DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in the Star Wars franchise.

NOVEMBER 19, 2017
1:01 P.M.
POE DAMERON AND FINN'S APARTMENT

"So to verify that I have all the facts correct, I want to recap your stupidity. You walked in on Rey naked and masturbating, and proceed to watch like she was a live porn show for your pleasure. Then when she realizes you are in the room , you insult her by telling her that you could never be with someone like her." Poe Dameron stated, drawing his attention from the Star Wars video game he was playing, laying the controller in his lap as he arched his eyebrows in disbelief at his best friend. "Am I missing anything?"

"I'm an asshole, I know." Kylo groaned uselessly sitting back on his oversized, plush chair, miserably glaring at the flat panel of the television screen. "Shouldn't I get some sort of free pass though? It's my birthday."

"Kylo, even I don't think that reasoning can excuse what you did."

This was not how he had envisioned his birthday. He and Rey were supposed to spend the day together, have her run her fingers through his hair and whisper that she was happy he was there. Not sit in their shared loft wondering if she would even speak to him.

"I don't give a damn if my reasoning is selfish," Kylo folded his arms, his lower lip sticking out in a mock pout. "Rey is supposed to lavish me with her attention today. She is supposed to answer my calls." He had been hopelessly trying to contact her since she had left the loft early that morning, but it had been useless. Each text remained unanswered and he knew her voicemail word for word.

"Well that's your own damn fault."

"Fuck off Dameron." Kylo cursed, ignoring Poe's snort of laughter, dropping his cellphone uselessly into his lap.

And it pissed him off to no end. She had to know that he hadn't meant what he said. Didn't she know that she was the most important thing in his world? Not that he had told her recently, but still.

"So…it just was just her fingers? She wasn't, you know," Poe turned, his voice curious. "Using assistance?"

"I am not discussing this with you."

"Think she's taken any video before?" Poe asked, goading his friend further. "Maybe we could go in her room and look…"

"Poe, one more fucking word about it and I'll tell Finn that you're imaging sex with his best friend. I imagine he'll enjoy stapling your balls to the ceiling after he shaves off your hair."

"Look man I love Finn, he knows that I do, but I am not dead nor blind. Rey is fucking hot. And that fact that you saw her naked, sweaty, pleasuring herself, is enjoyable even for me."

"Jesus," Kylo leaned forward, viciously scrubbing his features with his calloused palms. "It was amazing. She was amazing."

"Are you finally willing to accept the fact then?"

"Which is?"

"That you love her, want her, are willing to break any man apart for even daring to look at her. You go insane at the thought of anyone touching her. You made a mistake five ago when you went back to Jessika and you almost lost her when she believed that you used her."

"No, I never used her. I wouldn't do that to her."

"I believe you, but it doesn't mean that she ever has. That she has forgiven it completely."

Kylo could not handle that accusations that he had used her in order to forget a cheating girlfriend all those years ago.

Nothing had been as beautiful as being with her, her body clenching, milking his. But he had been young, foolish, he had thought he had time.

And every girl since had been a substitute for what he had carelessly tossed aside. Because he had been scared.

Because he knew that he could never be worthy of actually deserving her.

"Kylo."

Kylo's eyes snapped meeting Poe's steady gaze, his tone serious.

"One day you are going to wake up and she will be gone. And you'll be too late. Can you honestly live with that fear?"

And he knew he couldn't. Not anymore.

NOVEMBER 19, 2017
2:43 P.M.
KYLO REN AND REY'S LOFT

"So what? He caught you masturbating." Finn shrugged aimlessly as he flopped down gracelessly on the couch. "It's not like he hasn't seen you naked before. In fact," he smirked, a dark eyebrow arching. "You've had sex with him. How is this any different?"

"Well for starters, we were so drunk that the night could be considered a blurry haze at best." Rey ignored Finn's scoff of disagreement. "Besides the fact, that Kylo got up from our bed the following morning and went right back into the arms of the ex-girlfriend who had broken his heart. To him, it was a mistake, one he deeply regretted."

"He never said that," Finn denied, shaking his head. "You would have told me."

"I couldn't, it hurt to much. He apologized that he had taken my virginity and told me that I could never be more than a friend, not when he was in love with Jessika He hoped I understood. I didn't."

"And that's why you stopped talking to him for six months," Finn murmured, realization dawning in his eyes. "I figured it was just anger at the fact he started to date Jessika again."

"It broke my heart when he would look at her," Rey sighed. "I couldn't take knowing I hadn't been enough."

"Well, well, that certainly explains your behavior then. You should have told me, I could have made him cry." Finn said, remembering the two best friends who had ghosted past one another, barely alive at times it seemed. Kylo's eyes had constantly followed Rey with misery and regret etched in the depths, dulling the black to brown over time. "And what about after? When he begged?"

"I was scared on what he could do to my heart if he actually knew it was his." Rey groaned, her fingers racking through her tangled hair. "This morning was just embarrassing, okay? I wasn't exactly expecting him to stand and watch my performance."

"Did he enjoy it?" Finn asked as dull red stained Rey's cheekbones. He let out a shriek, almost pouncing into Rey's lap with equal excitement. "Fuck - he did, didn't he? He totally got off on watching you!"

"No…yes…I don't know! It's just his eyes were burning…like that night…and for a moment it seemed like he wanted me again…"

"You do realize what this means of course?" Finn demanded, a satisfied grin settling across his features. "He can't deny it anymore and neither can you. Deep down you're happy he stumbled in, it gives you the perfect opportunity."

"To what?"

"To fuck with him head, make him realize what he pushed aside." Finn slid an arm around Rey's shoulders. "It will be the perfect birthday present. For the both of you."

NOVEMBER 19, 2017
5:00 P.M.
KYLO REN AND REY'S LOFT

Rey's cell phone rang and she let out a soft sigh as Kylo's smiling face flashed across the screen. Six voicemails and dozens of unanswered texts she knew that he was not going to stop until she answered him. .

"You should talk to him," Finn suggested, staring at his friend's expression as he pulled the straightener through her chestnut locks. "It is his birthday."

Rey sighed, nodding her agreement as she pushed the accept button, silence meeting her action.

"I'm sorry I'm a jackass." Kylo's voice was rusty, relief that she had finally answered flooding his system.

"I'm sorry you're a jackass too." Rey agreed. "You had not right to be angry with me this morning."

"I'm a prick, always have been and probably always will be," he said. "But I swore I would never hurt you again. And I won't."
You already have, she mouthed silently.

"It's my birthday, sweetheart," he said softly. "I want to spend it with you."

Damn him, she thought sourly, as she felt her heart lurch at his words. He always knew exactly what to say to make her forget her anger.

"Fucking hell, fine," she snapped. "Meet me for dinner at 7:00 at the First Order. Consider it your present."