JNPR Reacts to Puella Magi Madoka Magica!
A/N: Welcome, one and all, to Weiss Reacts! So, after putting everyone through the wringer with Blood Rose, I searched the internets for the best, most fluffy series I could find to get everyone perfectly recovered from the shock of covering such a grim fic. After much deliberation, I decided to pick Madoka Magica! This series will NOT make you require therapy at all! Totally!
This chronologically takes place during the Blood Rose special, for those actually keeping track. So, let's get this chapter started before you get bored of my rants.
DISCLAIMER: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth, otherwise Blake's Semblance would be time-related.
Puella Magi Madoka Magica is the product of Gen Urobotchi's wonderfully twisted mind and belongs to Studio SHAFT, otherwise it would be Puella Magi Hitomi Magica (now with more tummy punching).
All mentioned properties and characters belong to their respective owners.
"I love you~" Nora cooed quietly to a pancake plushie in her arms, before showing it to Ren. "Isn't he beautiful?"
Ren chuckled. "Yes, Nora, yes he is." He shook his head, sighing.
Pyrrha, meanwhile, polished Milo, humming quietly to herself.
"So much dirt on it..." The spearmaiden muttered under her breath.
Ren tilted his head. "I'm...pretty sure that's the fourth time you've cleaned all of our weapons."
"Nonsense, Ren." Pyrrha chided him, frustrated. "You always have to keep your weapons in top condition. You never know when they're needed!"
Nora giggled. "Well...you sound a bit irritable~ Jaune troubles?"
The spearmaiden grumbled at her, continuing to polish her spear. "Hmph."
Ren whispered over to his girlfriend. "I think it's because she hasn't managed to get him on a date with her-"
"Shut up." Pyrrha calmly glared at both of them. "I-I have other reasons apart from that."
"Don't sweat it, Pyrrha..." The berserker approached Pyrrha and hugged her tightly, smiling. "You'll get your day!"
Pyrrha exhaled deeply, sinking into Nora's hug. "I know, I know. I just...now that I actually have a chance with him, it seems like everything is working against us..."
"To be fair, you decided to ask him out when there was a wild crazy bunnygirl riding around and running people over indiscriminately with a shopping cart. Trust me, odds are he'll end up with you anyway.
Elf seems intent on shipping you with him-"
"Hey, guys." Jaune pushed his way into the dorm. Pyrrha's mood immediately lightened as she looked up at him.
"Hello, Jaune-kun..."
"Oh, hey." The knight smiled and waved at her. "Guys, you doing anything?"
"No." The gunslinger sighed. "It's been a slow day."
"So, erm, remember that time we all promised to watch that one magical girl anime...Madoka Magica, I think it was called, and we all said yeah we'd do it and stuff?" The knight inquired.
Nora nodded. "Mhm. Why?"
"Well, erm, Yang just lent me the DVD for it." Jaune presented a slightly-worn case of the DVD, with a sticker of the Lagann pasted over Mami's head and Yang's name in marker across the spine.
"I heard it's pretty good, too."
Ren blinked, before chuckling to himself quietly. "Oh, Jaune..."
"Huh?"
"Nothing."
Nora cheered. "Woo! Anime watching marathon! I'll get the popcorn!"
"I call sitting next to Jaune-kun." Pyrrha sat down on the dorm's couch, dragging Jaune over to her.
Ren sighed. He gave his team a mischievous smirk.
"You people are so screwed..."
"Huh?"
"Let's just say you won't be finding this anime very...soft. That would be a good word, yes."
"Madoka Magica..." Pyrrha nodded slowly, thinking. "Is it that anime which Yang and Blake were cosplaying characters from?"
"Yeah." The knight nodded. "Come to think of it, I saw some really convincing cosplays of the girls from the anime, too. Their names were even Mami and Homura, would you believe it?"
Ren nearly spat out the water he'd been drinking at that moment. "Seriously, Elf?!"
"Huh?"
"N-nothing. Just pop in the DVD already." The gunslinger requested.
'Oh, they're going to love this.'
"So, typical magical girl anime with an ominous start." Jaune noted, watching the beginning sequence closely. "...although that beginning bit with that Kyubey is weird.
Say, doesn't Kyubey look like those Incubators Professor Goodwitch said nobody should trust?"
Ren nodded. "Of course. Where do you think the inspiration came from?"
"So...err...why's that the case? She doesn't exactly look harmful. I THINK it's a she, at any rate..."
"You'll see soon enough, my young Padawan." Ren chuckled evily. "You will see..."
"Madoka kinda reminds me of Ruby..." Nora noted, tapping her chin. "They're both kinda bubbly, happy and all fuzzy inside!"
"Guess that makes Sayaka Weiss." Pyrrha remarked. "Although...she doesn't exactly seem Weiss-like..."
"You're much more correct than you think." Ren responded, an enigmatic smile on his face.
"Huh?" Jaune tilted his head. "Ren, you're not making any sense. What do you know that we don't? Actually, don't answer that."
"I wasn't going to."
"And, therefore, that makes Homura Blake, and Mami Yang." Nora declared after each girl was introduced onscreen.
"Pretty sure Yang never threatened Blake with anything." Jaune responded, nodding slowly. "So...Homura's trying to kill Kyubey for some reason, probably the same reason Goodwitch says not to trust him. Come to think of it, dad always said he was a scumbag who reminded him of some people his good friend once fought..."
"Well, Kyubey DOES seem Anti-Spiral-ish..." Nora commented, nodding.
"Don't tell me you're buying that weird theory Blake's peddling that my dad's Kamina." The knight scoffed dismissively. "As if that'd be true. Wouldn't I have blue hair or something?"
"I always thought that was a recessive trait." Ren remarked.
"Not you too!" Jaune cried, exasperated. "Seriously! Dammit, Blake-"
"W-wait, shush! Shush! I'm trying to listen to Mami-sempai here!" Nora held her finger up, shushing everyone. "Mami-san is best magical girl."
Ren shook his head, chuckling darkly. "I wouldn't get too attached to Mami, Nora. I wouldn't get ahead of ourselves in doing so."
"I REALLY don't want to know what you're implying, Ren." Jaune slapped his forehead with his palm.
...
"WOO! Nora cheered, watching Mami blow up the Witch Gertrud. "Mami! Mami! Mami!"
Ren was busy suppressing chuckles. "Like I said, don't get ahead of yourself, Nora. Things are about to come to a head. Losing your head during this next episode is probably inevitable.
...dammit, I've turned into Yang. Damn you Elf."
"Why are you making head puns?" Jaune stared at him curiously.
"Like I said, you'll figure it out soon enough."
"I'm not paying attention to her." Pyrrha stated. "I'd be paying more attention to Homura. What's she playing at? What does she know that they don't?"
"Huh?" The knight stared at the spearmaiden. "What are you talking about?"
"I mean...why is she trying to kill Kyubey? And why is she trying to keep Madoka away from him?"
"Good point...she's probably trying to stop her from making a contract. And if he looks like those Incubators Professor Goodwitch always sends out hunts for...no, impossible." Jaune shook his head.
Ren rolled his eyes. "Aaaaand he misses the mark. You were this close, Jaune. This close."
"You've got a point...but still, we've got to wait and see, right?" Jaune reassured Pyrrha, ignoring Ren.
"I suppose so." The spearmaiden sighed. "Although...I must wonder about Madoka. When is SHE going to contract? That seems almost inevitable.
And what will happen when she does? There has to be a reason why Homura doesn't want it to happen so much..."
"I don't care." Nora said cheerfully. "If it's scary, Mami-san will make it all better!"
"...Mami?" Jaune stared at the screen in shock as the infamous twist of episode three happened. Ren merely smiled evilly.
"I warned you this anime wasn't about to pull punches."
"...what." Pyrrha was speechless. "...t-that..."
Nora sniffled, saluting the TV screen. Standing up, she allowed a single tear to roll down her cheek in respect for the fallen magical girl.
"Mami-san was a true hero, the most motherly of magical girls. Her life was a tragedy, cut short before she could finally gain the friends she'd long desired. May she rest well upon the cake planet.
And now, to perform a salute in her memory." She whipped out Magnhild to pull off said 'salute', but Ren managed to pull it out of her hands before she fired a single grenade.
"Oookay! I think that's, erm, enough!"
"I HAVE to give Mami-san a 21-gun salute! It is the ULTIMATE sign of respect for the perfect magical girl!"
"Nora, she's not real..." Pyrrha reminded her.
"That can be put into question, actually." Ren remarked quietly enough to be ignored.
"Okay, I'm back. I'm recovered." Jaune exhaled deeply. "...b-but I did NOT see that one coming."
"Tis what you get when you watch something written by the Urobutcher." The gunslinger said, shrugging. "Seriously, you've watched Fate Zero. Did you NOT expect Mami to die?"
"...touché. Although in my defence, I didn't know he wrote this anime!"
Pyrrha, meanwhile, was still thinking.
"If Homura's only power is energy blasts, then how did she manage to escape being eaten by the Dessert Witch..."
"See, Pyrrha knows to watch Homura." Ren said, clapping. "That's the best way to do it."
"Also, I have a feeling Sayaka's going to contract. I mean, she's pretty clearly in love with this Kyousuke guy." The spearmaiden continued. "And Kyubey DID say you could do anything with wishes."
"If Mami's anything to go by, that's not going to end well either..." Jaune said, shuddering. "...I-I'm not sure I want to keep watching this anime."
"Oh no, keep going. You'll love it." Ren gave them an evil smirk.
'Nicely played, Xiao Long. Nicely played.'
...
"Madoka's got a point. I'd be too scared to be a magical girl after seeing my senpai get her freaking HEAD bitten off!" Jaune yelled. "And what the hell, Homura?! I thought you were trying to protect her! Why're you treating Madoka like that?!"
"She has reasons." Ren shrugged casually.
"I suppose we'll see those later then, after Sayaka gets blown up or something."
"You have no idea, Jaune."
Nora tilted her head. "...who's going to fight all the Witches now that Great Heroine Mami-san is dead?"
"Guess we're about to find out." Jaune shrugged as Madoka walked into the Witch's lair shortly after stopping the mass suicide.
"...what do you know, Sayaka contracted. And she's a swordfighter with water motifs." Pyrrha noted. "The comparison to Weiss was even closer than I thought."
Nora clenched her fists. "COME ON MADOKA!" She yelled. "YOU CAN FIGHT IT! YOU'RE JUST AS BADASS AS EVERYONE ELSE! EVEN IF Y-oh Sayaka killed them already never mind."
Ren gave Pyrrha an enigmatic look. "Oh, it's closer than that, Pyrrha. Much closer."
"Wait, who's this girl?" The berserker stared curiously at Kyoko as she made her first appearance.
"...YAAAAAY NEW BADASS PERSON! Great Heroine Kyoko-chan will save the day!"
"I'm astonished she isn't saddened by this series." Jaune muttered.
"She was immune to that eldritch piece of writing we called a troll fic. I'm sure Puella Magi won't even dent her psyche." Ren remarked, chuckling darkly.
Jaune sighed irritably. "Sayaka, you're a moron. Seriously, what were you thinking, wishing for that?!"
"She probably thought it'd make him fall in love with her." Pyrrha sighed. "I know how that feels, I suppose..."
Ren nodded slowly. "Yeah, I remember why people hated Sayaka so much."
"And what did Homura mean by 'magical girls can't be saved'?" The spearmaiden shuddered. "This can't end well..."
The gunslinger tilted his head. "You're good at predicting things, Pyrrha. You notice that?"
Jaune frowned. "I don't think we want predictions to be right this time around."
"Okay, well, Kyoko-chan and Sayaka are about to fight." Nora remarked. "Kyoko-chan will obviously win, her adorableness and greatness is superior."
Jaune shrugged. "Or, you know, she's a more experienced magical girl."
"That too. But mainly that she's the best magical girl."
...
"The more I look into it, the more I think Homura's not a bad guy." Pyrrha muttered. "...she's clearly more knowledgeable than anyone about the magical girl system. She's trying to save Madoka alone- she doesn't care about Sayaka and by the looks of it barely cared about Mami, too. She also wiped out that Witch where the apparently most experienced girl in Mitakihara couldn't...
What isn't she telling them?"
"I think we should be thinking about what Kyoko's playing at." Jaune reminded her. "Why's she-"
"Don't question Kyoko-chan!" Nora yelled at him. "She is best magical girl."
"I thought Mami was-"
"KYOKO IS BEST MAGICAL GIRL"
"Um, Madoka?!" The knight snapped at the screen. "Is THROWING a Soul Gem off a bridge a good idea?! Sayaka might need that!
...Sayaka?"
"..." Then it hit Pyrrha exactly what the Puella Magi were.
"...Soul Gems...oh my Oum." Her eyes widened in horror.
Even Nora was silenced for a moment.
"S-so...t-they're all...zombies?"
Ren sighed exasperatedly. "Yes, finally, someone gets it. Soul Gems. Phylacteries. Same thing. Really, the name made it obvious.
Yes, they're zombies. Adorable, magic-shooting sparkly non-brain eating zombies, but zombies."
"How are you not so saddened by this?!" Jaune inquired loudly. "T-the main characters are liches! LICHES!"
"I've seen enough Headless Mami memes to no longer take this series seriously."
"...that's a meme?!"
"Where do you think all the head jokes came from?"
"...that crosses the line so many times I don't know whether to cry or laugh."
"Kyoko's secretly hot for Sayaka." Nora declared. " Called it!"
"She recovered quickly." Jaune remarked drily.
"Yeah, took her only one linebreak." Ren added.
Pyrrha paid rapt attention to Kyoko expositing her backstory. "...wow. Just...is it a requirement for magical girls in this universe to have really sucky lives?"
"Basically, yes." The gunslinger said, shrugging. "Think Evangelion."
"I'm only wondering what Blake would do if she saw it." Jaune mused to himself.
"Oh, she's seen it." Ren said, chuckling. "She wanted to dive in there and punch everyone in the face before killing Walpurgisnacht with the Gurren Lagann."
"Typical Blake response, then."
"Indeed."
"...Oum dammit, Hitomi." The knight sighed. "Well, Sayaka's probably dead now."
"You're right, but not for the reason you think."
"...she's gone mad..." Pyrrha noted, shuddering. "She's completely berserk..."
...
"...oh my Oum." Jaune muttered under his breath, just as the episode ended. "...they turn into Witches.
Too much despair and they turn into Witches.
This isn't a magical girl show.
This is a cosmic horror story."
Pyrrha shook her head in pity. "...poor Sayaka..."
Nora blinked, surprised. "I...did not see that coming."
"I've no jokes to make about this part. Except the customary Morning Rescue one, but..." Ren sighed.
"...you guys now see what I meant?"
"Definitely..." The knight said with a ragged voice. "...let's just finish this thing."
"Indeed, Jaune." Pyrrha nodded in assent, pulling herself a little closer to Jaune for comfort. Jaune allowed her to, adjusting himself to allow her to make herself comfortable.
...
"Kyubey...you bastard." Jaune muttered under his breath. "Now I know why Professor Goodwitch hates the Incubators so much.
So all of them were screwed? All of them?"
"Yes. Even Homura will, one day." Ren noted. "Although Rebellion proves otherwise for a different reason, they are, for the present moment, screwed the moment they turn into magical girls."
"...that's not how entropy works." Pyrrha grumbled.
"It isn't. But then this wouldn't be nearly as effective."
"...Kyoko...chan?" Nora whispered plaintively.
"...and even she's dead, too." Jaune sighed. "This story's just...dark."
"Always darkest before the dawn." Ren reminded him. "And besides, your father would know that, wouldn't he?"
"He's not Kamina, dammit!" Jaune snapped.
"Oh, trust me. Eventually, you'll realise Blake and I were right."
...
"And now we know why Homura's so...cold." Jaune stated, feeling even more drained. "...seeing all of that...happen..."
"Watching Mami try to kill everyone and having to kill Madoka, too..." Pyrrha added. "That had to have been hard..." She pressed further into Jaune for comfort, and he seemed to be hugging her close for his own.
Ren blinked briefly. "Darkest before the dawn, as I said."
Nora was just silent.
Nothing really could be said.
"Mitakihara's doomed." Jaune noted. "I mean, Walpurgisnacht's here. Homura's the last magical girl, and she can't hurt her. Everyone else is dead. The only thing she achieved is Madoka not contracting.
Why should we watch this to the end?"
"Because, Jaune, it gets better." Ren said calmly.
"How can it?!"
"...and now Madoka's about to contract..." Pyrrha stated. "...it's all over."
Nora was feebly muttering to herself. "...i-its okay...it'll be fine...it's just a show..."
Ren looked at his watch. "I'm waiting for you idiots to realise something."
"What is there to realise?"
"Despite the long cycle of civilization, despite everything pointing towards this climax..." Ren waited for maximum dramatic effect, giving everyone a smile as they realised what he was getting at.
"Nobody's wished to stop Witches from existing yet."
...
"...how." Jaune stared at the screen, dumbfounded. "After all that...darkness...she pulled it back."
"Madoka..." Nora whispered, before yelling. "I KNEW IT! I KNEW SHE WAS A BADASS! TOTALLY CALLED IT!"
"Oh, what did you think was going to happen?" Ren stated. "Come on. The show's named after her. She was going to do something awesome."
"B-but...she...doesn't exist anymore." Pyrrha added. "...how is that a happy ending?"
"That's the best you're getting, Nikos."
"At least everyone got what they wanted..." The knight said, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "I mean, Mami's not alone, Sayaka's not miserable as she gets to have fun in the afterlife and Kyoko gets to be exactly what she wanted to be. A hero.
And Homura gets hers- Madoka never became a Witch."
Jaune sighed, standing up. "Well, I'm going to go return this to Yang and tell her to never make us watch this damned thing again. I don't want to have my psyche smashed down like that ever again, thank you..."
Pyrrha nodded quickly. "Seconded."
The knight put on his jacket and walked out to do so.
After several moments had passed, Nora raised a finger. "...so, where does Kyoko get all that Pocky?"
"Yeah. Well. You can go ask Kyoko that herself." Ren said, chuckling and holding up his watch. "Heheh...three...two..."
"What are you counting down for?" Pyrrha inquired.
"One." The gunslinger breathed in slowly, before turning to the door.
"Kyoko, you're completely gay for Sayaka and want to screw her right now, don't you?"
A beat passed. Nora and Pyrrha stared at him. Ren stepped out of the way of the door just as it flew off of its hinges, kicked down by none other than Kyoko herself, in full magical girl form.
"Alright, who the hell said that?!" The girl pointed her spear at the three occupants of the room. "I swear...if someone says that again, I'm going to bring this room down on your heads."
Nora nearly did a spittake. "K-Kyoko?! What are you doing here?!"
"Heh. So my reputation beat me here." The magical girl scoffed. "If you really must know, I was looking for a little rabbit-eared bastard. Apparently he's been around here. Any of you see him? Long ears, smug smile, any where?
"You're a month too late." Pyrrha calmly responded. "He got launched out of here by a giant mecha."
"A giant mecha...what the hell..." Kyoko shook her head. "Anyway...so, you three sure you didn't say what I think you just said?"
"No. Try the room down the corridor. Oh, and I think Kyubey's in there too." Ren said, smirking.
Kyoko grinned sadistically at him, forcing him to resist the urge to shudder. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."
She left the room, storming down to CRDL dorm- thankfully, Cardin and Sky were currently outside doing other things, leaving them free of the inevitable rampage the other two were about to encounter.
Nora stared at Ren. "How did you know Kyoko was-"
"Fourth wall, dearie. Her cameo was inevitable."
"...was that necessary to set her on team CRDL?" Pyrrha said, exasperated.
Ren shrugged. "Saves Nora having to break their knees for making fun of her pancake plushie."
Nora smirked, giving him a hug. "Awww, Renny~ Always so thoughtful~"
Nearby, the panicked screams of Russel and Dove were heard.
Later, Yang would punch herself over missing the chance to actually talk to one of the Puella Magi in person.
END
A/N: BET YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THAT RANDOM KYOKO CAMEO, HUH?! Okay you probably did. BUT STILL.
Next chapter, Fire Emblem Awakening. So, I hope you enjoyed that, leave your ideas, thoughts, reviews, criticisms, suggestions and comments and I hope you have a GREAT day! Until next time!