Chapter 18: December.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Fosters.

AN: Okay, now I said I would never write smut and that hasn't changed yet. But I have decided to start closing out the story arc about Jude's rape trauma, which means that Jude will start to get more curious about that sort of thing, and he and Connor will start to experiment with each other. It will not be very graphic, no explicit details. This chapter will feature a time jump. And before you start throwing flames at me about them being too young to do anything with each other, they will not be having sex anytime soon. It's normal, at 14 years old, for boys to start to be curious and want to experiment. As usual, please leave a review.

Jude's POV:

It's December now.

Three months have elapsed since Jeremy was welcomed into the group, and already things have changed. The day after Jeremy revealed the secrets about his uncle, the entire group assembled at the beach, and he brought them into the loop. Came out to all of them in one go. Afterwards, we introduced Jeremy to Austin, and I have never seen a human being blush harder than Jeremy did.

Three weeks after that, Connor called me frantic on the phone, sobbing, and I raced over to his house to see what was wrong. When I arrived, he wrapped me in a fierce embrace and lifted me off my feet, spinning me around in the air. It was then that I realized his tears were tears of laughter and happiness. It took him five minutes to calm down enough to tell me the reason for his elation.

His parents had announced that they were officially getting back together, and his mom was moving back in.

After that it seemed that Connor got even more protective of me, and knowing that Connor is there to protect me, and knowing that he would never hurt me has helped me a lot, in some surprising ways. I feel a lot more comfortable with my sexuality, and while I still detest the very idea of labels, I'm no longer afraid to admit that I am Gay. I'm proud of who I am. I also am starting to feel a lot more comfortable with the idea of a sexual relationship with Connor in the near future. This came as a huge shock to both of us, because given what Liam did to me I hadn't expected to even think about anything sexual with Connor for at least another year and a half. And it was all because of one incident that happened about two months after Jeremy spent the night with us while I was at Connor's house...

Flashback, November 19th 2014:

My birthday was the previous day, and I was over at Connor's for the day. I was in the kitchen making a snack, while Connor was upstairs taking a shower. We were alone in the house, because his dad had been called in to work. It still surprised me that he trusted the two of us in the house alone. Connor had been in the shower for an hour, and I would have started to wonder if he had drowned, were it not for the fact he was singing at the top of his lungs to songs from Led Zeppelin IV.

I heard the water turn off, and the bathroom door open and close. I waited five minutes before heading up.

I opened the door and immediately froze in my tracks.

Connor was standing there...

... In nothing but a towel.

I took a second to let my eyes wander. He yelped and lunged for his boxers and the towel fell and he tripped over it, falling flat on his face. As soon as the towel fell, I snapped my eyes shut, but I was about a second too late.

I saw everything. I could feel my cheeks heating up to a searing temperature.

"Okay, I've got my boxers and shorts on." Connor said after a couple of seconds, "It's safe to look."

"Sorry." I stuttered and opened my eyes, "Are you okay?"

He was blushing a delightfully deep shade of crimson.

Suddenly my pants seemed like they were three sizes too small.

'Well this feeling is new.' I thought to myself.

"What feeling?" Connor asked.

Dammit.

"I spoke aloud again didn't I?" I asked, embarrassed.

Connor nodded.

"It's just... I'm having a little... a little crisis, right now... downstairs." I said, barely able to get the words out because my mouth had gone unbelievably dry.

His brow furrowed in confusion as he processed what I had just said. A look of realization dawned on his face and his eyes went wide and flicked south of the border for a split second before snapping back up to make eye contact with me.

"Um." He said. Neither of us could form a single coherent thought.

I couldn't speak, and I couldn't think.

All I could do was feel.

I felt something I had never felt for another person though. Something that I thought I wouldn't feel for a long time because of that bastard Liam.

I felt want.

Slowly, I crossed the room and kneeled in front of where he sat on the floor.

I stared at him for a second, before leaning in a planting my lips on top of his.

After a couple seconds, I felt his lips part, and his tongue touched my lips.

With only slight hesitation, I granted it entrance.

Connor and I had kissed before, bordering on hundreds of times.

These kisses though, they were different.

Most of our kisses in the past were chaste pecks that lingered for maybe a few seconds at most. Sure, we had made out a few times, but we had never really used tongue. When we did, it was only for a few seconds. This was something else entirely.

I was lost in the sensation of it. I could taste the Doritos and Mountain Dew he had eaten earlier on his breath. My hands started to wander south, and I felt his abs. I hesitated for a moment before continuing further south.

He pulled away, his pupils dilated and eyes wide. He shot a look at my hand and it's interesting new position, before looking back into my eyes.

"Sorry." I whispered, "Got a little handsy."

"I'm not complaining," He asked breathlessly, "That's really hot."

I giggled at him

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" He asked, "We can just kiss if you want, we don't have to..."

"I'm not ready for much more than this..." I started to saying, breathing heavily referring to the fact that we were practically groping each other, "But... for the first time ever, I don't feel scared of the thought. And I like this."

I leaned in and kissed him again.

We made out for ten minutes, before he pulled away and started placing kisses on my neck. I couldn't stifle the groan I let out when I felt Connor suck on my neck.

Needless to say, while I had no trouble sneaking my shorts into the laundry unnoticed, I had a hell of a time explaining the hickey on my neck to Stef and Lena. While they were happy that I was starting to move past the trauma of what Liam had done to me, this was still followed by the single most awkward conversation I have ever shared with anybody in my entire life.

They gave me the dreaded Talk.

*Shiver*

I simultaneously thanked god that Jesus had left for boarding school, and that Brandon had been at Idyllwild at the time, or the teasing would have been endless. I made a mental note to ask Mariana about the best way to cover them up, even if I had to endure her squealing in glee about the situation

End Flashback:

Anyway, back to the present. I had finally got the stupid brace off my wrist at the end of October, and the adults had finally deemed me in good enough health to start learning self defense.

Connor and I were at his house with his Uncle Evan. Connor's mom and dad were at the mall doing some Christmas shopping. Connor had just taken his leave to go get himself a drink of water. He said he also had something he had wanted to think about, and needed a few minutes alone.

I stood, staring, eyes narrowed at the target, with a throwing knife clutched securely in my grasp. Evan, who had insisted that I call him by his first name, stood behind me, giving me quiet instructions.

"Okay, you're doing good." Evan said, "Steady your breathing. Now adjust the grip like I showed you, and throw."

I did as I was told. I inhaled deeply for a second, before exhaling slowly and let the knife fly at the target hanging on the tree in Connor's back yard.

It connected and stuck with a dull thump. I let out a satisfied laugh.

"Very good." Evan said, "You're progressing very well."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. You and Connor." He said, "I'm kind of surprised. We've only been at this for a couple of months, and the two of you are already sticking targets. It usually takes longer to get this stuff down. Took me three weeks to stick my first target. Took you guys a week and a half. Took about six months before I started sticking them on every shot. We're going on two months, and you both are hitting it at least six out of ten times. I'm impressed."

"Cool." I said. I looked around and noticed that Connor wasn't back yet, "I'm gonna go check on Connor."

He nodded at me, and I turned around and walked toward the house. I found Connor in the kitchen, writing something down in a notebook while drinking a glass of water.

I tapped him on the shoulder, and he jumped and whirled around. He calmed when he saw it was me.

"Oh it's you." He said, taking a deep breath to calm his racing heart, "You scared me."

"Penny for your thoughts?" I asked him.

He smiled, but it quickly faded.

"Yeah." He said.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing." He said with a shake of his head.

"Try that again?" I said with a small glare, "This time with the truth."

He laughed softly, reaching out and taking my hand.

"You always could read me like a book." Connor said softly.

"After all we've been through together?" I said, "I should hope so. Now tell me what's wrong."

He sighed and looked at me.

"I think you were right." He said.

"Huh?" I asked confused, "Right about what?"

"The whole gun thing." Connor said quietly.

I raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

"What do you mean?" I ask him confused.

"You said you wanted to learn how to shoot." He explained further.

I nodded cautiously.

"Yeah, I did." I said, "And you were adamantly against it. And now you're saying I was right? I'm a little confused right now. You've been flip-flopping your stance on this since it was first brought up."

"It was some of the stuff that Jeremy told us." Connor said quietly, "About his Uncle. I realized, that there are a lot of people out there who would rather see people like me and you dead than alive."

"Which I've said twice before." I interjected.

"I know," Connor admitted, "But then I did some research. Did you know how many hate groups there are in the United States besides the KKK? A lot. And did you know that in some countries, being gay is punishable with fucking death?"

"No, I didn't know that." I said, shocked.

"Yeah. Which is why," He started, "If you still want to learn how to shoot, then I'm okay with it. And... and I'm gonna do it with you."

I gaped at him in unabashed shock.

"Are you freaking serious?" I asked him bluntly.

He nodded.

"Yeah. Dead serious."

I nodded slowly.

"How long you been thinking about this?"

"Well, like I said," He started, "After Jeremy told us all of those things about his uncle, I started researching the next day. And I've already talked to Uncle Evan about it, and after he explained everything about how he was gonna teach us, learning to shoot didn't seem as dangerous as I thought it would be. I've been thinking about us learning to shoot together since we started learning with the knives when you got your wrist brace off."

"You've really been thinking about this since before Halloween?" I asked, slightly stunned.

"Yeah," Connor said, "If we do decide this, it'll still be a while before either of us actually shoot a gun."

"What'dya mean?" I asked.

"Well, he's got a lot to teach us." Connor said, "And I mean a lot. We have limited time during the week where he could teach us. We have school, and he has his job. So, we'll be lucky if he can teach us one day a week. He said he's not letting us shoot a gun until we've both learned how to properly take care of one. That means, like... taking one apart, cleaning it, putting it back together, the names of all the different parts. He said he was gonna try to enlist Stef's help, if we decided we want to do this."

"I do." I said, "I do want to do this. I'm more surprised that you do."

"Yeah, well." He said, "I'm not that far behind you on that front. I'm surprised at myself too. But I figure knowledge is power."

"Aren't you still a little scared?" I asked, "I mean, given your history with guns, I wouldn't blame you in the slightest."

I gestured to his foot pointedly.

"Yeah, a little," He admitted, "But since it'll be months before either of us learn to actually shoot, I figure that I'll know enough by then not to be scared."

"That's a logical way to think about it." I admit. He smiles at me. I lean over and kiss him on the cheek.

"Come on. Let's get back to practice." Connor said.

I link my hand with his, and we walk back out the door into the back yard.

AN#2: Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Again, please leave a review.