Just a warning, there is mention and reference to self harm in this chapter so please don't read if it may affect you. I've done this because it's something that I've witnessed recently and it's a way for me to get everything out… Thanks, please review xx

Chapter 5 – Out Of My Head (Part 1)

It had been two weeks since Grace had been kicked out of school and for the first few days Connie had taken time out of work to spend it with her daughter. She thought that maybe having a better relationship with her would make this easier… But as always there were problems.

Connie decided in the second week to go back to work and take Grace with her some days when she couldn't arrange child care. "Grace are you ready because I'm going to be late sweetheart?" Connie called up the stairs to her daughter who came out of the bedroom with a fowl look on her face. "Why do I have to go?" Connie sighed and looked at her daughter "Because you had to fight at school, so be quiet and get in the car."

Arriving at work Connie was relieved when Grace ran over to Zoe. She felt bad, but knowing that there were other people who would watch out for Grace made her feel happier. Connie knew that right know she was in no fit state to care for her child, but there was no choice. "I'll take Grace to the staffroom, give you some time to get started?" Connie nodded and gave a small grin while thanking Zoe.

Half way through the day Grace was sitting in Connie's office while she was trying to complete paperwork. "Can we go now… Can we go now… Can we go now…" On and on, that's all it was. Connie was close to breaking point. "Grace! Please just shut up and let me finish this." Grace looked at her Mum and stood up. "I hate you-" "And right now I don't love you much either. You get kicked out of school and cause no end of hassle for me. The least you could do is be quiet and let me do my job." The young girl stormed out of the office as Cal opened the door after hearing the shouting.

Connie had her head in her hands. "Are you okay? Stay here, I'll check on Grace." Connie felt the tears being to fall as Cal shut the door. She couldn't do this anymore… It was beyond a joke.

"Hey! What's happened?" Cal sat down next to Grace who had her arms folded against her chest huffing… The spitting image of her mother, it really was scary. "She's stupid and horrible and I wish she wasn't my mother." Cal realised that this was going to be a lot harder than he first thought. "Your mum's going through a lot right now, give her a break?"

Grace rolled her eyes, another trait from her mum. "She's always got lots going on… Always more important than me. Maybe if she cared it would be okay-" "Your mum cares so much about you, okay and don't ever think otherwise." Connie came walking out to see the pair sitting on the bench. "Grace, we're going home. You need to get ready for your Grandmother."

Grace stood up. "After making me sit here all day you're still making me go to her's?" Connie sighed "Grace, you'll be late otherwise-" "I HATE YOU! You don't even care about me, just try and get rid of me with different people all the time… I wish you were dead!" Grace ran past her mum pushing her out the way. Connie stood stunned staring into the distance as Cal came towards her. "Hey-" "Don't…" She pushed him away from her and walked back inside to her office.

Minutes later Zoe knocked on the office door and walked in. "Connie… I'm going to take Grace back with me tonight. She can stay over, give you both some time to calm down. If you need anything, call me?" Connie smiled at Zoe, "Thank you, really. You've been a better mother to her than I have been."

Once Grace had left Connie left the office to find Cal. He was standing at the nurses' station with Ethan when she saw him. "Dr Knight, could I have a word please?" They moved towards the wall where no-one could hear them. "I just wanted to apologise for earlier. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that, you were just trying to help. Thank you for everything you've done recently, I really appreciate you trying." Before he could answer she was gone. That was weird, really weird but he let it slip and returned to work.

It was 3 hours later when things became strange for the ED. "Rita, have you seen Mrs Beauchamp?" The young nurse shook her head, "Why? Charlie?" He came out of his daydream and smiled. "Nothing, it's just her car isn't here anymore and I thought she was supposed to be on the nightshift tonight… It's probably nothing."

Lofty too was asking questions. "Has anyone seen Mrs Beauchamp lately?" Robyn, Lily, Ethan, Honey and Rita were gathered at the nurses' station. "No why?" Lofty shrugged "It's just… She seemed, I don't know, really off earlier. She was apologising to me about being so angry and shout-y all the time towards me." At the moment Dylan wandered over. "Was that about Connie? She apologised, well tried, to me too… About doubting my professionalism. What's strange about that, she's finally coming to her senses."

All the while Cal had been listening to everyone talk about Connie. It didn't all add up, there was something strange going on and it worried him. He tried to phone her but it just rang and rang before going to voice mail. "Come on, come on Connie… Pick up. Damn." She's probably fine, at home sleeping it off… No he knew her and this wasn't right.

At home everything was dawning on Connie. She couldn't cope with anything right now, she didn't want to. She just wanted everything to disappear, to be peaceful, no worries, no cares. She felt so numb, like she couldn't feel anything anymore. Even her daughters comments hadn't hurt her, she just felt nothing.

As she finished the bottle in her hand she stood up but dropped it to the floor. "For god sake…" She shouted before beginning to cry again. After a while she bent down and began picking up the glass from the floor when she felt something sharp slice her finger. She pulled her hand away quickly as the pain seared through her hand. But it was something, she felt something. Looking past her hand and at the glass on the floor, what happened next didn't really seem like reality. All she knew was that she felt something, and boy was it painful.

Out Of My Head by John Newman