Chapter 7 – Let It Go

Cal,

Where do I even start? I'm sorry for dragging you into all of this, making you feel awful and making you be the one to deal with the aftermath. I know it's going to be you finding this, me… You're the most amazing person and brilliant doctor. I wish I was only deserving of everything you've done.

I can't do any of this anymore. I'm a terrible mother to a daughter who hates me, I've had the most ruined relationships known to man, a marriage built on lies and career driven life which stopped me from having any real attachments.

Please make sure that Grace is okay for me. She is going to be better off with someone else caring for her, she'll be able to do so much more without me dragging her backwards. Please, please make sure she knows that none of this was her fault…

I'm sorry for everything I've done, especially to you. I used you to make myself feel better, and it only ended with us both feeling worse. I knew that you wouldn't be able to carry on with everything the same way I could, not feeling so it seems only right I stop it. Stop everything. I just felt so numb, felt nothing. I can't live like this anymore. I'm sorry, and believe me when I say I'm grateful for everything that you've done for me…

I'm sorry,

Connie x

Cal couldn't even read the first line of the letter. As soon as he did he found himself short of breath and blurry eyed. He took a deep breath and read through the whole thing. He shook his head as tears began to fall from his eyes. He crumpled the letter back up and shoved it into his pocket. He hadn't noticed Zoe come into the room.

She moved behind Cal and rested a hand on his shoulder. "It's going to be okay…" Cal sniffed as he held onto Connie's hand once more, vowing to never let go again. "If you don't want to tell me it's fine, but what's been going on?" Cal took a breath before starting. "She's been struggling for months. It started with her drinking, and things slowly got better after I found her one night. I spent some time with her, stopped her being alone so much without Grace. Things got better, then Grace came home permanently and from there… We got here."

Cal was still sitting with Connie when he felt her grip tighten on his hand. He looked up to see her looking down at him with tears in her eyes knowing immediately what had happened. "I'm so sorry…" "Shh, not know." Cal stood up still holding her hand, running the other one through her hair. "I just want you to know, that you're never alone. Ever. Zoe and I, hell everyone here is going to help you. I promise you that this will never happen again." He leant forward placing a kiss on the top of her head as she hugged him.

A few hours later Zoe had checked on Connie and she was dramatically improving. Although it would be some time before things would be okay, they were heading in the right direction. Cal was sitting on the edge of Connie's bed when he went to speak. "Connie, I just need to say something… If you ever need something, no matter how stupid you think it is, no matter what time of day, call me."

"I know you don't want a relationship, hell I know you don't feel the same way about me as I do you but I will be there through all of this. I'll help you, I'll help with Grace, whatever you need because I care about you. I care more about helping you as a friend to get back to normal, even if that means I don't get what I want… If it means ignoring how I feel for you, I'll do it." All Connie could do was smile slightly to show him how much she appreciated everything he was sacrificing for her.

Let It Go by James Bay