Chapter 56 The Confession – Best Author
Down below, Kim, now in her patched-up overalls over her nice shirt with her boots, and Ron were searching for Rufus!
"Rufus! Come here, boy!" Ron insisted, looking in a locker.
"Oh, Rufus! Come to mama!" Kim said.
The Kimmunicator, now under Wade's control, flew across the room!
"Guys, I got a lock on where Rufus is! He's backstage, looking for the catering!" Wade said, "I'll show you the way!"
"The guy does love his cheese!" Ron admitted.
"We're supposed to be back there! We've got to prevent Bonnie from her announcing the Best Author award." Kim exclaimed.
At that moment, Servant 161 came in with the drinks.
"Mr. and Mrs. Stoppable, would you like a drink before you go out on stage? It's apple juice!"
"Don't mind if I do!" Ron smiled, taking a cup from the tray.
But Kim sniffed the drinks.
"I smell alcohol in them...gin and whiskey to be exact!"
Servant 161 nervously tugged at his collar, saying, "Um...no! It's apple juice...yes, apple juice!"
"If it were apple juice, it wouldn't reek of booze!" Kim sneered before seeing her husband about to drink it.
Like a panther, Kim swiped it from Ron's hand and threw it into a trash can.
"Hey, I was going to drink that apple juice!" Ron complained.
"Ron! Don't you see what's going on? I've figured it all out now!" Kim said, finally connecting the pieces of the puzzle together, "We're going to confront Bonnie on this once and for all!"
"Race you to the stage?" Ron grinned.
"You're so on!" Kim smirked as she somersaulted over Servant 161. She and Ron ran out as fast as they could with three minutes left in the break.
"Your Majesty!" Servant 161 exclaimed, panicking, "They're headed to the back of the stage!"
"Time for us to make our move!" Bonnie snickered. She and five other servants followed behind Kim and Ron.
"But what if they know about what you did?" the servant asked.
"Will you just shut the Hell up?!" Bonnie snapped. "They'll never know what I did to those assholes! Now keep moving!"
"Oooh! Is that what I think it is?" Ron asked, looking at the Brussel Sprout Queen costume top.
"Ron...less admiring, more running!"Kim insisted.
The two finally reached the back of the stage.
"I think we lost them!" Kim said.
"Rufus should be on the catering table in the back!" Ron said.
"Something wrong, KS?"
"Cages...15 feet above us!" Kim replied, looking above. "I have a feeling that this is all...
"...a trap! A-ha! There you are, you little piles of pond scum!" Bonnie sneered. She snapped her fingers, and about 15 other servants of Bonnie blocked off the doorways.
"So, you think you can try and escape me!" the brunette cackled.
_
On the other side of the stage, Rufus was eating the cheese off the catering table. When his stomach was full, he lumbered his way to a PA system controlling the microphones of everyone. He finally plopped down on a red button controlling one of the microphones.
"Bonnie...you conniving, weaseling, good-for-nothing, vile she-devil!" Kim shouted, "J'accuse!"
Bonnie smirked, "I'm amazed that you aren't in your cousin's barn, milking the cows!"
Kim sneered, "And I'm amazed that your overalls haven't fallen off your rear, B!"
"They are just right for me, K." Bonnie replied, "It fits my curvature and...assets...as well!"
"So..." the brunette continued, "...you found out about my entire scheme, didn't you!"
"Yes!" Kim growled, "EVERYTHING! The rigged clothes, you getting home-field advantage on your turf, and, most blatant of all, the financially ruining of both me and Ron!"
"You got it right on the nose, Kim!" Bonnie replied with a smile, "Since you and your...Global Jester..."
"JUSTICE!" Kim yelled.
"Whatever...band of freaks caused damage to my opera house by one of your villain freakos..." Bonnie continued, "I do have the right to put your unreleased college photos on the net for all the world to see!"
Kim gasped, "You...MONSTER!"
However, it didn't faze Ron because, during the reconciliation phase of their relationship, Kim confessed to that part of the incident. So he was aware of what had happened at the time.
"You are not going to get those photos out in the open!" Ron said, "I don't care what happened to my wife in the past. She is my past, present, and future!"
"So don't care!" Bonnie replied, ignoring them and putting the flashdrive into the USB port. "In just a few minutes, every photo from Kimgate '08 is going to be uploaded to the Internet for the entire world to see! Every social media network from ChattySnap to Flitter, MeTube, and AddressBook. Face it, K! Your reputation is ruined!"
Bonnie,thinking of a trick play up her sleeve, eyed the safety pins, the only thing keeping Kim's dignity intact.
"But that is nothing compared to the hell that you're about to go through, courtesy of my tabloid empire! People will be talking about your wardrobe malfunction for decades to come. That is...in addition to both you and Stoppable losing custody of both your hellspawns on account of being bad parents!"
"That is a complete and utter lie!" Kim decried, "And the so-call 'stories' you ran on us in the past will get you sued for libel!"
"We are not bad parents and you DO NOT call our kids hellspawns!" Ron retorted.
"Those juicy comments that you said will make my tabloids fly off the shelves of every Smarty-Mart in the entire US!" Bonnie chuckled for glee.
Sharper, meanwhile, was at the right of the stage. He, naturally, was interested in the latest chapter of the rivalry between Kim and Bonnie. Also, naturally, he would root for the Queen at this part. RCWilliams also came with Sharper. He too wanted to see the Queen dominate over her rival.
"Though the money I make from the tabloids will be minor in comparison to the Naco royalties that will appear in my banking account! After 14 years of waiting, they will all be mine...MINE...MINE!" Bonnie exclaimed about the royalties part. "And the government is not going to get a single damn penny from it! Unlike all my other assets, it will be all for me...tax-free!"
"It doesn't work that way, Bonnie! You have to pay taxes on it too!" Kim countered.
"Puh-lease, Kim. The tax system is complicated enough as it is!" Bonnie said.
Sharper and RC looked to the left and saw what Rufus was doing. His eyes widened with fear. He was jumping up and down and making a hand gesture of pointing to himself in order to try to get the Queen's attention. The Queen looked at him and said, "Not now, servant."
Ignoring him, she continued, "Which reminds me of a time that I falsified those building invoices for one of my summer homes in Texas this year. Cost me $11 million to buy, but I wanted to make it even more luxurious to the Rockwaller taste! I illegally billed them to my fashion empire as business expenses. Those stupid contractors didn't even know that I totally swindled them!"
Shocked at her admittance of her crimes, Sharper and RC tried to get her attention more by making crazy faces. Bonnie sternly replied, "Servant, stop making those faces and keep quiet!"
Turning back to Kim and Ron again, Bonnie continued to give her evil monologue, "The people back in Middleton are just like a bunch of puppets to the government, year after year of paying taxes! In fact, for this year, I'm not going to pay taxes at all! Only the stupid, inbred, backwards-thinking, roadkill-eating redneck swamp rats that is the audience out there and in Middleton pay taxes! Those little pinheaded lemmings will go off the financial cliff at the next economic crisis while I sit back with my new-found royalties, relax, and drink my fine wine! So how's that for throwing shade...as these teens say these days?" She smirked, eagerly awaiting Kim's reaction.
Kim was beyond shocked that her rival would insult her hometown like that. But she also saw something the Queen overlooked...something that would destroy her credibility. She also saw an obviously frustrated Sharper, drawing something on cardboard with a black marker.
"Hey...Bonnie! Your servant is trying to tell you something!" Kim smirked.
At that moment, Bonnie sneered, "Now that my monologue to the Stoppables is finished...what do you want, servant?"
All Sharper and RC did was to show the cardboard sign saying, in black marker, YOUR MICROPHONE IS ON!
Bonnie gasped and looked at the sound stage."Is this thing still even on?"
And there was her answer. There was Rufus, filled with cheese, sitting on a mic that said microphone for Bonnie Rockwaller...and also his feet were on the PA sound system connecting to the speakers in the main auditorium.
Bonnie's jaw just dropped. Every single word of that conversation with the Stoppables was broadcasted live. Sharper just lowered his head and pinched the bridge of her nose. This was typical whenever the Queen is frustrated with something or her business plans go south.
"And there's someone else backstage to see you with a little gift!" Kim smiled.
Bonnie, in her stupor, looked behind her and saw it was none other than a very pissed-off Joss Possible with the top part of the Brussel Sprout Queen costume. Joss slapped the Queen in the face with one hand and then put the Brussel Sprout Queen costume on the top of her head.
"Argh! Who turned out the lights?!" she exclaimed while trying to get the top off. "Servants! Get them! Take the safety pins off K's overalls now!"
The servants tried to charge at them.
"What about Sharper?! Isn't he going to fight me?!" Kim smirked.
Bonnie retorted, "He's only a planning event servant, not in physical combat!"
"That, My Queen, is true." Sharper admitted.
"Thank you for your obvious brutal honesty, servant! Now get this thing off of me!" Bonnie insisted.
Sharper tried to do it, but with no luck.
"I'll go ahead and get the butter from the kitchen." Sharper said, heading out to the catering area to get the butter.
Bonnie meanwhile was struggling to get out of the costume. While that happened, her undone overalls completely fell to the ground, showing her Country Club Banana boxers but she is unaware of the wardrobe malfunction.
Meanwhile, the servants that tried to get Kim, Ron, and Joss were being manhandled by them. They never even touched Kim's overalls.
"That was totally easy!" Kim grinned. "Now...Ron, raise the curtain!"
Bonnie turned the costume to get the eye holes aligned.
"Got it, KS!" Ron grinned. He had waited to get back at Bon-Bon for years.
He then raised the curtain.
"Okay. I think I got this right..." Bonnie said before putting the top in the correct position.
The audience, around 700 in number, were now armed with tomatoes, eggs, and most suspicious of all, vanilla milkshakes in styrofoam cups.
Bonnie gasped at the audience's reaction to her overheard speech. She looked up the video screen to see if there was any hope that it would play the Kimgate '08 photos. Instead, it was a video of her manipulating the tax forms for the weekend retreat in Texas and using the f-word on her subordinates to sign the falsified documents.
"Oh, Bonnie!" Kim grinned while holding the Kimgate 08 photo memory stick in the air, "I've forgotten to tell you that while you were shouting your monologue into your microphone, Ron took the liberty of switching out the memory sticks."
"Where did you manage to find that?!" Bonnie snapped.
"The Internet has some really juicy stuff about you, Bon-Bon, courtesy of Wade! Especially the criminal stuff!"
"Oh,,,snap..." was all the words she could muster before a volley of eggs, tomatoes, rotten fruit and chocolate and vanilla milkshakes were flying through the air...all intended for her. Kim, Ron, and Joss got out of the way to avoid getting hit.
The tomatoes and eggs were the first things that hit the Queen followed by the vanilla milkshakes. A chorus of boos and hisses accompanied the throwing of things at Bonnie. Bonnie began to wail and cry as her plans of humiliating Kim came just crashing down on her.
"Noooo! This was supposed to be my night! It's not fairrrrrrr! NOT FAIR!" she sobbed as every single square inch of her body was covered in a combination of tomatoes, eggs, and milkshakes and the worst thing to throw at her: banana cream pies.
Sharper dropped the butter and ran as fast as he could to two other servants.
"Get the Queen off of the stage!" he commanded them.
The servants complied and shielded themselves from the oncoming volley of food thrown in the Queen's direction and dragged her crying self offstage.
The booing and throwing of objects subsided when Sharper yelled into the microphone. "Can everyone please stop the booing and the throwing of objects? Kim and Ron are about to take the stage to present the Best Author award!"
"Ready to do this, hubby?" Kim giggled. She enjoyed the sight of Bonnie being humiliated on stage.
Ron held out his hand and Kim held hers. They closed them together.
"Whenever you are, KS!" Ron said.
Sarah ran up to the podium, but she was slipping on the tomato juice and egg yolks.
"Whoa! Whoa!" she exclaimed before sliding on the floor and landing on the other side. Her dress was covered in tomato juice and egg yolk.
"I'm fine." Sarah insisted. "My dress, however..."
"Eeesh...that's not going to cover Sarah's laundry bill." Sharper said.
_
At backstage, Bonnie muttered through her tears, "It's no fair! Why do Kim and Ron always hog the spotlight from me?!" She was still shuffling with her undone overalls at her knees and boxers still showing.
"Life just can't get any worse for me!" she bitterly complained.
Three police officers showed up in her presence.
"Oh, thank goodness, the police! I want you to arrest Kim and Ron Stoppable for trespassing on my private property, causing property damage to my opera house, and kissing onstage!" Bonnie demanded.
The lead officer chuckled, "Oh no, Miss Rockwaller! We're going to place you under arrest! We've received the falsified papers from the contractors at your weekend retreat!"
"WHAT?!" Bonnie shrieked. "On what charges?" The second officer placed handcuffs behind her back.
"Tax evasion, extortion, and a whole list of crimes have been tied to you little...endeavors...of trying to create a tax-free haven for Mr. Stoppable's Naco royalty money that you have stolen!" the lead officer said before reading a food-covered Bonnie her rights.
"You have the right to remain silent! Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law..."
Kim and Ron walked carefully though the mess the crowd had created and came up to the microphone.
"Hey, Kim and Ron are in the house!" Ron smiled at the crowd. The crowd reacted with warm applause to the two as opposed to Bonnie.
"Cheese!" Rufus exclaimed.
"It has been yet another crazy year in the fandom of my show with all of these wonderful stories that are either new or have been updated through the 2016 calendar year." Kim said, "But through it all, despite all the delays and despite one of my former cheerleaders trying to hog the spotlight to herself, the tradition of me and Ron presenting the Best Writer award still continues on!"
As per the tradition of the elders, Sharper, the host, came on stage to present the envelope and the last Golden Rufus of the evening. He had the heavy-duty rain boots on to prevent himself from slipping on the stage.
"The both of us, now married and with two wonderful kids, always anticipate this moment in the ceremony!" Ron said. "Sharper, the envelope please!"
"Right on, Ron!" Sharper said, handing the envelope to Ron.
Kim said, "The nominees for Best Writer are...ChrisTheCynic...SapphicVixen...Emperor of Dreams...RufusPrime54...MrDrP...and Eddy 13!" One by one, the finalists were given a wonderful standing ovation.
"And the Golden Rufus for Best Writer goes to..."
Kim, Ron, and Rufus all announced the winner at the same time.
"It's a clean sweep! MrDrP!"
MrDrP got up once again, as he heard his name for this coveted award. He came to the stage, but before he did so, he got on some heavy-duty rain boots to keep himself from slipping. Acceptance speech in hand, he came to the microphone.
"Well, this takes the naco. This is my second time winning this award, the first being back in 2005. I'm really, really honored.
There were some really talented writers at work this year and I'd like to tip my hat to them. You provided some stiff competition and I'd like to acknowledge all of you here. I won't name names because I'd surely omit somebody through my own carelessness, but let it be known, you guys are great. Thanks for carrying the KP flame.
Thanks to my readers and voters for reading and reviewing. I truly appreciate hearing from you and can only hope to justify this honor is the months and years ahead."
And with that, MrDrP carried off his most coveted award, the last award for the evening.
Sarah, CajunBear and Sentinel all came back on the stage.
Sharper said "That was an extremely eventful 12th Annual Fannies Ceremony...it was one of the most eventful and unexpected of them all."
Sarah added, while eating more gummy bears, "And a very fun one too."
"I hope next years' ceremony does not run as long..." Sentinel admitted.
Sharper came up to the microphone one last time while the custodian servants mopped away at the remains of the food that were thrown at Bonnie, "Thank you, fellow audience members, for your patience in this 4 ½ hour-long ceremony. I promise that, next year, it will be much shorter! If you want any help on our committee, just drop by a PM at my Fanfiction inbox of Sharper The Writer or at the KP Fannie Committee account. As for the remainder of the evening, since the carving of the Queen's face has been cancelled due to both inclement weather and for...other reasons...the afterparty will be held at the R club, which is half a mile down the road.
"So with that being said, as we traditionally say. We would like to declare the 12th Annual Fannie Awards a wrap!"