A/N: Yo, it's been…yeah. I wish I could have updated sooner, a LOT sooner, but shit on my end has been totally crammed. I know I say it a lot but it's the truth. 60 hour work weeks, transferring colleges, original story in the works…I can ashamedly say this story got neglected and I feel it's inexcusable. I wanted to have at least another chapter written before I posted this one just so I could give you a second update quickly but I realize that I'm tired of making you guys wait. It's not fair to you and I'm pissed at myself for allowing this long of a gap in updates to happen. Please forgive me. That being said, I must admit you guys were rather…vocal about the last chapter. It was great to see I didn't totally bomb the scene and while I understand you're feeling miffed about a SakuSas lemon, think of it like this. Wouldn't you rather I have a little experience under my belt for when I finally write that steamy scene everyone's just dying to see? I know I would! Also, I may have lied about the significance of last chapter, it's actually kinda really important. On a final note, I would like to have a new chapter up in a week. If I don't, I want each and every one of you to PM me with a message that says "Kick in the Balls!" Nothing more, nothing less because I'll deserve it. Just to be nice this chapter his chock full of hilarious moments to make up for the long wait. Enjoy!
Shadow Vortex632: I just may use that idea lol. Don't worry, I'll give you a shout out if I do!
Hektols: I agree with you it would be hilarious. Unfortunately, the way I have the story planned out that won't happen.
Nivlac: George Tek—? Ah, never mind ;)
Bombies: You may not have an account on here, but I'll thank you for the compliment! I agree, I am a bit of an evil dictator when it comes to things like cliffhangers and the likes. But hey, it keeps you guys hooked!
Narutovsjesus: You'll be surprised just how important last chapter ends up being.
Andakin117: I appreciate the review and I'm glad someone out there took the time to actually break down how I portray my characters. A big thanks to you my friend!
Last Time: Sasuke and Sakura got it on. That is all. Oh, and Katsuya is a perv.
Chapter 33: Moving Out, Moving Up
The past week had been nothing more than a blur for Karin. The majority of her time was spent inside the apartment sleeping, eating, or asking Renge questions. So when Naruto plopped a money pouch on the table and suggested she go explore the village and buy some new clothes for the upcoming festival—it caught her slightly off guard.
Naruto was somewhat of a mystery to her. He was kind, bright, fun-loving, and not to mention powerful. But there were times when he thought he was alone—when no one could sense his thoughts—that a darker aura seemed to take hold of him. She remembered the night he came home in the early hours of the morning. She had fallen asleep on the couch watching T.V. but had awoken when he came through the door. The look on his face was completely different from the usual one he had. It was shadowed, troubled, and there were bags under his eyes from an obvious lack of sleep. His shoulders were tense and the slightest hint of a frown could be seen on his face.
Needless to say, Karin was worried about her self-appointed brother. However, at the moment she had a slightly more concerning problem. She found herself wandering around the shopping district aimlessly, clueless as to where she was going, and the people seemed to notice. Not that her bright red hair helped any, but the citizens seemed to notice she was an outsider. She could see them trying to discreetly point and whisper whatever rumors were making the rounds on the street. Ducking her head down, Karin did her best to try and avoid the glances and make her way to wherever the godforsaken clothing store was. Catching a window that seemed to advertise ninja apparel, she eagerly went inside to get off the street for a little bit.
The bell rang as she stepped inside and a voice instantly responded.
"Welcome to Shinobi Outfitter, all walls are 25% off and—oh it's you…" A girl behind the counter muttered. Her bright attitude suddenly replaced with a resenting stare.
"I was hoping you'd have some blouses and shorts." Karin said, trying to avoid sounding too meek. It was so unlike her, and it was driving her crazy. Usually she was loud and quick to yell if annoyed, but in an entire village where everyone stared at you like you might be infected she couldn't help but feel slightly vulnerable. Beside, this place was her home now and the first place where she actually belonged. She didn't want to be hated…
"Back wall," was all the black bob haired girl said, waving her off dismissively and inspecting her nails.
Karin nodded and headed to the back of the store to inspect the collection. Finding a blouse in the right size and color, she inspected the fabric closely wanting to make sure she wasn't being cheated. From what she could tell while not the best fabric, it wasn't the worst either. And if there wasn't a sale then she would definitely be getting ripped off. Just as she came to the decision to buy a couple pairs the door chimed again and a loud group of people walked in shouting and laughing.
"Isane!" One of the girls in the group called out to the girl behind the counter. "We got tired of waiting for you to get off work so we decided to visit. How's it been today?"
Isane smiled but then frowned. "Okay for the most part." She said as her eyes flicked to the back wall and then back to the group.
The group glanced at the wall where she had looked and found the red head sticking out like a sore thumb.
"Oi, isn't that the prisoner that Naruto-san released?" One of the boys asked.
"I heard she was from the same group that attacked the village." Another boy added.
"Kanmi-chan said she seduced Naruto-kun and that's why she was set free." The girl that greeted Isane added.
"Figures," A second one muttered, "what a whore. Spreads her legs to get off the hook."
"I don't care who she is or what she's done." Isane frowned while folding her arms. "What she is, is an inconvenience."
At the back wall, Karin's hand shook as she reached for a pair of shorts in her size. They weren't trying to be subtle in their conversation and it was having an effect on her. While angry, Karin also found herself trying not to cry. Once again her emotions were proving to be frustrating due to their indecisiveness. All she wanted was to be accepted and feel at home, but the untrusting and downright hateful glares she was receiving were making it feel like she had made a mistake in leaving her prison cell.
"Better to rot away alone in self-loathing than to burn away under hate and scorn." Karin thought as her throat tightened and she squeezed her eyes shut.
Clutching onto the jacket Naruto had loaned her as a source of comfort, Karin tried to push the tears down and grabbed a few pairs of shorts. She arrived at the register a few moments later and slapped the clothing onto the counter, ignoring the group to her right as the stared.
An awkward silence fell as Isane rang up the merchandise. The group stared at Karin. Karin stared at Isane. Isane stared at the clothing. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Isane punched a few more buttons into the register and hit enter.
"You're total is 1,963,000 ryō." Isane said without even a smile.
Karin started to reach for her money before she suddenly stopped and looked at the girl in disbelief. "There's no way," she said before motioning behind her. "What about the 25% off?"
"That only applies to Konoha citizens." Isane said glaringly.
"I am a citizen." Karin ground out.
"Then let me see your I.D."
"I…don't have one yet…"
"What was that?" Isane asked, to which the rest of the group laughed earning a smirk from the sales associate.
"I don't have one yet." Karin said again looking down in anger. Her face was starting to heat up and she could feel tears threatening to spill. This was so embarrassing.
"Well then I can't give you the discount." Isane said with a note of finality.
Karin looked down at the money pouch in her hand. She had enough to buy the clothes; her nii-sama had made sure of that. But that's all she would be able to afford. She was hoping to get some mesh armor to wear underneath but it looked like she would have to ask Naruto for more money. Once again, embarrassing.
Just as Karin was about to hand the roll of ryō over someone came up next to her and threw down a massive pile of white training robes all of different sizes. It was the breaking point for the red head, to be ridiculed, scorned, and cut in line was just too much. As she rounded on the stranger in a rage with tears in her eyes a brief moment of familiarity registered and her words died in her throat.
"I'm sorry; I know you close soon so I tried to hurry." Hinata said with a smile to Isane. "However, I suddenly find myself torn between wanting to shop around a bit and sticking to my list."
"Take all the time you need, Hinata-sama." Isane said with a superficial smile. If Karin wasn't trained she would've missed the brief flicker of irritation and…was that envy?
Hinata nodded and then turned to Karin. "Karin-chan it's so good to see you again!" She gave the red head a genuine smile that instantly put her at ease but then frowned. "Please tell me you are not looking to buy those clothes."
Karin could only look dumbly down at the clothes on the counter before looking back at the heiress and shrugging. "No?"
"Good." Hinata said with smile, ignoring the look of agitation that was beginning to creep onto Isane's face. "Those clothes are much too cheaply made to be of any use on a mission."
"Then why are you shopping here?" Isane asked, barely hiding her contempt.
"Oh well the Hyuuga training is so rigorous that our robes are constantly being torn and destroyed. It doesn't matter what quality the robes are because of the techniques we use so we like to just go ahead and buy these cheaply made things." Hinata smiled as she picked up one of the robes for show before tossing it on the counter.
"How fortunate for you." Isane muttered with a glare.
"Indeed." Hinata said with a fake smile before putting a finger to her chin. "However, I suddenly find the customer service here wanting. What do you think Karin-chan?"
Karin blinked before a grin grew across her face. "I'd say it's a little more than wanting. But you know how civvies are…" She waved her hand towards Isane. "Never appreciative of anything ninja do."
"I am completely appreciative of everything the ninja do for this village." Isane growled out glaring Karin. "However, you are not a ninja of this village. In fact, you aren't even a civilian of this village. You're just some worthless trash this village decided to take pity on."
The group next to the snickered as they watched the feud go back and forth, obviously rooting for their friend behind the counter.
"Don't forget, Isane-san, that it was Naruto-kun that took Karin-chan in." Hinata corrected. "She is his family after all."
"Well then Naruto is a bigger idiot than what the rumors say!" Isane snapped back.
Karin was about to defend Naruto when a sudden chill fell over her followed by a sudden fear for her own life. Glancing towards the source, she found Hinata with death glare fixed on Isane, her K.I. so thick that the girl was practically choking on the air.
"Naruto-kun. Is. Not. Stupid." Hinata said evenly, but the rage in her words were barely contained just beneath the surface. "Understood?"
Isane could only nod, but as soon as she did the atmosphere changed instantly.
"Excellent!" Hinata chirped brightly as if just a second ago she hadn't been about to send a Hollow Fist into the girls chest. She then turned to Karin and grabbed her hand. "Come on Karin; let's go see if we can't find some better deals. I'm sure Isane-san won't mind staying a little later to clean up the store."
Isane shook her head no but then stopped. "Clean up the store?"
As soon as the words left her lips, Hinata turned around at the door and sent an Air Palm smashing into the first isle, which then domino-ed down the entire length of the store.
"I may have made a little mess while browsing." Hinata said sweetly with a smile. "Sorry for the trouble."
She then turned and led a stunned Karin out into the streets. Once they were outside, Hinata turned to her and gave an apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry to have caused such a scene; it would appear Naruto-kun is rubbing off on me a little."
"A little?" Karin echoed.
"It upsets me when people look down on others."
"You won't get in trouble will you?" Karin asked, suddenly worried she had just gotten his nii-sama's girlfriend in trouble.
"Oh don't worry about it." Hinata said waving her off. "This nothing compared to the time Lee-kun got drunk at the Hibachi restaurant. Poor Neji-nii was so beat up afterwards from trying to restrain him."
Karin's head snapped up at the mention of Neji's name. "Neji-kun is your brother?"
"Cousin, but we're close enough to be siblings."
Karin shifted back and forth while looking at the ground blushing for a moment before asking, "I know it's not my place to ask since we hardly know each other, but could you tell me how Neji-kun is?
Hinata cocked an eyebrow at Karin before the realization dawned on her. She was the reason Neji had been showing up late and looked like he had gotten barely any sleep for the past few weeks. Hinata had just chalked it up to the rigorous training, but it all made sense now. Why Neji had been taken out of the I.D. and placed on temporary probation.
The surprise must have shown on her face because once Karin saw it she began to wave her hands and sputter. "I-I know I have n-no right asking you since we hardly know each other! But since you're nii-sama's girlfriend I'd hoped you wouldn't mind telling me! I-It's okay if y-you don't want to!"
Karin's face was beat red and burning a hole into the street so she missed Hinata's face doing the exact same.
"L-Let's f-fi-nd a store!" Hinata said grabbing her hand and dragging her down the road. "We'll d-discuss n-nii-san there."
Naruto let out a content sigh as he slipped his key into the door. It had been an intense week of preparations and the only thing he wanted to do now was crash on the couch for the rest of the day. With all the planning, stress, and training he was long overdue for some high quality couch potato-ing.
Unfortunately, the stars were not in proper alignment for this kind of evening because as soon as his door opened he was greeted with a giant plume of black rancid smoke billowing into his face. Temporarily blinded by tears caused by the poisonous cloud, Naruto coughed violently and waved his hand in a desperate attempt to clear the air before a sudden unearthly wail echoed through the apartment.
The next second there was a crash before Renge's panicked voice shouted, "Shut the door! We can't let it escape into the world!"
Naruto had just enough time to stumble into the smoke screened apartment before another shriek came from the kitchen and moved quickly towards him and the door. Slamming the door behind him, Naruto managed to make out through his tears a blob like shadow come to a stop just in front of him before suddenly darting into the living room with another screech.
"What the hell was that?!" Naruto shouted while pointing at the spot that had just held the mysterious creature. "And why the hell is the apartment on fire!?"
Suddenly, Sai appeared before him wearing what was once a white apron, oven mits, and—for some unknown reason—wrap around glass goggles. His face was smeared with soot and his hair was blown back in a way that made him look like he'd just taken a paper bomb to the face. A crazed grin grew across Sai's face as he said, "It's dinner!"
He then pulled out a kunai and dove into the living room.
Renge appeared right after him with a look of horror on her face. "I'm glad you're here! Quick, make some shadow clones so we can kill it!"
"What the hell is happening?" Naruto asked hysterically, throwing his hands into the air before coughing on the smoke.
"I tried to teach Sai how to cook." Renge said and then looked into the living room when she heard a crash. "The key word here being tried."
Naruto stared at the woman in shock before limply pointing into the living room. "You mean to tell me you two created that thing?" Receiving a nod Naruto then threw his hands in the air again, "What the hell happened?!"
"I don't really know myself." Renge said scratching her head. "I told Sai the secret to any cooking is to put love into it…" Another screech echoed through the apartment followed by a crash that uncannily sounded like the potted peace lily being smashed to bits. "…Whatever he put into it, it wasn't love."
"Ya think!?" Naruto said sarcastically before he was forced to duck as Sai came flying back through the doorway and slammed into the wall.
"He is indeed a worthy opponent." Sai gasped out as he stood up and nursed his ribs. "I may need your help with it."
Naruto stared at the two crazed members of his family before bowing his head and sighing in resignation. Making his signature hand sign, four clones popped into existence.
"Go put out whatever is burning in the kitchen." Naruto said pointing at one of the clones who nodded. "The rest of you are with me."
Pulling out kunai, they all trudged into the living room. And so began the incident that would forever be known as the Uzumaki Kitchen Fiasco.
Karin let out another giggle as she and Hinata listened to Tenten's recount of her and Lee's first date. The group was in the process of helping the red head carry all of her supplies home and it allowed them to catch up on what they had missed. Hinata had insisted the best place to buy any ninja apparel was from Tenten's store. She couldn't have been more right. It took only five minutes for Karin to find everything she needed with the help of the other two girls. The last hour and a half though had been filled with nothing but gossip and Tenten's current regaling of her disastrous date with the taijutsu master.
"So let me get this straight, not only does he completely destroy the restaurant, but he also doesn't remember a thing afterwards?" Karin asked between breathes of air.
"I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life. How was I supposed to know fermented seaweed wraps would get him drunk?" Tenten said rubbing her temples. "I was so mad at him, all I wanted to do was pummel him into the ground! But I knew it would cause an even bigger scene." She let out a sigh, "Oh well, it almost saved him."
"Almost?" Hinata asked through a giggle of her own.
"I was going to spare him until he pinched my ass and called me his little brown sugar panda!" Tenten said with a blush as she crossed her arms. This earned another round of laughs and caused her to scowl. "Oh shut it! I don't see either of you two going on dates!"
It had the desired effect as both of them shut up and blushed. After a moment though Hinata managed to stammer out, "Actually I h-have a date with Naruto-kun tomorrow."
Tenten blinked once before she let out a squeal and hugged the Hyuuga heiress. "It's about damn time! How did he ask you out? Was he nervous? Do you think he's freaking out right now?" Tenten's eyes suddenly widened and she turned to Karin. "You live with him now! Has he been a nervous wreck?"
Karin and Hinata both took a step back from the weapons mistress before Karin shook her head.
"I honestly don't know how nii-sama is feeling. I rarely ever see him and when I do it's only for a brief time before he goes to sleep or leaves again." Karin said with concern evident in her voice.
"Seriously?" Tenten asked getting a nod from Karin. "Huh, well I wonder what he's up to then. Must be pretty important."
She failed to see Hinata shift uncomfortably as they turned the finally corner and came to a sudden stop. Looking on in horror, the three girls watched as black smog rolled out of Karin's apartment.
"Naruto!" Karin and Hinata yelled at the same time as they dropped their things and sprinted towards the building.
They were making their way up the stairs when a sudden beam of lightning shot out the side of apartment and cleanly cut through an entire wall before tapering off. Seconds later a torrent of water blew out a window causing even more black smoke to roll out. Terrified at what could possibly be happening, Hinata was about to reach for the door when an orange blur burst through it and slammed into the metal railing causing it to dent from the force.
"Naruto-kun!" Hinata shouted in shock and tried to make her way towards him.
Naruto had just enough time to let out a groan and looked towards her in confusion before Renge cried out, "Naruto, seal the door!"
Swearing under his breath, Naruto leapt up and through the doors leaving a completely stupefied Hinata behind with her hand still outstretched towards where he once was. Flipping through some hand seals, Naruto landed inside the apartment and slammed his hand on the ground causing a thin blue light to rise up through the doorway and effectively seal it off. He then gave the girls a sheepish grin before disappearing back into the smoky abyss. Shortly after another baleful wail echoed through the apartment before the wall further on down the walkway blew out from what appeared to be an earth jutsu.
"There it is!" Jihibiki shouted, the girls listening on with trepidation. "Kill it with fire!"
There was another explosion and what appeared to be a part of the roof was blown away by a fire ball jutsu.
"Fools!" Sai's cackled maniacally. "Fire is what gave it life!"
"Fuck I lost sight of it, where did it go?" Naruto shouted hysterically.
"I see it!" Said a familiar voice, causing both Karin and Hinata to blink in surprise. "It went back into the kitchen!"
"Nii-san?" Hinata asked in confusion.
"What is going on?" Karin asked just as confused.
"Hinata! Karin!" Naruto's voice suddenly rang out causing both of them to jump. "Get out of here now!"
"B-But nii-sama" Karin stammered out, "we want to—"
The rest of what she was going to say turned into a scream which Hinata joined in on when a sudden brown blob slammed into the doorway barrier and screeched. It seemed to glare at them before opening its' circular mouth and begin to suck on the blue light—rows of sharply hooked teeth grating against the chakra force field. Then as quickly as it appeared it darted away and a kunai struck the place where it had just been followed shortly after by an explosion from the paper bomb attached to it.
"Go now!" Naruto commanded.
The two girls didn't need any more convincing. Turning on their heels, they sprinted back the way they had come. Upon arriving at the stairs, they found Tenten who had just managed to make it to the top.
"Hey guys, what the hell is going—" The rest of what the bun girl was going to say was cut off as both Karin and Hinata hooked their arms through hers and dragged her backwards down the steps.
Back in the apartment, Naruto let out a less than manly cry of terror as he managed to barely dodge an attack from Frankenslime, which the creature had quickly been dubbed.
"Have a little dignity!" Jihibiki snorted before letting out a high pitched squeal as the creature suddenly attacked his leg. "Get it off! Get it off!"
Managing to kick it off, the brown blob let loose a battle cry as it flew through the air and attached to Neji's face. Said Hyuuga then proceeded to run through the apartment flailing his arms in the air and crashing into things as he muffled cries for help echoed through rooms. Running head first into a wall, the creature let out a yelp before detaching itself from Neji and plopping to the ground. As the others surrounded it to aide their wounded comrade, Frankenslime's back raised up like hackles before it hissed and shot into the living room again.
"Are you hurt?" Naruto asked as he helped the man up.
"Only my dignity." Neji replied morosely.
"We've all taken a hit to that today." Jihibiki groused.
"Did you see where Frankenslime went?" Sai asked.
"I think I saw it go under the couch." Renge replied.
A look of terror crossed Sai's face and he tried to rush into the room. However, Naruto and Renge managed to grab the pale artist before he could. "Let me go!" Sai shouted as he struggled desperately. "We have to save it! We have to save the couch!"
"Dammit man, get a hold of yourself!" Naruto shouted as he smacked Sai across the face. The shock seemed to knock Sai back into reality and Naruto explained, "We have it right where we want it. Frankenslime thinks it's safe under the couch. All we have to do is hit it with something big."
"Y-You don't mean…" Sai said dreadfully quiet.
Naruto nodded, "We have to sacrifice it Sai. It's for the greater good."
"I…I understand." Sai replied heartbroken. "Please, let me do it. I brought this thing into this world, it's only fitting that I take it out."
The others nodded and Sai slowly turned towards the door to the living room. Slowly reaching into his pack, he grabbed an adhesive paper bomb and peeled the back cover off of it. Pulling his hand back dejectedly, Sai took aim and threw the explosive—the weighted end sending it sailing through the air before it silently slapped up against the side of the couch and stuck.
Taking one last look at the upholstery crafted by the gods, a single tear rolled down his cheek as Sai whispered, "Good bye…old friend."
Holding up his hand, he detonated the bomb.
Outside, Karin, Hinata, and Tenten watched on in grim fascination as a massive fireball exploded through the roof of the apartment. Seconds later, they watched as a large flaming object came rocketing back towards the earth.
"What is that?" Tenten asked as she squinted against the sun.
The fireball smashed into the street in a cloud of smoke and when it finally cleared it was Karin who identified the object.
"Noooooooo!" The red head screamed as she fell to her knees with tears streaming down her cheeks. "No! No! No!" Crawling towards the wreckage, she could only hover over the still burning cinders while crying out. "My…My precious!"
When Naruto and everyone else stumbled out of the smoldering wreckage that was once their apartment, they were greeted by three things. A large group of citizens, a sobbing Karin who was being watched by said group of citizens as she mourned the couch, and a group of Anbu trying to maintain order.
"Dibs on the distraught red head." Neji said as he shuffled over to console the crying Uzumaki.
"We'll take the crowd!" Jihibiki chirped while he and Renge quickly moved to calm and disperse the people.
Naruto blinked before realization set in and he shouted, "Nose goes!" as he put a finger to his nose.
Looking over, he nearly face planted when he saw Sai already rubbing his nose in an attempt to get the soot out of it. He looked over at the disheartened blonde and asked, "Nose goes? It goes on your face, right?"
"Sonuvabitch…" Naruto muttered as he trudged slowly up to the Anbu captain in charge of the group, giving a half hearted wave and a weak smile.
"Naruto-sama," the captain said with a respectful nod. "What exactly…" he paused as he looked at the apartment completely engulfed in flames, "…happened here?"
Closing his eyes, Naruto took a deep breath before exhaling and looking at them. "Well boys, this story begins with a man who tried to play god…"
…2 Hours Later—Hokage's Office…
"So let me get this straight," Tsunade said as she tried, and failed, to fight off the massive migraine. "This is all started because you," she said pointing at Renge, "tried to teach him," she then pointed at Sai, "how to cook. Then you," she then pointed at Naruto, "came back to a home science fair project gone wrong. Am I forgetting anyone?"
"Me, Hokage-sama." Neji said flatly.
"Oh right…wait, how did you end up in this whole mess?" Tsunade asked confused.
"Well…"
Flashback—2.5 hours ago
Neji was slightly concerned by the noxious smoke pouring from Naruto's apartment but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. If he was honest, he had more important things to worry about. Knocking on the door he was surprised when it swung open and found a soot covered Naruto looking at him with a crazed gleam in his eye.
"Neji?"
"Naruto, I would like to speak with Karin-chan. Is she home?"
"Nope! But we need your help!"
Before Neji could say anything Naruto grabbed the front of his robes and dragged him inside while slamming the door shut behind him.
Flashback End
"…and that about sums it up," Neji said as he sagely folded his arms.
Tsunade could only stare at the group as her bottom eyelid twitched uncontrollably. Before any of them could react, she grabbed the nearest scroll and threw it at the Hyuuga's head which sent him spiraling to the floor with a yelp.
"BAKA!" Tsunade shouted. "Don't go saying something like that and then finish with, 'and that about sums it up'! It explains nothing!" She leveled them all with a withering glare. "How did this…" she squinted at the report, "Frankenslime, even come to life? Why is it that a jonin with a bloodline, two seal masters, and a toad sage couldn't defeat this thing with less collateral? Why was Karin found a complete mess in front of a pile of ashes that was once the living room couch? And why? Why?! WHY?! Did I have to send out another Anbu squad to fetch the first one I sent, only to find them sitting cross legged and wide eyed on the ground as they listened to you?!" Tsunade finished near hysteric as she threw another scroll and beamed Naruto in the head this time.
"In his defense, Tsunade-chan, it was a very riveting story." Jihibiki said with a grin before he found himself on the floor with the others thanks to another scroll.
Climbing back to his feet, Naruto said, "I think we're overlooking the fact that Sai actually managed to bring something to life with his cooking…oof!"
Sai looked at his adoptive brother as he nursed another lump on his head thanks to a second scroll. Looking around the room at the others he then turned to Tsunade and opened his mouth only to have a scroll slam right between his eyes and topple him over.
"You don't speak!" Tsunade said menacingly as she pointed at the artist.
"Where the hell are you getting all these scrolls from?!" Naruto asked exasperatedly, this time managing to duck under the incoming missile of wrapped parchment.
"Why the hell can't this family stay out of trouble?" Tsunade fired back. Naruto opened his mouth to respond but then snapped it shut when he realized he had no answer to that question. Sighing wearily, she sat back in her chair and said, "Now I have to find housing for four nut jobs."
"Make that five nut jobs!" Sai said brightly as he stood up.
"Huh?" Tsunade asked, looking towards Naruto for an answer. "Doesn't he have his own place?"
"It's a long story," Naruto said shrugging his shoulders. "Sai has been sleeping on my couch for about two weeks."
"My precious…" Karin sniffled as she held herself.
Tsunade cocked and eyebrow and pointed at her, "Do I even want to know?"
"Honestly," Naruto said rubbing the back of his head, "it's a longer story than this whole kitchen nightmare."
A groan escaped the buxom blonde as she sat back in her chair and rubbed her temples. She continued to do so until a cough from Renge caused her to look towards her elder and she saw her with that god forsaken reckless grin they all had.
"Jihibiki and I have been discussing it for awhile now, we think it's time for Naruto to receive his inheritance." Renge said.
"What inheritance?" Naruto asked looking over at the two.
"Didn't you ever wonder where your parents lived?" Jihibiki asked with a grin.
"To be honest…not really." Naruto said with a sheepish smile causing everyone to face palm.
"Well start wonderin' because we're taking ya there!" Renge snapped reaching over and slapping him upside the head.
Naruto scowled and rubbed the back of his head before he looked at Hinata and smiled. "Care to escort me to my new place, Hime?" Hinata blushed but gave a shy smile and nod.
"Your place, nii-sama?" Karin asked putting her hands on her hips. "I think you mean to say our new place."
Naruto blinked before he gave her a soft smile and nod. "You're right Karin; let's go see our new place." He then looked around at all of them, "All of us."
Tsunade closed her eyes and bowed her head, allowing a smirk so grace her lips before she you looked up and barked out, "Shizune, get in here!"
"Yes, Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked poking her head through the door.
"Start locking up, we're heading out." Tsunade said as she reached into her desk and pulled out a black book. Flipping through a few pages she found her page and skimmed through it quickly before snapping it shut and putting it back. She then stood up and walked over to the portraits of the previous Hokages, stopping in front of Minato's.
"Yes Tsunade-sama." Shizune said with a resigned sigh. "I'll put all the papers you need to look through on your desk for the morning."
"You don't understand," Tsunade said as she suddenly grabbed the corner of Minato and swung him away to reveal a safe. "You're coming with us," she said and then spun the dial a few times until there was an audible click.
"O-Oh, okay." Shizune said surprised. "Let me put everything away and then we can lock-up."
Tsunade nodded and opened the safe, everyone leaning forward and trying to see what the contents might be. Inside the safe sat two objects. One was a scroll and the other a key. Tsunade looked at both before she reached in and grabbed the key. Shutting everything back up, the blonde turned around and looked at the rest of the group and smiled.
"Are we ready to go?" She asked.
"You bet!" Naruto said with a fist pump. "Where are we headed?"
The three elders just grinned.
"You gotta be kidding me!" Naruto mumbled as he stood slouched over and mouth agape. Next to him, and equally shocked Karin, Hinata, and Neji stood by with the same expression.
Before them stood a rusted wrought iron gate barely standing on its own under a rotted tori gate. Dead vines wrapped around both gates and on either side bordering the front of the property was a crumbling stone wall. Looking beyond the divide, Naruto gulped at the possibility of what kind of decrepit building he would have to most likely tear down and rebuild. He couldn't be sure until he got in there though since from the gate all he could see was a thick, over grown forest that somehow reminded him of the Forest of Death.
Naruto looked over at Tsunade and then loosely pointed towards the gate. "Are we even going to need a key?" He asked dejectedly.
"You'll want to use it if you don't want to get a nasty reality check." Renge said with a grin. "Tsunade-chan, give Naruto-kun the key. He needs to be the one who opens the gate."
Shrugging, Tsunade passed the key off to her fellow blonde and took a step back for good measures. If there was one thing she learned from this family, it was to not take anything for granted.
Naruto looked at the plain key for a moment before cocking an eyebrow and shrugging. He stepped up to the gate and forcefully pushed the key into the rusted lock, the old metal moaned and shuddered as the foreign metal invaded it and forced it to make way for its' long forgotten partner. With a tiny grunt of effort, Naruto turned the key and let out a yelp when he suddenly felt the chakra in his hand suddenly drain away and then surge back into his body. After the slight scare, the lock clicked and the group watched wide eyed as the scenery before them shimmered away and was replaced by a pristine four foot stone wall leading up to a red and blue tori gate with the Uzumaki symbol in the center. Further on, a glimpse could be seen of blue tiled roofing poking up into the sky just beyond the tree line.
"Well…" Naruto said after a moment of gaping. "That escalated quickly."
"That was frickin' awesome!" Karin said with a grin.
"How did that even happen?" Tsunade asked while shaking her head. "Genjutsu?"
"Yep!" Jihibiki said puffing out his chest and grinning widely. "One of the Uzumaki's finer accomplishments. A continuous genjutsu based seal which remains active by absorbing natural chakra."
"A-Amazing." Hinata said quietly.
"Just wait till you see the inside," Renge said with a toothy grin. Walking by she whispered into the Hyuuga's ear so only she could hear, "You'll love the bedroom," and gave her a wink and quick swat on the butt. Hinata went rigid and her eyes grew as a wave of crimson descended down her face and to her chest below.
"Then what are we waiting for?" Naruto asked excitedly as he pushed open the gate and grabbed Hinata's hand. "Let's check out our new place!"
"Our…new…place?" Hinata's eyes grew a fraction wider and then her body swayed back and forth. "Bedroom…Our…bedroom…" It was a miracle she didn't faint at the thought. Her heart jumped and beat faster. Her breath hitched and then picked up. Her head went light. But no darkness came. Instead, myriads of scenarios ran through her mind—each one becoming more intense than the last until she finally ended on one that had little Hinata quickly soaking the only fabric she had between her body and the outside world. "I hope the door has strong hinges and the bed frame is sturdy…"
A sensation pulsed down Hinata's back causing her to shudder in excitement. She hadn't exactly had time to explore her body more, like that day back at the hospital. Not to mention all the dreams she'd been having recently of her and Naruto actually going all the way. It was the first time she had had an orgasm and it had happened only once early on when the dreams first started. She'd woken up sweating, breathless, slightly blissful, and completely soaked—pajama bottoms and sheets—from her climax. Ever since then Hinata could feel her curiosity growing, wondering just what a real one would feel like. Needless to say she was wound tighter than a mattress spring supporting the Fire Lord's wife.
Being lead dumbly along by Naruto down the stone pathway, she was oblivious to the world around as well as the snickers coming from Renge who followed. But that was okay; she had more interesting things happening in her mind at the moment. Things that would require sound proofing seals and—
Hinata was abruptly thrown from her revelries when she crashed into Naruto's back. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she noticed the blonde was rooted to his spot and unresponsive. Idly noting she was still holding his hand which caused her blush to climb a little more, she came up to his side and looked at him questioningly.
"Naruto-kun, what's wrong?"
His mouth moved but no words came out. All he did was stare and finally he managed to loosely point ahead of him. Hinata turned and a gasp escaped her, the sight she saw leaving her just as awestruck as the blonde.
"I-It's…It's beautiful!" She finally managed to get out and Naruto nodded.
The stone pathway before them opened into a circular courtyard with a white marble three tiered fountain in the center. Past that was the house itself, but Hinata quickly realized it was most certainly a mansion. The building was three stories tall, with red wooden walls and blue rooftops. It was built in the traditional sense too with each floor having its own gently sloping roof made of blue clay tiles which extended out well past the walls and then curved back up at the corners making the perfect sheltered walkway around the house. However, Hinata noticed the third story was considerably smaller than the other two floors and was spaced much further away, easily twice the length in separation compared to the first and second floor. It was also open, making it look like nothing more than a watch tower with railings instead of walls.
Naruto's hand squeezing Hinata's brought her out of her trance and she looked over at him. His shoulders were shaking slightly and he was fighting back tears. Noticing that she was looking at him, he turned his head away.
"A-Are you okay Naruto-kun?" She asked softly.
Naruto nodded his head, still looking away. He cleared his voice but she could still hear the strain in it when he spoke. "I…I was just thinking that if things had gone differently the day I was born, I'd have grown up here. With mom and dad…"
Hinata stood there stunned for a moment before her heart felt a pang of sadness. Giving his hand a reassuring squeeze causing Naruto to look at her, Hinata gave a soft smile and said, "I'm sorry things didn't turn out that way. But just think, some day you might be a father yourself and raising your own children here."
Naruto managed to choke out a chuckle and wiped his eyes with his spare arm. Looking back at her he squeezed her hand again and said with a grateful smile, "Thanks Hime. That means a lot."
Hinata blushed at her nickname and smiled, but went rigid and turned crimson when Jihibiki's voice reached the two as the rest of the group finally caught up.
"And I take it you'll be the one helping him with that task, eh Hinata-chan?"
Naruto's hand quickly let go of Hinata's, much to her disappointment, and sported a blush just as deep as hers.
"Dammit ero-jiji, leave Hinata alone!" Naruto shouted rounding on the elder.
The rest of the group burst into laughter with only Shizune shaking her head. Karin, Neji, and Sai then became silent as the marveled at the beauty of the estate and Tsunade lifted an eyebrow and let out a long appraising whistle. "Didn't realize Minato had such extravagant taste."
Renge shook her head and laughed. "No, this was all Kushina-chan's doing. If it was up to the blonde headed brat, they'd be living in a one bedroom bamboo shack."
"Somehow I'm not surprised…" Tsunade muttered before looking over at Naruto and grinning. "This is right up your alley isn't it? Big, obnoxious, and gaudy as hell."
"Why does everyone keep thinking I like gaudy things?" Naruto scowled as he folded his arms and looked at the place. He had to admit, the place did look amazing. But something about it seemed familiar, not necessarily the place itself but the aura about it. Squinting his eyes, a sudden glint caught his attention and he looked to the fountain in the center. There, at the top of the fountain, was a golden fox—head reared back as if it were howling into the sky and nine tails splayed out in a wild fashion.
"This wasn't mom's idea." Naruto murmured to himself and everyone looked at him strangely. Ignoring them, he took a step off the pathway and onto the stone courtyard. The moment his foot connected with the ground the fox sprang to life, shooting a glistening geyser up into the air before it returned down into the wells of the fountain. Just like the one in his mindscape. "Oh you've got to be shitting me."
"What's going on nii-sama?" Karin asked in confusion.
"This most definitely wasn't my mom's idea." Naruto said in disbelief as he started walking forward.
As he did flower beds running along either side of the courtyard suddenly sprang up from the ground like Spring in fast-forward; the shoots quickly rising from the ground and blooming into beautiful shades of yellows, blues, and reds. And was that…singing?! There was a damn genjutsu of choir voices harmonizing as the beds bloomed! Naruto was going to be sick, and he knew just who to blame.
"This…This is too much." Naruto said as he suddenly hunched over with his hands on his knees while the rest of the group save Renge and Jihibiki looked on with a mixture of horror and fascination. "The gaudiness factor is just too damn high!"
Closing his eyes, Naruto concentrated for a moment. "Kurama, you wouldn't happen to have anything to do with this would you?"
Silence was Naruto's answer and his eyes opened into narrow slits.
"Hey! I know you can hear me!"
Snoring suddenly echoed through his mind. Terribly, terribly, imitated snoring.
"Dammit Fuzz-ass, stop ignoring me!"
"I am not fuzzy! I'm furry!" Kurama's voice suddenly boomed through his head.
"I don't give a damn what you are!" Naruto yelled out loud as he stood up and crossed his arms. "This is just ridiculous! How did you even sell mom on this bullshit?" After a pause he then added, "Better question, how did mom sell dad on this bullshit?"
"I can show you if you'd like?" Kurama answered—a maniacal grin evident in his voice. A shiver ran down Naruto's spine.
"Ya know, I think I'd rath—" Naruto started to say before his parents suddenly doing something he thought was only possible in one of Jiraiya's books flashed before his eyes.
Naruto went rigid and the group watched on in mild entertainment as he slowly turned to them with a mortified expression upon his face.
"Baa-chan," He asked quietly. "It there a seal that can erase memories?"
"Hmm," Renge said as she put a finger to her chin. "No, but there is one for sealing them. Why?"
"Because I just saw my parents re-enacting a scene from Ero-sennin's Icha Icha Black Label series."
There was moment of silence before everyone erupted into laughter, so completely distracted by Naruto's confession they missed Hinata letting out a soft gasp and blushing a guilty red while whispering, "Oh my…"
"S-Sorry Naruto but you can live with it." Jihibiki said through tears.
"Y-Yeah," Renge said between gasps. "Consider it a rite of passage."
"I don't want this passage!" Naruto said with tears of his own as he waved his hands frantically.
"Deal with it brat!" Tsunade shouted while holding her sides in pain. "Everyone sees their parents doing it at least once in their lives."
"It's true," Neji said while he tried, and failed, to cover up his laugh by coughing into his hand.
"Terrible people. All of you." Naruto said turning around and folding his arms.
"Oh we're just teasing nii-sama." Karin said shooting Neji a quick frigid glare to make him quit and then ran over to the blonde to comfort him. "It's all in good fun."
"Exactly what Karin said," Sai voiced reassuringly. Naruto was about to smile when Sai added, "It's a joke not a dick; don't take it so hard…unlike your mom." Sai then gave victorious smile. "I believe that is what you call a burn!"
Naruto looked up at his pale brother with a horrified expression. Silence reigned yet again as everyone registered what the artist nin had just uttered. And then they all fell to the ground—Karin, Tsunade, even Hinata couldn't support herself as wave after wave of gut wrenching laughter roared from the group. It was so bad Tsunade at one point considered calling her emergency Anbu guard to save her because she thought she would die from lack of oxygen. However, the sudden burst of icy cold killing intent sobered everyone up quickly.
"I'll kill ya!" Naruto shouted as he held up his hands, his fingers twitching sporadically. "I'll kill ya, ya pasty bastard!"
Before anyone could move Naruto had tackled Sai to the ground and wrestled the now suddenly terrified Sai.
"Don't take it so hard? We'll see who's takin' it hard!" Naruto cried out, a crazed gleam in his eyes. Pulling out one of Sai's brushes from his pack he grinned maniacally. "We'll see who's laughin' when they got a brush shoved up their ass!"
"S-Stop! W-What are ya tryin' ta do?!" Sai shrieked in terror, and the brief out of character display allowed a moment of pride to swell in all of the present Uzumakis. But the moment quickly passed.
"Uzumaki rite of passage," Naruto answered his horrified counterpart. "Ya wanna be an Uzumaki don't cha?"
"Not like this!" Sai screamed as he fought tooth and nail to keep his pants on. "I'm not yer mom, I don't like wood!"
The group, who had been watching the hilarity unfold, decided enough was enough and stepped in to save Sai from the imminent sodomizing that was about to occur.
"Geeze you just don't know when to stop, do you?" Tsunade said with a sigh as she grabbed Naruto by the collar and pulled him up.
"Let me go!" Naruto said struggling against the iron grip. "Must…seek…vengeance!"
"N-Naruto-kun that's enough!" Hinata said as forcefully as she could. Stepping in front of him and putting her hands on her hips she said, "We've all had to see our parents having s-s-sex, even m-me, so get over it."
Naruto immediately stopped and looked down like a defeated puppy. Seeing that he was finally calm, Tsunade set him down and then pointed to Renge and whispered, "You teach her that?"
"Nope, that's all her." Renge said cracking a grin. "Girl's got some fire ain't she?"
"They're all mean." Naruto mumbled turning away from the group. "Everyone…Baa-chan…Sai…Even Hinata-chan."
"S-Stop acting like th-this Naruto-kun, its n-not like you." Hinata said as she walked over and, with great effort, wrapped him up in a hug. Naruto's attitude did an immediate one-eighty and he happily returned the hug causing Hinata blush hard. "B-Beside," Hinata said as she broke away and started to tug him towards the house. "I-I-I w-want t-t-to see the h-h-house!"
Naruto laughed at Hinata's eagerness to see what the inside looked like and allowed himself to be pulled along in an unusual reverse of roles. What he didn't know was Hinata was only doing so to hide the scarlet burn which reached from the top of her head down to her chest as she chanted one word over and over again in her head.
"Bedroom! Bedroom! Bedroom!"