Harry woke up, the sun pouring in the nearby window covering him in a thick curtain of amber glow. He groaned and ran his hands down his face, how many did he end up having last night. He sat there staring at the ceiling trying to remember all of last night, then it hit him. He sat up and searched the room, Severus was no where to be seen. Had he left already? Harry swung his legs over the side of the bed noticing he still had all of his clothes on from the day before, they obviously only made out for most of the night he quickly stood. Too quickly. He lost balance and began to fall, two strong arms wrapped around his torso and caught him from hitting the wood floor.
"And I thought I was a mess" Severus said deeply, his chocolaty smooth voice radiating through Harry's body.
"I'd thought you left" Harry said standing up more, Severus still did not release his grip around his body.
"I will not leave with out an answer" Severus softly said. Harry chuckled standing up straighter. He walked over to the kitchen and wandlessly started making coffee. "I was not kidding Potter" Severus said following him over,
"I never said you were" Harry grinned,
"So why wont you give me a answer" Severus groaned.
"Because Professor that is a lot to ask of me, why don't you ask someone else I am certain there are more people far more qualified than me" Harry said turning his back to the man and fetching a couple mugs from the cabinet.
"I don't care about qualifications, I know who you are and how you handle things, I also know you care deeply about Hogwarts and its students and would protect them" Severus began "Hogwarts already has a connection to you, Hell that's why it opened the room of requirement to you." Severus was about to add something else when Harry turned to him,
"I don't deserve it" Harry practically yelled. The cups that were sitting on the counter erupted into dust and the cabinets shook. He dropped his head and ran his hands down his face. "Not after what I've done to everyone, not after everyone I killed" Harry turned and leaned heavily on the counter. This was the first time in a while he had been sober and all the memories filled his mind. All the death and destruction that he caused. All the lives that he took, all the friends that he lost. Severus stood there in silence not sure what to say, he wanted to say it wasn't true but he knew the man in front of him would not believe him. "I can not go back there Professor, Hogwarts herself would be ashamed of me" Harry vanished the debris and grabbed two new cups. He poured one cup and handed it to Severus then walked off.
"Harry" Severus began walking after him,
"I don't need your pity Professor, you should be disgusted with me, let alone try to comfort me. I do not deserve it." Harry stood in front of a large window which overlooked the expansive back lawn.
"You idiot" Severus said setting his cup down and walking over to Harry, "I know you will not believe me but nothing that happened was your fault, the people that died, died protecting Hogwarts from Voldemort. NOT you. You were not the one that was blasting holes in the walls, you were not the one sending unforgivable curses towards people" Severus said.
"No but I was the one that started it all, if I had not been in that damn graveyard"
"Stop right there" Severus said "Even if you had not ended up in that graveyard he would still have found a way to come back to full power, that was most defiantly not your fault."
"Can Hermonie, Ron, Lupin, Sirius, Tonks, Fred and George, Mrs. Weasley can they say that it wasn't my fault, them and many other people that died, would they say the same thing" Harry said a single tear slipping down his face. He quickly wiped it away and turned for the kitchen.
"They did not die because of you Harry, they died protecting-"
"They died because they follow me wherever I go because I'm 'the golden boy' remember, that's what you always called me, they looked to me to protect them, they looked to me and I got them killed" Harry yelled, the whole house shook and the magic in the room flared causing Severus to take a step back. The shaking stopped and Harry calmed, he took in a deep breath and let it out, he walked over to the cabinet and grabbed a large bottle of Fire Whisky, he poured a little coffee in a mug then filled it the rest of the way with the amber liquid.
"Harry it is 7 in the morning" Severus said walking over to the man.
"Another reason why I would not be able to be headmaster" Harry said holding up his mug and taking a few swigs. Severus saw the sadness in the mans eyes, he saw how dead he was on the inside. "You can leave whenever you want then" Harry said pouring more whisky in the mug and making his way to the bathroom and shutting the door, leaving Severus in the kitchen baffled.
Harry walked into the bathroom taking swig after swig of his mug, he turned the shower on full hot and let the steam fill the room completely. He sat on the toilet and drained the rest of the liquid into his mouth, feeling it run down his throat, feeling the welcoming numbness soak his mind and drain all feelings from it. He looked under the sink and saw that there was another bottle that he kept in here for just this kind of occasion. When the thoughts got to bad, when he finally sobered up. Instead of pouring it in his mug he just unscrewed the cap and took a few swigs. With the bottle in one hand and the mug in the other Harry stood to look at his reflection in the steam covered mirror.
"Your such a disgrace" Harry said, "you're a worthless freak." He set the two things down and started pulling off his clothes so he could get into the shower. Standing there naked he gripped the bottle and took a few more swigs, he stared at himself in the mirror, stared at all of the scars that marked him permanently about his worthlessness, how he was a freak, how society would be much better off without him. His uncle made sure to remind him that every day, that's how most of the scars on his back got there. He chugged the dark amber liquid then set it on the counter and got into the shower. He let the scalding hot water pour over his skin, he welcomed the feeling of his skin numbing to the hot jets water that sprayed him. The alcohol set in quickly making his mind completely numb, his body swayed and before he knew it he was flat against the bottom of the shower. He felt a thick liquid seep from his forehead, then crimson color filled the bottom of the tub turning the water light pink and the smell of iron quickly filled the air. He tried to cast a spell but was completely drained, then before he knew it the darkness welcomed him.
Severus watched as Harry left the room, he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "You foolish boy" Severus said quietly. He made his way over to the couch and sat down, he couldn't leave, not yet. He had to be here for Harry, to many people abandoned him in his life time and Severus was not going to be another one. Even if he was a cold hearted greasy dungeon bat, he sat there replaying everything in his mind. Harry defiantly had a drinking problem, it was only 7 in the morning and he was drinking whisky. He heard the shower turn on and what sounded to be clinking of glasses. He stood up and began pacing the room, moments passed and a bang resonated through out the house.
"Harry" Severus yelled running to the bathroom, "Harry can you hear me?" Nothing but the sound of running water came from the bathroom, "Harry if you don't answer me I am coming in" Severus said pulling his wand and unlocking the door. He threw the door open, "Harry" he gasped. He was laying on the bottom of the tub, blood pooled around him. Quickly making his way over to him he tried sitting him up.
"Severus" Harry groaned his green eyes halfway closed.
"I'm here, lets get you up" Severus said wrapping his arm around Harry's torso which was covered in blood from his head wound, hoisting him up he began dragging him out of the tub.
"Sir" Harry stopped his face turning as green as his eyes. Severus tried to aim him towards the shower before he threw up all over.
"You idiot you gave yourself alcohol poisoning" Severus growled hoisting Harry back up again and dragging him towards the bed. He laid Harry down, green eyes following his every movement. Severus held his wand to the cut on Harry's head,
"why did you stay" Harry asked
"Quite" Severus said slowly dragging his wand across the gash on the mans head. He was trying to focus on healing it when he felt the dark green eyes bore into his head. Finally the gash was closed and the bleeding has stopped. Grabbing clothes from a nearby dresser he spelled them on the man then pulled a small satchel from his robes and enlarged it, pulling out gauze and two potion bottles Severus covered the cut with the gauze and spelled it to stay. "Drink" Severus said holding out one of the bottles.
"why did you stay" Harry asked again his eyes never leaving the onyx ones.
"Drink" Severus said again pushing the bottle towards the man. Harry gently took it and drank it down, a bitter salty taste overwhelming his mouth causing him to gag. "One more" Severus said holding another potion towards the man.
"Are you trying to kill me" Harry said taking the potion and downing that one as well.
"You almost succeeded in doing that yourself" Severus growled.
"I would have been fine, it wasn't the first time it happened" Harry said,
"How long have you had a drinking problem" Severus asked
"I don't have a drinking problem" Harry growled
"You were drinking at 7 in the morning got so drunk you almost killed yourself in the shower, and best of all you said that was not the first time" Severus yelled taking a few steps back.
"As I said before you do not have to stay and can leave any time you want" Harry said trying to stand,
"You are not going to stand yet, if you would have seen the bottom of that tub you would- you would not be standing" Severus said pushing the man back on the bed.
"I am fine, I just need to move around and get some air" Harry said starting to grow impatient.
"You are not getting out of this bed until I say so" Severus growled, enough to make a first year cry. Harry sighed and laid back, Severus levitated an arm chair right next to the bed then sat down. Silence passed the only sound that filled the room was the crackle from the fireplace.
"Why did you stay" Harry asked breaking the silence. Severus did not respond, only sat there flipping through a potions magazine he pulled from his robes. The silence went on. Severus continued flipping through the magazine, however he could not focus on any of the words, he felt the dark green eyes slide up and down his skin. He felt as they watched every movement he made. Chills ran up and down his spine,
"would you please look at something else for a bit, I am surely not that interesting" Severus sighed heavily finally looking up and meeting his stare with dark onyx ones.
"answer my question and I will" Harry said softly moving the pillows behind him so he was in a sitting position.
"Answer mine first" Severus spit back,
"I already did" Harry grumbled.
"No, you gave me an excuse I want an answer" Severus said stuffing his magazine away and locking eyes with Harry again. He sighed and ruffled his wet hair with his hands making Severus squirm in his seat. Why was he thinking these things, he was his student. He is old enough to be his father for Merlin's sake.
"I will do it on a few conditions" Harry said breaking the silence again that grew palpable in the air. Severus sucked in a breath, he was not expecting that answer. Severus waved his hand in the air to make the man continue his demands. "I want a trial run, if by the end of term I am not finding I like the position then I will not be forced to stay. NOR will I be questioned" Harry said folding his arms across his chest.
"Fair enough, what other demands must you make" Severus drawled. Harry smirked.
"I do not want you teaching potions" Harry said, Severus was about to retort when Harry continued. "I want you teaching DADA, I also want you to be the one to find your replacement." Severus sat back obviously reconsidering his argument.
"Anything else" Severus said. Harry shook his head. "Good, I have one condition for you." Harry's face darkened. "You will speak with someone, be that me or anyone else about your drinking problem, and before you argue" Severus said cutting Harry off as he was about to speak. "You do have a problem and I will not listen to you go on about how you do not" Severus finished. They both sat there staring at each other, there eyes raking over each others skin. Tension filled the air, tension that started the night before and has yet to be relived. Harry swung his legs over the side of the bed then slowly stood, learning from last time.
"What would you like for dinner" Harry asked padding over to the kitchen.
"It's the middle of the day" Severus said standing as well and casting a glance out the window. He was stunned to see it was dusk already, they had spent most of the day staring at each other and making terms. "Anything, you'd like" Severus said walking over to Harry who was already getting something together.
"Would you like to stay the night again tonight" Harry asked. Severus stood there, obviously having an internal battle. He should go, this is wrong him staying his head should be fine now after the potions he drank. But there was something about the man in front of him, that made him want to stay. Was it the way that he no longer looked like a scrawny twig, how he grew a few inches and was just as tall as he was, or the way the clothes he had on defined all the muscles that ran up and down his body. Or was it how what once was a mess of unruly black hair was now sleek black locks that came to his shoulders and was softly tucked behind his ears. How he dripped with power, everything about him screamed he was a wizard who should not be trifled with. He wanted to say all of those things, but they all got caught in his throat and all he could manage was.
"Yes."