Chapter 3

Catching Fading Embers

Their first true point of disagreement came when Sam began having new visions of the Cage and Lucifer.

It did not matter that Sam knew very well what Lucifer was like, even more intimately that Gadreel did. Sam was so sure that those visions were showing him the solution to bringing down the Darkness, and Gadreel could not persuade him otherwise.

"You said it yourself, Lucifer used to have the Mark before he gave it to Cain. He should know a way to help!"

"That does not mean that he will! And if he does, we both know that his assistance will come at a cost. What is it you think he will ask for? This reeks of deception, Sam! How can you not see it?"

"It feels different! I can't explain it, but I just know it is."

"I told you once that I would never leave you by choice. I meant that. I still do. I will never ask you the same in return, but are you so eager to throw your life away?"

"That's not going to happen."

"Sam."

"I won't let it happen!"

Around and around their argument went, with neither of them bending.

Gadreel knew that Sam was scared, and with good reason. But Gadreel also knew that he had chosen his path and was determined to follow it through until he completely exhausted the possibility.

Until then, all Gadreel could do was make his stance clear and stay close.

But that means nothing when Sam runs off without waiting for him.

oOoOo

Gadreel had warned him.

Gadreel had warned him, but he hadn't listened, and now Sam only had himself to blame.

He was in Hell, trapped in close quarters with Lucifer, and backup wasn't coming. The Archangel was trying to get his consent, and when the mind tricks down memory lane did nothing to sway him, Lucifer had moved on to more physical persuasion.

Sam had the wind knocked out of him as his back slammed against the sharp edges of the bars. He dropped to the floor, gasping.

"C'mon Sam! It's just one little word," Lucifer needled, pacing in front of him as Sam tried desperately to find his feet. "It's not like you've been angel-free all this time! What's the big deal?"

The terror running through his veins ratchet up another notch. "I don't know what you're talking about," he rasped.

The steel grip of Lucifer's hand was around his throat and with a yank he was hauled upright. Once more his back was pinned to the bars. Metal scraped against his shoulders and spine as Lucifer lifted until Sam's feet barely touched the floor.

"Don't lie to me," Lucifer hissed. He brushed his nose along Sam's neckline, a mockery of intimacy that made his skin crawl. "The scent is all over your skin Sammy. Really went for broke for this one, didn't you? You reek of angel, inside and out. I thought we had something special, and here you are whoring yourself out to my family. Who was it?"

His thoughts churned within his head, sharp memories of torture colliding with the softer ones of his lover. Sweet, steadfast Gadreel, who had already suffered so much because of Lucifer in the wake of his original rebellion.

Sam bared his teeth in a snarl. "Screw you."

Lucifer was displeased with his defiance and did not hesitate to let it be known.

Then the cavalry came.

"Let go of my brother, asshat!"

Lucifer paused his assault at the interruption. Off to the side, Sam could see the small group gathered beyond the bars.

"Hey Dean, brought some friends I see. Castiel, you're looking remarkably intact for someone I distinctly remember exploding." There was a small pause as a smirk grew on Lucifer's face. "And as I live and breathe! Is that Gadreel?"

Sam's heart stopped.

No.

Lucifer grinned wide and leaned back as if to get a better look. "My old pal, come to visit me after all this time? I'm touched, really, I am."

No, don't say it Gadreel, don't -

"Do not flatter yourself. I am not here for you."

Sam closed his eyes against the tears, and Lucifer chuckled over him. His fingers flexed around Sam's throat, and his other hand pressed sharply into an open wound, forcing him to pay attention. "So you're the one sticking his fingers in my cookie jar. Aw, look Sam! Another angel willing to throw their life away for you. Or did you forget all about poor Gabriel?"

Eyes stinging, Sam spared a glance at Gadreel, watched his lover's expression harden as he summoned his blade to his hand.

Lucifer laughed hysterically. "That's right! Gabriel was sweet on you too, wasn't he? Never saw the appeal myself, to be honest. I always thought you were a bit uptight. It really did make you the perfect scapegoat though, I got so many perks out of it."

Dean, done with the baiting, barked out, "We gonna dance, or you gonna monologue some more?"

Lucifer answered him with a snap of his fingers, summoning them all into the cramped space.

They all got out by the skin of their teeth.

However, Lucifer had made Gadreel his primary target, and when it was all said and done Sam and Dean had to carry him out. All of them were beaten and bleeding, but Gadreel was the only one who kept slipping in and out of consciousness.

And matters only got worse when healed Sam in the backseat of the impala, and weakened himself further. By the time Sam realized what was happening, Gadreel had already slipped back under.

Dean checked them into the nearest motel, and for once rented separate rooms. Grateful to his brother, Sam took Gadreel to their own room to patch him up. Gadreel was finally staying awake and kept insisting that his grace had already begun to heal the damage, but he relented to Sam's request to at least let him clean the wounds.

Gadreel was sitting on the bed with his back to Sam, as he silently let the hunter run a damp cloth and disinfectant over the open skin along his back and sides. He had already cleaned the deeper wounds on his chest and stomach.

Sam's emotions were raw and brewing inside him like a storm, so heavy and oppressive he was strangled with it. There was fury, aimed at Lucifer as well as himself. There was also lingering fear, and a whole mountain of regret, and he was having a hard time processing it all in the wake of the day.

"I'm sorry," Sam whispered. It took him forever to find his voice and it was all I could do to keep it from breaking.

"It is fine, Sam," Gadreel whispered back, but he sounded so distant and that scared Sam too.

"No it's not," Sam refuted. "I nearly got you killed and I can't, I can't-" Sam's voice cracked and broke and he shook his head against all the almosts that nearly happened today.

He bent forward until his forehead came to rest on the back of Gadreel's neck, allowing his hair to fall forward until it hid his face.

In the Cage, Lucifer had shown him, in brutal detail, what he had done to Gabriel, and had made sure Sam knew that he was dead because of him. Right now all he could see was the limp form of Gabriel, sprawled over the ashen remains of his wings.

That could have been Gadreel today.

That could have been Gadreel, and it would have been Sam's fault for not listening to him. If that had happened, Sam would have never forgiven himself. He couldn't lose any more family, he couldn't lose any more people he loved.

He couldn't lose any more people he loved.

Hands trembling, he slid his arms around Gadreel's bare chest and pulled the angel back against him. Sam bracketed him with his knees and used long limbs to wrap himself around him as he shook through his realization.

He loved Gadreel.

He loved him, and he nearly lost him today.

He nearly lost him like he lost Jess, and that would have broken him, and this time he wasn't sure if he would be able to find all the pieces.

Everyone leaves, he once told Gadreel.

"Sam?" Gadreel ran his hands along his arms and his thigh, grounding Sam with touch. "Sam, I will mend. I promise you. I am still here."

Never by choice, Gadreel had promised once. I am not leaving, he heard now.

Sometimes he wished that he was still Gadreel's vessel, that way Gadreel could know his mind, and Sam wouldn't have to find the words that were in his heart just so he could say them out loud. But he wasn't, and Gadreel deserved to know.

Sam lifted his head to hook his chin over Gadreel's shoulder, and turned to press his lips against his neck and jaw. "I love you," he said, breathing the words directly into Gadreel's ear. "I'm so sorry. We're in this together, and I should have listened to you."

Now that the words were out, he couldn't stop them from pouring out of him, like a mantra. A prayer.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Gadreel twisted within the circle of Sam's arms, one hand still braced against Sam's knee while the other anchored itself in Sam's hair and hauled him. Gadreel's lips were warm and soft and when there was a gentle swipe against his own he didn't hesitate to let him in. When they parted, Gadreel tipped their heads together, just resting against one another and sharing the same air.

"And I love you," Gadreel said in return, so close that their lips brushed as he spoke. "And I forgive you. I know you and your brother are men of action, but I beg of you, never go where I cannot follow. Please."

"I promise."

Sam knew he had a lot to make up for, and there were still so many conversations that needed to happen before this was actually fixed. But Sam was more than willing to put in the effort to prevent another day like today.

That whole evening they were so caught up in each other that they wouldn't realize Cas had dropped off the grid until the next day.

oOoOo

Gadreel understood desperate times call for desperate measures, but it did not mean that he had to like it.

Their home was currently filled with those they had previously been in conflict with, and all of them were assembled here for the sole purpose of stopping Amara.

Lucifer, Crowley, Rowena, they were all assembled here and he trusted none of them. Each of them were responsible for multiple points of grief in his life. There were crimes against him, just as there were crimes against Sam, and Dean. Gabriel's murderer was occupying a room just down the hall, free to come and go as he pleased. And just to add insult to injury, he was wearing a key member of their small group as his vessel.

No one in the bunker had taken that news well.

Dean was the most emotional about it, due to personal reasons Gadreel was sure, but both Gadreel and Sam somehow managed to keep their composure for the sake of cooperation. But it was clear that both of them were stressed by Lucifer's proximity. As a result, they kept in each other's line of sight when at all possible, and they painted additional warding on the walls of their room, just so Sam could feel safe enough to go to sleep.

Last night had been particularly difficult for Sam. He couldn't settle enough to rest, and when he finally succumbed to sleep he became plagued with nightmares. In general, Sam didn't like Gadreel using his grace to allow him to fall asleep, but after multiple discussions, he did allow Gadreel to ease the the nightmares if they became particularly insistent.

And tonight they had certainly been insistent. By the time Sam began to perspire and his heartbeat was racing Gadreel had had enough. Stretched out beside him, Gadreel rested a palm on Sam's brow and channeled just enough grace to ensure a calm and undisturbed sleep. He would likely wake after only a few more hours, but it would be the best sleep he's had all week.

Gadreel sighed down at Sam as all the tension fled from his body. He slid his hand further back, to run his fingers through Sam's hair. He smiled a bit to himself as his lover leaned into the touch even in his sleep.

He left their room shortly before Sam woke, intending to have a simple breakfast waiting for him when he rose. It would be a good excuse to keep Sam in bed a bit longer.

He did not expect his Father to be sitting at the kitchen table, a glass of liquor in his hand and a whole bottle resting at his elbow.

Gadreel was struck by the realization that this was the first time in existence he had ever been alone with his Father.

His Father, still in the guise of the prophet named Chuck, barely spared him a glance at him standing awkwardly in the doorway. "Did you come to wrestle an apology outta me as well?"

Gadreel was taken aback.

"No, I did not," he said at length. But now he was curious, and so he had to ask. "Do you feel like I deserve one?"

He absently swirled his drink. "I didn't order your punishment."

Gadreel stared blankly at his Father, who had said the words to the glass his hands and not to Gadreel himself. In fact, he was looking everywhere but Gadreel, and his eyes had avoided meeting Gadreel's own since he first acknowledged his presence.

He supposed the words should have made him angry, but to be perfectly honest, Gadreel had no idea how he felt at the moment, especially in the wake of this non-apology. "Is that intended to make me feel better, that it was not on your order? It still happened."

"It did. Your siblings were supposed to sort it out, but it kinda got a little outta hand."

Now Gadreel was angry. That was such a horrible understatement of the whole situation. "Apparently, I was up for execution. You call that a little out of hand? I made a mistake, but no one would listen to me because it was Lucifer's word against my own. I am only alive due to Gabriel's interference on my behalf."

Gadreel reined himself in before he started to yell, because he didn't want to discuss that time in his life. He would much rather focus on the now, and the good he had found here.

So he turned away from his father and made his way across the kitchen. He had originally come here for some coffee and toast to bring back to Sam, so he started on that now, just to have something to do with his hands.

"Gabriel was always fond of you," his Father mused aloud. "He was the one who recommended you to stand watch over the Garden, you know. He thought you would enjoy watching over the souls of humanity as they grew."

Gadreel closed his eyes against the onslaught of emotions that brought to the surface. He had not known that, and for all the times Gabriel had visited him at his post he had never said anything. He took a steadying breath and started up the coffee machine. His thoughts were swirling with memories as he went through the motions of preparing toast and grabbing a plate and a mug.

"He was not wrong," Gadreel said at last. Love for humanity was something that the two of them had shared, after all. He remembered that first time, Gabriel's bright golden wings had flashed as he landed, and he had said something outlandish, and almost flirtatious and Gadreel remembered being caught somewhere between flustered and offended. He did not remember what he said, only that it had been short and biting, and it had sent the Gabriel into fits of laughter.

Apparently he was the first one outside of the other Archangels who refused to put up with his games.

Thinking of that day hurt.

Memories of Gabriel always hurt, but Gadreel never ran from them. He felt that doing so would have been a great disservice. Because even in death, the Archangel had helped Gadreel, unintentional though it was.

After all, Gabriel's actions led him to Sam.

And he could never regret that.

"You're really not gonna ask me for anything, are you?"

"No, I am not." Gadreel gathered up his plate and a fresh mug of coffee and turned towards his Father. "Given the circumstances, I consider myself lucky. I am free, and have people in my life who care about me. I have a man that I love. To ask any more would be greedy."

He was going to leave it at that, he was, but a thought struck him and a wild sort of courage possessed him to turn and speak his mind.

Too much time spent with the Winchesters, he supposed.

Dean would be especially proud.

He squared himself up, and did his best to keep his voice steady. "If you want your children to make better decisions, perhaps you should consider setting a better example. When death and imprisonment are the only things they know, how can you expect them to find better alternatives?"

Gadreel then turned on his heel and left his father sitting with a stunned expression on his face.

oOoOo

They had gathered a mini army of angels, demons, witches and hunters. All of them had agreed to a temporary truce to bring down Amara, and every single one of them were on standby. However, in a true Winchester twist, none of them were needed in the end.

Dean saved the day by playing therapist to God and his sister. How was this even their life?

oOoOo

Author's Note: This whole chapter ran away with me, and I didn't mind it one damn bit! Sooo, I had only planned on writing 3 chapters but, obviously I can't end that here. So one more for you folks! Feel free to tell me what you think! Until next time, Happy reading!