Chapter 11: Trigger.

Disclaimer: For the 31st time, I do not own the Fosters.

AN: Okay, this is why I love reviews. An unnamed guest reviewer suggested: " Please maybe do a chapter where something triggers Jude. Like someone grabs him and he starts panicking?". This immediately yielded an idea. So thanks for that mystery reviewer. Also, warning about mentions of rape and strong language. Also (again) if the new promo for Season 3 is anything to go by, Jesus is the one who is killed in the accident, so this story is officially AU on that front. Also (AGAIN) there is a really short POV change in the middle of the chapter.

Jude's POV:

It's said that everybody has bad days, some more often and worse than others. How one day, you could be fine, and then the next you could be on edge about every tiny thing.

Today was one of mine, and it started with a nightmare. About that night, so many years ago in my old bedroom at the Olmstead's.

About him.

I awoke with a jolt to feel Connor shaking my shoulder. My eyes whipped around the room at a thousand miles an hour, searching out any potential threats. The only people in the room where me, Connor, and Jesus. Jesus was wearing the same surfing shirt he once used to cover up his tattoo. Connor was wearing his pajamas.

"You okay, little bro?" Jesus asked.

No.

"Yeah." I said, whipping my eyes, "Just a bad dream."

"I'll say." Connor said.

"You were screaming." Jesus added, his eyes filled with worry, "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied, shaking my head again to rid my mind of the images, "What time is it?"

"Almost noon." Connor told me, "We were coming up to get you up and get you ready to go to the beach. Walked in on you thrashing around in your bed and screaming."

"Sorry." I said.

"Don't be. We all have freaky dreams sometimes, dude." Jesus said, patting me on the shoulder, "Now get dressed you two, Callie, Brandon, Mariana and I are going with you to the beach, and we are ready to get going. Brandon is going to drive us there."

"You're actually getting in a car?" I asked surprised.

Jesus had been a bit skittish around cars since the accident that killed his and Mariana's mother. He had absolutely refused to go anywhere near one, let alone ride in one.

"Yeah." He said uncomfortably, "I'm sitting in the way back with Mariana, so I should be okay. Callie's gonna ride shotgun, so you two lovebirds get the whole row to yourselves."

"Okay." I said, with little emotion in my voice.

Jesus made his exit, shooting me a worried look as he left.

'Great. Now he's suspicious.' I thought to myself.

"I'll get dressed in the bathroom." I said.

"Okay." Connor said, reaching for his backpack.

I walked over to my dresser and extracted my swim trunks and a yellow t-shirt. I left the room and went into the bathroom, just narrowly beating Mariana to the punch, much to her annoyance. I put on my clothes and after a couple seconds debate, quickly painted my nails. I was probably being silly, but the nail polish had become a sort of security blanket for me, and I felt like I might need it before the day was out.

I shook myself from my musings and returned to my room and stopped dead in my tracks.

Connor was standing there, with a shirt in each hand, trying to decide which one he wanted to wear. One was a tank top, which was mostly blue, and the other was a plain red t-shirt.

This situation would be fine...

...If he was actually still wearing his pajama top.

I knew he worked out. I knew that because he played baseball and soccer he would have some muscles, but damn.

Not that kind of muscle. For an almost fourteen year old, he was practically a body builder.

I have no idea how I managed to snag somebody who looks like that.

I made a small noise between a squeak and a moan, and his head whipped up to meet my gaze.

'Crap. Caught.' I thought.

"Hey. Which do you think I should wear? Plain red, or tank top?" He asked.

I could barely form a coherent thought, and he asks me a question? Of course he does.

"Um. Uh. I uh, tank top." I stutter out. I could feel my face turning red.

"What's the matter?" He asked, "Why're you turning red? What'd I do?"

"Um. Sorry. It's just... I never... I um, didn't know you had muscles." I stutter, whispering the last part.

"Huh?" He asked.

"Your muscles. They're uh... kind of distracting." I finally manage to stutter.

His eyes light up in amusement, and he flexes the damned things. I immediately avert my eyes in an attempt to cling to some of my dignity.

My eye twitches.

"Damn you puberty." I swear, far too quiet for him to hear.

He hears it anyway, and laughs.

"I didn't know you'd never seen me shirtless before." He said.

"Well... I've felt them through your shirt when we make out," I said, still averting my eyes, "But I didn't really think they were as big as they look."

"You ARE allowed to look, you know." Connor said, noticing my averted gaze, "You're my boyfriend. You have more right than others to look. Unless you don't want to..."

"It's not that I don't want to look." I said, deciding that honesty would be better, "I guess I just feel kind of inadequate is all."

"What do you mean?" Connor asked.

"I just can't believe that somebody that looks like that can be interested in somebody like me. You've got muscles, I don't. You could have anybody you wanted at school." I said.

"So?" Connor asked simply, "I don't want anybody else. I want you. I had to fight like hell to get to where I am with you. Besides, I like the way you look. You're cute. I like cute."

I blush.

"And blushing only makes you cuter." He said, only half joking.

I giggle and he moves in and hugs me, still shirtless. I hesitate for a minute before wrapping my arms around him.

"You'll never have to worry about me leaving you for somebody else." Connor assured me, "You are the only person in the world who really gets me 100%. I couldn't leave you if I tried."

He pulled back and leaned in for a kiss. I met him halfway, only to be interrupted by a throat clearing after a few seconds.

I looked over towards Callie with a look of irritation as she stood in the doorway with a smirk on her face.

"Come on you two, Jesus is getting impatient." She said, giving us a wink. Connor quickly puts on the tank top, and we follow her out of the room and down the stairs.

Jesus, Brandon and Mariana are all standing their waiting for us.

"What took you guys so long?" Jesus asked impatiently, "Where they making out again?"

"Yep." Callie said.

"We were not making out." I said shortly, "It was one kiss."

"One shirtless kiss." Callie interjects teasingly.

Jesus and Brandon's looks could only be described as predatory.

"Reaaaaaally?" They said together.

"Get some, baby bro." Jesus jokes.

I flinch, and Connor notices and steps in.

"Don't start." Connor said testily, "You know he hates it when you do that."

They both put up their hands in mock surrender.

"Let's just go, shall we?" Mariana interjects quickly.

I shoot her a grateful look, and drag Connor out to the car.

The ride to the beach is a short one, and once we get there we realize that it is packed. We pick a spot far down the beach, far away from everybody else where we wouldn't be disturbed. We ended up with a spot not far from the boardwalk. After Connor and I helped each other put sunscreen on, we spent the next three hours just enjoying the sun and the water. Connor and I sat side by side on separate towels, hands linked, enjoying each other's company. Enjoying the fresh air. Free from our thoughts, free from drama.

Everything was going just fine. I should have known that something would ruin it.

I got into an argument with Jesus, just a small disagreement about something stupid that neither of us would remember later. It was all fun and games, playful sibling banter, until he decided that it might be a good idea to try to wrestle me.

Somehow, I end up laying on my stomach, with my right arm behind my back.

"Whaddya gonna do now, huh punk?" Jesus said jokingly.

I couldn't stop the memory from flashing through my mind...

Can't move. Arms pinned.

That voice.

"What are you gonna do now, huh? You really think you can fight me?"

Hurts. Too much pain. STOP!

Please, no. Nonononono.

"NO!" I screamed in panic. Feeling the weight leave me, I rolled and swung a blind punch. Barely registering the impact. I scrambled backwards a couple of feet, and curled in on myself. I sunk into the memory, panic and terror consuming me.

Connor's POV:

Dammit Jesus. You've done it now.

"Nonononononono. Not again please no." Jude mumbled brokenly.

Brandon pulled Jesus away, while Jesus clutched a bloody nose.

"What the hell's going on?" Brandon asked.

"I don't know! We were wrestling, and I pinned him on his stomach and it set him off!" Jesus said frantically.

Callie moved forward, slowly and kneeled next to him.

"Jude?" She asked.

No response. Jude just continued muttering to himself.

She reached out to put her hand on his shoulder.

"CALLIE DON'T!" I screamed.

Her hand touched his shoulder and his eyes flew open wide with panic.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!" He screamed at her.

I scrambled forward and pulled her back, and try to approach him myself.

"Jude?" I ask gently, "Can you hear me, JJ? You're safe."

Jude's POV:

Safe. Connor says I'm safe.

I snap out of my terror, curled up on the ground in the fetal position, to see Connor kneeling next to me, his arm extended forward to rub my shoulder. Callie was standing behind Connor, with Mariana, Brandon and Jesus on her flanks. They all looked at me with concern, and a small amount of terror. I notice that Jesus has a bloody nose. Must be from the blind punch.

"You okay?" Connor asks gently.

I uncurled and sat up, shaking. I shook my head in the negative.

"Jude." Connor said, "Talk to me, JJ. Please."

"Memory. Bad."

"Was it... that night?"

I nodded.

"Come on. Let's get you into the shade." Connor said, reaching out and coaxing me slowly to my feet. He outs his arm around me protectively, and we all walk under the boardwalk.

"Okay, what the hell is going on?" Callie asked worriedly.

"I... I can't say if Jude doesn't want me to." Connor said.

"Dammit Connor, I wanna know what the fuck is wrong with my brother!" Callie shouted.

I whip around and focus my fiery gaze on her.

"Callie!" I screamed, "I told him not to tell anybody. Very few people know. Only him, his dad and Moms."

"Know what?" Brandon asked.

I froze, but Connor put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into a comforting hug.

"You want me to tell them?" He asked quietly.

"No. I'll do it. Just don't let go." I said.

"Jude, what's wrong man?" Jesus asked, still clutching his nose.

"You, uh. You know how I always react weird when you guys make cracks about me and Connor... doing stuff?" I ask shakily.

They nod.

"There's a reason for that."

Their eyebrows furrow in confusion, but Callie's eyes widen.

In Callie's eyes, I saw fear.

I looked down at my hands.

"Callie and I stayed at this one home before we got placed with you." I said, "The Olmsteads."

Jesus frowned deeply. All of the color drained from Mariana's face. Brandon let out a small snarl, and Callie flinched violently. Connor cracked his neck.

"You all know what Liam did to Callie." I said, "But what you... what you don't know is..."

Callie lost her composure in a split second

"Oh god. Jude, please tell me you're not about to say what I think you're about to say?" She begged.

I couldn't stop the tears from coming.

"He... he r-r-raped m-me t-t-too." I said brokenly, "Three days b-before C-Callie."

Two things happened very quickly.

First, Callie and Mariana launched themselves forward and wrapped Connor and I in a tight embrace.

Second, Jesus and Brandon simultaneously went berserk. They started shouting and cursing, promising retribution. Jesus started speaking rapidly in very angry Spanish. The noise caused me to flinch. Connor noticed immediately.

Connor freed himself from the embrace, stood and wheeled around towards them.

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP?!" He screamed, "YOU'RE NOT HELPING THE SITUATION BY SHOUTING! COMFORT YOUR FUCKING BROTHER!"

They stopped their ranting, and the anger quickly turned to sadness as they moved forward to embrace their brother.

Connor looked back at us, quickly withdrawing his phone from his pocket. He dialed a number.

"Stef? Yeah it's Connor. We'll be home sooner than expected... No, everything's not alright. Jude and Jesus were wrestling. Jesus pinned him, and it triggered Jude's memory of the night he... the night Liam raped him... The others? They've got him in a hug, trying to comfort him... Yeah, we'll see you in a bit. I might buy him lunch on the way home, try to make him feel a little better... Yeah, bye."

He hung up the phone.

"I am so sorry, Jude." Callie said through her tears, "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I didn't want to remember it. I wanted to forget it. The only reason I told Connor was because he's boyfriend. The only reason Moms and Connor's dad know is because I said it out loud when I thought I was just thinking it. Connor's helped me deal with it."

We all got to our feet and beckoned Connor back over to us.

"Let's go home." Brandon said.

"Stef and Lena said they'd be waiting for us when we get there." Connor said, "You hungry, Jude?"

"Yeah, a little." I answer.

"Let's stop at McDonalds on the way home. I'll get you something." He said.

I nodded.

"And Connor?" Mariana said, "Thanks for helping him."

"Yeah, dude. I'm really glad you're there for him." Jesus said.

"It's good to know he's in good hands." Callie said, "I can't thank you enough for being there for him. It means a lot to us."

"Yeah." He said, "Anytime. He's my boyfriend. It's my job to help him. I always will."

He moved forward and threw his arm back around me and place a kiss on the side of my head.

"Always."

AN#2: Thank you again, to the guest reviewer who's idea I borrowed for this chapter. Also, JonnorFTW, your request for somebody to oppose Jonnor and the rest of "the Mafia" will be brought in eventually, I just want to write a few chapters that take place during the summer before sending them back to Anchor Beach for the next school year.