Hey guys. I know I have been away for a while, but I have been waiting for the end of Degrassi before continuing my story line. I wanted to know what final changes they were going to be making before I continued onward with my story. I didn't want them to kill off a character or change something dramatically that I would have to figure out if I should adapt my story too. Thank goodness nothing extensive happened that made a huge impact.

Well, I know I have been gone for months again, but here it is. And as of next week, I will be updating twice a week to catch back up with my regular deadline. I will be aiming to post two chapters every Wednesday, which was my original update date, and Ill be posting them together, so make sure to check that I have or have not done that so you don't miss a chapter. Trust me, I won't be doing fillers anymore. They are pointless and unnecessary, at least to this story.

If I don't upload both chapters by the end of Wednesdays, expect the second by the end of the week. Some of the chapters I have planned will take longer to work on, and I'll hopefully let you know ahead of time if I don't plan on updating twice in that day.

Thanks for sticking with me, and I hope to get this story up and running and finished before you know it. I know you guys have been waiting long enough so here it is. As always, Read and Review. I'll see you guys soon.

Clare's POV

It has been two days since the surprise visit I had from Eli. I haven't talked to him or Zig since then. I am currently going to meet up with Adam and hang out. I was serious when I said that I would be making an effort to be friends with Adam, regardless of what happens between me and Eli. As I made it to the door to the coffee shop, I could see Adam already sitting at a table. I walked over and saw he already bought me a hot chocolate.

"Hi." I smiled, sitting down at the table. "Thanks."

"No problem. I figured I would be a little early. I had to stop by the garage this morning anyways so there wasn't any reason for me to go home in between." He paused. "So I hear that Eli stopped by your dorm." He shifted uncomfortably, as he brought up the subject.

"Yeah. Thanks for the warning, by the way." I stated.

"I didn't want to get in the middle of things. I know you were trying to figure out how to approach things, but Eli wanted answers. I couldn't keep him in the dark any longer, now that he knew you were in town." He explained.

"I know." I sighed. "I just wish that I had the answers to give him. I feel like we accomplished nothing."

"It probably seems that way now, but I think it did help. He seems relieved to say the least. I think getting what he needed to, off of his chest, helped him." He said.

"Do you think he'll ever talk to me again?" I asked.

"I don't know. If I went either way with my answer, it wouldn't be a hundred percent. You know him. His decisions aren't very logical sometimes."

"True." I sighed. "I just don't want him to hate me. I feel bad enough that I hurt him, and that he is still hurting after two years."

"You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I know I yelled at you for how you handled things but I know that you had problems too. Well all did and still do. So you need to realize that everyone just handles their problems differently. You're coping mechanism is to run. It's just your instinct at this point. His is to confront his problems. It's just a difference in personalities that's all." Adam stated.

"College has changed you." I smiled, teasingly.

"I don't know if it was college, or life. I had to adapt back to reality so quickly, and then I had to be on my own so soon after, because it was that or move away from Eli and back home with my parents. I just had make fast decisions and that eventually lead to growing up." He said.

"Can I tell you something? In confidence?" I asked.

"In confidence, as in not telling who?" He asked confused.

"Everyone. Not even Eli." I explained.

"Okay." He said uneasily. "But I can't guarantee keeping it from him if he asks me. I'm not a very good liar."

"That's fine. I plan to tell him eventually. I just, don't know how." I sighed.

"What do you mean?" He asked. "What do you need to tell him?"

"I know why I snapped two years ago. Why I cut all ties with you guys." I began.

"I thought we all knew why. You needed to get away. You told us that." He replied, still confused.

"It was that, but it was more to do with me, mentally, than anything. After moving here to the States, I started seeing a therapist. She told me that my coping technique, as you know, is to pretend things didn't happen and when that doesn't happen, I run." I began.

"This isn't anything we didn't already know." Adam said, trying to make sense of what I was trying to say. Frankly, I wasn't really sure how I was going to explain everything to him anyways.

"Well, again as you know, I was raped twice. Once by Fitz back in the compound, and once by K.C. when we were still going to high together before I was kidnapped. Both times, the second time more than the first, I just pretended that I was indifferent. That I didn't care that it happened. I didn't actually feel that way, it was just easier to keep my emotions out of the situation." I continued.

"I'm still trying to connect the dots on how this pertains to me or Eli." He said.

"I don't know if Eli told you but before we broke up, back in the hotel in Toronto, we had sex. I honestly thought I was fine. That we were okay and that I was able to compartmentalize. Turns out that I was wrong. According to my therapist, Eli was my downfall." I explained, as realization crossed over Adam's features. "I didn't want to say anything to him when we talked a couple days ago because I don't want to hurt him. I don't want him to feel guilty or to think that this whole mess between us could have been prevented, because I don't regret anything. But my therapist said that I shouldn't have slept with him then because it wasn't healthy for me, mentally. That I should have waited until I had dealt with the trauma I had been through, especially after what happened while I was in Boston." I mumbled the last part more as in after thought, but he apparently heard it.

"What happened in Boston?" He asked concerned.

"I had a miscarriage." I muttered, staring down at my, now cold, hot chocolate.

"You were pregnant? By who?" He asked shocked.

"I don't know. It could've been Fitz or Eli. I'm not exactly sure. I only found out I was pregnant when I had the miscarriage." I sighed.

"Why didn't you say anything before?"

"When could I have? It's not exactly a fun topic to talk about and like I said, I like to pretend things haven't happened." I sighed.

"Things like this though, should be talked about. If not to me, to Eli. He deserved to know. There is a very real possibility that it could've been Eli's." He explained.

"I know. I just, what do I tell him? If he even ever speaks to me again, how do I tell him that I was pregnant. It would just upset him, either because he feels bad that he wasn't involved and there for me, or because he gets pissed that Fitz did that to me. Either way it doesn't sound good for him." I snapped.

"It isn't your choice to decide whether or not he can handle it. It's your choice to tell the world, sure, but it's his right to know."

"I'll think about it." I sighed again.

"Look, I have to go to a study group for a project due on Monday. Call though, if you need to talk, and I'll talk to Eli about talking to you. I'm not going to force him to, but I'll try to see where his head is at." Adam said, standing up.

"Okay. Thank you." I gave him a small smile.

"I'll see you later." He said, walking away out of the door. I sat for a while longer before deciding I should leave too. Walking out of the coffee shop, I feel lighter somehow. Like there isn't something weighing me down anymore. Maybe my life will become what it once was before I was kidnapped, maybe it won't and maybe that's for the best. Only time will tell, and as of today, that makes me hopeful. Something I haven't been in a long time.