Chapter 27: End of Vacation.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Fosters.

AN: Please leave a review. Also, this chapter fulfills a request from a reviewer who asked to see Jude playing poker instead of hearing about it. It's a short scene, because I'm not good at writing a poker game. This chapter will be the last one of the Vegas chapters. I've gotten bored with it, and I have a few ideas for chapters that take place back in San Diego.

Connor's POV:

"I'm gonna let you get back to that, Jude." I said into the phone, "Brandon and I are on our way back now. See you in a bit."

"Okay. Love you, bye."

"Love you too." I said and hung up.

I burst out laughing.

"What? What is it?" Brandon asked eagerly.

"Ap-apparently we're going h-house shopping w-when we get home." I said, laughing nearly hysterically. Brandon's eyes widened and we both jumped back in the Chevelle and set off back to Vegas.

An hour later we pulled up in front of the Bellagio. Jesus was already their waiting for us. I handed the keys to the valet and Jesus practically dragged us through the door into the casino.

"You guys have to see this." He said, still laughing, "I have never seen something so funny in my life."

Brandon and I shared a look.

The first thing we noticed as we approached the Texas Hold 'Em table was the small amount of people that were assembled around it. Jesus pushed his way through the crowd, dragging us close behind him. Once we reached the table I saw what Jesus was laughing so hard about. I noticed that Taylor and Castor were also there, and were cackling with equal mirth, although silently. I nodded to them, a grin splitting my face.

Jude was sat at the table, and in front of him was a veritable mountain of poker chips. He was staring down the only other person who hadn't folded yet, a balding man wearing a black suit. He had no chips in front of him, so I assumed that he had just bet his last dime. The man was so nervous he was sweating, looking to his cards, then back to Jude. Jude however looked calm, serenely so, and was looking between the cards in his hand and the other man, with a blank look on his face.

That's one thing I learnt about Jude a long time ago. During a card game, he had no trouble picking out what somebody else's "tell" was, but Jude had no "tell" himself. He was the master of bluffing. He had no facial expression while playing the game, except for the satisfied smirk he got when he collected his winnings.

The card dealer looked over at Jude's opponent.

"What would you like to do sir?"

The man looked back at Jude. Jude had a small smirk on his face, and a glint in his eyes, and I recognized immediately what he was doing.

He was pulling what I called a "JJ Bluff". When Jude had a bad hand, he would show false emotion of some kind to indicate that he had a good hand when he really had an abysmal one. This would fool the other player into folding, and then Jude would reveal his hand and collect his winnings.

This is exactly what happened.

"I fold." The opponent said. The cards he displayed indicated he would have had a three of kind with eights.

Jude smirked.

"Mr. Foster? Please show your hand."

Jude sat his cards down face up on the table, a devious smirk on his face.

"Pair of fives." The dealer said as Jude reached forward to collect the small pile of chips in the pot.

The balding man's eyes bulged as he sputtered nonsense. Jude just smiled at him with an innocent expression that veiled a deep satisfaction. I leaned down and place a kiss to the top of his head.

"Having fun are we?" I asked.

"Oh yeah." He said, grinning impishly.

I laughed and kissed him again, before noticing that several in the crowd were staring at us with weird looks and whispering to each other.

I felt my temper, which as of late had been on the verge of exploding since the shooting, boiled.

"You got something you'd like to say?" I asked in an angry voice.

The people went silent. Jude jumped to his feet

"You got a problem with me kissing my boyfriend?" I snarled, advancing on them.

Jude got to his feet and grabbed my wrist, dragging me back. Taylor and Castor were both at my side immediately as well.

"Connor. Don't." Jude said.

"Let it go, bro." Castor said.

"It's not worth it, Connor." Taylor said.

"No, Jude, Taylor, Castor. Let's hear it." I said, before turning back to them, "What do you have to say? Go ahead, don't be shy! Speak your minds!"

They just stuttered and fled at a quick pace.

Jude pulled me close to him and turned me to look in my eyes.

"You okay?" He asked, pulling me along as he sat back down and motioned for the dealer to deal another hand. Taylor patted my shoulder and Castor was looking at me concerned.

"I don't know." I admitted, "Ever since the shooting..."

Jude flinched and his nostrils flared. Taylor folded her arms, and Castor cracked his neck and rubbed the back of his head in discomfort.

"...My temper has been worse." I continued, "I hate it. It makes me feel... like a brute, or something."

I was vaguely aware of Jude winning a very quick round with a four of a kind of tens. He stood up from the table.

"Okay, I think I'm done for today." He said, "Could I get a bucket or two to carry these chips in?"

He turned to us, motioning to Taylor and Castor to follow as two casino employees helped us carry the chips to the counter to turn them into cash. Jesus and Brandon said they were going swimming again, and departed.

"Seems like we all need to talk." He said. We all nodded in agreement.

I had always wondered what half a million dollars looked like.

A minute later we were walking back to our room, with Taylor and Castor right behind us. Each of us was carrying cases full of cash.

"I cannot believe," Taylor said, "That you won a half a million dollars in one day's gambling."

"Are you going again tomorrow?" Castor asked.

"No. I've won all the money I needed." Jude said, "Bought the cars, now I have enough for Connor and I to buy a place when we graduate. All I needed. Greedy to take more than you need, so I'm done for this trip."

We arrived at the room, and we all went inside and sat around the table.

"Oh, I forgot to ask." Jude said, "How was Nipton and Cottonwood Cove?"

"Never made it there." I said, "Brandon asked me how you and I were doing since the shooting, and I ended up having a breakdown on Brandon in the parking lot in front of the McDonalds in Primm."

He immediately looked concerned, he got up and walked over to me and sat on my lap to wrap me in a hug.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I thought I was... but now? No. I'm not okay." I said.

"Truth be told." Castor interjected, "I don't think any of us are."

"He's right." Taylor said, "I got a call from Daria yesterday. She's worried about Jax. Apparently he hasn't spoken a full sentence since the memorial service."

Jude and I winced at the mention of the memorial service, which Taylor noticed. She raised an eyebrow in question.

"We went to that." I answered, "It was, uh... it was hard to, uh... hard to watch."

"I heard." Castor said, "My uncle was on the SWAT team that went in to clear the place out that day. He was at the memorial. He said he saw you two there. He said that you two hung back afterwards and that you both just... lost it."

"Read a name." Jude mumbled his voice thick with tightly controlled emotion, "One that we knew."

"What name?" Taylor asked gently.

I could feel the tears starting to burn my eyes again. I couldn't help it, and I couldn't stop it.

"A-Andy B-Baxter." I said, trying to prevent another breakdown.

Taylor gasped, and Castor swore.

"Oh my god. Isn't that the bubbly little boy you and Jude use to babysit back in 10th and 11th grade?" She asked, her eyes red.

Jude and I nodded miserably. Jude buried his head in my shirt and started crying. I wrapped him in my arms and held him as his shoulders shook from the sobs he was desperately trying to suppress.

"Yeah." I said, "We uh... *throat clearing noise* we talked to his parents a couple of days later. They said he died, by... by diving in front of his best friend. He took a bullet for him."

A tear fell from my right eye, and Jude was no longer suppressing his sobs, allowing them to flow free. Castor was horrified, and he was crying too.

"How could they do that? He was only a child... he was only eight and a half!" He sputtered, "He was such a good kid... sweetest kid I've ever met. That's... that's fucking... that's monstrous."

"Yeah." I whimpered, "While Jude and I were running for our lives, he was dying to save his friend. It's all so pointless. Why did WE live, when so many others didn't? It's not fucking fair."

"You can't think like that!" Taylor said sternly, although the effect was lessened slightly by the fact that she was close to sobbing herself, "We ALL barely made it out of there. Daria and I helped that group of seventh graders get out and went looking for Jax, Jeremy and Austin. We helped Jax out of the window, and then they burst in and started shooting at us. Jeremy was the last one out, and we didn't even notice the hole in his shoulder until we were a hundred feet from the school. There were three people behind Jeremy. They didn't make it out. These two little sophomore girls, and this freshman boy. Every time I close my eyes, I can still hear their screams..."

"Stef said that survivor's guilt is normal for this sort of thing." Jude said miserably.

"Maybe it is, but you gotta try to stay positive." Taylor said, "We all survived. The whole Mafia made it out!"

"Yeah, but twenty others didn't." I pointed out.

"How is everybody else dealing with it?" Jude asked, still sniffling.

"Alex and Carson are okay." Carson said, "They made it out in the first five minutes. I guess them being on the track team has its advantages. They are doing okay"

"What about Austin?" Jude asked.

"He's uh... he's not doing well."

"Colin called to ask if Austin was okay before we left to come here." Castor said, "Drove down yesterday to see him."

This surprised me. Austin was supposed to graduate last year, but because of a case of mononucleosis, he failed three classes and had to repeat his senior year with us. Colin was so busy with college and working that he really had no time to get in contact with anybody.

"He stayed the night with him. Called us this morning." Castor said, "He told us that Austin had severe night terrors, and he's not eating much. He practically jumps at his own shadow. Jeremy getting hurt affected him a lot more than we first thought."

"I heard that Ritchie and Wynston took one of the shooters down." I said.

"Yeah, they did." Castor confirmed, "They were in the Gym at the time. They cloths lined one of them with a couple of baseball bats when he walked through the door. Apparently Wynston went nuts on him. Smashed his skull in. Guy died on the scene while Ritchie and Wynston led the others in the gym out of the school."

"How are they doing?" Jude asked.

"Oh dear..." Taylor said, "They, uh... Haha, they've practically barricaded themselves in Wynston's room at his house."

"Why?"

"He killed a man." Castor said simply, "Delayed reaction. Wynston can barely get out of bed. He feels awful."

"We did too." Jude interjected, his voice devoid of emotions.

Taylor looked at the both of us.

"What?"

"We took out two of them." He said, his voice haunted, "One apiece."

Taylor wrapped us in a hug and Castor patted my shoulder.

"You never said anything..." Castor said.

"I'd rather forget." I said, "I would rather that day be erased from my memory forever. It's a damn shame that it can't happen."

"How have you guys handled it?" Jude asked, "We've both been having nightmares about it. I jump at loud noises. We can still play Fallout 3, but we can't play Grand Theft Auto anymore without wanting to barf. Connor's a bit more paranoid and I never leave the house without 'Persuasion and Reason' on my belt."

"Persuasion and Reason?" Taylor asked.

"It's the name engraved on my Colt Python." He explained.

"Oh." She said, "Well... we aren't sleeping well either. I don't think any of us are. Castor nearly had a panic attack yesterday when he heard a car backfire."

"Sounds like we all need therapy." Jude deadpanned.

"Yeah. We do."

Jude unfolded himself from my lap and stood, walking over to the window.

"How long is this room paid for?"

"Another five days." I said, "Why?"

"Do you think they would refund us the rest of the days?" He asked.

"Maybe. Why?" I asked.

"I... I think... I think I want to go home." Jude said, turning back to me, his cheeks stained with tear tracks, "The only reason I agreed to this last minute trip was to get away from everything happening back home. I... think I need to be there. I need to be with my family. Our family."

"You want me to go and talk to Brandon and Jesus about it?" I asked.

Jude nodded.

I got up and gave him a hug.

"Okay. I'll tell them. We'll leave tomorrow."

"I'm sorry." He said.

"It's okay, JJ." I assured him, "I'll be right back."

He went out into the hallway and knocked on Jesus and Brandon's door.

Jesus answered, dressed in his pajamas.

"Sup?"

"I need to talk to you guys." I said.

He moved to the side and allowed me into the room.

"What's the matter?" Brandon asked.

"It's Jude." I said shortly.

"What's wrong with Jude?"

"He... he wants to go home." I said sadly, "We're gonna leave tomorrow."

"You sure?" Jesus asked.

"Yeah." I said, "You both know that the only reason I agreed to go along with this trip was to put the shooting out of my mind. But with the breakdown today... I realized that running wouldn't help. Jude wants to go home, and to be honest, so do I. Taylor and Castor can have the room for the rest of the time. You guys can stay here if you want."

"Okay." Brandon said, "If that's what you guys want... go ahead."

"Okay. I'll call Stef, Lena, Mom and Dad." I said, "Tell them we'll be home tomorrow afternoon."

I walked to the door and opened it.

"Okay, and Connor?" Jesus said.

I turned back to them.

"What?"

"Thanks for taking care of Jude through all of this." Brandon said.

"I know we've all said it before..." Jesus continued, "But we're really glad you have each other."

I looked at the floor and sighed.

"So am I."

I nodded to both of them and closed the door. I walked down the hallway and pulled out my phone and dialed my dad's number.

"Connor!" Dad answered happily, "How's Vegas?"

I sighed into the phone.

"What's wrong?" Dad asked, instantly alert.

"Jude and I are coming home tomorrow." I said, "We need to be with our family right now."

"You boys alright?" He asked, his voice laden with concern.

"No. We're not." I admitted, "The trauma of uh... the shooting is catching up with us. I broke down on Brandon earlier, and Jude was sobbing into my shoulder not even ten minutes ago. We need to come home. Tell Uncle Evan that Castor and Taylor are gonna stay in the room for the rest of our reservation. Call Stef and Lena and tell them we'll be their tomorrow afternoon."

"I will son." He said.

"Okay. I gotta go."

"Okay." He said, "Connor?"

"Yeah dad?" I asked.

"I love you son." He said.

I smiled a small smile.

"I know. I love you too, dad." I said.

I hung up the phone, and entered my room and informed the others of our plans for tomorrow.

Ten minutes later, after Taylor and Castor left, Jude and I lay side by side in bed on our backs, staring at the ceiling. Every couple of seconds, I would hear Jude sniffle. I rolled onto my side and looked at him. His eyes were red, and his lips were trembling.

"Jude? Look at me." I asked.

He did.

"It's okay to cry, ya know?" I said, starting to cry myself, "It's okay to say that you aren't okay. I'm not either."

As soon as I said it, Jude's composure crumbled and he shattered. I pulled him close and held him as he sobbed loudly. I couldn't stop my own tears from falling, and I started sobbing too.

I felt every emotion possible as we both cried ourselves to sleep.

I felt anger. I felt fear. I felt an immense sadness.

I was in pain. We were all hurting. We all needed help.

I needed help, and I needed it fast.

For the first time in years, I felt an urge that I hadn't felt in years. One I had not felt since I was in the hospital, all those years ago, with a bullet in my foot, and a homophobic father standing in the way of me and the boy I had fallen desperately in love with. An urge for release... an urge I never wanted to feel again.

The faded scars on my arm, the distant reminder of self harm, had started to itch.

AN#2: And that's that. Please leave a review and keep reading. The next chapter will deal with Connor's returning urges of self harm, and how he and Jude continue to deal with the trauma of the shooting at Anchor Beach.