabe hurricane kick. As it hit Garfields titanium chest al the bones in Shaun Hastings entire legs exploded.
"Now let me show you what a real King of Fighting is made of! Taste my fatal fury!" Garfield yelled as he charged up his inner chi and unleashed upon the crying Shaun Hastings his powerful fire blast of "POWER GEYSER!"
"Aieeee mommy save me!" Cried Shaun Hastings as Garfield kicked him into the air with a RISING TACKLE before hitting Shaun Hastings in the face with a BURN KNUCKLE as he fell back to Earth with x-ray demolition bonesnapping.
"Oooogh you may be stronger than me but I have the power of black magics on my side!" Shaun Hastings cried as he spat out blood and teeth and waved around a magic wand.
"Heaven or hell, there is nothing that will protect you from me." Garfield said unimpressed as Shaun Hastings used his black magic to drag down the entire world into hell and he began to consume demons and evil energy and soon Shaun Hastings had eaten all of hell itself and he began to morph into a screenfilling triple zeppelin sized devil.
"Chew on this Garfield!" Screamed Shaun Hastings as he threw explosive meteors at Garfield.
"Ooof!" Garfield grunted as the explosions made dust that blinded him.
"You will never stop me you lasagna shagging ruffian! What can you do against the living embodiment of all evil itself! You are all alone in the face of my supremacy!" Shaun Hastings taunted Garfield as he scooped him up and proceeded to crush him like Heinz packet.
"Then it's time for a little help from my friends!" Said Garfield as he used his colossal strength to pry apart Shaun Hastings hand and did a backflip kick in his face. As Garfield fell towards rocks floating on lava he took out his special wrist-watch communicator and buzzed it sending message to every active and reserve member of Garfields global police organization PAWS.
"Oh no what is this?" Asked Shaun Hastings with dismay as portals of heroic manly light began to pull in Garfield's disciples from across all of existence.
"PET FORCE ASSEMBLE!" Yelled Garfield with a heartpumping inspirationing battle cry as every single companion that had ever joined Garfield on his past adventures gathered behind him.
"You think all of you little maggots can take on the power of the devil?" Shaun Hastings screamed as them as he fired lighting from his fingertips at them.
As Garfield casted an energy shield to protect them from the lighting he gave all his followers one decisive command of action which also had very important life lesson for all children watching. "All of you brave manly men, we have but one mission. Show this dollar-store knockoff conqueror the true power of our macho friendship and teamwork."
"Garfield we know that as women it is inproper for us to be fighting for any reason but your titillation but we shall lend you our support as cheerleaders!" Shouted Evie Frye, Elise, Claudia Auditore, Shao Jun, Mary Read and Anne Boney, and all the other women of Garfield's harem as they cheered the men on and stayed in their proper places as ladies.
"COME AT ME THEN! I AM INVINCIBLE I WILL NEVER FALL BEFORE YOU GNATS!" Said Shaun Hastings with stupid headed challenge as he held out his arms wide open for attack.
"I was the original Assassin and it is only fitting that I deliver the first blow of your asskicking!" Said Altair with commencement as he did a daring air assassination onto Shaun Hastings and began to stab and ride him like a colossus.
"Killing Shaun Hastings is fun for the whole family!" Said Captain Edward Kenway as he piloted a HIND helicopter and fired rockets into Shaun Hastings nether region while Haytham and Connor Kenway rained machine gun wrath into Shaun Hastings eyeballs.
"Ouchie wowies! No you cannot do this to me I have a sexy accent I am sacred!" Shaun Hastings cried as the force of the attacks started pushing him back right as nuclear-bomb equipped flying machines powered by electricity kites began crashing into him.
"Your magic barbarities could never defeat science!" Proclaimed Leonardo da Vinci Alexander Graham Bell and Benjamin Franklin as they did a science-bro triple high-five.
"Haha nothing like an invigorating afternoon killing to get my blood flowing!" Bragged Nathan Drake the Ultimate Assassin of Modern Days as he did hit and run blindfire attacks on Shaun Hastings confusing him and making him too dizzy to fight.
"This is opening we need! Presidents of the United States, form the Executive Eradicator!" Garfield commanded as Shaun Hastings flailed his arms around like a virgin sissy wildly.
At Garfield's Command the US Presidents George Washington, Obama the President, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, and the two Roosevelts hopped into giant mechs and then combined to form an even gianter red white and blue mech.
"Egads what is this?" Shaun Hastings shrieked as he saw the Executive Eradicator bearing down pupon him.
"Four eyes meet giant robot!" Cried George Washington as he led the other Presidents in unleashing asskicking monsoon of lasers and laser swords upon Shaun Hastings.
"We almost have him on the ropes. All we need is one final push." Said Garfield with hopes flowing through him. Right on cue he heard a familiar noise.
"AMAKOOOOOOOOO"
It was Jon Arbuckle swooping through the skies on a bald eagle while the National Anthem played, firing his golden peacemaker revolvers at Shaun Hastings.
"Oh no I really do come up short down here!" Screamed Shaun Hastings as he realized that his devil armor had almost been totally destroyed.
"It is all up to you now Garfield!" Said Jon Arbuckle as he did a badass freefall landing right next to Garfield. "FINISH THIS NANCY POOFTER!"
Garfield then hopped onto Pooky his personal flying firebreathing pet grizzly bear and sped towards Shaun Hastings with the finishing attack.
"It's closing time. But I got one last order of demise just for you." Garfield said as he reached maximum speed and with Pooky's roaring loyalty by his side Garfield and his steed burst through Shaun Hastings like jelly popping out of a doughnut.
As the dust cleared, Shaun Hastings was just regular old loser again. Seeing Garfield and friends towering over him, Shaun Hastings started scrambling to Garfield boots to begin kissing them.
"Garfield I now know the error of my ways please forget my crimes and let me live!" Shaun Hastings begged before Garfield kicked him off.
"Little rat your life is so pathetic that it would be disservice for me to end it." Said Garfield as he spat on Shaun Hastings. "So taste the only juice of justice fitting for your kind."
Garfield then locked Shaun Hastings in a cage with the famous pornographic writing deviant Charles Dickens.
"Why hello there do you know why they call me Charles Dickens?" Asked Charles Dickens with a gleam in his eyes as he looked at Shuan Hastings while applying lube to his fists.
"NOOOOOOOOOO" Squealed Shaun Hastings like a pig as Charles Dicken began some old fashioned Victorian buggering.
Garfield and his company then departed hell back to Earth which was still damaged from Shaun Hastings corruption leaving Shaun Hastings in hell forever to face his fate.
"Well there were some rough turns along the way but in the end everything worked out just a-ok." Said Garfield with satisfaction as he walked out to face a cheering and applauding crowd of the entire worlds population.
"What will you do now Garfield now that you have saved the world again?" Asked a TV news reporter as he put microphone to Garfield's mouth.
"I think this is a good time to celebrate with a new single from our band!" Suggested Jon Arbuckle as he whispered into Garfield's ear as he and the rest of Garfields bandmates got ready.
"That is good idea Jon Arbuckle. Let's repair the worlds wounds with the healing power of rock and roll." Said Garfield with agreement with a snap of his fingers and Garfield grabbed the microphone.
"Hello people of the world. To celebrate the defeat of evil by my awesome hands once again my band and I will play the first track from our upcoming album The Number of the Lasagna which I call 'My Lasagna Heart'. Ladies, don't be surprised if you find yourselves pregnant after listening." Garfield announced to the sound of great applause and anticipation.
As mist rolled across the stage and laser lights swayed back and forth while fireworks dotted the sky, Captain Edward Kenway began the festitivites as he played a smooth ditty on his synthesizer and was joined by Haytham Kenway on sax, Connor Kenway on bass Altair on drums and Evie Frye as his cheering head groupie in heat before they lead right into Jon Arbuckles mighty shredding guitar intro.
As the heavy metal rock party reached its peak, Garfield began to sing with the Presidents of the USA on backing vocals, his voice the angelic harmony of the greatest man there ever was. As he sung, every syllable of Garfield's awe-inspiring voice resurrected the destroyed Earth acre by acre.
"We came together like libido car wreck
Starving man saved by your zest
When I met you I knew it was the end
Another day without you I couldn't withstand
Because you took my lasagna heart
And without you I'm just falling apart
I want you kneeling and tasting my love
While I paddle you with my steel glove
Because you took my lasagna heart
And without you I'm just falling apart
Come back to the my palace of desire
Under silk sheets we'll go higher and higher
By your nudity I am forever led astray
Aroused by your hair with every windy sway
Because you took my lasagna heart
And without you I'm just falling apart
Like boiling water in the cooking pots
I can only dream and lust for your hots
Because you took my lasagna heart
And without you I'm just falling apart
I promise to love you with all I got
Cause I know pleasure's what you wannt
So please reunite me with my lasagna heart
And I will pop your virginity with my love dart"
As Jon Arbuckle accompanied Garfield's final note with a hardhitting metal chord, the audience with wild with personal sauces spilling and applause. Dictators and murderers and other evil people are instantly blew up when faced with Garfield's musical judgment while babies who had died in childbirth were resurrected for a second chance at life.
"Oh Garfield how can we ever repay you for this!" Said all the grateful mothers with gratitude.
"Just remind your kids everyday to study hard in school, don't do drugs, and eat lots of lasagna and they will find themselves with many PHDS." Said Garfield with life lessons as Jon Arbuckle broke his guitar down on the stage for celebrations, unleashing vortex of world peace energy into the world that would ensure the end of all war and hatred for a millennia. Garfield then did half-time tricks while riding on Pooky bear to more applause before the band then segued into a greatest hits charity concert that lasted for three days.
As the rock party winded down Garfield put in a lasagna cigarette to smoke as he walked off stage for private backstage party with his harem. Waiting outside his VIP rooms door was Evie Frye, walking a sultry walk.
"Today was an amazing day Garfield." Said Evie Frye with lustful desire. "You have shown me just not how to be Assassin but how to be proper loving lady."
"Ready to go for the finishing exam?" Said Garfield as he placed his gentle giants hand on Evie Fryes precious bottom while unbuckling his pants with the other.
"Oooooh Garfield treat me nice." Evie Frye moaned with swooning delight as Garfield ripped off her shirt with surprises.
"Party girl, this'll be a night you'll never forget." Said Garfield with promises of seduction as he held the door opened for her and locked it as he closed it, and all through the night the world could hear the sounds of Garfield dunking his hidden claymore into his babes haystacks of ecstasy and with reassurances they knew that this meant Garfield would always be there to protect them from evil.
The End…?
Authors note: I hope reading this got you as excited for playing Assasins Creed Syndicate as I am! Remember no matter what happens all that matters is that you have fun!