Chapter 16: Start of a New School Year.
Disclaimer: For the umpteenth time, I do not own the Fosters.
AN: Words written in italics are memories. Please leave a review. In this chapter, the new school year starts, and Jude and Connor gain an unexpected new ally.
Connor's POV:
The day long held with both anticipation and dread had finally arrived, and summer vacation was at an end. It was time to return to Anchor Beach. Eighth grade was beginning for most of our group, with the exception of the older members. Jude and I were delighted to find, upon receiving our schedules, that we had all but one class together. The only class I didn't share with Jude was our first elective class. Jude had decided to take Poetry I with Jax during third hour, while I would be taking Creative Writing I.
I was a bit skeptical at first about taking a writing class, but none of the other electives either didn't interest me, or I was not fit to attend them. I couldn't do Show Choir, because I can't sing or dance, no matter what Jude says to the contrary. I wasn't going to take any artsy classes because my artistic skill is of an abysmal level. I didn't take Poetry with Jude because my attempts at writing poetry would be a bit like the poetry equivalent of vomiting on the Pope. Cringe worthy, but hilarious. Jude always tells me that I make up really great stories, so I figured, if I can put some of them to paper I could get a good grade in this class and have fun at the same time.
We were disappointed to find out that the only other member of our group that shared our lunch period was Jax. We met at the door to the school, and Jude and I quickly headed for our usual table, under the shade of the infamous "make out tree", Jax rolling along close behind us. When we reached the table, I pushed his wheelchair through the grass up to the head of the table. I noticed that he looked thoroughly disheartened.
Jude and I sat down beside each other. He withdrew a notebook from his book bag, and a weird pen from his pocket.
"What kind of pen is that?" I asked.
"It's a fountain pen." He answered, "It's supposed to be used for calligraphy. Dad gave it to me when he last visited. I'm only using it for my poetry assignments though. Don't want to use up all the ink too quickly."
"What's your guys' first assignment?" I asked them.
"We basically have to write something short that involves dreams." Jax answered.
"I started writing it in class, but I didn't get to finish." Jude said, already scribbling in the notebook. When he finished, he signed his name at the top and handed me the notebook.
"Tell me what you think." He said.
I looked down at the paper and began to read aloud.
"It is the ashes of our broken dreams that fertilize the ground on which new dreams grow. The dreams we seek the hardest, those that are always hardest to realize, are the ones that rise from those ashes like the Phoenix." I read, looking at Jude in surprise.
"Damn, JJ. That's actually pretty good." Jax said.
"You think so?" He asked, taking back the notebook and looking his words over, "It doesn't seem like I'm trying to hard or something?"
"No. It's pretty good. A lot better than what I could come up with." I said.
We elapse into silence, and I notice that Jax is staring off into the distance, a sad expression on his face.
"What's wrong, Jaxxy?" I asked.
"Nothin', Con." He mumbled, glancing at the hopeless excuse for a pizza slice he had bought from the cafeteria, "Just wish Daria was in the same lunch, is all."
"I'm glad you have her." I told him, "She makes you happier than I've seen you since... uh, before, um, you know..."
I motioned to his wheelchair and useless legs.
"Before I was a cripple?" He asked, exasperatedly, "You CAN say it, you know? It's not a bad word, bro."
"Is this about what my dad said?" I asked Jude, "Because, you know, I don't care if you're, you know... If that's what you are... Are you?"
"What? Gay?" Jude responded, "You can say it. It's not a bad word."
I shook my head to clear the memory that flashed through it.
"You okay?" Jude asked.
"Yeah, just Déjà Vu." I said, "You said almost the exact same thing to me once, brought back the memory."
"Oh." He said, "Oh yeah, I remember. When you asked me if I was gay that time, and went off on my anti label tangent."
"Anti label tangent?" Jax asked confused.
"Yeah, Connor asked me if I was gay, like his dad thought I was. I asked him why I had to label what I was, and I didn't get why people went around using labels to put each other in boxes. I still don't get it."
"That's a good philosophy to have." Jax agreed. I nodded.
A shadow fell over our table. I looked up to see who our visitor was, expecting one of Jude's siblings. Jude tensed and Jax glared. I clenched my fist.
It was Jeremy.
"What the hell do you want?" I snarled at him.
He flinched.
Wait a minute... he flinched?
"Can, uh. Can I talk to you guys for a minute?" Jeremy asked timidly.
I narrowed my eyes at him, and in my peripheral vision I could see Jude and Jax do the same.
"Why?" I ask, suspicion setting me on edge.
He looked down at his feet, and started playing with the sleeve of his hoody, looking extremely uncomfortable.
"Please?" He asked.
The pleading tone in his tone shocked me, and again, I could see the others shared my shock. I motioned with my head to sit across from Jude and I. He sat down and stared at the table.
"You said you wanted to talk." I point out crossly, "So talk."
"I, uh. I heard what happened to you over the summer." Jeremy said, looking to Jude, "That you both got jumped for being gay."
"What's your point?" Jude interjected, his voice laced with venom, "If you have something to say, get to the point."
"I did a lot of thinking over the summer." Jeremy said, staring at his hands, "And I just wanted to say I was sorry."
Okay. I was NOT expecting that.
"Come again?" I asked, almost sure that I misheard him.
"I'm sorry." He said again, "For calling you guys... that word. For making fun of the nail polish. Everything."
Jude and I shared a look.
"Why'd you do it?" Jude asked. His voice was still edgy, but it held a note of curiosity.
Jeremy mumbled something, too low for anybody to hear.
"Speak up." I snapped.
"I was jealous, okay?" He said miserably.
Silence. Absolute silence followed that statement.
"You guys know exactly what you are." He continued, "You're not ashamed of who you are. You're not afraid to be exactly what you are. Others aren't that lucky."
'Oh if only you knew.' I thought to myself.
"I'm not that lucky." Jeremy admitted after a moment's pause.
"Wait, what?" I asked in shock, too shocked to maintain any venom in my voice.
"Are you... are saying what I think you're saying?" Jude asked, dumbfounded.
Jeremy looked around, making sure nobody was watching. He clenched his eyes shut, and took a shaky breath.
"I'm... I-I'm g-... I'm g-gay too." He stuttered.
The look on his face was utterly miserable. He looked about ten seconds away from having a breakdown.
"Why are you telling us this?" I asked him, confused.
"Because... you guys, are the only ones I could think of who could possibly understand." Jeremy said, "You're the only ones I could think of that could help.
"Who else knows?" Jax asked, breaking his silence.
"My dad and my younger brother." Jeremy said, "Dad was the only one I wasn't worried about finding out. He's really supportive. My little brother, James, only found out because the little snoop read my journal. All he did was ask me a few questions, then ask me if I could lend him ten bucks. My mom though... she doesn't know. She can NOT find out."
"Why not?" Jax asked.
"She's really religious." Jeremy said, his voice sounding miserable, "Like, ridiculously so. If she found out..."
He shuddered.
"The way she talks about people like u-us, makes me feel sick." He continued, "It makes me feel less than human. The only way I knew how to not feel that way was to take it out on others. So that's what I did. I can't tell you how sorry I am."
"My dad wasn't okay with it at first either." I told him, "He tried to sever all contact between me and Jude when I came out to him and admitted to having a crush on Jude. Even after he caved, for a while, it was all he could do to just be civil with Jude. With a lot of help from Jude's moms, my mom, and the internet, he's come around. He accepts me now. He accepts that Jude and I are boyfriends. He's comfortable with it enough to joke around with us about it. Sometimes it just takes time."
"My mom's not like that." Jeremy said, "She's too set in her old ways. She's too stubborn, she never backs down from an argument. It's impossible to get her to change her opinion on something."
"I'm sorry, dude." I said, "That sucks."
"Yeah. It does." He said.
"It does explain a lot, though." Jude said, "Self loathing can make anybody crazy, no matter how good a person they are at the center."
He gave me a pointed look while he said this. It didn't take a second to catch the meaning behind the look. I could see the similarities between Jeremy's situation and the one I used to be in. If I had handled things differently myself, I could have ended up in the exact same position that he's in.
"I understand." I say finally, "And I accept your apology. If you ever need to talk about this kind of thing, you can always come to me."
He looks at me, a shocked look on his face.
"Why?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Why would you do that for me?" He clarified.
"Everybody deserves a second chance." Jude said, "And we get where you're coming from. We can help."
He offers us a small smile. It only lasts a second, but it's full of relief.
"Thanks." He said.
AN#2: Well, that's that chapter finished. Can't believe it took me four days to finish this chapter. Writers block is an evil bitch, and she has claws. Like usual, leave a review with any ideas or prompts. Thanks for reading.