Ch. 5: Decisions Made
After the war Harry thought his biggest problem would be grieving, but it turns out it was the question of what to do with himself. It seemed to him that his whole life had been set up for him to die, but he lived. He kept defying death even though he greeted it like an old friend. Probably why I'm still here. Harry thought ironically. The next few days after Ginny's party had been spent in deliberate confinement so he could figure out the next fork in the road. In a Hermione like fashion, Harry decided to make a list of his options. He came up with three: 1. Stay and take full custody of Teddy besides the Tonks' wishes. 2. Go to Hogwarts with Hermione and his girlfriend to finish off his education. 3. Join the Auror training program with Ron.
There were obvious pros and cons in both. If he stayed and took care of Teddy, he would be able to fill in the fatherly shoes of Remus, but at what cost? He absolutely loved Teddy, but he knew he would be tied down if he started caring for him now at only just 18. Not to mention the Tonk's had experience caring for an infant and probably would do a much better job than Harry for now. And what about Hogwarts? There he would be Head Boy, and have his friends at his side. He knew he could deal with the stares and whispering (he had learned to ignore those a while back), but he wasn't sure if there was anything left for Harry to learn at Hogwarts. To Harry school was meant to teach you how to behave and understand the outside world, and if anyone could claim that they did it would be Harry. Left over was becoming an Auror with Ron. That had been his dream 5th and 6th year; after all both his father and godfather were them. But the thing that kept Harry from immediately signing on board was the fact he would have to work for the Ministry. Sure they were run by the Light side now, but surely in his lifetime a new evil will rise. Plus how could he be expected to work at the same place that called him an attention seeking celebrity 4th and 5th year, and had him as most wanted the last year! In the end Harry was no closer to finding out his future and now had a grueling headache.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOO
He was suspended, no, floating in a cloud of light. Nothing existed, nothing mattered, there was absolutely nothing. He wasn't constricted to a singular form any longer, he was everywhere; no burdens stood before him. All was peaceful. Suddenly Harry felt himself leaving this state of peace, but he didn't want to; he wanted to stay like this. But what Harry didn't know was that bigger powers than himself were in play. Soon enough he felt himself being formed into his body again and collapse onto the newly created ground. Harry groaned and opened his eyes to the familiar site of a clean, white Kings Cross Station. That's Odd, Harry thought to himself. I didn't die...did I?
He thought back to the last thing he remembered, but couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. Harry looked around again and saw clearly what was the train station, but again no train was present; if he squinted Harry could see the faint outline of the wall that would take him on the Hogwarts express. Wait, how can I see that? jerking he moved to feel for his glasses to find they weren't there, and he could still see clearly. Just like last time. Then with another realization he looked down to his naked body. EXACTLY, like last time. Quickly he thought of clothes (to his relief arrived quickly) since he didn't know who was going to meet him here; almost gaging Harry thought of meeting Snape here like that. But it wasn't Severus who greeted young Harry, for a slim young woman walked into the view of him. This woman had fiery red hair and shining emerald eyes, his eyes. "M-mom!" Harry choked out.
The woman, presumably Lily Evans Potter, smiled at her son and ran to greet him in a hug. Openly greeting each other neither denied the tears falling from their eyes. Harry couldn't believe what was happening. He was hugging his mom! Something he had dreamed of since, well, forever. It was everything he dreamed of. Though with a pang in his heart, Harry realized this woman was only a few years older than himself. "Oh Harry!" Lily sobbed. "I'm so, so proud of you! I love you so much..." Now openly weeping, Harry moved to look at his mother; Lily looked exactly like the photos, just as beautiful and just as kind. After gaining some sense Harry gasped out, "Mom-what, what are you doing here! Am I dead?"
Lily stopped crying and now grasped her son's hands as if she would fade away any minute now. She pulled him and herself down to a bench that presumably appeared from no where, her eyes never wavering from Harry. If she was only going to see her son like this for a few moments she was going to memorize every detail and mark on his face. Lily then remembered the reason why she was sent to see her son, which allowed her smile to falter slightly. "No sweetie, you aren't dead. As to why I am here-well... the decision you are about to make is more important than you realize, and I was sent here to help you." Harry then remembered what he was doing before he entered this-wonderful-dream. Confused, he asked, "Why does what I do now so important, and who sent you?" Lily sighed and answered, "I can't say much, Harry, for I don't know much to begin with. All I know is that your burden is much bigger than just Voldemort, and what you do next will help you or weaken you. As to who sent me, I guess you could call it Death-" "Death!" Harry interrupted. Processing what his mother said, Harry thought to himself. Bloody Hell what did I do in a past life to deserve this!
Nodding, Lily replied, "Yes, you see... since you are the current master of all the Deathly Hallows-Wait! I know you're going to say you aren't, but since neither the Elder Wand nor the Resurrection Stone have been used yet by anyone else you still are their owners and the current Master of Death. But you denied this! You never wanted to escape Death, and to this it rewards you. In times of true need, help will be given to you, remember this my love." Nodding in affirmation at his mother, the duo stayed in each others silence for quite a while just enjoying the others company. Breaking the silence, Harry asked his mom, "What's it like? The afterlife I mean...And why didn't my dad, or Sirius come-Not that I'm not thrilled that you did!" Harry finished while blushing furiously. Smiling at her son, Lily said, "It's wonderful, but I don't think I can explain in terms you would understand... it's just something you-understand once you're there. Here no lies or deceit can be performed, and every soul and thing is equal. Oh and you father and Sirius really wanted to see you, they really did. But I was the only one permitted to come." This relieved Harry greatly at least knowing the others wanted to see him and weren't mad at him, welcoming the silence again.
He couldn't be more excited to see his mother, foolishly glad it didn't end up being Snape. Suddenly Harry was hit the memories of his old Potions Professor. He was friends with his mom, and loved her for that matter! But despised his father for obvious reasons, which Harry could unfortunately relate to with his experiences with Dudley. And as much as Harry hated to admit it, he felt more pity for the man than pure hatred. Swallowing his pride and calling on his courage (for he knew he would only hear the truth), Harry asked, "Mo-om...Do you love him? Snape I mean." Lily sighed and let silence rein to a few moments, but then replied in a serious tone, "I don't know... I really don't. There was a time that I could have, but then I gave James a chance and found him much more mature-and got married-had you, it just happened so quickly. But don't you dare think I regret having you Harry James Potter! I love you more than anyone else, please know that..."
Closing her eyes and quivering her lip she continued. "Maybe..in another life, we could have been a family. You would have us, Sirius, Remus, and maybe you might just have gotten along with Severus." Opening her eyes again she looked directly back at her son who was hanging on to her every word. "Harry, understand that like life, the world isn't divided into love and hate, and is anything but easy. The people we love and hate are never set in stone, as people grow and change, so do your ideals. But the person who you can grow with and still love is who you just know...is the one."
Chuckling, Lily said in a lighter tone, "You know, all Sirius talks about is how much you are like your father, which doesn't do much to humble him. Though Remus will tell me that you are so much like me as well. But now that I see you as you are, I realize you are your own person. One who will make their own mistakes and choices, and I will always be proud of you." Suddenly, Lily began to shake slightly and her image began to fade. Panic filled Harry's face. No! She can't leave... I want to stay with her. As is reading his thoughts his mother said weakly, "No Harry, I don't want to see you with me for many years." Tears now started forming in Harry's eyes again. All he had ever wanted was standing before him, and now it was being taken away from him. "But can't you visit me again, and what about my future? What am I supposed to do?"
Now Harry was trying to find something, anything that would keep his mom from leaving. Now not much more than a ghost, she answered, "I'm afraid I don't know if I can visit you again sweetie. And I have faith in you will make the right decision no matter what it will be, just follow your heart." Now giving a smirk that reminded Harry much of Sirius' she continued, "And do thank that Hermione for me will you? She's done quite a fine job of keeping you in one piece." Harry blushed slightly at her comment and nodded sheepishly like a child. Now he could see practically nothing was left of his mother, now all that was left was a wisp of green sparks he knew to be her eyes. The last thing he remembered was the feeling of a motherly hug, and a bright light before everything went dark again.
OOOOOOOOOO
When Harry woke up he was happily greeted by his pounding headache. Groaning, he moved his head to feel his glasses slipping off his face, and parchment with pros and cons sticking to his cheek. Peeling if off groggily, Harry thought over his 'dream'. He met his mom! Just this thought brought a well needed smile and glow to his eyes. Oh how he wished he could visit her anytime he could, but if anyone could understand the larger roles in life it was him. But how was he the master of death still? Hadn't he returned the wand to Dumbledore? Harry sighed and felt the pain in his head increase. This isn't the best time for me to think of this, I need to figure out what the bloody hell I'm going to do with my life. Guess I'll never get to be normal. I'll always be expected to save the wizarding world.. no matter what threatens it, he thought bitterly.
Harry sighed and was about to return to his work when he heard a soft trill behind him. He turned around to see a very annoyed Ariana who did not look happy about being ignored all day. Laughing lightly he pet his bird trying to calm her down. "Seems I always get bossy familiars doesn't it," Harry chuckled. He still felt in awe that such a magnificent creature choose to follow him. I must thank Hagrid and Abubakar one of these days. Suddenly Harry was hit with a slideshow of past memories.
"I must say, Harry, Hagrid did tell me you were a capable wizard, but now I see you are much more than that. Now, I know you don't know me well and frankly I don't know you much better, but if you'd ever like to –let's call it- study abroad. Know that I will always be available for you. I'm sure Ariana here." He quickly looked down at the curious phoenix. "Will be able to find me." Harry shook Abe's hand and politely said, "Thank you, for this night I mean. And if I do ever want to um 'study abroad', I will come to you." This answer seemed to disappoint Abe more than it pleased. "Heed my words, Harry." He said in a serious tone. "You are more powerful than you think, and it is only a matter of time before others realize this."
Was this what he needed to do? To go expand his knowledge outside of school-outside of Britain for that matter! Certainly it wouldn't be easy; he would be away from his friends for at least a few months, and the things he learned would probably test both his endurance and patience. But still, it was a chance to work with someone practically as experience as Dumbledore himself! The pros and cons like the others looked about even to Harry, so he thought of what could make him choose the final decision. Follow your heart Harry, a soft voice seemed to whisper. Smiling, Harry stood up with a determined looked. He knew what his answer was.
So some of you might know what he's going to do, but I promise whatever I do for him will be done with class. And Lily! Oh Merlin's Beard I just had to add her in! I tried to keep her advice to what I think she would say, but as you may or may not have notice, I ride on the SnapeXLily ship. I think JamesXLily are adorable together too, but I can't decide which I like better! So my feelings towards them are reflecting Lily's own too. Again, hope you like it, review, and I promise to have the next chapter up soon!