Chapter 37: What Really Happened

Darcy was glad Georgiana was back from her trip. The house was so quiet while she was away and he needed something to occupy his mind and keep his thoughts off Elizabeth. He was determined to overcome his feelings for her and get back to living life. It was exactly one month since they were together last at Rosings and she still hadn't responded to his email. It was clear she meant what she said and wanted nothing further to do with him. He would have to face the truth and come to terms with the fact; he lost the only woman he ever loved. It was the sound of Richard's voice that brought him out of his thoughts.

"Darcy, you do plan to keep your promise to Georgiana and come with us this next time, don't you?" he asked as he walked into his study.

Darcy was surprised by the question. "Yes, of course, I will be going on this vacation with you both."

"Good because if you backed out now, I think you would break Georgiana's heart. She has been so worried about you," he told him.

Darcy furrowed his brow in confusion, "Worried about me?" he repeated what he said, "Why would she be so worried about me?"

"Because you have been walking around like your lost, and hopeless," he told him. "Georgiana even mentioned remembering how your father was after your mother died."

Darcy was stunned, he looked up at Richard. "Have I been that bad?"

"You have been distant with her, and she notices it," he told him. "Look, Darcy, I know you are going through a tough time, but it's not fair to leave Georgiana in the dark about what you're dealing with. Talk to her, tell her about your feelings for Elizabeth, she may just surprise you and actually be able to help."

Darcy took in a deep breath, "I didn't say anything to her because I didn't want to burden her with all this business with Wickham again."

"Well not telling her has caused her to imagine all sorts of things on her own," Richard told him. "She's your sister, she cares for you, and you should talk to her. She isn't a little girl anymore. In fact, if you take a good hard look I think you will be surprised to see she's growing up to be a beautiful young woman."

"Thank you, Richard, for telling me about this. I will speak with her soon," he promised.

It was already late by the time they got home from their trip to Paris and both their parents were asleep for the night. Elizabeth was relieved that she would not have to listen to her mother carry on. She loved her, but there were times when her constant chatter drove her to distraction. Once in her room, Elizabeth unpacked and changed into her pajamas. She was tired but not enough to fall asleep, so she decided to catch up on some of her emails. After sorting through the junk email, she noticed that Georgiana wrote back to her. She hesitated for a moment before opening the email. She wondered if Darcy told her all the terrible things she accused him of concerning Wickham, and how that might affect their friendship. "Please don't hate me," she whispered as she began reading.

Elizabeth,

I was so happy to get your email. Paris sounds so wonderful. It has been so long since I have been, and I do miss it. I'm glad you could have this time with your sisters. The pictures you sent are beautiful, Your sister Kitty looked like she was having such a wonderful time. I found myself wishing I were there with you all. Perhaps in the future, we might plan a small vacation together. I do think I would like to get to know Kitty and Jane better.

Things have been very busy for me as they usually are when I visit with my cousin Richard. We spent several days on the coast, and then we headed to London for some shopping. Of course, Richard carried on while we were about, but I had so much fun. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. He said that the two of you became very good friends while at Rosings and he was impressed with your work. I knew he would be.

I hope you don't mind if I confide something to you, but I have been very worried about my brother William. He didn't join us on the first part of our holiday. He said he had too much work to catch up on. But I think that was just an excuse. He has been very quiet and somewhat withdrawn since his visit to Rosings. Richard and I have both tried to draw him out, but all he does is work and spend time in his study. I can't imagine what could have happened to change him so drastically while he was away? I have been so concerned for his well-being that I spoke with Rupert and discovered that while at Rosings, William called and planned for our mother's engagement ring to be sent to him.

Elizabeth, I don't know what is truly going on, but I do believe he's suffering from a broken heart. I wish there were some way that I might help him. I have not spoken a word of this to anyone, but I know you will understand why I needed to share.

I would like very much to see you and catch up on all that has happened. William and I will be traveling with the Bingley's for a few weeks, and then in late August or early September, we will be going to Pemberley. I want to invite you to come and stay with me at Pemberley during that time? Please say that you can come. Richard mentioned that you and William became friends while you were at Rosings and I know seeing you again would cheer him up. I do hope you will say yes as we both would so like to see you again.

Your very good friend,

Georgiana

Elizabeth reread the email several times. She wondered if Will's present mood had anything to do with the fight the two of them had. She shook her head, "It can't be, Fitzwilliam Darcy would never care for me in such a way," she whispered as she clicked her mouse back to the email he sent to her just after their fight. She hurried and reread it through it; she searched to see if there was some meaning she had missed. Suddenly her mouth dropped open, could his last line have been a hint to what he wanted to talk to her about that day. "I will close this with my greatest regret being that between you and I things might have been different."

She must have read that a dozen time and always wondered what he could have meant by it. Elizabeth stood up and began pacing the floor; her mind was racing faster than ever. What if Will was planning to declare his love for her, what if he was planning to ask her to marry him, was it possible? She had to talk to Jane, she went to her door and waited for her to come, "Jane I need your help."

Jane could see her sister was upset. "Of course, Lizzy what is it?" she asked as she followed her back to her room.

Elizabeth spent the next twenty minutes sharing everything she had learned with Jane. When she was finally done, she took in a deep breath, "Tell me, Jane, am I losing my mind or do you think he might have deeper feelings for me than I realized?"

Jane wasn't sure what to say, "Lizzy, I don't want to upset you but..." she started to say.

Elizabeth was impatient and needed an answer, "But what?"

Jane let out a small sigh, "Oh Lizzy I do think it is possible that he fell in love with you and was planning to ask you to marry him that day," she told her finally as she read over the last part of the email again.

Elizabeth didn't say anything right away. "That's what I was thinking after reading Georgiana's email," she admitted. "I don't know how I could have missed it before. I was just so angry with him."

"Lizzy, are you all right?" Jane asked.

"Yes," she told her. "I just...it's just that I..." she didn't finish the sentence.

"You didn't want William Darcy to ask you to marry him, did you?" Jane asked her voice filled with astonishment.

Elizabeth wasn't sure what she wanted anymore. "Oh Jane, I didn't think so. When I read that file, I was so sure of how I felt about him. I think I even told him that I hated him."

Jane asked, "And now Lizzy, what are you feeling now?"

"After I had read his email, I felt terrible about what I said to him about Wickham, but I was still so angry about what he did to break you and Charles apart that I decided against apologizing," she told her. "For weeks now I have been feeling so confused."

Jane came straight to the point, "Lizzy, are you in love with Darcy?"

"Oh Jane, I don't know. I was beginning to care for him, but then everything happened and now... now I'm just so confused," she admitted. "What am I going to do? I don't know how I feel. I mean I think about him all the time, one minute I feel angry the next, I miss his smile. I miss the way he stares at me when he thinks I'm not looking. I miss being with him."

"Lizzy, maybe if you write to him now, and clear up some things," Jane suggested.

"It has been so long," Elizabeth told her. "Besides, after the things I said to him, accused him of, I'm sure if he ever had any feelings for me they are gone now. He was so angry that day."

"Yes, but you were really angry that day too, and now you feel different," Jane reminded her.

Elizabeth looked at her sister, "Jane he still interfered in your and Charles's relationship. I don't know if I can just let go of all those things he said about you."

Jane smiled, "Lizzy, you should at least write to him and give him a chance to apologize. Maybe he feels as bad about what he said as you do for what you said."

"I don't know Jane," she began to say. "Will told me once that he has a difficult time with forgiving, once he's wronged it changes his view of that person, sometimes forever, so he may not want to hear from me."

Jane could sympathize, she knew all too well how deeply the pain of a broken heart hurt. "Oh Lizzy, I'm sorry. I don't know what you should do, from Georgiana's letter it does sound like he's in the same place that you are. Perhaps this is all just a misunderstanding between the two of you that could be cleared up. If you don't feel you can write Darcy maybe you could write to Georgiana," she suggested. "Maybe tell her how sorry you are for the things you said about Wickham, there is every chance she would tell Will what you shared with her. Then perhaps he will write and apologize to you for what he said."

"Thank you, Jane, I will try," she told her before Jane headed back to her own room. She reread through Georgiana's email again and then began typing her reply.

Dear Georgiana,

It was so good to hear from you. I'm so glad that you enjoyed your trip with your cousin. Richard is such a wonderful friend, and I did enjoy his company very much during my stay at Rosings. I can well imagine the many adventures the two of you had on your trip.

As to the rest of your letter, I have something I must confess to you. During my time at Rosings, your brother Will and I did become good friends. Perhaps even a little more than friends. We were thrown together on several occasions, and I very much enjoyed his company. I think maybe he felt the same way? Unfortunately, the day that I left I discovered, quite by accident some things about him that upset me very much. In my anger, I said some very terrible things to him, as did he to me and this seems to have brought about an end to our friendship. I'm sorry to hear that he's upset and wanted to say if his present mood is because of me then I'm very sorry. I regret that my words might have caused him pain.

Your invitation to me was so kind, and truly I would love to spend time with you, but I don't want to be the cause of any future hurt for Will. So, I think it best if I don't come to Pemberley to stay with you. I would feel terrible if he were made uncomfortable in his own home because of my being there. I do look forward to seeing you soon, and I hope you will have a very lovely time on your vacation. When you return, call me, and we will meet for shopping and lunch.

Your very good friend,

Elizabeth

She finished off her email and then climbed into bed. It was late, and she was exhausted. She only hoped she might be able to sleep without being tormented by dreams of what might have been. Every night it was the same, she found herself dreaming of Will and that one perfect kiss they shared.

Georgiana couldn't wait for William to get up so she could speak with him about the email she received from Elizabeth the night before. After reading over Elizabeth's email, she was certainly more than ever sure that both William and Elizabeth cared for each other. She was also sure once the misunderstanding was cleared up they would be together. She took in a deep breath as he came into the room, "William, you wouldn't mind that I asked one of my friends to come and stay with me at Pemberley when we are finished with our trip?"

Darcy didn't even look up from his morning paper. "Sure Georgiana, anything that you would like to do."

"That's what I thought you would say," she told him. "That's why I asked Elizabeth to come and stay with us."

The mention of Elizabeth's name got his attention. "You asked Elizabeth Bennett to come and stay with us?" he asked her. "Here at Pemberley?"

"Yes, I did," she told him.

Suddenly she had his full attention. "Has she answered you yet?" Darcy asked wondering what Elizabeth might have said.

"She wrote me back," Georgiana told him. "She said that she appreciated my invitation for her to come to Pemberley, but thought that it best if she didn't come."

Darcy's heart sank, "Did she say why she thought it best for her not to come?"

Georgiana bit her lip, "Elizabeth wrote that the two of you had a terrible fight. She said the two of you didn't part ways on very good terms."

Darcy let out a heavy sigh as he got to his feet and walked over to look out the window. "That's true," he admitted. "We didn't part ways on very good terms at all."

Georgiana could tell he was hurting inside. "William, please don't be angry with me, but I know that you had Rupert send for Mother's ring while you were at Rosings..." she told him then asked, "Was it for Elizabeth?"

Darcy turned around, his first impulse was to be angry with Rupert for saying anything, but then he knew that it was only out of concern Georgiana probably pried it out of him. "Yes Georgie, it was. I realized that I had fallen very much in love with Elizabeth while I was at Rosings. The day we had that fight I had planned to ask her to marry me."

Georgiana was shocked, "William I had no idea you were thinking of marrying Elizabeth."

"Yes, well it doesn't matter now. When we argued, Elizabeth made it very clear how much she hated me," Darcy told her.

"That's not possible, Elizabeth is much too kind to hate anyone," Georgiana told him. "What was the fight about?"

"I believe there was more than one reason, but mainly it was because she blames me for the breakup of her sister Jane and Charles. Elizabeth came across some notes I wrote concerning her sister and Charles. She became very angry by what she read, and that along with some other information she was told made her decide that I was the worst kind of selfish, uncaring person ever to live," he told her.

Georgiana felt terrible for her brother. "What kind of things was she told about you?"

"It does not matter," Darcy told her.

"William, you must tell me," she demanded.

Darcy walked back over to the window he lowered his gaze to the floor, "Georgie, I don't want to upset you with this, but since you feel you must know, it was George Wickham. He and Elizabeth met through a mutual family friend, and he told her lies about our father. He told her that I disregarded father's last wishes and refused to give him the money that had was promised to him."

Georgiana was speechless; her face went white as she walked over and sat down on the sofa, "Oh William, I'm so sorry," she told him. "But you explained, you told Elizabeth the truth about how evil Wickham is, didn't you?"

Darcy walked over and sat down next to her. "She was so furious with me she wouldn't listen, but later I wrote her an email. I hope you are not upset with me, but I told her everything that happened," he confessed. "I felt it necessary to make her understand just what kind of man George Wickham is and what he's capable of."

Georgiana understood his reasoning, "It's all right William. I'm not the same little girl I was when he used me as he did. He no longer has any power to hurt me as he once did."

Darcy smiled, "You really have grown up."

Georgiana tried to encourage him where Elizabeth was concerned, "If you wrote and told her all about Wickham then surely she has forgiven you."

Darcy got to his feet, "No, I don't think she will ever forgive me as much as I wish she would."

"William, she wrote in her email that she regretted the things she said," Georgiana told him. "That must mean she has read your email and knows that you are not the person Wickham painted you out to be," she tried to encourage him. "She knows that he's a liar now and perhaps she will be willing to listen to you."

Darcy shook his head no, "If she wrote of regretting her words I'm sure it's only about what she said concerning Wickham. She still will not forget or forgive the pain that she believes I caused her sister."

"William, what really happened with Charles and Jane Bennet," Georgiana asked.

Darcy ran his hand through his hair pushing it back from his forehead. "I advised Charles to end things with her," he told her. "He was planning to ask her to marry him, and I advised against it."

Georgiana was surprised; she didn't say anything for several minutes. She knew how very close Jane and Elizabeth were. Elizabeth shared with her about Jane and how she was not only her older sister but her closest friend. She could see where that hurt would run very deep.

Darcy shook his head feeling frustrated, "See even you have nothing to say about it," he said finally breaking the silence.

"I won't lie to you William I'm stunned. Why would you do such a thing?" she asked trying not to sound overly critical.

Darcy fought off the urge to defend himself and instead calmly explained what he believed to be true. He shared with her about Elizabeth's mother and other sisters, and that he didn't believe Jane to be in love with Charles. "Perhaps I made judgments that I shouldn't have made, but I did give my view of the situation with Charles as a friend because I didn't want to see him harmed or in a situation that he would regret."

Georgiana knew that was true; her brother would never treat anyone unkind. "William, I know you would never do anything, or say anything that wasn't true. If you believed that Jane Bennet was only spending time with Charles because of her mother, then you were right to tell him so."

Darcy took in a deep breath as he considered what she said. It would be easy just to accept her praise of him, but with all the late-night soul-searching he had done he couldn't leave it at that, "No Georgie, there is more to it than that," he finally admitted, "I was smug and arrogant with the Bennets. I behaved as if I was better than they were for many reasons, reasons that don't even matter to me now.

"Mrs. Bennet is extremely ill-mannered and obnoxious, and her younger daughters do run wild. And it's true that her father neglects his duty and laughs at their behavior, but where Jane and Elizabeth are concerned..." Darcy told her. "Where they are concerned, I could find no fault in either of them. Truthfully, I found myself attracted to Elizabeth almost the first moment I really looked at her, and it frightened me. I wanted them both to be just as awful as I thought their family was so that I could distance myself from them so I wouldn't have to face the fact that I was beginning to care for Elizabeth. The more I think back at my actions, the more I realize I didn't see any love in Jane for Charles because I didn't want to. I hoped he would end things with her and then I would never see Elizabeth again," he went on. "Or at least I thought that, but fate seemed to have a different idea on the matter and the more I tried to put Elizabeth from my mind the deeper she was in my heart until all I could think of was being with her. When I spoke to Charles after the party at Netherfield, I convinced myself that what I was saying was true and for his benefit. I have done him a great disservice as his friend, and I plan to rectify that soon."

Georgiana smiled, "William if you shared all this with Elizabeth she would forgive you I'm sure," she tried to persuade him.

"No, she made it very clear that she held nothing, but dislike and disgust for me. She will not forgive me, of that I'm very sure," Darcy told her sadly.

"That's not her true feelings for you," she told him. "I know they are not, in her email she wrote about how sorry she was for the fight the two of you had," she told him. "I think she cares very much for you."

Darcy didn't say anything for some time, "I don't think so Georgie, as much as I wish things were different I believe her opinion of me is the same as that day at Rosings. She was probably just being kind for your sake. If she truly has forgiven me, she would have responded to my email, but she didn't."

Georgiana felt terrible for both her friend and her brother. "Is there no way this can be fixed?"

Darcy shook his head no. "I'm afraid not," was all he said.